Ron Paul, Sean Paul, John Paul and RuPaul–Which one is the least coherent?

In listening to Ron Paul, which I can only do for a few moments before bursting out laughing, it occurred to me that I do not have the special Marvin the Martian version rabbit ears required to understand his strange dialect. Like other Pauls in history, his message is incomprehensible to those who do not speak gibberish. I compared him with a couple of other incomprehensible historical Pauls to see which one made the least sense.

I started with the late (rest his soul) Pope John Paul. Now first of all, I personally liked Pope John Paul II. He was a religious @sskicker. Unlike in Judaism, where there is anarchy to the point of “Lord of the Flies,” Catholicism has structure. Like them or not, the rules are crystal clear. When asking the Pope to change standards, so people can feel better about being sinners, the Pope reminded people that the church IS the standard, and it is people that must change. Stop being a screwup, or stop being a Catholic. I love this guy. I have guidelines on how to behave.

One of the reasons I never grasped the Pope’s message is because he spoke in Latin. For those of you in public school, Latin is not the language where the first letter becomes the last letter followed by “ay.” It is a romance language. This makes the Pope speaking Latin ironic, because he was forbidden from having romances. My inability to understand his sermons in Latin were no more difficult than understanding them in Croation. The titles of his sermons had cool names like “Ecclesia de Eucharistia” and “Centecimus Annus.” Not since rock group “The Police” put out albums such as “Zenyatta Mondatta,” and “Outlandos D’amour,” has popular culture been so cool while requiring so much translation.

To show solidarity with the Jews, the Pope wore a Yamulkah, and he was a good sport by going on the comedy “Night Court” with Harry Anderson in the 1980s. I have to say that once his words were put into English, he was understandable, and a pretty cool dude as far as Popes go.

This brings me to Sean Paul. Unlike the late John Paul, Rastafarian singer Sean Paul insists that he already is singing in English. His song “Temperature” is a great dance song, and despite what I originally posed, does not overtly mention Barack Obama. Here are some of the lyrics.

“The gal dem Schillaci…Sean da Paul
So me give it to…so me give to…so me give it to…to all girls
Five million and forty naughty shorty…
Baby girl…all my girls..all my girls…Sean da Paul sey…

[Chorus:]
Well woman the way the time cold I wanna be keepin’ you warm
I got the right temperature for shelter you from the storm
Oh lord, gal I got the right tactics to turn you on, and girl I…
Wanna be the Papa…You can be the Mom….oh oh!

[Verse 1:]
Make I see the gal them bruk out pon the floor from you don’t want no worthless performer
From you don’t want no man wey can’t turn you on gal make I see your hand them up on ya..
Can’t tan pon it long…..naw eat no yam…no steam fish….nor no green banana
But down in Jamaica we give it to you hot like a sauna..”

Contrary to those who follow the Pope, “The Gal Dem Shellaci” is not one of his liturgical musings. I think it is a pasta dish that goes either goes well with red wine or diet coke, or translation for “The girlie dems get shellacked.” As someone that does not smoke marijuana, it is not 100% English to me. Then again, a message about having fun without harming others should not be discouraged, even if subtitles are required. So Sean Paul for now gets a pass.

This brings us to the political gadfly Ron Paul, who on the surface appears to be tire executive Morrie Taylor without logical reasoning. Below is a transcription of his fiery exchange with Rudy Giuliani, with Paul’s comments translated from the original democrat/liberal gibberish.

“REP. RON PAUL, R-TEXAS, GOP PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: They attack us because we’ve been over there, we’ve been bombing Iraq for 10 years. We’ve been in the Middle East. I think Reagan was right. We don’t understand the irrationality of Middle Eastern politics.

RUDY GIULIANI, GOP PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: That’s an extraordinary statement of someone who lived through the attack of Sept. 11, that we invited the attack because we were attacking Iraq. I don’t think I’ve ever heard that before and I’ve heard some pretty absurd explanations for Sept. 11. I would ask the congressman to withdraw that comment and tell us that he didn’t really mean that.”

Blaming the USA for 9/11. There are three contributions for this…1) Ron Paul is a liberal democrat…2) Ron Paul works for Al Jazeera…3) Ron Paul is a crackpot. I suspect all of the above is the answer.

So based on his uselessness to anything resembling intelligent discourse, I therefore declare Ron Paul to be the least comprehensible of the Paul brothers.

As for black drag queen RuPaul, whatever he/she/it actually is, RuPaul’s problem is one that is disturbing to the visual senses, not the auditory. Apparently RuPaul has crossover appeal to blacks, women, and the transgendered. My lack of understanding of this Paul renders me unqualified to analyze what went wrong and where. Ron Paul therefore still disturbs me most.

eric

4 Responses to “Ron Paul, Sean Paul, John Paul and RuPaul–Which one is the least coherent?”

  1. Tim says:

    “Blaming the USA for 9/11. There are three contributions for this…1) Ron Paul is a liberal democrat…2) Ron Paul works for Al Jazeera…3) Ron Paul is a crackpot. I suspect all of the above is the answer” – You’re missing the point. The USA was attacked. This was not because the people who perpetrated liked the USA. Jon is also not saying the USA asked for it, directly. What he is saying is it is an indirect consequence of foreign policy. His simple point that you would probably be a bit pissed if foreign countries interfered on US soil for decades, is surely not hard to follow.

    “So based on his uselessness to anything resembling intelligent discourse, I therefore declare Ron Paul to be the least comprehensible of the Paul brothers.” – No, you are the one who is failing to execute intelligent discourse. All you have done is make irrelevant comments, without actually arguing against this logical basis for what he says, which I think you will find, is difficult to do (you clearly did, and resorted to this.. well its bullshit isn’t it). Did Ron stand in that debate and try to think of people with similar names to the other candidates as some silly little joke?

    Please make a point, I’m sure you’ve got one somewhere, but you’re not making it here.

  2. Vich says:

    Sorry, the truth hurts. Even CIA experts , Paul Wolfowitz, and the 9/11 Commission agree with Ron Paul that U.S. foreign policy fed the sentiment behind the 9/11 attacks. Ron Paul used their research to back up his claim. Not to mention, bin Laden himself declared war on the U.S. because of our government’s foreign policy. And that is not “blaming the U.S.”, it is accurately stating the motive for the attacks.

  3. Lara says:

    I’m with you Eric! Well said.

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