What I am…and am not…thankful for

Happy Thanksgiving.

Ok, enough sugary nonsense. I am thankful for some things, and less thankful for other things. Surely I can put aside partisan griping on this holiday. No, that is what Yom Kippur is for. Rather than give you something that flows, I feel you all deserve nothing less on this holiday than disjointed musings.

I am thankful for the fact that I have the best parents a guy could ask for. I am thankful that they bought as many groceries as necessary, and never complained that I nearly ate them out of house and home as a teenager. My nickname at the local deli was “The Great White Shark.” My parents fed me well.

I am not thankful for the fact that I have no discipline in a grocery store. My mom had 8 hands, and could put everything back on the shelf. I can’t. I only go grocery shopping 3 or 4 times a year, and how a guy can spend on $193 on groceries and then use his club card and only save $4 is a mystery to me.

I am thankful for the fact that there is a writers strike in Hollywood. Liberals cannibalizing their own is quite enjoyable.

I am not thankful for the fact that before, during, and after the strike, television was and remains garbage. Bruce Springsteen wrote “57 channels and nothing on.” I have close to 1000 channels, and outside of the NFL Network, it is slim pickings.

I was thankful that I could finally turn on the news and not have to read about Natalee Holloway.

I am not thankful that the circus started up again. Either find the girl, find some evidence, or leave me alone. Fox News has The O’Holloway Factor at 5pm, Holloway and Colmes at 6pm, and Greta Van Der Sloat at 7pm. I might be forced to watch CNN. I would rather leftist bias that I can filter out on news I care about than a friendly network wasting my time with moldy oldy stories.

I am thankful that I belong to a rich religion in Judiasm that has 6000 years of traditions.

I am not thankful for the fact that a bunch of crazy Arabs in the Middle East think they will get 72 virgins for blowing Jews up. Oh, and I wish we had the oil.

As awful as the Raiders are, I am thankful it is football season.

I am not thankful for the fact that I still get bored between February and September, mainly because baseball is boring. I say give the NFL players a month off, and have a second season.

I am thankful for the fact that any woman would want to sleep with me, and that enough have…well not enough ever, but enough for this moment.

I am not thankful for the fact that no woman I have ever dated has developed laryngitis. Can a guy watch the game in peace?

I am thankful for republican Jewish brunettes.

I am not thankful for the fact that their republican upbringing often involves being taught about chastity, abstinence, and other issues that make religious people zealots. It is also tragic that the women that want to get buck wild are liberal outside of the bedroom as well, and again, refuse to come down with laryngitis.

I am thankful to live in Los Angeles, where the weather is gorgeous, and the jacuzzi water is perfect year round.

I am not thankful for the fact that Los Angeles is the plastic capital of the world, where women visit my jacuzzi year round only because my dad is a movie producer (actually he is a retired schoolteacher, but mercenaries beget mercenaries).

I am thankful for the fact that I live in America, the greatest nation on Earth.

I am not thankful for the fact that half the population loves America not for what it is, but for what they want it to be. Their prescriptions may have us fleeing to Mexico for a better quality of life in a generation.

I am thankful for the fact that a guy with screws loose who has unhealthy fascinations with Bea Arthur and Monique from Showtime at the Apollo can become a successful blogger.

I am not thankful for the fact that this country has sunk so low on the lowest common denominator scale that people would spend one minute of their life reading about some blogger that has unhealthy fascinations with Bea Arthur and Monique from Showtime at the Apollo.

I am thankful that in America, anybody can become President, regardless of race, gender, or ethnicity.

I am not thankful for the fact that so many guilty white liberals will vote for empty suits whose only noticeable quality is their race, gender or ethnicity.

I am thankful that I understand the beauty behind Thanksgiving, and how it represents the spirit of harmony and the resilience of the American spirit.

I am not thankful that I live in a nation where public schools are declining so rapidly that in 20 years they might not know what this holiday is about.

I am thankful for the fact that I am free to practice my religion, even though I am not Christian.

I am not thankful for the fact that Christmas starts 2 months in advance, and that the day after Thanksgiving, mothers who preach about peace and love will be trying to kill each other with shopping carts to get the last Elmo, Furby, Garbage Patch Kid, or whatever toy the toy stores tell these sheep to buy.

I am thankful that Ebay and Craigslist allow me to avoid the malls altogether.

I am not thankful for the fact that hot women in their 20s have to go to the mall, rather than just try on their miniskirts in front of my home mirror, with a rose in their teeth, and my teeth through their miniskirts.

I am thankful that America has the military force to blow up nations like Iran and Syria that could use a good @sskicking.

I am not thankful for the fact that bombing these nations into the stone age will not improve them because they are already there.

I am thankful that circumstances have led to a holiday that is marked by sleeping in late, watching football, eating meat, getting stuffed, and then going back to sleep. Heck, we even have a food that is named after the concept of getting stuffed, aka stuffing.

I would like to thank God, my family, my friends, and my readers, for indulging me. I have a platform, and I am grateful that I am still liked even though I have never once used this platform responsibly or in a way that would improve society.

Happy Politically Incorrect Overindulgent Eating Meat and Watching Football Day!

eric

6 Responses to “What I am…and am not…thankful for”

  1. micky2 says:

    Black Tygrrrr wrote;
    “Heck, we even have a food that is named after the concept of getting stuffed, aka stuffing.”

    And may you find that hot Jewish brunette and apply some stuffing as well.

  2. corwin says:

    Eric,
    i’ve come here from Michelle Malkin’s site.Prior to coming here I did check out comments at Daily Kos.I am becoming more bothered by the anti Semitism on the left(and I’m not a Jew or even a Christian).I literally didn’t think it could happen here-and still don’t think it was likely.Some of the comments about Sen Feinstein were so disoriented as to take my breath away.Sic..She voted for Mukasey because She’s a neocon(?)-which is a branch of AIPAC….”Obvious that she and Sen Lieberman and Schumer are republicans but can’t get into the WASP tent .
    Now,I wouldn’t be bothered by an occasional crazy.But these people aren’t being slapped down byb other commenters

  3. docattheautopsy says:

    You can’t be anti-Semetic and be on the Left because they’re protected by being so tolerant. The fact that you perceive their anti-Semetic comments as being anti-Semetism just proves that you’re intolerant!

    Of course, on my blog, I’m getting attacked for being authoritarian by someone who exhibits more traits of an authoritarian on his list of Right-Wing Authoritarianism than I do. And when I point it out, I’m an Authoritarian!

    My head is spinning.

  4. Jersey McJones says:

    There is no real anti-semitic bent on the Left. There is, however, some leeriness regarding some of the policies of Israel and it’s realtionship with America. Liberals, historically, have been very sympathetic to the Jewish people and often Jewish themselves, whereas conservatives have seemed to have come around rather recently. But do the conservatives really care about the Jewish people or are the more concerned with Biblical prophesy and militaristic hegemony over the Middle East? I think it’s the latter. If I were Jewish, I would not trust my “friends” on the Right very much.

    JMJ

  5. CW says:

    I’m thankful for your post – it was very funny.

  6. Christy says:

    Great post 🙂 ! Nice seeing you again at the shabbat dinner last week & I gather will see you on Sat nite for Valencia party, my friend Lisa is joining as well as some others I’m bringing! 🙂 happy weekend!

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.