Mish Mosh Monday

For some, tonight will be the eve of a religious holiday. For me it will be a night of pleasure before a day off from work. So let me declare today Mish Mosh Monday and throw many different random things at you, doing my best to sacrifice quality in the process.

First I would like to say that I am not the only warped republican Jewish fellow on the internet. I found a hysterically funny website that combines politics with weekly recaps. However, this fellow does not do NFL recaps. He does alcohol recaps, giving the recipe for a new drink each week. He calls himself “Your Jewish Master,” and he is a riot.

http://yourjewishmaster.blogspot.com/

I thank Laree for introducing me to him.

Before getting to politics, December 24th is the biggest Jewish party night of the year. December 24th used to mean that the only things open for Jews were movie theatres, bowling alleys, and Chinese food places. 20 years ago an entrepreneur created the idea for Jewish dances at ritzy nightclubs all across the country. In some cities it is called “The Matzoh Ball.” In other cities it is called “Schmoozapalooza.” Despite the awful name, these parties get hundreds of young, single Jews, and in some cities gets a few thousand.

Given that I do not like the one in Los Angeles (I know everybody, rumor has it a few bridges are burned), I have spent the last 4 years attending the one in Miami. It makes me want to cry that I will not be in Miami for the 5th straight year. As for why Miami is so amazing…

http://tygrrrrexpress.com/2007/03/miami-will-smith-is-100-right/

Plan B was to go to San Diego with a friend of mine who is a Broncos fan (yeah, a republican Raider and a liberal Bronco can be friends), and watch the Denver Broncos take on the San Diego Chargers on Monday Night Football. After the game ends, we were going to go to the San Diego Jewish party. Well, the Broncos got knocked out of the playoffs, and my friend understandably decided to save his money. So San Diego went out the window. As for why I like San Diego, one reason is…

http://tygrrrrexpress.com/2007/05/the-san-diego-sorceress/

After debating between Phoenix, Vegas, and other areas, I decided on the Bay Area. A couple weeks ago I entered the Belly of the Beast, San Francisco. In the heart of liberalism, Haight Ashbury, I attended a function that featured hundreds of Jewish republicans. I met a lovely lady at this function, and yes, she is a republican Jewish brunette. While there is a Jewish party in San Francisco, it seems I will be enjoying a fabulous party for two. I fly into the Bay Area at 7pm, plenty of time to pick her up and take her to a fantastic dinner. Forcing myself to be on Frisco soil is a small price to spend time with such a lovely lady. One day later, it is back to LA.

Before getting to the NFL breakdown, my brief focus on politics will be links to previous articles I have written. While my blog has grown exponentially, columns I wrote early on may (or may not) be worth posting again. Some will be lighthearted, others deadly serious.

http://blacktygrrrr.wordpress.com/2007/03/31/the-iraq-war-legally-morally-right-then-now/

http://tygrrrrexpress.com/2007/03/dick-cheney-and-the-wyoming-jewish-cabal/

http://tygrrrrexpress.com/2007/03/destroying-the-jewish-people-one-schoolteacher-at-a-time/

http://tygrrrrexpress.com/2007/03/liberals-can-run-and-they-can-hide/

http://tygrrrrexpress.com/2007/03/detroit-arabs-automobiles-and-awful-football/

http://tygrrrrexpress.com/2007/05/ron-paul-sean-paul-john-paul-and-rupaul-which-one-is-the-least-coherent/

Enough politics. I shall now break down the 2007 NFL playoff picture. First of all, here are my predictions from the beginning of the season.

http://tygrrrrexpress.com/2007/09/2007-nfl-predictions/

For those wanting more on the NFL playoffs, go to www.nfl.com

My breakdown is below.

In the NFC, the East winning Dallas Cowboys at 13-2 have locked up the # 1 seed and home field advantage throughout the playoffs. Before going any further, Coach Wade Phillips is a lovable country bumpkin like his father Bum Phillips. I say that in a completely endearing way. He had a fabulous quote in the LA Times about the whole Tony Romo-Jessica Simpson controversy.

“A lot of our players have girlfriends, wives, and significant others. Some of them may have both.” Three categories normally does not equal both, but at 13-2, Wade can say anything he likes. Plus, like his dad, he is so d@ng likable.

The North winning Green Bay Packers at 12-3 have locked up the # 2 seed and the other first round bye.

The West winning Seattle Seahawks at 10-5 are the # 3 seed. They will host the # 6 seed, which is undetermined at this time.

The South winning Tampa Bay Buccaneers at 9-6 are the # 4 seed. They will host the New York Giants.

Jon Gruden rested his players at halftime, and gave up a chance at the # 3 seed. This might not be so crazy given that if they win their Wildcard matchup, they would travel to Dallas and play indoors, rather than deal with the frozen tundra of Green bay.

The East Wildcard New York Giants at 10-5 are the # 5 seed. They will be at the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

The # 6 seed is up for grabs. The Washington Redskins and Minnesota Vikings at 8-7 are both alive, as are the New Orleans Saints, hanging by a thread at 7-8. If the Redskins win next week, they are in the playoffs. The Redskins have a tough game, hosting the Dallas Cowboys. However, Dallas has wrapped up the conference, and may rest everybody. If the Redskins lose, and the Minnesota Vikings go into Denver and beat the Broncos, then Minnesota reaches the playoffs. The Broncos have nothing to play for, but Mile High is tough. If Washington and Minnesota both lose, and the Saints go into Chicago and beat the Bears, all 3 teams would be 8-8, and the Saints, who started 0-4, would make the playoffs. They would be only the second 0-4 team to do so, following the 1992 Chargers. Lastly, if all 3 teams lose, the Saints at 7-9 would be out, and the Redskins would have the tie breaker over the Vikings based on beating them last night. Whoever gets in would be at Seattle.

 

In the AFC, the East winning New England Patriots at 15-0 have locked up the # 1 seed and home field advantage throughout the playoffs. While normally a team would rest everybody in this situation, the chance to reach immortality at 16-0 could lead them to play the last game. They host the NY Giants, who instead of fighting for their lives, have nothing to play for given their comeback win yesterday.

The South winning Indianapolis Colts at 13-2 have locked up the # seed and the other first round bye.

The West winning San Diego Chargers at 10-5 are currently the # 3 seed.

The North winning Pittsburgh Steelers at 10-5 are currently the # 4 seed.

Both the Steelers and Chargers have games the last week against bad teams, but they are both on the road, and the teams hate their respective guts. The Steelers are at the Ravens, and the Chargers are at the Raiders. Usually being # 3 or # 4 does not matter. Some would want to avoid the Patriots at all costs, but going into Indy is pretty daunting. Pick your poison.

The South Wildcard Jacksonville Jaguars at 11-4 are the # 5 seed. They are dangerous, and might have a better record against either team they play. They could care less whether they are at Pittsburgh or San Diego.

The # 6 seed is only between two teams. The Tennessee Titans and the Cleveland Browns are both 9-6. As strange as this sounds, even though they have the same record, the Browns game does not matter. They host the San Francisco 49ers, but their fate is entirely based on the Titans, who host the Indianapolis Colts Sunday night, the last regular season game of the year. If both teams win and go 10-6, the Titans are in. If both teams lose and go 9-7, The Browns are in. Therefore, the Titans control their own destiny, yet they have to win even if the Browns lose. While the Colts are tough, they have wrapped up their # 2 seed and may rest everybody.

The Miami Dolphins have wrapped up the # 1 pick in the draft at 1-14, and now are officially Dolphin Safe Tuna, now that Bill Parcells has taken over the job of President. He is expected to fire everybody except owner Wayne Huizenga.

The St. Louis Rams, Atlanta Falcons and New York Jets are all 3-12. The Kansas City Chiefs, San Francisco 49ers, and Oakland Raiders are all 4-11, with the Baltimore Ravens at 4-10. So for all the Oakland Raiders fans out there, the Silver and Black could have the # 2 pick in the draft, or slide down to the # 8 pick. To go 4-12 and still pick 8th…an incredible…and possible…indignity.

For those of you not celebrating a holiday tomorrow, I hope you spend every waking minute reading my blog. To quote the hilarious southern comedian Anthony Clark, “To the Jews, Happy Hanukkah, to the Christians, Merry Christmas, and to the Atheists…well…hope you win the lottery, dude.”

Do not drink and drive, for you might hit a bump and spill your drink.

I wish you all happiness, health, and wealth. Tis the season of miracles, and this will be the day where people may one day read about a miracle for generations to come. No, not the long haired fella…a different miracle by a different long haired fella…yours truly. The night a Jewish republican prince (ok, an outlaw) romanced a republican Jewish brunette princess in San Francisco.

Hopefully we can have dinner in Oakland, sneak into the Oakland Alameda County Coliseum, and get wild either in the Raiders locker room or on the swashbuckling Raiders logo on the 50 yard line.

Or we can just get through dinner and like each other enough to date again.

eric

2 Responses to “Mish Mosh Monday”

  1. chris naron says:

    Good luck on your date. It’s hard to believe I haven’t dated in almost fourteen years. My wife was very clear on the no dating rule when we got married. I guess each relationship has its quirks.

  2. laree says:

    Eric,

    I am sensing a trend here, I also communicate with Lenny Powell, also Jewish, who contributes Fake Cardinal Egan. Lenny’s homage to Bernard McGuirk who would put on a Fed Ex Envelope, and do his best Cardinal Egan impression, the old Imus in the morning program. When they got fired back in April, Lenny took over entertaining us, and he has done a very good job of it.

    http://fakeegan.blogspot.com/

    Have fun on your date.

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