Barack Hannah Montana Obama

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/gerard_baker/article4392846.ece?Submitted=true

The above article by Gerald Baker of the London Times is simply one of the best pieces of satire I have ever read. It lacerates the myth of the Obamessiah.

For those looking for some politically liberal gifts for loved ones, Eau D’Obama Anus Perfume can now be purchased on Ebay. Rumor has it that Chris Matthews has bought several bottles, which might explain the tingling sensation on his leg.

In fact, I suspect that Barack Obama bought a few bottles for his own bathroom, given that he absolutely loves the smell of his own rumpus. He is a built in air freshener because his (redacted) simply don’t stink.

Yes, we can all celebrate that society has come so far that a black man can succeed in politics by being as much of a vapid gasbag as a white man. Having said that, I believe we have been too tough on Barack Obama. He is a sweet young kid, and should be given a lollipop and a pat on the head.

It is in that spirit of loving our little cherubs that his new nickname is now officially being rolled out.

Barack Obama is now forever BHMO: Barack Hannah Montana Obama.

Think about it. Both Barack Obama and Mylie Cyrus are loved by young preteens around the world. Both of them fill up amphitheatres and fill them with sweet sugary pop. Actually, with Obama, it is more pap than pop, but either way there is pep. He is a sweet young pup for a little pip.

Both Obama and Mylie have been filmed in provocative clothing that may not have been appropriate for such young angels. Mylie did a photo spread that proved embarrassing, and Obama was caught with his shirt off after swimming.

Both Obama and Mylie are lighthearted fun, far away from the real problems that exist in this world. They are an escape hatch from what truly matters.

The stock market? Iraq? The Global War on Terror? Come on. Stop bothering these kids. They have plenty of time to worry about that when they grow up.

Mylie Cyrus is warmhearted. She is simply a nice kid. She seems to truly believe in goodness, and her songs are friendly.

Barack Obama sings songs about hope and change. We can hope to have change, and change to hope. It is a beautiful circle, and may it never be unbroken, by and by lord by and by.

Yes, all we have to do is look to the heavens and everything will be great.

I can even picture Obama and Mylie singing, “Sunshine, lollipops, rainbows, and everything that’s wonderful.”

Don’t tell Obama or Mylie’s Achy Breaky Heart that things are not sweet. I just don’t think they would understand. Billy Ray Cyrus has had pain, but he has done a great job of shielding Mylie from the darker aspects of life. As for Barack, he has just has a gift of ignorant bliss. May this adorable cherub never lose his naivete.

I just hope that the real world does not swallow them up. I pray that Mylie Cyrus never turn into Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, or Lindsay Lohan. I pray that Obambi never becomes as cynical as most politicians by relying on obscure concepts such as reality and facts.

Both of them speak in words that show a refreshing innocence, unspoiled by actual life experience.

Both of them get to frolic around the world, playing to adoring audiences. Both of them have unlimited bank accounts, and most likely spend it on frivolities.

The cheerleaders in junior high schools across America are preparing their routines.

Heck, no! We won’t go!

We love BHMO!

Cuter than the Dali Llama!

Barack Hannah Montana Obama!

Good little girls! Hug your momma!

It’s Barack Hannah Montana Obama!

No more crying, no more trauma!

Here’s Barack Hannah Montana Obama!

Hot Hot Hotter than a Sauna!

Barack Hannah Montana Obama!

Past our bedtime? We don’t wanna!

We want Barack Hannah Montana Obama

No more school! No more drama!

Smiles from Barack Hannah Montana Obama!

Period, semicolon, question, comma!

Exclamation Barack Hannah Montana Obama!

Raise ’em high! Raise ’em low!

We love BHMO!

The bottom line is that children need love. They need a steady hand of an adult parent to guide them.

Mylie Cyrus has her father Billy Ray, and her mother. She will be fine.

America will be ok as well. We have an adult in John McCain to deal with the many serious adult challenges that our nation faces. He will defeat the bad guys so that kids of all ages will sleep safely and snugly in their beds at night, whether they be girls such as Mylie Cyrus or boys such as Barack Obama.

Goodnight sweet Barack Hannah Montana Obama. Don’t worry my little one. Daddy John McCain will take care of everything. You just smile, rest up, and get some sleep.

eric

13 Responses to “Barack Hannah Montana Obama”

  1. Well, you sure won’t win any McCain converts with that sort of misogynistic patronization. I wonder if John McCain sees any “serious adult” allegories in Batman movies. 😉

    I notice that this post is devoid of a single solitary example of Barack’s “ignorant bliss,” just as Gerald Baker’s childishly snide waste of ink in the London Times (but then what else would we expect from yet another insipid Murdock rag).

    Just what exactly separates the children from the adults here?

    Obama seems like a thoughful fellow, level-headed and steady, careful with his words. It’s hard to say that about John McCain, who seems a little nutty and unsteady. But then I’m just a tweeny girl, so what do I know? It’s not like I actually have followed McCain’s career on C-Span for a generation. Have you adults done that?

    I didn’t think so.

    JMJ

  2. Micky 2 says:

    Ya know Jersey.
    I kinda offered a little olive branch the other day.
    But I’m sorry, it doesnt seem like you ready to enter any other frame of mind other than your hypocrtical attacks at what is mostly just humor.
    Instead you get all dignified and indignant and start with this maturity and adult crap.
    This coming from a guy who thinks that terrorists should be dealt with like “unruly children”
    Heres an example of how the great Jersey McJones approaches things in his o so mature manner.

    “Helms, with his clear and exemplary Satanic record, should comfortably make the transfer from the US Senate to Hell’s Senate. Speaker of Hell’s House of Representatives, Prince Metternich, adds “His unfailing support of Demonic causes has been a model of consistency: Racism, Homophobia, Tobacco, Militarism, The War on Drugs, Red Baiting, Muslim Baiting, Nuclear Proliferation, Misogyny – you name it, Helms is truly in League with Our Dark Lord Satan. Hell is truly blessed, er, uh, cursed today!”

    You aint seen nothing folks !
    You should go to the link and see the little horns he painted on Jesse Helms forehead.
    http://jerseymcjones.blogspot.com/

    Yea right, you’re really some role model for adulthood.

  3. “This coming from a guy who thinks that terrorists should be dealt with like “unruly children””

    Micky, please act like an adult and stop repeating that lie. I never said that. It was a metaphor. Adults get metaphors.

    Jesse Helms was a disgusting excuse for a human being. He deserved no respect whatsoever.

    JMJ

  4. Micky 2 says:

    My point !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    More the reason for you to lighten up a little and let others make theie own comparisons “ala humor”

    And please, get honest.
    I have copies with time stamps and the link showing where you said that.

    Adults an also separate The Road runner and Wylie E Coyote from real life also.

    Still, no matter what you think of Helms it just goes to show that we all indulge in frivilous humor.

    Lighten up.
    I’m going to watch Batman now and I will pick out in the movie whom I best think reminds me of you.

    I may even write a post about it.
    Dont forget your funnybone

  5. Micky, really, a grown man, you’re age, that doesn’t get an analogy, a metaphor! I mean, c’mon! You’re a grown man!

    Speaking of grown men… I’m looking forward to this new Batman flick too. The last one was pretty wild.

    Just the same, to compare Bush to Batman is a bit misguided. I mean, afterall, Batman actually succeeds! LOL!

    JMJ

  6. Micky 2 says:

    There you go again.
    I remebember that debate and I have it all stashed away.
    You defended that remark for days until you finally gave the analogy excuse.
    you went into how they should be treated like common criminals or mobsters and bla bla.
    It was a bad anaology if thats what you want to go with.
    And it was childish.
    Ya know, to bust out a little tom foolery is O.K. when its your agenda.
    But when the other side does it its childish.
    We are not the ones who want to treat terrorists like anything other than what they are.
    The left seems to be more childish in the sense that they are naive to the reality of the threat.

    I didnt think much of Helms either.
    But to compare him to Satan is no funnier than comparing Bush to Satan.
    But the point is that you would find humor in both those comparisons.

  7. Micky 2 says:

    The movie was good.
    I think the character that best defined you in the movie was the pencil the joker shoved into the guys forehead

  8. parrothead says:

    I guess the curse of having young children is I likely won’t get to see this flick til it comes out on DVD and then this whole discussion will be a distant memory.

  9. Well, from what Micky just wrote, it looks like this film is definately not for young children!

    JMJ

  10. Micky 2 says:

    Actually the head got placed around the pencil.
    Its a little deeper than most kids under about 10 or 11 would be able to grasp and a lot of the violence is portgrayed with not so much gratuitous blood and guts.
    They did a good job of just giving you the idea.
    I would say the most graphic gore image was Harvey Two face after his accident.
    It may just be personal taste on my part but I really dont understand why Rachel is portrayed as some stark raving beauty.
    Theres a scene where Harvey tells her that she is sooo beautiful, and I just didnt get it. I was telling myself “yea right”
    To me she looks like a blood hound with a hang over in some shots.

    http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2008/startracks/080609/maggie_gyllenhaal.jpg

  11. Yeah, she is an odd one, huh?

    JMJ

  12. steveegg says:

    The Morni…er, Afternoon Scramble – 7/28/2008…

    Once again, I’m extremely late with this. Sorry about that; haven’t been feeling good since Ned Yost decided he didn’t like 1st place and Hen¢AR and Goodyear decided they didn’t like teams not owned by Hendrick……

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