Happy Chaka Khan 2008

Happy Chaka Khan 2008!

I wished you all a Happy Chaka Khan in 2007, and am offering only minor updates for 2008.

What can I say? For those who do not celebrate this lovely holiday, “I feel for you.” For those who truly want good things in life, the world truly does need “higher love.”

2008 Update: This will be the best Hanukkah ever. It began just as the Carolina Panthers and New York Giants were battling for NFL home field supremacy, and it will be ending just as the Denver Broncos and San Diego Chargers battle for the AFC West crown and officially end the regular season. A holiday that begins and ends with NFL Football…I thank God and NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.

As the Hebrews get ready to celebrate the festival of lights, I shall use the next 8 days to either expand or drive away my audience, depending on any number of factors.

Both spellings of the holiday have 8 letters, so if you add a C, you subtract a K. It is Chanukah or Hanukkah.

First, let’s dispel some myths. People like to pass on beautiful stories of miracles. People hear that the Jewish fighters only had enough oil for one day, and miracle of miracles, the oil magically lasted for 8 days. For those of you with small children, have them leave the room so some hard truths can be discussed.

Santa Claus is not real, Palestinians are an invented fictional people, the secret formula for Coca Cola is (redacted), and the person who shot JFK was (redacted). Oh, and this oil lasting for 8 days is a bunch of mularkey.

So what is Hanukkah? Folks, Hanukkah is my favorite holiday because it is the Jewish version of July 4th. It is a Neocon’s fantasy. As a Neocon, I never get tired of the true story of Hanukkah. We fought some Greeks in battle, and b*tchslapped them. That’s it. People think of the Jewish people as constantly suffering and weak. Actually, our history has been our military strength. I have nothing against the Greek people of today, but back then they were the bad guys. They destroyed the first Holy Temple, but we took care of them. Gorgias? Get out of here! Nicanor? Knock it off!

We royally smacked them around, and they have not been a power since. We are still here. For those that are troubled by this…deal with it.

Yet the actual celebration of Hanukkah is a tad bittersweet for those that are educated about this holiday. We as Jews won the battle but lost the war.

What I mean by this is that there was a major difference between how the Jews and the Greeks celebrated their holidays. Greeks celebrated holidays created in the wake of their military victories, which were many. Jewish tradition was to not name holidays after military successes. We did not glorify blood triumphs.

The Greeks wanted Jews to assimilate, or they would kill us. Thankfully we never had to face that threat again. Just kidding. Jews were fighting for the right to remain independently Jewish, without forced assimilation into Greek culture. So after Judah Maccabbee and his brothers helped the people of Israel crush the Greeks in battle, the first thing they did was hoist a flag of victory and declare this military victory a Jewish holiday. So after fighting for the right to prevent assimilation, we adopted a Greek tradition we were against. To this day, some would argue that what Hitler failed to do to the Jews, we do to ourselves through a 52% intermarriage rate.

Cynical people would say that we broke the war rule because we were so used to losing that even we were shocked to have won, and were concerned we may never win anything again. These people can (x-rated, redacted) themselves. Others say that we needed to adopt different traditions to give us flexibility in the future so that we would face less internal conflict when Jewish teenagers needed a historical justification for skirt-hiking and balling Roman Catholic teenage girls. Actually, only I say that, but I am right.

The bottom line is Hanukkah, while my favorite holiday, is the least important holiday in the Jewish calendar. It is an excuse to party for 8 days, or 14 days if you count pre and post Hanukkah parties. The only reason Hanukkah gets any attention is because it occurs around the same time as Christmas.

2008 Update: As of this writing I will either travel to Florida to see the parents, Chicago to see the Chicago Cannonball, Lancaster, CA to see a friend I grew up with, or stay at home in Los Angeles. In past years I would have done all 4 over 8 days, but this year will be less hectic. I just realized that only I care about this update, which is becoming a desperate attempt to add new material. Back to the story of Hanukkah.

Briefly returning to the Neocon aspect of this holiday, the true lesson of Hanukkah is a political one that the 70-80% of Jews that like to sing Kumbaya with those that hate our guts would do well to heed. The lesson of Hanukkah is simple. Force works. There is no dialogue or negotiation with those that refuse to recognize your right to exist. Survival is not pretty. It often involves spilling large amount of blood. When your enemy is on their knees with their face bleeding, negotiation is possible.

2008 Update: The Jewish community still needs cranial-glutial extraction surgery, with the 20-30% of right of center Jews getting a sensibility exemption.

The other lesson that comes from the Jews during this time is the idea of mercy. We did not rape the Greek women, chop heads and limbs off, enslave their people, or indiscriminately engage in deliberate cruelty. We defended ourselves. In keeping with the values that unite Jews and Americans to this day, both remain a people that use their power for noble and good purposes. America through its economic and military power, and American Jews through their sense of justice, help feed, clothe, protect, and defend others all around the word, many of whom are neither Jewish nor American.

Hanukkah is a celebration of serious life saving accomplishments, but it is also a lighthearted holiday filled with food, alcohol, and candle lighting ceremonies around the world. Life for the Hebrew people has had much darkness, but for the next 8 nights there is only light.

2008 Update: The candles may come in handy. I had a power failure a few days ago, and for a few brief hours my life was like the 13th century. I had to walk 2 blocks in under 60 degree weather to the local hotel to watch Monday Night Football and eat dinner. The Indianapolis Colts beat the Jacksonville Jaguars, nad eternal darkness in my home did not prevent me from reaching the promised land, a tv showing the game. I am more concerned they did not delay the start of the game until my tv came back on.

So as I light candles and hope that a certain young Hebrew brunette will show up at my door wearing a blue and white Hanukkah bow…and only a Hanukkah bow (negotiations are ongoing)…I look forward to the next 8 nights.

2008 Update: The Chicago Cannonball remains my woman, and she is a brunette. Other Jewish brunettes need not apply, even republican ones. Actually, feel free to apply. It will not change things. The Cannonball is a good woman, and that is the best Hanukkah wish a guy could ask for.Of course, the Oakland Raiders beating the Houston Texans is nice as well.

Happy Hanukkah everybody! Shalom!

eric

12 Responses to “Happy Chaka Khan 2008”

  1. Laree says:

    Sorry, I posted this under NFL Post meant to Post it here.

    Eric,

    I have had a discussion with my daughter on this subject. My Daughter states that the Palestinians are of /Saudi Arabian Descent. I put Saud in front it wasn’t always the house of Saud.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saudi_Arabia

    This states the present Government was founded in 1902.

    “Palestinians are an invented fictional people” Palestinians they are Arabs, this is why Saudi Arabia supports them right? Hamas is Sunni, and supported by Saudi Arabia correct?

    Hezbollah to the North in Lebanon are Shia, and supported by Iran many Americans don’t even understand the Geo Political Neighborhood where Israel exist.

    http://www.jerusalemites.org/facts_documents/proclamation.htm

    Right now Saudi Arabia -Sunni is the rival of Iran Persian Shite. I have read that Saudi Arabia would have no problem with Israel, taking out Iran’s nuclear armed ambitions. The old enemy of my enemy kicks in…what a tough neighborhood.

    I see Saudi Arabia, that is a relatively new Govt., founded 1902 a Theocracy? As the “State” that needs reforming. Iran is ready to join the 21st century, they just need to get the Mullahs off their backs.

  2. Micky 2 says:

    My holiday will also be less hecktic this year.
    I’ve finally hit a goal I’ve been trying to reach for quite a while now.
    I’m not going to the retail madness this year.

    Putting my unique views on Jesus and christianity aside I’ll just say that for years I’ve always wanted to celebrate the holiday more in the sense of what it really reprersents.
    Every year I’ve told myself that I’m gonna tell everyone and their “seeing who can outspend who BS” to go screw themselves and take my butt to a shelter and volunteer to help those who would be glad just to have a bologna sandwich.
    Well, long story short, over some disputes with our mother my sister (who always host christmas in our family) and I decided that we wont be exchanging gifts this year. We’ll worry about the kids, get them something, and thats it.
    The money we normally spend on gifts for the adults will instead be pooled together so we can but a bunch of food, I’ll turn it into meals, and we’ll hand them out to all the homeless Christmas eve. ( I know all the hangouts and bridges they live under).
    My boys getting a pool table for Christmas and I’m all set.
    (Now I can hustle him for his allowance and get a return on my investment)
    I already feel more relaxed than I ever have during any christmas during my adult life.
    I suggest everyone do this at least one Christmas out of their life

    Eric.
    Peace and love to you and the Cannonball this holiday

  3. Micky 2 says:

    What happened to all your previous posts ?

  4. “Palestinians are an invented fictional people”

    This is what adults discuss?

    On C-Span (where adults go to be informed) today there was a wonderful discussion on the Israeli/Palestinian situation with Walter Russell Mead and Daniel Levy. One thing an adult would take away from that discourse was that it is anything but adult to approach the situation from the position that “Palestinians are an invented fictional people.” Whatever you want to call them, whatever identity politics your hung upon, “Palestinians” are people who used to live in “Palestine,” a once uninvented and real place. Also, an adult knows this notion that “force works” is the very thinking that led to 9/11 and the endless violence in the Middle East. As any adult knows, there is a time for everything under the sun, and that includes not using force. Force does not always work. In fact, sometimes it makes things a lot worse. Finally, an adult would also take from this discussion something that I’ve been warning Zionist extremists about for years – if you keep dehumanizing all Palestinians, and you kep politicizing the Israeli-Palestinian conflict in the American partisan arena, you will eventually turn the American public off of Israel, and when that happens, boy oh boy is Israel in trouble.

    JMJ

  5. Micky 2 says:

    Palestinians developed their nationalism after Zionism as a response to it. That doesn’t diminish the legitimacy of Palestinian nationalism if they want it to stand for a genocidal movement, but they should really just shut up already and work something out with any number of Arab nations so they can also have a place to sit down and shut up.
    They might want to start with Iran who sees fit to pump a bunch of money into Hamas and Hezbolla.
    I mean really, if they’re so concerned for the well being and wish’s of the Palestinians maybe they should use those revenues instead to get them settled somewhere. We ADULTS all know that aint gonna happen
    Hell, I think Syria was the last decent home they had, why don’t the Iranians just drop a chunk of cash on Syria and ask em to take them ?
    They cant have Palestine. PERIOD !
    The reason being Palestine can refer to an area that includes Israel parts of Jordan, and parts of Lebanon and Syria. “Palestine” has a really narrow meaning because the original geographics are spread all over the map.
    They cant just pick and choose as it seems really convenient that they want the same spot given to the Jews.. And as it seems and as history dictates it doesn’t really matter where the Jews moved to ( if they did move ) these A holes would still come after them.
    Considering they do have roots dictating their heritage but choose not to adhere to it and find a place to call home I would have no problem calling them an invented people.
    So you see, its not all that childish to label them as a people who made themselves something that they are really not with what seems like is a purpose that dictates nothing other than to eliminate Zionism.

    What is childish is to label people as “not adults” just because they do not care to partake in the same brand of info that you do.
    There’s more going on this world than what C span has to offer besides book reports,live coverage the Senate (zzzzzzzzzzzzzz) and of the House of Representatives 🙁 and some historical programming which can all add up to no more than watching paint dry at times.
    The only reason you say that is because you would love to call anyone who watch’s FOX childish.
    Admit it.

    The thinking that led to 911 was a complacent set of mind that lacked any force at all and some “Childish” notion that if we just leave em alone they’ll leave us alone.
    Who knows ? Maybe Clinton knew that later in life he would be hitting Arabs up for money so he didn’t want go after Bin Laden for fear he might take down a future bank roll or burn some bridges in the process.
    Had Clinton actually used force the many times he had Al Queda and Bin Laden in his sights I would bet the farm that 911 would of never happened.
    As a matter of fact had Clinton shown force anytime in the last 4 years of his term he well could of stopped 911 since as it turns out was being planned in those years .

    ” Force does not always work.”

    Noooo ? Really ?

    Eric did not say it “always” works.

    But you might want to hang on to that advice the next time you moonbats try to legislate us into forcing us to hire people we don’t want to hire or smoke on our own property or keep our own money or block traffic while waving stupid signs.

  6. Micky, it is neither wise nor “adult” to pretend there is no such a thing as a Palestinian. We’re talking about over ten million poeple who identify theselves as such. They are simply the Arab people who once inhabited a region called “Palestine,” a large portion of which is now Israel. Mincing around with the nomenclature of a people is an immature and counter-productive waste of time. If you want to have an adult discourse about the Palestinians, you first have to deal with a hard and real truth, and the truth is that half of them are displaced from their homeland. That’s a lot of displaced people. If you were displaced from your homeland, you wouldn’t like it either. If five million of you were displaced from your homeland, you’d like it even less. Beyond this simplistic synopsis, things get a pretty complex. There are all sorts of dynamics and factors and history at play. But you won’t get very far into a substantive discourse, let alone a realistic solution, until the rhetoric becomes toned down, mature and rational. Saying that all Palestinians should be wiped off the map, or that they’re all terrorists, or that every bad thing that happens over there is completely their fault, or mincing about what their heritage should be named get’s you nowhere near an adult conversation about the Israeli/Palestinian conflict.

    You guys should actually sit down and watch a real adult discourse on the subject like the one I linked above. You don’t get this kinda stuff from Fox and the rest of the mainstream media.

    JMJ

  7. Micky 2 says:

    “They are simply the Arab people who once inhabited a region called “Palestine,” a large portion of which is now Israel. ”

    Yea, and it used to consist of just about every other region surrounding Israel.
    So, if you want to talk about their homeland at least be honest and admit that their homeland is/was comprised of much more acreage than just Jerusalem.
    They could just as well call Jordan, Syria and number of other regions their homeland since they have been scattered just about everywhere for centuries.
    Seeing as how Israel was designated for the Jews they should be asking Jordan or some of the neigboring states to assist them, but they dont.
    You know why ?
    Because they want reason to come after Israel, thats all, thats their only purpose. As many anti semitic Arab states have used them as proxy in their attempts to anniahlate Israel.

    Drop the adult crap already.
    I have some choice interpretations of anyones maturity who sees the Times as one of the best papers around and thinks Al Franken is anything but an irate infant.

    Palestinians had had so many opportunities to not be displaced anymore its not even funny.
    So please, enough boo hooing for these ingrates who are never happy no matter what the deal has been.

    “bad thing that happens over there is completely their fault,”

    Hey, just because we sanctioned their last election doesnt mean anyone but them should have to pay for their choices. Which was to put into power a terrorist state that is fed by another terrorist state.

    If you can truly see the level of idiocy, intention and contempt coming from the palestinians then you will of successfully grown up.

    FOX, mainstream media , bla bla bla.
    I’ve been watching this conflict go round and round in paradoxial spin for 40 + years now before there ever was a FOX and we only had three channels to watch each with only a 1/2 hr. of news a day.
    So we read newspapers.
    Had you been subjected to this you would of grown (matured) to the point where it would be plain to see that the Palestinians only objective for the course they’ve been taking since the late 50s and 60s when the PLO was in the news and on the headlines every night was to end Israel.

    I grew up with this crap, my father, grandmother and grandfather were Jewish, so please. dont try to come off as if you are somehow more connected to this in any more of a mature matter than I am.

    Quite the contrary, you views and wishs are quite naive and childish to the point one would think from hearing them that you were born yesterday and are some beauty queen asking for world peace.

  8. “(Palestine) used to consist of just about every other region surrounding Israel.”

    No. “Palestine” is roughly the area the runs between the Med and around the Jordan River. That’s it. That’s “Palestine.” And that’s why only about half of the “Palestinians” are displaced. The other half already lived in that area of “Palsestine” which is not now Israel or simply remained in Israel. Afterall, lot’s of Palestinians live quite peaceably and happy within the borders of Israel.

    “Seeing as how Israel was designated for the Jews…”

    And here’s where the insanity kicks in. “Designated?” By who? Who “designated” Israel to Jewish people? God? An imaginary magical being that ancient people worshipped because they only a primitive understanding of the universe around them? That guy? God?

    This is what the whole conflict is about – God. The Muslims, the Christians and the Jews all believe that somehow the area between the Med and the Jordan is a special Holy Land “designated” to them. And when you throw religion into the mix, nothing rational comes out of the pot.

    In the real universe, no land is “designated” to anyone. Whoever happens to reside upon at any given moment is de facto the designee. The Palestinians have been caught in the conundrum of real life de facto designee and mythical religious displaced invader for the past 60 years. The Arab states don’t want them, the Israelis don’t want them. The Arab states want to keep them displaced and miserable so as to use them to blame Israel for everything bad under the sun, and Israel doesn’t want them because if they let them back in, Israel would no longer be a majority Jewish state. Given this untenable state of affairs, the Palestinians see no hope in any recourse but to act out violently. And that about sums it up for the Palestinians.

    Now that I think about it, there’s nothing “adult” about any of this.

    JMJ

  9. Micky 2 says:

    That is not “IT”
    My point was that in the past they’ve had much more turf than just what you say.

    Palestine “can” (but isnt) be an area that includes Israel and the Palestinian territories, parts of Jordan, and parts of Lebanon and Syria. In its narrow meaning, it refers to the area within the boundaries of the old British Mandate of Palestine (1920-1948) west of the Jordan River.

    They screwed themselves out of that also at no fault od the Jews.

    “Who “designated” Israel to Jewish people? God? An imaginary magical being that ancient people worshipped because they only a primitive understanding of the universe around them? That guy? God?”

    (prmitive would be thinking you’re an accident of science, its easier on the brain to not have to contemplate anything more complex)

    NOoooooooo.

    Its incredibly shallow and ignorant and just a cheap childish shot at Judaism when you to try and deflect to biblical interpretations when after WW2 there were many legal designations that gave the Jews refuge in Israel.

    Heres a few just off the top of my head/ in my thumbnail

    In November 1917 the British told the Jews they would set up a ‘Jewish National Home’ in Palestine, at the time was a part of the Ottoman Turkish Empire. This then happened. The Balfour Declaration in 1917. In 1917 nobody expected the Holocaust causing Jews to have to flee there, and at the time there were already a number of Jewish settlements in the area.

    The four major Allied Powers of World War, Britain, France, Italy and Japan – agreed to create a Jewish national home in what is now the Land of Israel.
    United Nations approved the UN Partition Plan (United Nations General Assembly Resolution 181) on November 29, 1947, dividing the country into two states, one Arab and one Jewish. Jerusalem was to be designated an international city .
    The Jews accepted it but the Arabs rejected it. Thats around the time Arab geurrilla attacks began against Jewish targets.
    in 1967, UN Security Council then passed Resolution 242 authorizing Israel to remain in possession of all the land.
    And on and on and on.

    So no Whether you believe in God or not has nothing to do with it.

    “The Arab states want to keep them displaced and miserable so as to use them to blame Israel for everything bad under the sun, ”

    Yes, thats what I’ve been saying.
    Seeing as how palestinians by genetics are Arabs why should the Jews have ant resposabilty for them ?????????
    There are numerous Arab countries that could offer up a decent home for them so why these idiots are coming after Jews is obvious only because they have designated by that Arab communty as the major front against Israel.
    Their purpose is not of that to find a home, its to root out and kill Jews no matter where they go.
    Just about every Palestinain is raised to believe that is his or her purpose.

    “Now that I think about it, there’s nothing “adult” about any of this.”

    Well, it takes one to know one

  10. I think I described the area historically known as Palestine pretty accurately. It covers all the same areas you’re referring.

    As for God, I’ve got nothing nice to say about that, so I’m just not going to say anything.

    As for what responsibility the Israelis do have for the Palestinian problem, it comes down to one paradox, and that’s the disposition of the West Bank. The Israelis want it both ways – they want to expand into the West Bank, but they do not want to integrate the Palestinians there into a unified Israel including the West Bank. This is why they don’t want the UN in there. This is why they want the “occupied” status quo to remain there. This is the only share of responsibility for that whole mess I believe the Israelis have. They have to stop expanding into the West Bank, build a secure highway or rail from the West Bank to Gaza, and give the Palestinians a viable interconnected bifurgated state whether the Palestinians like it or not. As long as the settlements continue in the West Bank, there will be no solution and no one but the Israelis have the want or impetus for that solution.

    That’s my two cents.

    JMJ

  11. Micky 2 says:

    “but they do not want to integrate the Palestinians there into a unified Israel including the West Bank. ”

    Well duh !

    They’ve offered up parts of the West bank before and even evicted their own people to accomodate the Palestinians and they still get attacked.

    What part of “Their purpose is not of that to find a home, its to root out and kill Jews no matter where they go.” dont you understand ?

    “They have to stop expanding into the West Bank, build a secure highway or rail from the West Bank to Gaza,”

    They dont “HAVE” to do anything.

    I’ve changed my position on the palestinians over the last 30 years each time loosing patience with them after seeing them be accomodated and then do the same crap all over again.
    I used to debate with myself what could the solution be.
    Well, not anymore.
    They need to be beat into submission.

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