My birthday wish list

January 9th is my birthday!

I was toying with the idea of asking for things that would benefit all of mankind, but then remembered that womyn would start hollering about womynkind.

So instead, I decided to just offer my wish list for one man…me.

Some people say that wishing for stuff means it will not come true. Those people need to be smacked. Expressing wishes is the clearest way of telling well intentioned people that give lousy gifts to listen up, pay attention, and just get me what is on the list.

Republican Jewish brunettes. I want them sent to my home. They should be wearing Hanukkah bows, and only Hanukkah bows. Their pasties should also be pastries, preferably blue and white frosting. More than two of these women at a time would be a bit much. Send them anyway.

In place of one of the republican Jewish brunettes, Shannon Doherty is an acceptable alternative. She gets a lifetime exemption even if she does not convert.

I have steaks in my freezer and football on television all weekend. So my needs are relatively few.

I could always appreciate more money and more power. Actually, the money is less important. Absolute power would be nice.

I wish the homicide bombers of the world would take the day off. That means the literal murderers that consist of Arabs in the Middle East, as well as the verbal bombers that usually come in the form of liberals and feminists.

For one day, it would be nice if the liberals, feminists, and Arab homicide bombers gave it a rest.

Some will argue that maybe it would be nice if an alpha male that extolls the virtues of Jews, republicans, and football would take the day off.

Well you are wrong, but as a gesture of good will, I will take the rest of the day off anyway.

Now return the favor. Be silent. You can be twice as cantankerous tomorrow if that will help.

Socializing on my actual birthday Friday night, sleeping in on Saturday, football on Saturday afternoon, my birthday party Saturday night, and more football on Sunday.

A happy birthday indeed.

Oh yeah, and don’t forget the pair of republican Jewish brunettes.


12 Responses to “My birthday wish list”

  1. RTaylor83305 says:

    Wishing you a very happy, healthy birthday!

  2. Toma says:

    Happy birthday Eric. You are my favorite Jew.

  3. Laree says:

    Happy Birthday Eric,

    I don’t know if this on your wish list but you got one anyway:)

    Former President George H W Bush, is commemorating the Nuclear aircraft carrier named after him today. He was on Imus in the Morning this morning.

    Would you add me to your blog roll you are already in this blog of mine. I am not blogging on myspace right now.

  4. gaylea says:

    Happy birthday, Eric. Sorry I cannot send you Shannon Doherty, but I must admit you have good taste! I can’t send you any Republican Jewesses either, but at least I can wish you a Happy Birthday, so “HAPPY BIRTHDAY”. 🙂

  5. Happy Birthday!

    Just remember, hide your pharmaceuticals when Shannon comes to visit!

    Hey, aren’t there any women over at the RJC? I mean, chech her our – – talk about a shayner!


  6. Micky 2 says:

    Only two ?
    Its your birthday man !
    Send out the invitations to all your favorites and tell em all to take a number when they get there.
    If you leave the pharmaceuticals out, who knows, they might not want to wait and they’ll rush the line.

    Go crazy and enjoy yourself today, you of all people deserve it.

  7. steveharkonnen says:

    Happy birthday – as for those Jewish brunettes, go for Ashkenazi……

  8. mwturtle18 says:

    What do you have against other hair colors…say, redheads? My family is fully Jewish and half of them are redheads…You really should not discriminate against hair colors. Happy Birthday Eric!

    -Molly (one of your favorite liberals)

  9. Micky 2 says:

    Its not an “against” thing.
    Its a “for” thing.

    And its not “discrimination”, its a choice.

    Sheez man, its the guys birthday and you gotta hit him with this crap ?

  10. Laree says:


    Obama backtracking on his campaign promises…well he might have already given that to you already;)

    Uh er ah um we are going to have to um er ah all pull together or ah er um something like that LOL!

  11. MoiOz says:

    “Bows”? “Pastries”? What the hell happened to feathers??? Oy!
    Well this brunette would certainly accept your party invitation – but she ain’t a Republican… 🙂
    Happy birthday gorgeous, may all your wish lists come true!

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