Labor Day Musings

While not everybody agreed with Samuel Gompers (if you do not know who he is, you go to public school), there is no question about his relevance to American history.

Today is a day where we celebrate the dignity of the American worker.

Happy Labor Day all.

The title of the holiday is ironic given that today is a day where we do no labor at all, unless we are hopefully earning some sweet overtime. Remember, decades ago workers were not paid overtime.

Some women around the country will be taking this holiday literally, as newborns are brought into the world.

One of my favorite quotes is taken from one of the toughest bosses around, football coaching legend Bill Parcells. While this remark specifically relates to football, it is hilarious when taken out of context.

“Don’t tell me about the pain, just deliver the d@mn baby.”

For many, today is a day of sadness. Even though Summer officially continues for another couple of weeks, the jails that are known as public schools will be back in the business of destroying our children tomorrow. Smart kids that once had hope will be lumped in with reprobates as drugs and guns take more innocent lives.

For women, today is a day of controversy. Some fashionistas say that it is a faux pas, which is French for a screwup, to wear white after Labor Day. Others say that it is now acceptable to do so. I would elaborate further on this debate but I have no idea what I am talking about.

In calendar news, this year Labor Day is held as late as it can possibly be held. Next year if my calculations are right (and they most likely are wrong), Labor Day will be held on the earliest day possible. This is an example of a fact whose truthfulness is matched only by its uselessness.

Jewish holidays also do not always appear on the same calendar date. Therefore, everybody celebrating Labor Day has something in common with the Jewish people. In another bizarre coincidence, a child in Boise, Idaho is most likely eating a hamburger at the very same time that another man in Tallahassee, Florida is washing his car. Adding to the intrigue is that these two people have never met, either in real life, or on the internet.

Labor Day should be a Jewish holiday. We built the d@mn pyramids for crying out loud. We should get something for it.

Labor Day is also the official conclusion of the “silly season” in politics. this offseason has had less mirth than usual, but I have kept my tradition of ignoring stories that others have covered ad nauseum.

In Van news, Van Jones lost his job, I drove a van that seats 12 by myself this week because the rental car place had nothing else, and Van Wilder remains a hilarious movie. The Rise of Taj was not bad either, even though Kal Penn is now an advisor to the Obama administration. So even though Van (Jones) is out, Van’s (Wilder) associate is in.

Speaking of Kal Penn, can Guantanmo Bay be that dangerous if Harold and Kumar were able to escape from it? The Obama administration must improve national security procedures immediately.

In weenie news, many liberals are eating tofu hot dogs today at imitation barbecues. Before leftists start protesting, hot dogs are referred to as weenies. Then again, in many political battles, liberals do eat their own.

As for Kal Penn, I do not know if he is eating hot dogs today, but if he is eating hamburgers, they are most likely White Castles.

If Jews are eating hot dogs today, they are most likely Nathans or Hebrew Nationals.

Labor Day is the two month anniversary of Independence Day, where Joey Chestnut brought home the Yellow Belt by winning the Coney Island Nathans Hot Dog Eating Contest in Brooklyn.

In political news, America is the only major country where the political party of losers is not referred to as Labor.

In finance news, I am less concerned with Labor than I am with LIBOR.

Speaking of dogs, which I was a couple of sentences ago,  if this column had any less substance, it would be on NBC Nightly News.

Labor is hard work, and so is writing a column about…whatever this column is about.

My labor here is done.


3 Responses to “Labor Day Musings”

  1. Norm says:

    Yup! I read the whole thing! (not in reference to Mikey who ate the whole thing!) It was a little toiling to get through it all but I managed. NBC nightly news…naahh, Andy Rooney on 60 minutes would be more appropriate.

    Now that you wasted my time on trivial pursuit of labor day, why don’t you come up with some trivia for my birthday…you have plenty of time to prepare for it won’t be until 2012. (example: How many years does it take for my birthday to fall on the same day of the week that I was born?
    Give up? OK, I was born on a thursday and it takes 28 years for my birthday to show up on a thursday. When was I born? aah, you guess it already, “Leap Year”!)

  2. Why conservatives recognize Labor Day is beyond me. The anti-labor corporatist/conservative movement in modern America has decimated the working man and woman. These conservatives have turned unionization into a dirty word. The idle rich are lauded as the “productive” while the working man and woman are sneered at as “whiny.” The tax codes have shifted the burden to an ever-dwindling middle class as our once “fat boy” economy has morphed into an “hour glass” economy. Upward mobility is now higher in “socialist” Europe than America. The labor movement together with the middle class reached their apex in the 1950’s, and sure enough the two are now at a historic low together. Free trade has demolished our manufacturing base and with it the fiat, the value of our money. In real terms, working class Americans now make less than they did 30 years ago, and pay more out of their shrinking income for almost everything – except the cheap imported products from the rigged economies of the developing world. In the meantime, we now have to import profesionals because our upward mobility has been so stifled we no longer produce domestically doctors, engineers, nurses, and scientists. Pensions are now a thing of the past as the Social Compact has been rendered extinct. Workers are stuck in dead-end jobs just to have health insurance for their families, losing their ability to improve their lot in life in return for a lousy insurance policy that probably won’t even pay when needed.

    It should be illegal for conservatives to even mention Labor Day.


  3. Micky 2 says:

    The only thing liberals labor at is benefiting off labor thats not theirs.
    You guys should be buffing my toe nails

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