Nothing Sunday

Ole, Ole Ole Ole…Ole…Ole!

This concludes the soccer report.

Look, I know I am supposed to get all angry, hope that Donald Rumsfeld gets back in power and orders the bombing of Ghana, but I just can’t get worked up enough to care. America is the greatest nation on Earth, but if we can’t find 11 people to play soccer that is our problem. The other team had a wicked googly, although perhaps I am mixing sports metaphors.

Now the rest of you can join me and go back to not caring about soccer.

Today I am thinking about the Al Gore sex scandal. Again, to be honest I really don’t care, but today is nothing Sunday.

Personally I think the woman’s story reeks to high heaven.

The only thing in her favor is that the National Enquirer broke the story. I know that sounds crazy, but the Enquirer broke the John Edwards story, and they always had the scoop on what was going to happen on Dallas and Knots Landing when I was growing up. They are not like the Jayson Blair Times. They get the story right, although when they cover who the alien is going to vote for, they are talking about martians and not Mexicans.

Despite the Enquirer having a good track record, I am not sure Al Gore is guilty. For one thing, I never pictured him as a guy who had sex with anybody. I always wondered how he became a father. He is just so d@mn boring that I can’t (nor do I want to) picture him doing anything remotely fun, much less something enjoyable like sex.

That argument in defense of Gore went out the window with Tiger Woods. After all, Woods is just as (if not more) boring as Gore. If he was having sex, everybody is.

The reason I think Gore is innocent is going to anger people, but I have never let that get in the way of my musings. Gore is being accused of bad behavior by a 54 year old masseuse.

54? Are you kidding me? What masseuse is 54?

First of all, the woman expresses shock that a man would think a massage came with something more. Why would she be shocked? Many masseuses offer that (so I have heard).

Secondly, Al Gore is a billionaire. Like Tiger Woods, billionaires can be selective. If Al Gore is going to get x-rated massages, he is going to get them from 20 year olds that call him “poppy.”

(It’s more like aayyyyeeee, poppppeeeeee…again, so I’ve heard)

Look, there are plenty of attractive older women out there. There are just so many more hot young things.

When you are the former United States Vice President, you do not have to troll on Craigslist for masseuses. I am sure he has a rolodex of people from his Bill Clinton days who can procure hot young women at all hours of the night.

This woman waited years to file a claim. I have my doubts. If Gore really wanted 54 years, he could have had 3 different 18 year olds visit his room. Guys with his power can get triplets.

Maybe Gore really does have taste as bad as his boss. Outside of Gennifer Flowers (former Miss America Elizabeth Ward Gracen has denied sleeping with him, removing her from consideration since she did not save a dress), Clinton’s women ranged from average to homely.

Look, if news of a Janet sandwich between Reno and Napolitano occurs, I am all over that (awful choice of words) story.

Yet if I am reduced to thinking about soccer, golf, or irrelevant politicians, then I truly have spent 600 words saying nothing.

I might even go outside today and do something.

Trying not to lose my marbles…10 weeks until NFL Kickoff 2010.

This concludes Nothing Sunday.


One Response to “Nothing Sunday”

  1. Micky 2 says:

    I’m just trying to figure out whos the bigger liar.
    So far, Al is loosing but then again its very opportunistic to take up a profession where you’re alone in hotel rooms with rich men.
    Both are victims of inconvenient truths

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