Dear Mom 2011

Dear Mom,

As you know today I am flying from South Carolina to Kentucky. Given that you live in neither of these places, it looks like we will not be having brunch. Plus, even if I was in Florida you know I like to sleep in anyway.

While much of the year is my reminding you that you hit the lottery by bringing me into this world, I have to admit that I and everybody else on this Earth who knows about you has benefited more from you.

This is not to deemphasize my spectacular achievements, but you are older than me and have had more time to develop a loyal following.

There are many things I want to say, but it is nobody else’s business. So I will call you today.

You are the best mom in the world. You let me raid the fridge and even let me drink the soda water that is for dad. I am terrible at replacing it but I do not know where you go shopping.

From visiting sick patients in the hospital on a regular basis to being charitable and kind toward everybody, people think I am fantastic when they think I do those things. Then I correct the record and say it is you doing them, not me. I still take credit for it since I come from a family who does wonderful things.

I pray for you and dad every night. I even tell God that if he has to choose between good health for you and dad, and giving me lots of money, power, and women, he should help you and dad first.

After all, even a wrathful angry God cannot find fault with a guy praying for his parents.

I know you pray for me as well, and that is why I am so blessed in this world.

I would tell you what is going on in sports today, but I doubt you care any more about that since I last saw you. Some teams scored more points than others, which is still what leads to them winning. Golf is an exception where the low score wins.

As a kid I wondered why there was no Son’s Day. Now as an adult I realize that Son’s Day was every day of your life.

I am the luckiest individual on this Earth outside of Dad.

Nothing makes me happier in this world than knowing what a great mom I have.

Don’t get me wrong, if it turns out you and Dad have a billion dollars stashed somewhere I would not mind retiring early and spending my remaining years pursuing various women. Then again I might be disappointed that both of you held out on me during my junior high school years when being rich would have really helped matters socially.

Anyway, the love you still give to me this day is endless, and so is your patience. I don’t know how you do it, but I am glad you do.

I love you Mom. Happy Mother’s Day from your darling son.


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