Donald Trump’s birth certificate

Francisco Franco is still dead. The Royal Wedding is still boring. Barack Obama is a Christian born in Hawaii.

We get it. Enough.

(Osama Bin Laden is still dead, but new information will immediately be reported. The GOP debate featured too many third tier candidates and not enough top tier ones. I will report on that waste of time over the weekend perhaps. I was there.)

Look, those trying to revoke statehood for Hawaii will not solve anything. Those born in Hawaii while it was a state get grandfathered in even if we remove it from the union.

Also, if the big earthquake in California finally makes it part of Russia, the people will have dual citizenship but not lose their California citizenship.

So now that all of that is out of the way, it is time to investigate Donald Trump’s birth certificate.

I like Donald Trump as a businessman and as a Celebrity Apprentice host. He is not my presidential candidate. It is one thing to speak truth to power. That can be debated. It is another to lower the dignity of the discussion. Why was Donald Trump channeling his inner Rahm Emanuel? Were those f-bombs necessary?

I have no problem with bellicose language with Iran. Blow it up, fine by me. Yet using curse words when dealing with the Chinese is a losing strategy. Militaristic language and actions are for murderous nations. The Chinese cheat at business. They do not try to bomb us. This is where diplomacy may not be worthless.

Anyway, the real issue is that Donald Trump has an issue in his background that should disqualify anybody from ever being the leader of America.

Mr. Trump claims to be a lifelong New Yorker.

I have discovered that he does business in…get ready for it…New Jersey.

It is one thing to do business with Chris Christie.

Trump has done business in Joisey for decades. This is inexcusable.

In fact, the hotels and casinos named after him are located in Atlantic City, which is in New Jersey.

Some people may say that this is smart business. New York does not allow gambling. That is an excuse. Trump should have used his forceful personality to make it happen.

How can he stand up to the Chinese when he could not stand up to David Dinkins?

How can Trump claim to be Mr. New York and then have business interests in New Jersey?

Next thing you know people will claim that the Jets and Giants play in New Jersey.

(Say that to an FDNY or NYPD guy and see how quickly you get beaten up. They both play in New York, and the Buffalo Bills play in Canada. End of discussion.)

I should have seen this coming. Trump owned the New Jersey Generals of the failed USFL in the 1980s. How could they have been the New Jersey Generals when they played in the Meadowlands and the New York Giants did as well?

(Let it go. The USFL went bankrupt so I am right.)

Who does Trump root for when the Rangers play the Devils in Hockey? What about the Knicks vs the Nets in basketball?

I am sick and tired of people claiming to be proud New Yorkers and then doing business with New Jersey just because New York is the worst business climate in the world outside of California?

Where is his sense of patriotism? Should a hostile business climate that makes it impossible to get anything done be a reason to just do business with the mistress across in the other room?

I suspect that Trump secretly was born in Hackensack.

Somebody find out if Trump prefers Six Flags Great Adventure over Action Park on Long Island. The fact that Action Park may not exist anymore is no excuse.

Mr. Trump, it was one thing when you built stuff in Florida. After all, Palm Beach is just New York relocated.

I hope that a thorough vetting of Mr. Trump will show that he is a New Yorker since birth.

Yet if he has ever set foot on New Jersey soil for commerce while people go hungry in the five boroughs, all hell will break loose politically.

Rudy Giuliani never would have put on a Devils’ cap. He knows that his beloved baseball team is the Bronx Bombers, not the Trenton Bombers.

Mr. Trump, you must put this issue to rest now. If you secretly have New Jersey pizza delivered to your apartment, you have to let us know.

(Also, for a man that rich, why is he in an apartment? With housing prices down, he should be able to buy one. Maybe Obama is worse than we thought.)

Mr. Trump, it is time for you to be vetted very thoroughly in a way Obama never was. I expect you sir to swear allegiance to a New York flag, with not a single Jersey star or stripe on it.

Anything less is unacceptable, and dare I say it sir…unpresidential.


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