My 2012 State of the Blog Address
Happy New Year all!
My 2012 State of the Blog Address
Happy New Year all!
The real reason Tim Tebow is Satan.
NFL 2011 Playoff Permutations and Combinations
New Year’s Day of 2012 brings Week 17 of the 2011 NFL Regular Season.
With everything on the line, this is the final fight for the playoffs.
In the words of Hall of Famer John Randall, “THIS…IS…WHEN…THE…BIG…DOGS…COME…OUT!.”
New York Jets @ Miami Dolphins (2)
Detroit Lions (3 1/2) @ Green Bay Packers
(Packers win outright)
Indianapolis Colts @ Jacksonville Jaguars (3 1/2)
(Colts win outright)
Chicago Bears @ Minnesota Vikings (1)
Washington Redskins @ Philadelphia Eagles (8 1/2)
Buffalo Bills @ New England Patriots (11)
Carolina Panthers @ New Orleans Saints (8 1/2)
Tennessee Titans (3) @ Houston Texans
(Texans win outright)
Baltimore Ravens (2) @ Cincinnati Bengals
Pittsburgh Steelers @ Cleveland Browns
San Diego Chargers @ Oakland Raiders (3)
Kansas City Chiefs @ Denver Broncos (3)
(Chiefs win outright)
San Francisco 49ers (10 1/2) @ St. Louis Rams
Seattle Seahawks @ Arizona Cardinals (3)
(Cardinals win outright)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Atlanta Falcons (12)
Dallas Cowboys @ New York Giants (3)
The Top 10 News Stories of 2011
The Top 10 Bimbos of 2011
Some people are more vapid than Barack Obama. Here are the Top 10 Bimbos of 2011.
The First Gasbag in Chief held a press conference awhile back where he stated that his first two years in office “were the most productive two years in generations.”
He recently declared himself to be at worst the fourth greatest president of our time, and possibly the best.
To paraphrase one overrated NFL player, the president sure does love him some him.
Any further discussion of his press conferences are unnecessary, since (shockingly enough coming from his hollow majesty), he speaks plenty and says nothing.
Yet while Barack Obama is an empty suit who defines compromise as everybody shutting up and agreeing with him, he is not the least substantive person on the planet.
While it is true that he uses so many words to say absolutely nothing, he has competition in the uselessness department.
While he is the leader of the nation of Gasbagistan, there are people in existence who make him look and sound relevant.
There are people significantly more vapid and hollow than he is.
Well, not significantly, but slightly more.
Barack Obama is left off of the list solely out of respect for the office of the presidency itself. It would be nice if he had that same regard. Besides, it would be unfair to include him without his supporters. Also, for once, it is nice to have a discussion without having to include his rhetoric.
One criteria was that the people on the list had to be utterly useless, talentless, and worthless. For instance, Lady Ga-Ga may be a lunatic, but she does have talent. She can sing and dance. Some people on this list may have had talent at some point, but a long time ago. Jon Huntsman was left off the list because even mentioning him tenth would lead him to start claiming that he was on the verge of being first.
With that, I offer the people who are more vapid than Barack Obama.
Last year brought the Top 10 Bimbos of 2010.
Here are the Top 10 Bimbos of 2011.
10) Vince Young/Albert Haynesworth/Matt Leinart
These three NFL players are a disgrace. Leinart made the list last year. Despite throwing away his career in Arizona, he ended up in Houston as a backup. The starter went down due to injury, and Leinart had his chance to redeem himself. He lasted almost half of one game before getting injured again and missing another season. Young is worse. He quit on his team, walked away from headquarters, and then tried to make it up to his coach through a text message instead of a face to face meeting. He was cut, ended up in Philly, and blabbed to the media that they were a “dream team” destined for the Super Bowl. He was the backup, and the team began 1-4. He finally came in for one pass, and it was intercepted. Haynesworth has been lazy for much of his career. He went to New England, which has resurrected many players. He lasted a few games before getting cut for still being lazy. Tampa Bay picked him up and has lost nine straight games.
9) Katy Perry/Russell Brand–These detestable overexposed celebrities were much higher last year after a string of stupid comments ranging from her taunting a high school ex-boyfriend during a concert to his imbecilic comments about Israel oppressing the Palestinians. They are lower on the list this year because perhaps they realized that shutting up would do them some good. She is a singer and he is an actor, and they both take pride in lacking substance, especially her. She was even fired from Sesame Street for shaking her (redacted) on a children’s show. Despite a quiet year, they have to remain on the list due to their overall toxicity. Another silent year may get them removed.
8) John Edwards–The former North Carolina Senator, vice presidential candidate, and ambulance chaser was left off the list last year solely out of respect for his late wife. She died of cancer days before the list was released. Yet a year later, he remains the guy who cheated on his dying wife, got his mistress pregnant, and tried to get a staffer to claim fatherhood of the child. Now the man who used the courts to redistribute wealth is fighting for his freedom. He has been indicted for campaign finance violations, although his being the darling of progressives could get him a free pass.
7) Katie Couric–While Dan Rather had already destroyed the credibility of the CBS News brand of Edward R. Murrow and Walter Cronkite, Katie Couric took it to new lower levels. Perky pom-pom cheerleader Katie became a darling of the left when she did a hit job on Sarah Palin. Yet it was Couric who ended her first broadcast by asking what Will Ferrell’s Ron Burgundy from “Anchorman” would have to say about the news. Couric’s fluff was fine for a morning television show. It was not acceptable for a hard news show. The ratings collapsed and she was fired.
6) Lindsay Lohan–Putting this teenage actress on this lit almost seems gratuitous, but she deserves it. While Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and Tara Reid all went through their phase, they eventually recovered. They were bimbos, and they decided to stop. For Hilton, it took time in jail. Britney became a mom. Lohan is more than an alcoholic, drunk-driving, drug addicted, jewelry stealing, community service avoiding mess. When she appeared in court, she had the f-bomb etched into her fingernails. The judge was not amused, and nobody in America should encourage this train wreck.
5) Susan Sarandon–This person used to be an actress who along with her boyfriend Tim Robbins would use their celebrity status to launch into leftist tirades. Now she has embraced Occupy Wall Street. The problem is the dregs of humanity infecting that movement have no idea who she is. She was famous a long time ago. Now she is a has-been who lost her boyfriend, and desperately wants to be seen as relevant. There comes a time when people need to grow up, not just grow old. She has done neither gracefully. Rumor has it when she returns to her wealthy home she does not invite OWS protesters over to eat and shower.
4) Occupy Wall St Protesters–These protesters should be beaten with as much force as possible until they disperse. They are not peaceful, and nobody has any Constitutional right to violent protest. They claim to be the 99%, yet then claim that the drug addicts, homeless people, and sexual predators in their midst do not represent them. Are they saying the filth is the 1%? Are they protesting Wall Street or their own? They have no idea what they are protesting. They just want free stuff. If they cared about Wall Street, they would go after Jon Corzine rather than ruin business for the local hot dog vendors and shoe shine people.
3) Kardashians–These people remain the trio from Hell. The original KKK burned people alive. This KKK of Kourtney, Khloe, and Kim just refuse to go away while burning the brain cells of their fans. Kim got married and divorced after about 22 days, all of it on video. The only reason anyone knows her is because of her video experience, found in X-rated areas on the internet. Every athlete from Reggie Bush to Miles Austin to Chris Humphrey should be boycotted due to guilt by association. A dishonorable mention also goes to Sinead O’Connor, whose fourth marriage just ended after only 16 days because her husband did not approve of her going on their wedding night looking for weed to get her stoned. Nothing compares to her idiocy, except perhaps the Kardashians.
2) Jon Corzine–This failed human being was fired from Goldman Sachs, then fired from the New Jersey Governor’s job, and then left after bankrupting that state to end up bankrupting MF Global. 1.2 billion dollars is missing, and customer funds appear to have been commingled with company money. Corzine will skate because the CFTC Chairman is a personal friend of his. Corzine used to run Goldman Sachs, making him above the law. Also, he is a leftist, giving him blanket immunity from prosecution because his intentions were good. He is the epitome of Wall Street greed, but luckily everybody from OWS to Barack Obama only pretend to care about that.
Yet as absolutely worthless as these people are, one person truly deserves his own hall of shame.
1) Anthony Weiner–This sex-crazed hound doggie was married less than a year before getting caught sending his appendage over Twitter to various women. Weiner is a leftist bully who never missed an opportunity to engage in the politics of personal destruction against anyone he disagreed with. At first he claimed that his account was hacked. He lied for a week, refused to resign, and was dragged kicking and screaming from power. He expressed surprise to one Jewish paramour that she would engage in certain sex acts, since he as a Jewish person stereotypically thought Jewish women were frigid. He also may have used his office to engage in lewd behavior, which is possibly illegal. His resigning prevented him from having to turn over his phone records. The biggest source of amusement was not his appropriately given surname. It is that he was kicked out of office, and he never even got to sleep with the women. He received all of the scandal with none of the actual sex.
So congratulations to one of the worst human beings to ever infect Congress, which starts out with the bar fairly low. Anthony Weiner is the Top Bimbo of 2011.
The Top 10 Powerful Bald White Guys (PBWGs) of 2011
The Top 10 PBWGs of 2011
This is a time of year for lists. While Summer brings my list of the hottest political women, this list will be significantly less sexy. While some people think that hot women and their (redacted) run the world, this is not entirely true. While paradigms shift, tastes change, and truisms either stand for all eternity or fall by the wayside, one political consistency seems to be made of granite. Real power rests in the scalps of those we sometimes rarely see.
When a political crisis gets out of hand, find a PBWG.
Powerful Bald White Guys (PBWGs) run the world.
For the uninitiated, PBWGs can often be found on the various “Law and Order” franchises. The seriousness of the crime is determined by the number of PBWGs barking orders.
PBWG Level 1 has the police chief yelling “One Police Plaza is all over my @ss!”
PBWG Level 2 has the top police guy showing up with all of his medals pinned to his chest yelling “The Mayor is all over my @ss,” and other authoritative phrases like “If you screw the pooch on this one, just remember that the cr@p rolls down hill!”
PBWG 3 means all heck is breaking loose, and it gets kicked up to either Fred Thompson (DA Arthur Branch) or Tom Everett Scott (Governor Donald Shalvoy, an Eliot Spitzer clone).
People trust PBWGs because they look like people who handle things. They have a reassuring nature. The original PBWG as reassurer-in-chief would probably be President Dwight Eisenhower. Even my Socialist poli-sci professor in college conceded that Eisenhower was a father figure. The man’s campaign slogan was “I like Ike.” That is not exactly off the charts, but it was simple and effective.
Eisenhower was the last president to be elected before the modern television era. Once Kennedy defeated Nixon, PBWGs were not going to win the White House. 2008 validated this, as Rudy Giuliani, Fred Thompson, and John McCain all fell to a man with zero substance, an empty suit, and excellent hair.
Yet despite not being the boss, the PBWGs remain vital. In the last couple years times have been really tough, and presidents of both parties have consulted those light on melanin content and follicles to guide us.
President George W. Bush had low approval ratings in his final year in office. He needed to convince America why a 787 billion stimulus package was necessary. He did not have the political capital to push the plan.
Enter Hank Paulson.
Paulson was everywhere. Despite rumors that he and Ben Bernanke were the same person, Paulson did not have the sinister looking beard (another topic for another time). Paulson looked like he was in command. The plan got passed.
President Obama has seen his presidency spiral out of control. The oil spill that began with an explosion aboard a BP ship proved unmanageable. So many things had to get done. Somebody was needed to handle all of the claims.
When you need somebody to handle claims, you find somebody who looks like an insurance claims adjuster.
Enter Ken Feinberg.
(Since this is a visual issue and not an auditory one, I will gloss over his dreadful New England accent. That is also for another time.)
Ken Feinberg looked like he was born wearing a red and blue diagonal necktie. He looked like he entered the world dedicated to balancing debits and credits.
His honesty was seen as beyond reproach. He looked like a guy who could be trusted, similar to the PBWG boss in all of those Gekko Geico commercials.
(and the PBWG on Law and Order who is now selling gold. The thunder and lightning in the background do not remove his steady calm.)
Ken Feinberg had another quality making him perfect for the job. Not only did he look like the cover page of the fictional “Non-Descript Average White Guy Monthly” magazine, but he had another reassuring quality. He is boring. Boring guys are rarely controversial (somehow President Obama is boring and controversial, not an easy achievement). When Feinberg was asked if strippers were entitled to compensation, his response was pure Sominex. He ignored the sex aspect of the story and dryly responded that while the claim did not seem legitimate, it would be looked at. This guy could win bureaucrat of the decade.
Yet it is one thing to administer financial claims. It is another thing to have to fix the oil leak itself. President Obama is not an oil guy. Perhaps he was given an oil painting as a gift, and may use Oil of Olay or Palmolive Oil on his hands, but that is most likely the extent of it.
Some situations are so serious that a standard PBWG will not be good enough. In these rare sobering moments, only a very special PBWG can be considered. Like breaking the glass in terms of an emergency, at these times there is only one thing to do.
Bring in the Walrus.
Find a guy who resembles a walrus, and put him in charge. People trust walruses. Admiral Thad Allen may or may not have known what he was doing, but he looked like he was in command, hence his title of National Incident Commander.
With that, here are the lists of the Top 10 PBWGs of 2009 and 2010, as well as of the previous entire decade.
For those wondering why former Russian President Vladimir Putin has never made the list, you have too much free time. The reason is because Mr. Putin can get to anybody, anywhere, at any time. Getting him angry is not a good idea. Leaving him off the list is a self-preservation method known as a “business decision.” If he ever demands inclusion, inclusion will be granted immediately and retroactively.
Putin-free and gluten free, America finally has the list of the Top 10 PBWGs of 2011.
10) Lt. John Pike–He was living an obscure existence as an everyman employed with the UC Davis Police Force. Then Occupy Wall Street broke out in violent protests all over America, turning Lt. Pike into a legend. A bunch of protesters were on their knees, refusing to disburse. Lt. Pike became the “Pepper Spray Cop,” teargassing them all and restoring law and order. Critics pointed out that teargassing them was overkill. It was actually the humane option, since it was safer to the protesters than beating them with batons. Perhaps had he beaten them all he would be higher on the list, but in a world where criminals run wild, it is refreshing to know that law and order is not just a cancelled television show. Protesters now know not to mess with PBWGs.
9) Ken Langone–The Home Depot CEO was a fairly apolitical Republican until the Obama administration starting destroying American businesses with oppressive regulations meant to turn the country into a European social democracy. Mr. Langone has said that in this climate, he could not create Home Depot today. Mr. Langone is a guy who hires thousands of people who sell stuff to people to help them build stuff. This is what America is all about. Mr. Langone is impossible to demonize because his company is the heart of what America is about.
8) Louie Gohmert–The Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee was unable to block Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayor because the Senate votes on those nominees. Yet Congressman Gohmert will play a key role going forward. Barack Obama can no longer ram his agenda down the throats of a pliant legislature. Now he will do what liberals always do when they lose in the court of public opinion and in the legislature. He will use the courts. It is up to Gohmert to stop leftist nominees in their tracks before they can do any damage. Congress is not good at acting, but when it comes to inaction they are fantastic. Congressman Gohmert should become Captain Gridlock.
7) Rupert Murdoch–The Chairman of Fox News and the owner of the New York Post, he has a powerful media empire. Yet he has had a tough year, as a spying scandal at one of his British publications rocked the country and hurt him personally. Yet liberals still make him out to be the personification of all that s evil in the world, rendering him as powerful as ever.
6) Rick Scott/Jerry Brown–These two men are actually not the same person. Rick Scott is a conservative Republican and the Governor of Florida. Jerry Brown is Governor Moonbeam, a liberal Democrat and Governor of California. Both of these leaders have legislatures controlled by their own party, giving them broad powers. They will govern in totally opposite directions. California wants high speed rail. Florida does not. California wants high taxes and regulations. Florida wants them low. They both have good weather and strong environmental movements. The difference is Florida is able to protect trees without destroying human beings. The next year will determine which approach works better.
5) David Axelrod–President Obama’s top political advisor is one of two people actually running this country, since every decision Mr. Obama makes is political. Valerie Jarrett helps Barack Obama in the morning by tying his shoes, patting his head, and telling him how special he is. She then tucks him in at night. Everything in between belongs to Mr. Axelrod, who tells Mr. Obama what to think and believe. Forget 300 million Americans. It is all about 270 electoral votes. If Barack Obama is reelected, Mr. Axelrod will most likely shoot to the top of this list next year. Mr. Axelrod also created the Occupy Wall Street movement, although he refuses to take credit for it. Whether unions, drug addicts, or college students are the perpetrators, every ounce of violence distracts voters from the failed Obama record. Axelrod is the puppeteer.
4) Ben Bernanke–The Chairman of the Federal Reserve cannot get a break. After two straight years of being so close to the top, he was in prime position to reach the top spot. Then he made a fatal mistake when he testified before Congress. He spoke in English. Alan Greenspan was a master PBWG because nobody understood what he was saying. Disagreeing with him was impossible because he was incomprehensible. Despite steering America through a financial crisis under Republican and Democrat leaders, several politicians running for president want Bernanke fired. He fails to win the top spot because he is accountable, and therefore dispensable. Only those with absolute power can be considered for the top spot.
3) Jon Corzine–He is more than a failed Governor of New Jersey. He is the former CEO of Goldman Sachs. He was fired when he lost a power struggle to another legendary PBWG, Hank Paulson. Mr. Corzine is more than a guy with a sinister looking beard and an arrogant wealthy leftist hypocritical disposition. He recently became the failed CEO of MF Global. The company just suffered the eighth worst global bankruptcy, and now 1.2 billion dollars of customer money is missing. Even worse, customer funds seem to have been commingled with company money. Mr. Corzine’s greed and hubris were the sole reasons MF Global burned, as his bets on European debt blew up. Yet he will avoid ail punishment because he is above the law. He is a leftist and a former Goldman Sachs guy. He has two shields of lifetime immunity from any bad acts. Occupy Wall Street will not criticize him even though he should be the poster child for what they hate. He is that powerful.
2) Gary Gensler–The Chairman of the Commodity Futures Trading Commission is the reason why Jon Corzine will skate free of any penalty. CFTC Chairman Gensler is a Corzine crony. Gensler donated to Corzine’s New Jersey campaigns. Mr Gensler has “recused” himself from the MF Global investigation, which allows him to look honorable in public while controlling and steering things behind the scenes. Corzine cannot go down, because then the question of regulatory neglect could taint the CFTC itself. The CFTC wanted to implement a rule to prevent certain trading practices that could lead to increased risk of default. Corzine lobbied to have the policy delayed, and Gensler had the juice to make sure it was never implemented.
Yet there is one man who has more power than a Federal Reserve Chairman, a former Goldman Sachs CEO, and even a CFTC Chairman with the sole responsibility of protecting Goldman Sachs. That would be the current Goldman Sachs CEO.
1) Lloyd C. Blankfein–The current Goldman Sachs CEO is not just above the law. He is the law. When the financial crisis hit, Lehman Brothers and Bear Stearns were allowed to burn. Yet Goldman Sachs was too big to fail. Letting Lehman and Bear crash was designed so that Goldman Sachs would get more business. When the Obama justice department investigated the firm, all of Wall Street laughed, knowing Barack Obama was not going to dare punish them. The slap on the wrist they received was so light that it barely left a mark on the billion dollar kid gloves the top executives all wear.
Do not mistake this as an attack on Goldman Sachs. Everybody should want to be above the law, accountable to nobody, liable for nothing, and connected on high. So all hail Lloyd Blankfein, the man who controls everything. He is the Top Powerful Bald White Guy of 2011.
Congratulations Mr. Blankfein. Well done, sir. Like your stock options, you earned this.
Yet getting to the top is one thing. Staying there is much harder. Be careful Mr. Blankfein. Like Paulson did to Corzine, there are PBWGs in your office looking to scratch your cueball out of your corner pocket office.
Today is the final day of Hanukkah, which brings the epilogue to the festival of lights as well as the analysis of the Republican Jewish Coalition 2012 Presidential Candidates Forum.
This is a comprehensive compilation of the entire event from inception to completion.
For one last time in 2011, Happy Hanukkah all.
He is tall, has good hair, and may be as vapid as Barack Obama.
At the Republican Jewish Coalition 2012 Presidential Candidates Forum, former Utah Governor Jon Huntsman…well, he showed up.
Merry Chris Christiemas to you all, and a Happy Hanukkah and Festivus to those celebrating those.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie lit up the Republican Jewish Coalition at their 2012 Presidential Candidates Forum. Governor Christie was the keynote speaker at lunch.
A Roly Poly Holly Jolly Chris Christie Christmas to you all.
On this Christmas, Hanukkah, and Festivus, it is time this proud Jew finally calls out Santa.
Santa, I am suing you for anti-discriminatory practices