Archive for June, 2012

President Platitude’s Press Conference

Wednesday, June 20th, 2012

President Platitude’s Press Conference

As part of C-Span’s “Road to the White House” coverage, no event is too tedious for us. President Obama puts that theory to the test, but we cover him out of fear of having our funding pulled. Since we have even cushier jobs than the people at the GSA, we will cover his every movement, no matter how inconsequential. Today he spoke about the situation in Europe, although we stopped listening and cannot be sure that was the topic.


Total and Complete Nonsense Tuesday

Tuesday, June 19th, 2012

Today is total and complete Nonsense Tuesday. This is where stories that deserve short shrift are given short shrift.

I just got off of a plane last night after 6 weeks on the road. So exhaustion is the culprit for me “mailing it in” today, although some would say I do that every day.

So let’s get to stories that others hyperventilate about that I can barely care about.

My work is done. Time to go back to sleep. This concludes Total and Complete Nonsense Tuesday.


GOP Convention 2012–Virginia

Monday, June 18th, 2012

GOP Convention 2012–Virginia

Then came Virginia. Then went Virginia. A GOP convention was held, but anyone who blinked missed it.


Bill Cosby: America’s Father

Sunday, June 17th, 2012

Bill Cosby: America’s Father

On this Father’s Day, one of my favorite memories is me, my father, and my grandfather watching “Bill Cosby: Himself.” The Coz truly is America’s Father.


In the bunker looking at hot women

Saturday, June 16th, 2012

For those wondering where I was today, I was in my underground bunker at an undisclosed location.

I was looking at pictures of hot women.

This was no ordinary day.

Every June 21st, I release my list of the hottest 30 women in politics. I call it the Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies, which is really just an infantile way of saying the hottest 30 women in politics.

Painstaking research goes into the list, which as of now is still being formulated.

Practice makes perfect. Time to get back to “work.”

It’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to do it.


How to clean up the Paulbots

Friday, June 15th, 2012

How to clean up the Paulbots–Part I

The purpose of this two part series is to look at the bad behavior and answer a simple question. What is to be done with the Paulbots?

The second part of this series will deal with the 2012 GOP Convention in Tampa. Part one solely deals with the abusive language emanating from the Paulbots and how to counter it.


Dallas–Welcome Back J.R. Ewing

Thursday, June 14th, 2012

Dallas–Welcome Back J.R. Ewing

At 5pm the skies of Dallas, Texas were clear. By 6pm, there was a violent hail storm. By 7pm, the skies were clear again. By 8pm, the tv show named after the city was back on the air and just as volatile. It was fun watching “Dallas” in the city of Dallas itself.

“Blood is thicker than water, but oil is a hell of a lot thicker than both.”

J.R. Ewing is back, and not a moment too soon.

The good news is that twenty-one years later, “Dallas” is back on television.


More June hate mail

Wednesday, June 13th, 2012

Another week, another batch of hate mail from Paulbots.

Ron Paul supporters insist that they are about liberty and tolerance, but about 90% of my hate mail from them is personal rather than a disagreement about issues. Ron Paul supporters express themselves with:

1) Profanity

2) Vulgarity

3) Sexually inappropriate language

4) Bigotry and anti-Semitism.

When I point this out, Paul supporters offer the following excuses:

1) The bad apples represent a tiny minority of the Paul movement.

2) The hateful emails are really Romney supporters pretending to be Paul supporters.

3) I am faking the hate mail emails by creating them and sending them to myself.

So the Paulbots cannot decide if this is another giant conspiracy or an overstated problem.

Anyway, here are a few emails. Somebody get these baboons some bananas.


You're a piece of shit by LYING.

I hope you fix this mistake.

Fucking Scum.”

Analysis: So justice is not only blind, but profane as well. I never claimed that Ron Paul officially endorsed Romney. Dr. Paul did throw in the towel and admitted he could not win the GOP nomination. He called for “respect” of Romney. Apparently this Paulbot never listened to Dr. Paul or Aretha Franklin since he does not know the meaning of the word.

“jake derman

Its an absolute tragedy to see a fellow Jew say such ignorant shit on a consistent basis.. Fuck you”

Analysis: Even liberal Jewish Obama supporters occasionally act better than this toward conservative Republicans. Paulbots are like environmentalists. If you criticize their demigod they get very militant. Peace activists tend to be a militant, violent bunch.

“James T

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh once again , you sad lil zionist clown , you have failed and yet YOU CONTINUE TO TYPE , WEN AMERICA LAUGHS AT YOU , WHEN THE WORLD LAUGHS AT YOU, AND YET YOUR DENIAL GOES ON , too funny indeed . you have my pity as well as humanitys , you truly are neoconned right out of your mind, yet again your comment boards are filled with truth against your idiocy , yet again you are running and crying as result, for shame indeed . once again you have lost , once again ron paul has won . Ron Paul 2012 , last chance this nation has whether coward zionazis like you like it or not . deal with it . Ron Paul 2012

oh an also, yet once again , antisemitism is a MYTH , a political red herring . IT DOES NOT EXIST . this you must deal with as well . if you hate ron paul you hate america and if you hate america that goddamn much  then go back to israel . america is for americans not psychotic zionists . Ron Paul 2012″

Analysis: This fellow definitely wants drugs legalized. I wonder if he was ever a member of the Barack Obama “Choom Gang.”

The following miscreant did not send his comment by email. He posted it publicly.

“Sarfraz Mirza

Rand Paul may be Ron Pauls son, but he’s no Ron Paul.  Not by a long, long shot.  He’s more of the Bible bashing, NeoCon anti-Muslim, pro-Israel type who would sit most comfortably with the likes of Eric and the other pro-Israel lobby hand puppets.”

Analysis: One week ago the Paulbots had Rand Paul as the President-Elect in 2020. Apparently their vision is not 20-20 because now all of a sudden Rand Paul is a Neocon.

These emails are not statistical aberrations. They are the norm.

These truly are leftists and Paulbots. This truly is how they behave.


GOP Convention 2012–Texas

Tuesday, June 12th, 2012

GOP Convention 2012–Texas

This past weekend the Republican Party of Texas held their biannual state convention.


GOP Convention 2012–North Carolina

Monday, June 11th, 2012

GOP Convention 2012–North Carolina

Last week the Republican Party of North Carolina held their annual convention. North Carolina is a great state, and the Republicans are in great shape.