The Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies of 2012
Welcome to the first day of Summer, June 21st. That can only mean one thing. It is time for the 2012 list of the Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies.
Warning: Parental advisory: Explicit lyrics and pics.
For those who want the clean, sanitized version, The Top 30 Political Women of 2012, here it is.
Now for the in the raw, uncensored version.
When high finance meets high society, we get finance movies such as “Stocks and Blondes,” where the woman is covered only in the ticker tape. Yet even more powerful than the cocktail of sex and Wall Street comes in the mixture of sex and politics.
It is in that spirit that I have compiled the list of the Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies.
Technically this is not much different from listing the top 30 hottest political women, except that the focus is on their T and A.
From the front, I dream of playing sexual volleyball, bouncing them vigorously. From the backside, I hope to play Sir Mixalot’s “Baby Got Back,” while giving them the ketchup bottle treatment.
For those wondering why the girl I like is not on the list, the answer is simple. I value my existence. There is not a woman on earth that compares to her in my opinion. Her body is a temple, and I hope to enjoy worshiping at her altar. Yep, her holy grail is quite holy indeed.
Nevertheless, I had a life before encountering her, which basically consisted of uncontrollable sobbing knowing that the women on this list were not mine. To the best of my knowledge, I have had sex with none of them.
Compiling the list was more difficult than I expected. I thought the trouble would be narrowing the list. The reverse was the case. To even find that many women that caught my attention were rare. Politics is mostly powerful bald white guys, and I have never been attracted to the cue ball look.
The list has been divided into the top 10 liberals, centrists, and conservatives. Given that they were all anatomically correct, this added up to 20 breasts and 20 hides per all three political denominations.
Pictures of all of the women are included, but because they were all fully dressed in the pictures, some would say that makes the exercise pointless.
Several of these women are over 40, and even in some cases over 50. So what? Hot is hot.
Some women were left off of the list because they are so hot that it keeps others from having a chance. Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann winning the presidency or even the nomination would have merited the top spot. They are great ladies, and will absolutely return very soon to this list.
Michelle Malkin remains off of the list because I am still afraid of her.
Mary Katherine Ham has kept a lower profile, but could easily return next year. Andrea Tantaros is forever stunning but her Fox News co-hosts deserved their turn. Plus, there was an overload of Greek goddesses this year.
Ann Romney was left off of the list because I do not want to have President Mitt Romney sending predator drones up my rumpus. Ann Romney is a great lady and an inspiring woman who should be admired by all. Call off the dogs and the Secret Service, Governor Romney.
Shannon Doherty has a lifetime beauty award. The moment she gets back into politics, she rockets to the top because she is Shannon Doherty.
With that, here are the lists from 2008, 2009, 2010, and 2011.
Now, without further delay I bring the Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies of 2012.
10.) The New Media Goddesses–Social networking has brought a bey of new beauties onto the scene.
Tabitha Hale is on the Freedomworks circuit.
Bettina Inclan is the RNC Director of Hispanic Outreach.
Dana Loesch works for the Breitbart entities.
Amanda Read writes for the Communities at the Washington Times.
9.) A pair of youthful Republican ladies are all grown up.
Dee Dee Benkie is the former President of the National Federation of Young Republicans. Now she is the National Committeewoman from Indiana.
Julia Hurley is a former Hooters waitress who is now a member of the Tennessee Legislature.
8.) Fox News Legal Bombshells: There are so many Fox News lovelies, but this the year where a couple of prosecutors get their due after being incorrectly overlooked in the past.
Megyn Kelly lays down the law during the day.
Kimberly Guilfoyle is a co-host of The 5. She bounces in her chair to the music, which she knows drives the male audience insane.
7.) Kelly Ayotte–The United States Senator from New Hampshire is a rising star from a political and beauty standpoint.
6.) Sethrida Greagea–This rabid right winger is the head of the Lebanon Forces Party. Her husband spent time in jail, and she is a determined warrior.
5.) Pam Bondi–The Florida Attorney General is a tough as nails prosecutor who simply looks stunning. She is the lead plaintiff in the fight to derail Obamacare. If the Supreme Court overturns the law, she will rocket up this list next year.
4.) Lisa Roper–The National Federation of Republican Women is the only reason the GOP ever wins anything as long as we live. Many of these ladies refer to themselves as “blue hairs,” but Lisa Roper is proof that the NFRW is getting younger and hotter. She is a member of the leadership, which the NFRW and men everywhere should be happy about.
3.) Victoria Delaguerra Seaman–She just ran for the Nevada Assembly. She lost by exactly nine votes, and now there is a recount. If only men could vote she would win by a landslide.
2.) Mara Carfagna–This former topless dancer entered politics. So who brought her to power? Who else? Bunga Bunga Sex Partier Silvio Berlusconi. Ms. Carfagna is the Italian Minister for Equal Opportunity. Do not be fooled by the title. Most people have zero opportunity to date her or have her job. She is one of the most beautiful women on Earth, and missed out on the top spot due to a very unique situation.
1.) Rebecca Kleefisch–The Lieutenant Governor of Wisconsin faced a recall election with Governor Scott Walker. A loss would have hurt her on this list, but the decisive victory merits the top spot. The crush most men have on her is nothing compared to the crushing blow her win did to the public sector unions. They are as hellacious as she is heavenly. A top enemy of the left deserves to be the top of any list of loveliness.
10.) Angela Gerekou–She is a member of the Greek Parliament and is also their Tourism Minister. The country would not be broke if more people knew about her.
9.) Christa Markwalder–This Switzerland Liberal is actually a centrist, since Switzerland liberals are actually Libertarians.
8.) Yuri Fujikawa is a Japanese City Councilwoman. She had a life before politics, and the pictures show it to be a fascinating one.
7.) Nicole Petallides is a Fox Business beauty who gets paid to distract people from all of their market losses. With that look, she succeeds.
6.) Lauren Simonetti is another Fox Business beauty. The function is the same, and just as effective. The Doublemint Twins are now brunettes working for Fox Business. No wonder business is good.
5.) Joanna Mucha is a member of the Polish Lower House. Poland does get overlooked from time to time, but now we know why it was so important for the Berlin Wall to come down.
4.) Emma Kiernan is a young politico in Ireland. For some reason images of bangers and mash keep occurring, but that could be related to England only and not Ireland. Either way, rumors of the conflict in Northern Ireland being fought over her may or may not be true.
3.) Kendra Carter is a rabid Ron Paul supporter who is one of the young guns helping to seize the GOP from the establishment. In her 20s and with several tattoos, she somehow comes across as different from so many of the other Paul supporters who face criticism. It could be her body. She is the Secretary of the Yellowstone County Republican Central Committee, the largest such group of its kind in Montana. She could storm the Mountain West just by flashing her eyes at people. Yet an extreme situation kept her out of the top spot.
2.) Erin Burnett works for CNN, which is why many people have not heard of her. If she left CNN their audience would approach absolute zero. She is a goddess of beauty and the only thing left at the last place Cable News Network worth focusing on.
1.) Colombian Call Girls–The Secret Service Scandal that rocked the White House is just another example of why women control this world. To prevent this scandal from happening again, the only solution is to ban men from becoming Secret Service agents. The whole point of having access to power is to gain access to sizzling South American women.
10.) A pair of new media feminists. Not all feminists are hideously ugly.
Jill Filipovic is the woman behind the Feministe site.
Jessica Valenti started an in your face site entitled Feministing. Draw your own conclusions. Be afraid of these women. Be very afraid.
9.) Julia Bonk–This Germany legislator entered the political arena at age 18. Now she is 24 and her career is blossoming, among other things.
8.) A pair of Kirstens.
Kirsten Gillibrand is the junior Senator from New York. Any woman looks lovely compared to Chuck Schumer, but she is a beauty in her own right.
Kirsten Powers used to date Anthony Weiner. Now she that rare breed, a liberal Democrat who actually calls out her own side when they cross the line. Integrity is a very hot quality.
7.) Julie Roginsky–There are plenty of Democratic strategists, but she is one of the most tenacious. She looks hot when she does her righteous indignation pose, which is frequently.
6.) Stephanie Miller is the founder of the Sexy Liberal Comedy Tour. While it may be just a bunch of anti-Palin and anti-Bush jokes, perhaps she is better than most liberal comedians. To call oneself sexy requires backing it up. She does.
5.) Margie Omero is another Democratic strategist. She takes a more pleasant approach, but still gets her points across effectively. Her looks do not hurt in this regard.
4.) Tamara Holder is a bleeding heart defense attorney who actually cares for the people she represents. Her unpretentiousness and lack of phoniness makes her a rare breed in the legal arena. She is also quite easy on the eyes.
3.) Leslie Marshall is a liberal radio host. She may be the hottest liberal radio host, but with competition from Ed Schultz and Alan Colmes that is not too tough. She is a fierce debater. Her verbal combat skills are matched only by her pleasant nature and warm smile.
2.) Alina Kabaeva has lit up Russia. In 2011 she was rumored to be romantically involved with Vladimir Putin. Now she is a member of the Russian legislature. She belongs to…what else? Of course, the pro-Putin party. Her eyes could kill, but people should fear her alleged boyfriend even more.
1.) A pair of Evas reign supreme.
Eva Longoria rocketed to stardom on Desperate Housewives. The entire first season of the show was about her frolicking around in her underwear. Yet this Latin sex goddess played Gabriele Solis, a vapid woman who got by on her looks. She announced after the show ended that she would dedicate the next few months solely to helping reelect President Obama. Sadly, art may be imitating life.
Eva Kaili is a Greek member of Parliament. The country is going down in flames, but she is a raging beauty among the financial carnage. Greece is known for the Acropolis and the Olympics. Now it is know for her.
Staring at all of these women can be exhausting. A nap is now in order. Time to count sheep, or in my case, a certain brunette’s apolitical yummy bouncies. 4…8…12…zzzzzzzzzz