After receiving new types of hate mail from Facebook and Twitter, it is time to get back to some good old-fashioned old school 20th century hate mail. A new batch of nonsense arrived in my email inbox in April and May. Unlike social media hate mail, email hate mail does not take me two years to find.
So to the person who insulted me for supporting Bush in 2004, I apologize for taking almost a decade to let you know what a DLF you are. I will try and be more timely in letting my imbecilic critics know they are imbeciles.
With that, here is some of my April and May hate mail
Parental Advisory: Explicit Lyrics
Read your column about Robin Kelly, you're an asshole”
Analysis: I read his column about…oh wait, never mind. They don’t give uncivilized baboons columns, although MSNBC is always on the lookout for new middle aged white correspondents who hate middle aged white people.
Are you just a delusional true believer, gripped by an insane ideological obsession, or are you just really incredibly obtuse?
Analysis: None of the above. I am right politically, morally, and in terms of being correct. This fellow should change his last name, since it is racist and offensive to non-Caucasians. If he feels differently, then he is a racist, insensitive bigot with a limited vocabulary.
Are you mentally challenged or is it the result of a head injury? You want to see what corruption looks like, back up one administration. Your bias is incredibly obvious and misplaced.”
Analysis: Tom, you are obviously illiterate. Anybody who knows how to read knows I have repeatedly told people that I attended public school, and therefore learned from people who knew nothing. While it is possible that this fellow can read, but does not read my column regularly, that just makes him a terrible person unworthy of existing. If people hate me, fine, just read me daily so the rage will cause your body to explode like a feminist at an anti-harpie convention. Harpies are not people who play the harp, although theoretically they could cry me a river and play the smallest violin.
You love to defend imperialistic & war criminal U.S. Presidents. Why?”
Analysis: I will support any president who believes in caning college students. If they happen to be Libertarian stoners screaming at other people like lunatics about liberty and tolerance, all the better. Besides, most of these college kids have dorm rooms that loom like a neutron bomb hit it anyway.
Jews are a sickness no matter what Nation or People they infect. I cannot wait for USA to become the 110th territory to eradicate the Jew from its shores. History repeats for very good reasons.”
Analysis: Jews have been around 6,000 years. Deal with it, Gunther. Also, give up your cell phone, since the technology was invented by Jews in Israel. Then give up all of your medical devices, including the ones that allow your head, neck, and testicles to operate independently of each other. History truly repeats for those who do not learn from it, which explains why you are probably spending your fourth decade in fourth grade.
Say it with me everybody.
These are liberals, Paulbots, and Palesimians. This is how they behave.