Katy Perry Awards: The top 10 bimbos of 2013
Year’s end brings America’s list of the top 10 bimbos of 2013, now known as the Katy Perry Awards.
The end of the calendar year brings one of America’s most important lists, the Top 10 Bimbos of 2013. Being a bimbo is gender-neutral. The finalists are people who lack anything remotely resembling substance. Their contribution to society ranges from useless to destructive.
The award was originally given to people more vapid than President Barack Obama. Out of respect for the office of the presidency itself, the platitude man famous for “hope,” “change,” and “yes we can” was left off of the list.
The original bimbo winner was Katy Perry, who went on to become the only two-time winner. She became the epitome of everything wrong with society. Not only is she vapid, but she openly celebrates being vapid. Her music lacks substance, but her personality won her the award. From openly hitting on virgin Tim Tebow to getting kicked off of Sesame Street for showing too much cleavage, Ms. Perry could not stop acting like herself. She openly called out an ex-boyfriend at a concert. Her marriage to Russell Brand combined the woman without substance with the man who abused every substance on earth.
She insisted on opining on politics, strutting around in a dress telling millennials to vote for Obama. She also made idiotic comments about Israelis and Palestinians. She praised everything Obama while her business managers legally had her avoid paying tons of taxes just before his policies kicked in.
For these and other reasons, these awards are now known as the Katy Perry Awards. Ms. Perry has now been removed from the list to give other disgraceful figures a chance.
BIMBOS
Katy Perry Awards
10.) Anthony Weiner/Eliot Spitzer/Bob Fillner—These three liberal Democrats are the real war on women. Even after Weiner and Spitzer resigned from their previous positions due to their respective naked Tweeting and call girl scandals, they quickly came back and tried to win public office again. Weiner even aimed for a promotion while still sexting young women. Bob Fillner as Mayor of San Diego recently resigned after groping more women than Bill Clinton. Now these three men will be forced to get real jobs in the private sector, assuming any of them have a single employable skill.
9.) Lizz Winstead—She is the co-creator of the Daily Show, so it is no surprise that somebody affiliated with Jon Stewart would engage in toxic, smug behavior. Even by Stewart’s low standards, Winstead crossed the line. After an Oklahoma tornado killed innocent people, Winstead took to Twitter to joke that deaths are good when the deceased are conservative Republicans.
8.) Joan Walsh/Beth Reinhard—Walsh writes for Salon, which may be a magazine about nail polish. Reinhard writes for National Disgrace Journal. Yet nail polish remover will not rid society of two women who sound like nails on a chalkboard with every hysterical screech from their lips. Plenty of feminists are normal. These women represent the angry female left, blaming racism and sexism on any Republican or conservative daring to live and breathe. When everything they disagree with is bigoted, then bigotry itself is devalued. Real bigotry exists, and these two ladies spew plenty of it in their columns.
7.) Mylie Cyrus/Robin Thicke—She is the daughter of somebody who was a celebrity two decades ago. He is the son of a someone who was a celebrity three decades ago. In an attempt to be controversial, they made imbeciles of themselves at an awards show. Cyrus thinks she invented “twerking,” which has been known as “grinding” before she was born. His song “Blurred lines” is supposed to be controversial, but it is in fact an incredibly dumb song with dumb lyrics and an even dumber video. If one is going to be controversial, making sex boring and repulsive is not the way to go about it.
6.) Jody Arias—Her boyfriend tried to break up with her, so she shot him, beat him, and stabbed him 27 times. After she was convicted, she said that she wanted to be put to death, realized her reverse psychology attempt was not working, and then pleaded for the mercy her murdered lover never got. She would rank higher on the list except for the fact that she is stark raving crazy, a true sociopath.
5.) MSNBC—This network is failing not because of liberalism, but because of lunacy. Alec Baldwin and Martin Bashir joined Keith Olbermann as former talk show hosts after spewing venom that makes sense only to them. Al Sharpton foments racial instability, Chris Matthews offers misogyny, and Rachel Maddow confuses being a proud lesbian with attacking the entire GOP as bigoted toward gays. Their rantings explain their ratings.
4.) Eric Holder/Lois Lerner—He uses his position as Attorney General to pit races against each other. He has never explained his role in “Fast and Furious” or in allowing New Black Panthers with billy clubs to intimidate white voters at polling stations. Now the “knockout game” involves black criminals attacking non-black (mostly Jewish) innocent victims, and Holder stays silent. She used her position at the IRS to target half the country. Tea Party and other conservative groups had their free spec rights violated while she received a paid vacation. Now she is enjoying a comfortable retirement with a full pension. Meanwhile, the IRS is still threatening to use their office to prevent anybody disagreeing with President Obama from participating in the political process.
3.) Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman—They were both fools and they were both to blame. A completely avoidable conflict escalated because two guys both had to be the tougher guy rather than being the bigger man. Both men had chances to walk away and both men escalated a conflict that resulted in Martin dying and Zimmerman being a marked man who has since been involved in another gun dispute with his wife. Constant media coverage of this case helped poison race relations as Americans took sides based on preconceived biases. This case should never have been considered “news.” It was a common fight that happens every day. The media invented the term “white Hispanic” since a white face was necessary to promote a race war. The media ignores non-whites killing each other, as well as whites killing their fellow Caucasians.
2.) Kathleen Sebelius—Obamacare is a failure. She had four years to plan a website, overseeing the worst product rollout in political history. Even after the website eventually gets fixed, the law itself is a complete cluster. She has no solutions, and is reduced to threatening insurance companies and begging young people to sign up through embarrassing billboards promoting promiscuity and binge drinking.
1.) Barack Obama—After five years, enough is enough. It is Obama who does not respect the office of the presidency. His foreign and domestic policies have failed. His ethics and integrity are rock bottom. He confuses political opponents with enemies. Never has a man with such a light record of real world accomplishments held himself in such high regard. He took a “selfie” at Nelson Mandela’s funeral because Obama’s entire life is a selfie. The embarrassing rap video featuring an Obama lookalike was promoted by the California exchange, but it captured Obama’s tin ear perfectly.
He tops the list because almost all of the others on this list are connected to him. They spread his failures.
Katy Perry won the original “More vapid than Barack Obama” award. As bad as she is, he is twice her age and should know better. He may have tied her if not surpassed her in that rare combination of uselessness combined with narcissism. She represents the worst of the millennial generation, but he harnesses her to turn them into lemmings chanting nonsense as the world burns.
Barack Obama will be president for the next three years, but for now he is the winner of the 2013 Katy Perry Award as the Top Bimbo of the year.
eric
eric