Election 2016: Nevada Epilogue

2016 GOP Nevada Las Vegas Sin City Caucus

The Nevada Caucus has come and gone, but danger lurks around every corner.

For the good of the Republican Party, my stay in Las Vegas had me checking every single nightclub to make absolutely sure that the GOP candidates were not there.

Florida Senator Marco Rubio was not getting lap dances at Spearmint Rhino. Any suggestion that he was there is false.

Texas Senator Ted Cruz was not at Cheetahs balancing four women on each arm. He has confessed to eating Cheetos on occasion.

Businessman Donald Trump does have a hotel in Las vegas with his last name on it. There is no proof that he spent Tuesday night swimming naked with female supporters in the pool.

Retired Neurosurgeon Ben Carson was not at Tao at the Venetian frolicking in the bathtub with the mermaids.

Ohio Governor John Kasich was not doing jello shots off the bellies of any nubile coeds at the Luxor. An angry Kasich insisted that he suffers from White Midwestern Governor Syndrome, rendering too boring to engage in such activities.

While the GOP candidates were not getting into trouble, it is possible that this was because the media was there. The Louisiana Caucus and Florida Primary both contain many hot spots. Therefore, for the good of country, I will monitor every nightclub in South Beach and Bourbon Street repeatedly. Once I have swept those areas, I will return to Sin City just to make sure the candidates are not trying to sneak in an extra post-Caucus visit.

This was the 2016 GOP Nevada Las Vegas Sin City Caucus Report.


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