Archive for the ‘SPORTS’ Category

NFL 2016 Draft Thursday Recap

Friday, April 29th, 2016

NFL 2016 Draft Thursday Recap

Sir Roger of Goodell to speaketh. NFL Draft 2016 is now.

After 362 days underground, Mel Kiper Jr. appeared, saw his pompadour shadow, declared 3 straight days of football.

“The Los Angeles Rams are on the clock.”

NFL 2016 Draft is now reality.

In political/global news, everyone except Rams Coach Jeff Fisher is utterly irrelevant.

Los Angeles Rams choose Jared Goff over Carson Wentz. Additionally, Jim Irsay has no regrets of choosing Peyton Manning over Ryan Leaf.

If Carson Wentz can dink, dunk, throw 4 yard passes, & throw 1 yard on 3rd and 1, he’ll be a fine West Coast Offense QB.

Nothing inspires Philly fans like Doug Pederson, a Walrus Lite Andy Reid disciple. Wentz will be expected to complete 30 passes for 120 yards and 0 turnovers.

The non-Los Angeles Chargers are on the clock.

Chargers took defensive end Joey Bosa rather than take an offensive tackle to protect Philip Rivers.

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is always a gambler. Jerrah resisted the urge to trade all his picks away for Johnny Manziel.

When asked who they wanted Jerry Jones to add to his team, Cowboys fans responded “Jimmy Johnson.”

It is only fitting on Passover that Ezekiel enters the room. Now we wait for Elijah.

London Jaguars choose Jalen Ramsey, who sobs after being told some home games are in North Florida & not Europe.

Ronnie? Stanley? When you are that big, John Harbaugh will pick both of you.

Ronnie Stanley just made VERY classy remarks about Laremy Tunsil, refusing to say he is better.

DeForest Buckner plays defense. We now have confirmation Howie Roseman makes 49ers decisions, not Chip Kelly.

Titans trade up to take a tackle, but it’s Jack Conklin over Laremy Tunsil. This drug video of Tunsil has to be why.

Consolation for Tunsil: Warren Sapp, Randy Moss and Aaron Rodgers all fell (although Rodgers had 0 character issues).

Hey Leonard Floyd: Dick Butkus & Brian Urlacher are on the phone. They want you to beat the daylights out of Aaron Rodgers.

Giants select guy named Eli. His name alone says this will fail. Eli Apple not related to Fiona Apple.

Derrick Brooks, Ronde Barber & Warren Sapp expected to take Vernon Hargreaves & shave his head.

By choosing Sheldon Rankins over Paxton Lynch, Saints totally uninterested in grooming successor to Drew Brees. Brees is still elite, hence a lack of urgency in the Big Easy.

After Richie Incognito, Dolphins picking Laremy Tunsil is nothing.

The Oakland Raiders are on the clock.

Reggie McKenzie is the anti-Al Davis. Davis used to have 2 rules:

1)Show up on Sunday
2) Stay out of trouble with the law

At the bottom of the blackboard it said that if you obey Rule 1, don’t worry about Rule 2.

Those days are gone. Reggie McKenzie has taken risks on guys with medical issues, but not character issues.

McKenzie in this draft must draft defense, defense, defense, & more defense.

#Raiders GM Reggie McKenzie, by taking Safety Karl Joseph, is trying to replace Charles Woodson. Solid pick.

McKenzie is known for making sensible picks.

Cleveland Browns may have all 32 first round picks next year.

Detroit Lions in taking Taylor Decker choose safe & solid over sexy. Big wedge of beef to protect Matthew Stafford.

Coach Jim Caldwell was so pleased he almost made a facial expression.

If Lions are not careful, owner Martha Ford may not fire anyone next year.

Keanu Neal good fit for Dan Quinn’s system. Falcons have offensive playmakers. They need defense. Atlanta got it right.

Colts get it perfectly right. Andrew Luck beaten to a pulp in 2015. Center Ryan Kelly a great choice.

Rather than screw with his hated Jets, Bills Coach Rex Ryan went with what he knows: defense. Problem: He needs offense.

Blitz-happy Todd Bowles opts for defense with Darren Lee. Not Paxton Lynch. They must rent Ryan Fitzpatrick’s beard for another year.

Had Texans chosen Paxton Lynch, Brock Osweiler’s head would have exploded. Instead Osweiler gets a receiver to play with. Makes sense.

Thought Redskins would shore up their defense, but getting a receiver for Kirk Cousins not bad.

Minnesota Vikings make perfect pick. Teddy Bridgewater to Laquon Treadwell could become Randall Cunningham to Randy Moss.

With Adrian Peterson, Vikings have to guard against overconfidence. It’s way too early to declare this 1998, but this team is a legitimate Super Bowl contender under Mike Zimmer.

Cincinnati Bengals should skip players & instead draft a psychiatrist. They have talented head cases. Marvin Lewis picked insurance in case any of his current defensive stars get arrested or suspended.

Nothing surprising out of Pittsburgh. They played it safe. Mike Tomlin has another hard-nosed defender.

Great thing about being Denver Broncos quarterback is there’s no pressure since expectations are low.

Paxton Lynch is not being asked to be a savior like John Elway 1983 or Peyton Manning 2012. Broncos are Von Miller’s team.

Lynch has to be Trent Dilfer, nothing more.

When healthy, Packers set on offense. You can never have enough defensive tackles. Typical sensible Packers pick.

Side note: Oakland Raiders GM Reggie McKenzie, who makes very solid picks, was trained in the Packers system.

49ers traded Joe Montana, Steve Bono & Alex Smith to Chiefs. Now Chiefs trade down, 49ers select…a guard?

Did they not think one quarterback was available who could throw further than 4 yards? Oh wait, Chip Kelly is not a dink & dunker.

New England Patriots not on the clock. They forfeited #1 pick due to #Deflategate cheating scandal.

Tom Brady has seriously deflated balls right now.

Bruce Arians has another serious pass rusher. With his high octane offense, Arizona is still elite.

Ron Rivera should have taken a cornerback to replace Josh Norman. A defensive tackle is fine, but they need secondary help.

Pete Carroll & John Schneider tend to play it safe/solid. Germain Ifedi needed to replace Russell Okung.

Ifedi should immediately be on the phone with Walter Jones asking for advice.

Approximately 19 hours until NFL Draft 2016 Round 2. The Cleveland Browns are on the clock.


Explaining the NFL Draft to my mother

Thursday, April 28th, 2016

The Los Angeles Rams are on the clock. With those words by Commissioner Roger Goodell, the 2016 National Football League Draft will commence. Many Americans will obsessively follow every moment of every pick and every trade. My parents will be watching the news or reruns of “Murder, She Wrote.”

If you love football, the Draft is a lifeline that prevents leatherheads from losing their ever-loving football minds during the offseason. From the end of the Super Bowl in February to the season opening kickoff in September, NFL fans have so much pain and suffering. The Draft is not an actual game, but it is something.

For those who do not understand football, the NFL Draft makes even less sense.

Mom: So who is playing?

Me: Well all 32 teams are playing, but nobody is actually playing. It is not a game. It is where they select the players who will enter the league.

Mom: Selecting players? You mean like when you were a kid and the gym coach told you to stand on one side and Mikey to stand on the other side? Then you would pick Kenny and Mikey would pick Johnny until you both had teams?

Me: Well, yes, but it is a little more detailed than that.

Mom: Ok, so each team picks what players they want? What is going on while a player is being picked?

Me: Well different teams have different needs so they sometimes make trades. Teams call each other on the telephone and make deals.

Mom: Hours of people making phone calls? Really, people watch this? While the workers are making phone calls, what is the audience doing?

Me: The fans are watching the guys who make the phone calls and hoping that their team picks the players the fans want.

Mom: So they are sitting around watching people make phone calls? Then after a team picks a player, the fans sit and wait until the next team picks a player?

Me: Yes.

Mom: What if the player does not want to play for the team that picks him?

Me: That hardly ever happens. The players do not have a choice. The teams decide, not the players.

Mom: How long does this last?

Me: Three days.

Mom: People spend three days watching people make phone calls and choosing players? Do they at least when this is all over play a real game?

Me: Not until five months later.

Mom: You actually sit around and watch people make phone calls. Wow. So how do they decide who chooses when?

Me: The worst team from the year before chooses first and the best team that wins the previous Super Bowl chooses last.

Mom: That sounds like socialism. I thought sports owners and players were capitalists. Why shouldn’t the best team pick first and the worst team pick last?

Me: That would give the good teams an unfair advantage.

Mom: How is that unfair if they earned it?

Me: Mom, it’s the rules of the league. I don’t make them. I am just a fan. During the season I watch the games. When it is not football season I have nothing to do but sit around and spending three days watching people making phone calls to each other.

Mom: Well honey, if it makes you happy, enjoy it. I cannot imagine sitting down for hours doing that, but if you like it, that is all that matters. Anyway, I have to go. Your father and I are about to watch a “Murder, She Wrote” marathon.

Deflategate Update: Goodell checkmates Brady

Tuesday, April 26th, 2016

Deflategate Update: Goodell checkmates Brady


NFL 2016’s Top 16 Matchups

Monday, April 18th, 2016

NFL 2016’s Top 16 Matchups


NFL 2016 Schedule

Monday, April 18th, 2016

The NFL 2016 Schedule is here. Memorize it. Now.


Peyton Manning: God bless football

Friday, March 11th, 2016

Peyton Manning: God bless football


Cam Newton, Meet Jim Everett

Monday, February 8th, 2016

Cam Newton, Meet Jim Everett


Super Bowl 50 Recap

Sunday, February 7th, 2016

Super Bowl 50 Recap


Super Bowl 50

Joe Montana tossed the coin. Carolina won the toss and surprisingly elected to defer. Fro the Denver 20, Peyton Manning came out throwing, completing his first pass for 18 yards. After easily moving into the red zone, the drive bogged down. Brad McManus hit the 34 yard field goal to make it 3-0 Broncos.

From the Carolina 19, a third down completion by Cam Newton near the sticks was ruled short of the first down. Carolina went 3 and out.

Denver got it back and soon faced 3rd and 1. Out of the shotgun, Manning threw a completion in the flat for no gain as a pair of Carolina defenders made a perfect tackle. Carolina took over at their own 15.

Newton threw a 24 yard completion that was ruled incomplete. Replay clearly showed the ball never hitting the ground. Yet on further review the incompletion stood. The refs messed up. 2 plays later Newton was sacked near his own goal line by Von Miller. Miller ripped the ball out of Newton’s hand. The fumble was recovered in the end zone by Denver for a 10-0 Broncos lead.

With the Broncos in total control, their cornerback Aqib Talib was not. After Denver stopped Carolina again on third down, Talib took a stupid taunting penalty. In the second quarter the Panthers finally got going. Newton moved the Panthers with his arm and his legs. A completion inside the 5 saw Talib get flagged again for a face mask. From the 2, Jonathan Stewart jumped over the top like Marcus Allen used to do. Talib jumped offsides on the extra point as the Panthers were within 10-7.

On the next Denver series Manning fell down, got up, and threw incomplete. Ron Rivera again challenged the call and on further review Manning was down by contact for a sack. However, only 4 minutes into the second quarter, Carolina was out of challenges.

The Panthers did now have the momentum, beginning their next series at midfield. Yet they went 3 and out anyway after a trick play went nowhere.

Then things got bizarre. Norwood took a punt and 2 Carolina players refused to tackle Norwood, thinking it was a fair catch. Norwood never signaled for one. He raced 61 yards to the Carolina 14. Making things even more chaotic, running into the punter was never called. Denver again got away with one.

On 3rd and 1 from the 5, Anderson got stopped cold. Gary Kubiak decided to go for it. It appeared Carolina had another stop. Then it appeared a second effort meant first and goal. Finally offensive holding on Denver meant 4th and 11. McManus hit the 33 yard field goal as the Broncos led 13-7 midway through the second quarter.

Newton ran for a first down, fumbled, was ruled down your contact, and saw another personal foul on the Denver defense move the ball to midfield. On the next play Mike Tolbert fumbled for the second time, and this time Denver recovered.

CJ Anderson took a handoff, broke several terrible attempts at tackling, and raced 34 yards to the Carolina 25. On 3rd and 8, Manning was intercepted. Big man with football got a big paw in the air and somehow caught the ball. Yet Carolina again could not move the ball as a well thrown third down pass was dropped. The defense was solid but Carolina receivers dropped several passes.

Denver went 3 and out as the Panthers took over at their 18 at the 2 minute warning. After getting to midfield with 18 seconds left, Newton was sacked to end the half.

The Panthers came out firing in the third quarter. Newton hooked up with Ted Ginn Jr. On a seam route over the middle for a 45 yard gain. They connected again for 14 more yards. Another well thrown ball inside the 5 became another dropped Carolina pass as the drive stalled. The 44 yard field goal try by Graham Gano doinked off the upright no good.

Taking over at their own 33, Manning passed the Broncos into the red zone. On 2nd and 5 from the Carolina 12, Manning threw incomplete twice. McManus hit the 30 yard field goal to make it 16-7 Broncos.

On the next series Newton went deep and took a shot just as he threw the ball. Brown out-jumped double coverage for a 42 yard defense. Again the Panthers were on the move. Again they self-destructed. A pass to Ginn that should have been caught went off his hands for an interception. The Broncos took over at their own 5 yard line.

Early in the fourth quarter with the Broncos driving, Manning twice had the ball knocked out of his hand for a fumble. The second time the Panthers recovered at midfield.

A completion to Funchess gained 11 and a run by Stewart gained 17 more to the 22. On 3rd and 10 a pass to Ginn was dropped again, although Denver got away with blatant defensive pass interference. Gano hit the 39 yard field goal. The Panthers were down 16-10 with a full 10 1/2 minutes remaining in the game.

After an exchange of punts, the Panthers had another chance with 4 minutes left from deep in their own territory. Newton went back to pass and had the ball knocked out of his hand again. Newton had a chance to dive on it and backed away. Perhaps he thought it was an incomplete pass. Denver recovered at the Carolina 5 yard line.

On 3rd and goal, Manning threw high and incomplete. Yet in a game where the Panthers made far too many mistakes, the last one killed them. Defensive holding meant 1st and goal at the two. On the next play Anderson got the carry and stretched just past the plane of the goal. Manning hit Fowler for the 2 point conversion. The Broncos led by 14 with 3 minutes left.

Carolina needed a miracle. They would not get one. Von Miller was named the game’s MVP. Peyton Manning won his 200th game, breaking a tie he held with Brett Favre. Favre was elected to the Hall of Fame one day earlier. If this is Manning’s last rodeo, he will join Favre in Canton in five years.

John Elway got his first win as an executive two years after a nightmarish loss in the big game. It was the third Super Bowl win in Broncos history against five defeats. The Panthers lost in the big game for the second time, having yet to win one.

Both Manning brothers Peyton and Eli have 2 Super Bowl wins. Peyton Manning also lost twice in the big game.

Elway’s backup quarterback Gary Kubiak is now a Super Bowl winning head coach. Former head coach and beloved defensive coordinator Wade Phillips got his ring.

For league MVP Cam Newton, it was a bitter loss after a 15-1 season.

Like Elway, Manning has a chance to go out on top. Super Bowl 50 a and the 2015 NFL season is now in the books. 24-10 Broncos



Super Bowl L Prequel

Saturday, February 6th, 2016

Super Bowl 50 (L) Prequel


NFL 2016 HOF Prequel

Saturday, February 6th, 2016

NFL 2016 HOF Prequel