This past Friday had me issuing sanctions against people. Like most worldwide sanctions, the sanctions were useless, utterly ineffective, and ignored. Although these tough sanctions extended into Saturday, not one person in the world had their behavior effected in any way. Attempts to change my sanctions to edicts went unnoticed.
Therefore, today is Sanctionless Sunday. Since most people do not enjoy politics on a peaceful, quiet Sunday, I have decided to remove all sanctions I issued against everybody until Monday.
The sanctions I issued against President Obama seem to have been taken as seriously as his sanctions on Russian President Vladimir Putin. Cooler heads need to prevail, so as a gesture of peace, I am removing any and all sanctions against everybody who faced them on account of me.
So to those I sanctioned, those sanctions have been lifted today. However, let everyone be warned. Effective Monday morning, I will be sanctioning anybody and everybody with as much force as Secretary of State John Kerry at a tea party. Lest anyone be confused, I am not referring to the political tea party movement, but the tea parties where John Kerry and equally naive young girls sit together with their stuffed animals and serve iced tea. Kerry has his with a twist of lemon and a twist of irony.
Nobody has found the missing airplane, Dick Vitale makes March Madness unwatchable, and baseball remains as boring as Obama and Kerry combined. While plenty of things are actually happening in the world, nothing being mentioned in the media matters.
So everybody take the day off. Enjoy your Sunday, free of my sanctions.