Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Happy Easter and Passover 2014

Sunday, April 20th, 2014

To Christians everywhere, a Happy Easter to you on this holiest of days.

To Jews everywhere, a Happy Passover as we celebrate our freedom from bondage.

To football fans everywhere, Monday at 8pm EST is the release of the 2014 NFL schedule.

This concludes today’s religion report. God bless us all, and pray for peace.

eric

 

South Beach Spring Break Recovery Saturday

Saturday, March 29th, 2014

After 12 days of monitoring Miami Beach to make sure the GOP 2016 presidential candidates were not there, it seems some of them are in Las Vegas. While they may be at the Republican Jewish Coalition forum meeting with Sheldon Adelson, they could be partying in the clubs.

I cannot search every club in America, although for my country I will try.

Yet after 12 days of Spring Break and a 6 hour flight from Miami to Los Angeles, exhaustion has set in.

Football will return on Sunday.

Politics will return on Monday.

Earthquakes will affect California whenever they feel like it.

my entire report on South Beach will be out after the most valuable pieces of information are redacted to protect the guilty.

Now to get some rest and recharge the batteries.

This concludes South Beach Recovery Saturday.

eric

Dallas Season 3: Life beyond J.R. Ewing

Sunday, February 23rd, 2014

The relaunched Dallas Season 3 opener will be the first ever season of Dallas without Larry Hagman and his alter ego J.R. Ewing.

http://www.commdiginews.com/entertainment/dallas-season-3-can-it-survive-without-j-r-10245/

eric

2014 Grammy’s Report

Saturday, January 25th, 2014

2014 Grammys Report

2014 Grammys Report Part I 

I miss both my Grammys. I loved them very much. I miss my grandpas as well. They are all up in heaven. This concludes the report on my Grammys and Grandpas.

2014 Grammys Report Part II

The Grammys would be more interesting if Richard Sherman stood up and announced loudly that he was the greatest.

2014 Grammys Report Part III

A bunch of people nobody should care about will give each other awards because that is what these people do.

 

While the Grammys are expected to be less obnoxious than the Oscars, they will still be less interesting than NFL 2014 Pro Bowl highlights.

 

The worst NFL game of the year will be better than another awards show.

 

This concludes the 2014 Grammys report.

 

eric

 

 

 

My 42nd birthday wish

Friday, January 10th, 2014

My age 42 birthday wish: Meeting 43 by 43 

 

On this day, my 42nd birthday, there is only one thing for me to wish for.

 

Call it “43 by 43.”

http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/tygrrrr-express/2014/jan/9/my-age-42-birthday-wish-meeting-43-43/

 

Within the next 12 months, if circumstances should allow for it, I want to meet President George W. Bush and shake his hand.

 

Paying for a plane ticket from Los Angeles to Texas is not a problem. When something and someone is important enough, you get on a plane.

 

One year ago it was my desire to meet Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney. One month later part of that dream came true. Meeting Vice President Cheney was a thrill. Speaking in front of him was an honor. Meeting him a second time in May of 2013 was even more exciting when he actually remembered who I was.

 

The message I delivered to Cheney is the same one I want to deliver to “The Dub.”

 

I will go to my grave knowing they were right. On the big issues that mattered most, they were, are, and will be right. History will vindicate them because, to paraphrase Winston Churchill, I will help write that history.

 

I do not care if I am the last man standing next to these guys. I believe them, and am proud to still support them when others wavered.

 

My one sentence to Bush was the same one I said to Cheney.

 

“Sir, thank you for saving the world.”

 

My 42 years on this earth has given me many blessings. I have been able to do things most people could only dream about.

 

As a kid, I wanted to be like Charles Kuralt. I wanted to get in a camper, drive across America, and meet random Americans and hear their stories. I do not own a camper, but plenty of rental cars have allowed me to speak in all 50 states. It started with Los Angeles, with the 50th state coming with a September 24th, 2013 speech in Hays, Kansas. I have made lifelong friends.

 

My passion for the National Football League has led me to the Pro Bowl in Hawaii, the Draft in New York, and the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio. I even got to attend one Super Bowl that came down to the final play and saw one of the greatest upsets in history, the defeat of an 18-0 team. As a fan of the Silver and Black, meeting great Raiders present and past is always an honor.

 

My love life has seen me find love and lose love. Republican Jewish brunettes gave me more attention than I deserved, and I remain grateful. I could wish to become a husband and father, but that is a responsibility I have to pursue, not something to just wish for.

 

I have the best friends a guy could ask for. They are lifelong bonds already spanning between 20 and 36 years. The youngest person who lights up my life is a six-year-old son of my friend that we affectionately refer to as “the boy.” Being “Unca Eric” is the greatest feeling in the world.

 

As a Jewish person, I have learn and grown and met Rabbis and other lay scholars who have given me a valuable education on 6,000 years of tradition.

 

By the grace of God, I still have my parents. My grandparents are gone, but I had them all when I graduated college and three of them when I turned 30. They are with me every day.

 

My career saw me leave the stockbrokerage industry to become a full-time political speaker. I left one thing I loved for another thing I loved.

 

Many people have influenced me, and meant more to me than they will ever know. I have met so many people and thanked them personally. I have met so many people in sports, politics, and other fields, some of them people I admired deeply.

 

I have all the possessions a guy could need. My television set works, and my computer works often enough. A burger and a soda is more than enough to satiate my hunger and slake my thirst. I want for virtually nothing in this world, except to meet one man.

 

The only person I have yet to meet is President George W. Bush.

 

Mr. President, I know you are a busy man. I also know you have been through a lot. Whenever I meet one of your staff, I ask how you are. They insist that you are at peace, with no regrets. Thank God for this.

 

Between your library, taking care of your ranch, your newfound painting career, and of course being in the grandparent business, I know you have few if any seconds to spare.

 

If at some point a brief moment appears, it would be my honor to shake your hand.

 

To meet one of the greatest leaders of all time in one of the most consequential periods in American history is more than any man has a right to expect.

 

Not every wish is granted, so some gratitude is in order.

 

Thanks to my grandparents and parents for bringing me into this world, my friends for making it a fun world, the boy for reminding me what matters in this world, and to George W. Bush and Dick Cheney for saving the world so we can all enjoy it.

 

eric

 

2014…We…can…do…this

Wednesday, January 1st, 2014

We can do this 2014

2014 is here. We…can…do…this.

Maybe. Time for a nap first.

http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/life-lines-where-readers-write/2014/jan/1/2014-wecando/

eric

 

 

New Year’s Eve 2013–Time for a Hawaiian Congressional Rap Video

Wednesday, January 1st, 2014

LOS ANGELES, December 31, 2013—Some rituals deserve to last forever. In New York, 2014 begins with the dropping of the ball. In a small North Carolina town, the dropping of the possum is the ritual. Nothing says New Year’s Eve like a rap star and a barely noticeable politico.

http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/tygrrrr-express/2013/dec/31/new-years-eve-2013-lil-jon-and-hawaii-congressiona/

eric

 

The top 10 2013 beards

Tuesday, December 31st, 2013

FEAR THE BEARD! The top 10 beards of 2013

Facial hair is making a comeback. The neat look is so 1980s.

Here is a list of the top 10 bearded guys of 2013.

http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/life-lines-where-readers-write/2013/dec/30/fear-beard-top-ten-beards-2013/

Fear the beard! Happy 2013!

eric

 

Christmas 2013 quick update

Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

Bowling alleys, Chinese food, and tv sports were invented so Christians would not be bored on Hanukkah. 

For those wondering what Jews do on Christmas, we do the stuff normal people do every day. NFL Network. Christians have Christmas Dinner. We do something similar. We just call it “dinner.”

“To Christians, Merry Christmas. To Jews, Happy Hanukkah. To Atheists, hope you win the lottery dude.”

That joke from comedian Anthony Clark never gets old.

In the first annual Christmas Day Indoor Bowl Game, I was defeated by 6-year-old Daniel Goldberg 51-35. He is the same kid who beat me 28-21 in the inaugural Thanksgivigukkah Football Classic. What makes this defeat so tough is that I had home field advantage.

This concludes the Christmas 2013 quick update.

Happy Festivus to the rest of us, Winter Solstice to others, and blissful end of days to the Mayans.

Merry Christmas to the great Christians who built this nation and continue to make America great.

eric

JFK to Obama: Half a century of mediocre overexposed Democrats

Friday, November 22nd, 2013

From JFK to Obama: 50 years of overrated Democrats

On the 50th anniversary of an American tragedy, Democrats will exploit the death of a man to continue a mythical history of Camelot that never existed.

http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/tygrrrr-express/2013/nov/21/john-f-kennedy-barack-obama-50-years-overrated-dem/

eric