Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

My new book “Jewish Lunacy” is now available

Friday, March 20th, 2015

My new book “Jewish Lunacy” is now available.

It is 6,000 years of Jewish history as told by somebody who missed the first 5,960 years. It is meant for people of all religions and all levels of religiosity from atheist to devout.

The book is NOT political.

Contact me for a signed autographed copy.

eric :)

 

3/11/15–The TYGRRRR EXPRESS Turns 8

Wednesday, March 11th, 2015

Happy birthday T.E.

Happy birthday T.E.

Happy birthday Tygrrrr Express

Happy birthday T.E.

Today the Tygrrrr Express turns 8 years old.

Here was my first post from March 11, 2007.

http://tygrrrrexpress.com/2007/03/the-beginning-of-the-end-of-civilization/

Since then I have published 3 books, “Ideological Bigotry,” “Ideological Violence” and “Ideological Idiocy.” I have spoken in all 50 states.

My 4th book was just completed today, making this a great anniversary. “Jewish Lunacy” will be available in a couple weeks.

My 5th book, “Ideological Lunacy,” will be out in a few weeks.

To every person who has helped turn the Tygrrrr Express from a blog to a national industry, thank you so very much.

Back to work. Hineni. Here I am. Republican, Jewish and proud.

In a streak of black lightning, called the Tygrrrr Express.

On to the next adventure.

eric

Dear Dubya, I just turned 43

Saturday, January 10th, 2015

Dear Dubya, I just turned 43

http://www.commdiginews.com/politics-2/my-43rd-birthday-wish-to-meet-president-bush-or-43-while-43-33033/

eric

2015: We…can…do…this

Thursday, January 1st, 2015

2015: We…can…do…this

What the heck is that beeping sound?

(Knocks the phone off the hook, keeps banging the snooze alarm)

A voice tells me it’s my pager. My pager is black, so finding it in the dark is the needle haystack equivalent. A lucky smack knocks it against the wall, where it may or may not have shattered. The beeping continues. Why does anyone need a pager anymore anyway?

Who the heck is texting me at this ungodly hour of…(either 7 a.m., 1 p.m., or 1 a.m. …it looks blurry)?

Oh, no. It is 5 a.m., and my first radio interview of the New Year is with the morning man of an East Coast station. Time to pretend to sound coherent and go back to sleep. Oh no, wait, that radio interview was last year.

Great, happy wishes for the new year. Thanks. Whoever you are, it is too early to talk to you.

One year the person on the telephone insisted it was 1 p.m. After explaining to them that they were on the East Coast, and that 1 p.m. EST is 10 a.m. in Los Angeles, they grew impatient. They knew how to tell time, and that it was 4 p.m. EST, hence 1 p.m. my time.

Sure, getting up and writing my column is an option. It’s a new year, and starting the year off with a flurry of brilliance might be helpful. Forget it. This column is recycled from years ago.

Election 2016? The first candidate to call me gets blistered in my column … tomorrow.

Bowl games? There is Tivo. Besides, does anybody care who wins the Poulan Weed Eater Bowl, the Lack of Insight.com Bowl, the Fishbowl, the RU486 Morning After Bowl, The California Metrosexual Pride Bowl, or any other game that may or may not be made up?

Speaking of the morning after, does anybody remember the David Byrne Talking Heads song from the movie “Less than Zero? (which the temperature feels like right now, even in LA)? The song is called “Once In A Lifetime.”

“This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife. What have I done? How did I get here?”

It then occurs to me that the beeping sounds are the voices in my head telling me I am too old, even at 42, to stay out this late. Even without alcohol, exhaustion has set in.

Get out of bed? Work calls in (whenever) hours. Better rest up, before my tyrant of a boss complains. Such is the life of the self-employed.

Get up now? Somehow stagger to the shower, get dressed, make it out of my condo to go … where?

The stores are closed. Maybe they are open. Too tired to find out.

My birthday is in just over a week. Time to pace myself.

Work on my website? All that takes is staggering to my couch. Oh, no. My IT guy has not finished it

yet. Oh, wait, he did years ago. I clicked on the wrong site.

Go on Jdate and search for women? Not a bad idea, except it is too tiring to check their adams apples. This is not the year for a boyfriend, and am not sure that my eyes can tell the difference right now. Besides, Jdate is so 2014. Now it is Tinder, JSwipe and Crush.

Shop on Ebay? No, bad idea. Buying stuff when not at full capacity is problematic. Who needs another mountain goat? Dang creature gets his horns in my hide. Not a comfy way to wake up. Calm down boy, you’ll get some straw to graze on upon my waking up.

Work on my record album? Although again, world, just because my hair is long, that does not mean my band exists. The best instrument is the triangle, because that tells me lunch is ready.

Ahh, yes, lunch. Get up and eat something. My microwave is slow, and a five minute microwave dinner takes almost 15 minutes. Read the paper? It is cold outside my building where the stand is, and it only takes coins. Reading the paper online is tiring, and my printer is not working. At least the lifestyle section makes a great placemat for eating.

Staying in bed for only a couple more hours until (whatever the big and little hands say) would allow me to stay up all night and be totally exhausted for work tomorrow. Again, my boss is a tyrant.

Running errands … not gonna happen.

Every morning, a four word prayer starts my day. My elbows are used to try and leverage them against my bed to prop me up. Placing my alarm clock on the other side of the room failed, since ripping the cord out of the wall solved that problem.

As for the Jewish brunette who stole the covers, her political liberalism was not a problem last night, although if she opens her trap today she will receive a more caustic reception than usual.

Oh wait, she already left. Here is a note. “Tried to wake you, but that was a losing battle. By the way, you have nothing but soda in your fridge. Talk to you soon.” oh, wait, I think that happened a decade ago. This is 2015 not 2005.

She is a liar. There are potato chips in my fridge as well. Why they are there remains a mystery, but it saves having to remember which cabinet they are in. One stop shopping  is the way to go.

Besides, combing my hair for her last night was enough. Not doing it this morning, proud “retrosexual” that is me.

At least having the decency to say some morning prayers would be appropriate.

“Hey God…those people I pray for every night…yeah those people, the same ones…look after them again.”

Back to sleep, despite every attempt to wake up. The home phone is turned off, the cell is off as well, and the pager is still shattered, in addition to being disconnected years ago.

There may have been a car crash outside my building followed by 911 calls and sirens, but telling everybody to “keep it down,” solved that problem. A brief nightmare of me being late for work was averted when I realized my location to me was known if necessary.

Four televisions in the living room, and none in the bedroom. Who thought that up? Oh yeah, a television in the bedroom would promote laziness. Besides, trying to figure out which remote to use would cause me to break them all as if they were my pager.

Ok, here it is. Come on, elbows, do your stuff. Rise, young lad, rise! Awaken thy exhausted tired eyes!

Why is God shouting? Oh wait, that is my overdramatization of God.

Time to set the alarm now to avoid missing work tomorrow. Where was it thrown? Threw it? Oh, screw it.

Ok, time for my four word prayer. It has gotten me this incredibly terribly far. Time to contemplate getting out of bed.

“We…can…do…this.”

Happy 2015 all. Except for the person that woke me up earlier. Whoever you are, I still can’t stand you, even though you are doing me a favor.

Ten hours and 16 bowl games later, there is only one thing left to do.

Time for a nap. Happy 2015.

Zzzzz.

eric

Hanukkah 2014 Epilogue

Thursday, December 25th, 2014

Hanukkah 2014 Epilogue

3am bedtime
All through the house
Not a politico was stirring
Not even to grouse
The revelry is done
Time to sleep tight
Bye bye partying and decadence
And to all a good night!

eric

Hanukkah 2014 Night 1–The Festival of Lights

Tuesday, December 16th, 2014

Hanukkah 2014 Night 1 — The Festival of Lights

http://www.commdiginews.com/politics-2/hanukkah-2014-the-festival-of-lights-31705/

eric

2014 Los Angeles Hanukkah Parties

Tuesday, December 16th, 2014

2014 Los Angeles Hanukkah Parties

Tuesday, December 16 — 3:30pm Chabad of Malibu Menorah Lighting

http://www.jewishmalibu.com/templates/articlecco_cdo/aid/2783949/jewish/Chanukah-Festival.htm

Tuesday, December 16 — 6pm Chabad of Sherman Oaks Menorah Lighting at the Galleria

http://www.shermanoaksgalleria.com/events/menorah-lighting/

Tuesday, December 16 — 6pm Temple Judea Menorah Lighting at Whole Foods Tarzana

http://www.jewishla.org/page/event/detail/communityevents/4jlcx

Tuesday, December 16 — 7:30pm Chabad of Beverly Hills Menorah Lighting at 2 Rodeo

http://lovebeverlyhills.com/events/view/menorah-lighting-at-two-rodeo

Tuesday, December 16 — 7:30pm Block Party in Westwood

https://www.facebook.com/events/743767845707211/?sid_reminder=215949980685303808

Wednesday, December 17 —  10am service and luncheon in the Pico area

https://www.facebook.com/events/649038578538957/?unit_ref=related_events

Wednesday, December 17 — 4pm Carnival in Beverly Hills

https://www.facebook.com/events/621400111315654/?unit_ref=related_events

Wednesday, December 17 — 4:30pm Hanukkah Party at Sinai Temple in Westwood

http://www.jewishla.org/page/event/detail/communityevents/4jlkf

Wednesday, December 17 — 5:30pm Jewish Heritage Night with the LA Clippers

https://www.facebook.com/events/1575996602628109/?unit_ref=related_events

Wednesday, December 17 — 6:45pm Hanukkah Kids Carnival at Westwood Kehillah

http://www.jewishla.org/page/event/detail/communityevents/4jl77

Wednesday, December 17 — 7:30pm Hanukkah Challah baking in Pico area

https://www.facebook.com/events/369096943258030/?unit_ref=related_events

Wednesday, December 17 — 8pm Hanukkah cookie decorating in Westwood

https://www.facebook.com/events/760927887308828/

Thursday, December 18 — 5pm Klezmer Juice performance at 3rd Street Promenade Santa Monica

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Klezmer-Juice-Fan-page/322600844588

Thursday, December 18 — 6:30pm YALA happy hour in Pico area

https://www.facebook.com/events/1665298470363245/?sid_reminder=2448160354044215296

Thursday, December 18 — 8pm comedy night in Beverly Hills

https://www.facebook.com/events/387207638071180/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming&sid_reminder=8547492373720989696

Thursday, December 18 — 9pm Moshav Band in Studio City

https://www.facebook.com/events/1413131862273569/?unit_ref=related_events

Friday, December 19 — 5:30pm dinner at Beth Jacob in Beverly Hills

https://www.facebook.com/events/550811705055457/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming

Friday, December 19 — 6:15pm Temple Judea Hanukkah celebration in Tarzana

http://www.jewishla.org/page/event/detail/communityevents/4jlkt

Friday, December 19 — 6:45pm dinner in Sherman Oaks

https://www.facebook.com/events/753286704758589/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming

Friday, December 19 — 7pm dinner in Mid-Wilshire area by La Brea

https://www.facebook.com/events/1541802726064070/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming

Saturday, December 20 — 9pm Party and toy drive in Hollywood

https://www.facebook.com/events/373887336122104/?unit_ref=related_events

Sunday, December 21 — 10am Hanukkah party at Northridge Skateland

https://www.facebook.com/events/599670663492090/?unit_ref=related_events

Sunday, December 21 — 1pm IDF fundraiser in Westwood

https://www.facebook.com/events/1519429651641427/?unit_ref=related_events

Sunday, December 21 — 2:30pm Hanukkah Celebration at Farmer’s Market mid-Wilshire

http://www.farmersmarketla.com/events/eventDetail/Chanukah-Celebration/23

Sunday, December 21 — 4pm Republican Jewish Coalition Hanukkah Celebration.

http://www.rjchq.org/event/la-hanukkah-party-a-toast-to-the-new-gop-congress/

Sunday, December 21 — 5:30pm Party in Los Angeles on Beverly Blvd

https://www.facebook.com/events/462828403857756/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming

Sunday, December 21 — 5:30pm Hanukkah Party at Ahavat Torah in Brentwood

http://www.jewishla.org/page/event/detail/communityevents/4jlxt

Sunday, December 21 — 6pm Menorah Lighting at City-Walk in Studio City

https://www.facebook.com/events/1501930340068369/?unit_ref=related_events

Sunday, December 21 — 8pm Hanukkah Party at Lucky Strike Bowling in Hollywood

https://www.facebook.com/events/609314035847514/?ref=br_tf

Monday, December 22 — 7:30pm Skating party at Northridge Skateland

https://www.facebook.com/events/691535637628494/?unit_ref=related_events

Monday, December 22 — 8pm Party in Pico area

https://www.facebook.com/events/640753519369488/

Tuesday, December 23 — 3:30pm Menorah Lighting at Alpert JCC in Long Beach

http://losangeles.eventful.com/events/chanukah-candle-lighting-/E0-001-076980964-6

Wednesday, December 24 — 8pm Guardian Party at Greystone Manor in West Hollywood

http://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-guardians-present-1224-bourbon-street-at-greystone-manor-tickets-9644780799?aff=EB1+

Wednesday, December 24 — 8:30pm The Ball at Argyle Hollywood

http://losangeles.letmypeoplego.com/events

Wednesday, December 24 — 9pm Schmoozapalooza at Red Restaurant on Melrose

http://jdate.com/schmooz/

Thursday, December 25 — 2pm Chai Center Not a Christmas Party in Los Angeles.

http://www.chaicenter.org/EVENT28/

eric

2014 Golden Globes Report

Saturday, December 13th, 2014

In Golden Globes news, nobody cares about the Golden Globes. This concludes the 2014 Golden Globes report. 

eric

Happy Thanksgiving 2014

Thursday, November 27th, 2014

I thank almighty God for creating the USA, NFL, & Republican Jewish brunettes jiggling like jello on my Thanksgiving turkey plate.

Happy Thanskgiving all!

eric

No, London is not calling

Monday, September 22nd, 2014

Tonight I was supposed to be on a redeye to London, England.

The purpose of the trip was two-fold. I was to spend Rosh Hashanah with the Jewish community of London. There is nothing like starting the year off getting to know Jewish brunettes with hot, sexy British accents. Also, the Oakland Raiders were playing a game in Wembley Stadium.

My reasons for canceling the trip had nothing to do with radical Islam. When Islamists keep us from flying, they win. The Scottish referendum also played no role. Neither did Pippa Middleton’s refusal to go out with me, since I have yet to officially ask her out.

Bottom line, the Raiders are having a tough year. Today is coach Dennis Allen’s birthday, so I will hold off any comments about him and the team until tomorrow.

The main reason for the cancellation is that the 2014 midterm elections are one month away. While I have not had a vacation in 6 years, right now all GOP and conservative hands need to be on deck. The stakes are too high for me to leave the United States.

Europe does not interest me in the slightest, but at some point I will go before it becomes part of the Islamic Caliphate.

So for those of you in the Los Angeles Jewish community who are near and dear to me, I am home for the holidays and would love to see you all.

Next time, London.

eric