Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Hillary Clinton to the letter

Thursday, May 21st, 2015

Hillary Clinton to the letter

Haggard

Insincere

Liar

Liar (Pantsuit on Fire)

Angry

Rotund

Yelling

Corrupt (cranky cackling codger)

Loveless

Indifferent

Nasty

Tired (and tiring)

Old (and Obnoxious)

Nonagenarian

eric

Top Ten David Letterman contributions to TV

Thursday, May 21st, 2015

Top Ten David Letterman Contributions to TV

http://www.commdiginews.com/featured/top-10-david-letterman-moments-of-perfection-41950/

eric

President Obama falsely claims to have been to all 50 states

Tuesday, May 12th, 2015

President Obama falsely claims to have been to all 50 states

http://www.commdiginews.com/featured/wrong-again-president-obama-you-have-not-been-to-all-50-states-41186/

eric

Mother’s Day 2015 Report

Sunday, May 10th, 2015

Mother’s Day 2015 Report

Dear mom, thank you for not being Michelle Obama or Hillary Clinton. You gave me love without trying to regulate every aspect of my life.

I love you mom. Happy Mother’s Day. Please root for a New York ‎Rangers win even if you have no idea who they are. Go Blueshirts!

Those wanting to serenade mom on Mother’s Day should pick a better choice than Tupac Shakur’s “Dear Mama.”

Don’t forget to wish a happy Mother’s Day to Richard Roundtree. Shaft is one bad Mother! Shut your mouth!

May 9th in America is May 10th in Moscow. On which day should Russians living in the USA wish a happy Mother’s Day to Mother Russia Vladimir Putin has yet to rule.

Fatwa: Woman-beating patriarchical Islamist cowards shall from now on celebrate Mother’s Day or get a stick to their behinds. Mama Akbar!

This concludes the 2015 Mother’s Day Report.

eric

My new book “Ideological Lunacy” is now available

Monday, May 4th, 2015

My new book “Ideological Lunacy” is now available.

In April of 2009 I wrote “Ideological Bigotry.” In April 2010 came “Ideological Violence” and “Ideological Idiocy.”

http://tygrrrrexpress.com/2010/04/ideological-bigotry-ideological-violence-ideological-idiocy-my-3-books-are-now-available/

These 3 political books took me to all 50 states. Now after 5 years, April of 2015 brings books 4 and 5. 

“Jewish Lunacy” is my only non-political book. 

http://tygrrrrexpress.com/2015/03/my-new-book-jewish-lunacy-is-now-available/

“Ideological Lunacy” brings more politically conservative comedy. 

For those wanting signed autographed copies, contact me directly on Facebook or Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS

eric

All Hail Stephanie Weiss, My 1000th Twitter Follower

Tuesday, April 21st, 2015

All Hail Stephanie Weiss, My 1000th Twitter Follower

April 20, 2015, is more than just the day we celebrate the release of the NFL Schedule. Virtually nothing is as important as football, but exceptions do exist. Tonight is also a night to celebrate meaningless metrics of artificial social acceptance.

I now have my 1,000th Twitter follower (I only follow 5 people).

Sure, spiteful people can now unfollow me and drop me down to 999, but think of a car odometer. The odometer hit 1,000. Driving backward does not change the historical nature of the moment.

Twitter follower number 1,000 is Stephanie Weiss. May you all celebrate her now and forever.

A lifelong Texan, Ms. Weiss lives in Texas with her husband and child. She is active politically, a staunch libertarian. Unlike some libertarians, she is not crazy.

She is trained in human resources management, which means she gets to make employees cry for something that was probably their fault anyway.

Raised in San Antonio, she is a big fan of the Spurs, and was before they began winning championships every other year. In 1999 she rooted for the Spyrs, but that could have been a keyboard error.

She now resides in Dallas. Despite being a Texan, she says “oil” rather than “awl” the way J.R. Ewing used to pronounce it.

When she gives you a quizzical look, she has furrowed eye brows, which she denies.

She is a nice, kind, smart person.

She is also now the owner of this fantastic legacy. People like round numbers, so they should like her. She is forever Twitter follower #1000.

All Hail Stephanie Weiss!

My new book “Jewish Lunacy” is now available

Friday, March 20th, 2015

My new book “Jewish Lunacy” is now available.

It is 6,000 years of Jewish history as told by somebody who missed the first 5,960 years. It is meant for people of all religions and all levels of religiosity from atheist to devout.

The book is NOT political.

Contact me for a signed autographed copy.

eric :)

 

3/11/15–The TYGRRRR EXPRESS Turns 8

Wednesday, March 11th, 2015

Happy birthday T.E.

Happy birthday T.E.

Happy birthday Tygrrrr Express

Happy birthday T.E.

Today the Tygrrrr Express turns 8 years old.

Here was my first post from March 11, 2007.

http://tygrrrrexpress.com/2007/03/the-beginning-of-the-end-of-civilization/

Since then I have published 3 books, “Ideological Bigotry,” “Ideological Violence” and “Ideological Idiocy.” I have spoken in all 50 states.

My 4th book was just completed today, making this a great anniversary. “Jewish Lunacy” will be available in a couple weeks.

My 5th book, “Ideological Lunacy,” will be out in a few weeks.

To every person who has helped turn the Tygrrrr Express from a blog to a national industry, thank you so very much.

Back to work. Hineni. Here I am. Republican, Jewish and proud.

In a streak of black lightning, called the Tygrrrr Express.

On to the next adventure.

eric

Dear Dubya, I just turned 43

Saturday, January 10th, 2015

Dear Dubya, I just turned 43

http://www.commdiginews.com/politics-2/my-43rd-birthday-wish-to-meet-president-bush-or-43-while-43-33033/

eric

2015: We…can…do…this

Thursday, January 1st, 2015

2015: We…can…do…this

What the heck is that beeping sound?

(Knocks the phone off the hook, keeps banging the snooze alarm)

A voice tells me it’s my pager. My pager is black, so finding it in the dark is the needle haystack equivalent. A lucky smack knocks it against the wall, where it may or may not have shattered. The beeping continues. Why does anyone need a pager anymore anyway?

Who the heck is texting me at this ungodly hour of…(either 7 a.m., 1 p.m., or 1 a.m. …it looks blurry)?

Oh, no. It is 5 a.m., and my first radio interview of the New Year is with the morning man of an East Coast station. Time to pretend to sound coherent and go back to sleep. Oh no, wait, that radio interview was last year.

Great, happy wishes for the new year. Thanks. Whoever you are, it is too early to talk to you.

One year the person on the telephone insisted it was 1 p.m. After explaining to them that they were on the East Coast, and that 1 p.m. EST is 10 a.m. in Los Angeles, they grew impatient. They knew how to tell time, and that it was 4 p.m. EST, hence 1 p.m. my time.

Sure, getting up and writing my column is an option. It’s a new year, and starting the year off with a flurry of brilliance might be helpful. Forget it. This column is recycled from years ago.

Election 2016? The first candidate to call me gets blistered in my column … tomorrow.

Bowl games? There is Tivo. Besides, does anybody care who wins the Poulan Weed Eater Bowl, the Lack of Insight.com Bowl, the Fishbowl, the RU486 Morning After Bowl, The California Metrosexual Pride Bowl, or any other game that may or may not be made up?

Speaking of the morning after, does anybody remember the David Byrne Talking Heads song from the movie “Less than Zero? (which the temperature feels like right now, even in LA)? The song is called “Once In A Lifetime.”

“This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife. What have I done? How did I get here?”

It then occurs to me that the beeping sounds are the voices in my head telling me I am too old, even at 42, to stay out this late. Even without alcohol, exhaustion has set in.

Get out of bed? Work calls in (whenever) hours. Better rest up, before my tyrant of a boss complains. Such is the life of the self-employed.

Get up now? Somehow stagger to the shower, get dressed, make it out of my condo to go … where?

The stores are closed. Maybe they are open. Too tired to find out.

My birthday is in just over a week. Time to pace myself.

Work on my website? All that takes is staggering to my couch. Oh, no. My IT guy has not finished it

yet. Oh, wait, he did years ago. I clicked on the wrong site.

Go on Jdate and search for women? Not a bad idea, except it is too tiring to check their adams apples. This is not the year for a boyfriend, and am not sure that my eyes can tell the difference right now. Besides, Jdate is so 2014. Now it is Tinder, JSwipe and Crush.

Shop on Ebay? No, bad idea. Buying stuff when not at full capacity is problematic. Who needs another mountain goat? Dang creature gets his horns in my hide. Not a comfy way to wake up. Calm down boy, you’ll get some straw to graze on upon my waking up.

Work on my record album? Although again, world, just because my hair is long, that does not mean my band exists. The best instrument is the triangle, because that tells me lunch is ready.

Ahh, yes, lunch. Get up and eat something. My microwave is slow, and a five minute microwave dinner takes almost 15 minutes. Read the paper? It is cold outside my building where the stand is, and it only takes coins. Reading the paper online is tiring, and my printer is not working. At least the lifestyle section makes a great placemat for eating.

Staying in bed for only a couple more hours until (whatever the big and little hands say) would allow me to stay up all night and be totally exhausted for work tomorrow. Again, my boss is a tyrant.

Running errands … not gonna happen.

Every morning, a four word prayer starts my day. My elbows are used to try and leverage them against my bed to prop me up. Placing my alarm clock on the other side of the room failed, since ripping the cord out of the wall solved that problem.

As for the Jewish brunette who stole the covers, her political liberalism was not a problem last night, although if she opens her trap today she will receive a more caustic reception than usual.

Oh wait, she already left. Here is a note. “Tried to wake you, but that was a losing battle. By the way, you have nothing but soda in your fridge. Talk to you soon.” oh, wait, I think that happened a decade ago. This is 2015 not 2005.

She is a liar. There are potato chips in my fridge as well. Why they are there remains a mystery, but it saves having to remember which cabinet they are in. One stop shopping  is the way to go.

Besides, combing my hair for her last night was enough. Not doing it this morning, proud “retrosexual” that is me.

At least having the decency to say some morning prayers would be appropriate.

“Hey God…those people I pray for every night…yeah those people, the same ones…look after them again.”

Back to sleep, despite every attempt to wake up. The home phone is turned off, the cell is off as well, and the pager is still shattered, in addition to being disconnected years ago.

There may have been a car crash outside my building followed by 911 calls and sirens, but telling everybody to “keep it down,” solved that problem. A brief nightmare of me being late for work was averted when I realized my location to me was known if necessary.

Four televisions in the living room, and none in the bedroom. Who thought that up? Oh yeah, a television in the bedroom would promote laziness. Besides, trying to figure out which remote to use would cause me to break them all as if they were my pager.

Ok, here it is. Come on, elbows, do your stuff. Rise, young lad, rise! Awaken thy exhausted tired eyes!

Why is God shouting? Oh wait, that is my overdramatization of God.

Time to set the alarm now to avoid missing work tomorrow. Where was it thrown? Threw it? Oh, screw it.

Ok, time for my four word prayer. It has gotten me this incredibly terribly far. Time to contemplate getting out of bed.

“We…can…do…this.”

Happy 2015 all. Except for the person that woke me up earlier. Whoever you are, I still can’t stand you, even though you are doing me a favor.

Ten hours and 16 bowl games later, there is only one thing left to do.

Time for a nap. Happy 2015.

Zzzzz.

eric