Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

240 decadent reasons to love America

Monday, July 4th, 2016

240 decadent reasons to love America

1980 Olympic Gold Medal Hockey Team

1980s hard rock hair metal

2 Live Crew’s Banned in the USA

7-Eleven Big Gulps and Slurpees

ACDC’s You shook me, Thunderstruck, Moneytalks

Adam Sandler


Airheads band The Lone Rangers

Al D’Amato’s singing


America the Beautiful sung by Ray Charles

American soldiers and veterans


Anthony Clark

Bad Touch’s Discovery Channel

Batman: The Dark Knight

BB King and Lucille

Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia

Biff Henderson

Bill Cosby, Himself video

Bill Murray’s Quick Change

Bill of Rights

Bill the Cat


Blue Collar Comedy Tour

Blue Bloods


Bluegrass Junction

Bounce houses

Bouncing 25 cent rubber balls

Boxing promoter Don King


Bubblebaths for two

Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck


Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise movies



Capture the flag

Cards Against Humanity

Chabad Houses

Charitable people


Cheers’s Sam Mayday Malone and Norm Peterson

Cherry Lime Rickeys

Chocolate covered cherries

Chris Berman

Chris Gardner’s The Pursuit of Happyness

Chris Noth’s Mike Logan

Chris Tucker singing Barry White


Coed touch football


Commando and pantsless Wednesdays (until HR intervened)

Conan O’Brien’s In the Year 2000

Corn Fritters

Cosmic Bowling

County Fairs

Dale Intimidator Earnhardt’s 1998 Daytona 500

Dana Carvey

Dann Florek’s Captain Donald Cragen

David Letterman’s Top Ten Lists

Dennis Farina

Desperate Housewives

Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo

Die Hard

DirecTV NFL Package

Dog-riding monkey

Donald Trump’s Apprentice


Dr. Brown’s Black Cherry Soda

Dr. Charles Krauthammer

Duck Dynasty


Edible underthings



Eye of the tiger


Flavored massage oil

Founding Fathers

Fox News

Fraggle Rock

Freedom, liberty, right of dissent

Gaga (dodgeball using closed fist and cherry ball)

Game nights

Garlic knots

Gatorade dumping on coaches

George W. Bush picks up bullhorn

Glow sticks as fake cigars

Golden Corral

GPS trackers

Greg the Bunny


Happy face emoticons



Henny Youngman

Hot Chocolate’s You sexy thing (I believe in miracles)

Hot scantily clad women

Howard Stern

I once finger-(blanked) a hermit crab (whoever said that)

In n Out Burger

Independence Day BBQs

Instant messaging

Internet dating


Italian ices

J. Geils Band’s Centerfold

Jack Nicholson’s Colonel Nathan R. Jessup

Jacuzzi romps


Jell-O wrestling

Jerry Orbach’s Lenny Briscoe

Jerry Reed’s Eastbound and Down

Jim Carrey’s Ace Ventura, Pet Detective

John Cougar Mellencamp’s Pink Houses and Hurts so good

John Facenda’s The Autumn Wind

John McEnroe’s tennis tantrums

Judaism celebrated in peace

Justice Scalia’s scathing dissents

Karl Rove’s whiteboard


KFC Popcorn Chicken


Kim Kardashian’s bare bottom

King of the Hill


Kosher imitation bacon and crab

Krispy Kreme Donut Hamburgers


Larry Hagman’s J.R. Ewing on Dallas

Las Vegas

Lee Greenwood’s God bless the USA and Bandit Express

Louisiana Cajun Cooking (Especially with Justin Wilson)

Lucky Charms

Madden Football

Magnum, P.I.

Mardi Gras, New Orleans

Mark Levin’s rants

Married with Children’s Al Bundy

Marvin Gaye’s Sexual Healing and Let’s get it on



Meat and potatoes

Michael J. Fox’s Alex P. Keaton on Family Ties

Mills Lane yelling Let’s get it on

Miniature golf


Morris Day and the Time’s Jerk Out

Mountain Dew Code Red

MTV’s Celebrity Deathmatch

Murder, She Wrote

Nathan’s Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest

National Federation of Republican Women

National Football League


New Years Eve noisemakers

New York Post front and back page

New York Stock Exchange opening and closing bells

NFL Films

NFL Network

Oakland Raiders

Old School with Will Ferrell and Vince Vaughn

Overtime playoff hockey

Pajama parties

Peaceful transition of political power

Phil Hartman


Political Conventions

Pool volleyball


Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio


Queen’s I want it all

Raider Nation

Rainbow Sherbert

Redeye with Greg Gutfeld

Republican Jewish Brunettes

Republican Party Animals


Robin Williams

Ronald Reagan’s self-deprecating jokes 

Rudy Giuliani’s New York toughness


Rush Limbaugh

San Diego Wild Animal Park

Satellite TV

Save a horse, ride a cowboy


Sean Hannity’s Freedom Concerts



Sherman Hemsley’s George Jefferson


Sky high skyscrapers


Slim Jims

Snoopy’s Joe Cool

Snow football

Social networks for building businesses

South Beach, Miami

South Park



Stock trading


Strip chess

Stuart Scott


Summer camp

Super Soakers

Supply-side tax cuts

T-shirt originals

Taco Bell

Talk radio

Thanksgiving with John Madden

The Color of Money

The Counter Build Your Own Burger

The Expendables

The Frat Pack

The Honeymooners

The Muppets

The Onion


Toby Keith’s Courtesy of the Red White and Blue

Train rides

Trampoline Dodgeball

Tygrrrr Express

USA Cartoon Express

Video Arcade Games

We’re not France

Weekend at Bernie’s

Western medicine

Whitesnake’s Here I go again video

Wifi on planes

XM Sirius Satellite Radio


Young Jewish Conservatives

Yummy bouncies and badonkadonks

ZZ Top’s Sleeping Bag and Sharp Dressed Man

My Grandfather’s American Journey

Monday, July 4th, 2016

My Grandfather’s American Journey


Prince’s real legacy

Monday, April 25th, 2016

Prince’s real legacy


GOP FNC 1/28/16 Debate Recap

Friday, January 29th, 2016

GOP FNC Debate 1/28


Moderators: Martha McCollum, Bill Hemmer

Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee — Asked why the Club For Growth dislikes him, Huckabee attacked the Club for Growth. Socialism and the government control it brings is for people who don’t have an IQ above plant life.

Former Businesswoman Carly Fiorina — She hammered Hillary Clinton on Benghazi

Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum — He personally attacks people. He tears them down. How can you work with somebody who does that? He is the most divisive person in my lifetime.

Former Virginia Governor Jim Gilmore — I’ll veto gun control faster than it takes Hillary Clinton to delete her emails.

Main Event:

Moderators: Megan Kelly, Chris Wallace,

Kelly: What does Trump not attending say to the people of Iowa?

Cruz: Iowa will not be flyover country. It will fly-to country. Pretended to insult his fellow candidates. Ugly, fat, stupid. Ben, you’re a terrible surgeon. Now that the Trump part of the evening is out of the way, now let’s get down to business. Cruz differentiated between issue contrasts and personal attacks.

Wallace asked Rubio how he could unite everyone?

Rubio: Trump greatest show on Earth. This is about greatest country on Earth. O44 on Supreme Court? No way.

Baier: Is establishment vote too fractured.

Jeb: I miss Trump. He’s a teddy bear. i’m establishment because my dad, greatest man alive, was President. My brother, who I adore, was president. Mom Barbara Bush. I release my info. To get Hillary’s info you need an FBI subpoena.

Kelly: Is compromise bad?

Christie: Question had bad premise. You can have principles and still get things done in government.

Bader: Should you have embraced your dad more in this campaign?

Rand: My dad the most honest man in politics. Ted didn’t show up when it came time to audit the Fed. Cruz supports NSA data collection.

Cruz: I respect Ron Paul. I was original sponsor of Audit the Fed Bill. I will sign it into law.

Rubio: I respect Rand. He believes what he stands for. What I stand for is different. Terrorists will go to Gitmo, will tell us everything they know. Unlike Obama, I will keep us safe.

Rand: Bulk collection of data wrong. Get a warrant.

Wallace: Why do you reject establishment label? Why is your experience a liability this year?

Kasich: I’ve been a reformer all my life. I’ve been supported by 7 of 8 NH papers. We have to come together.

Wallace: What about your lack of experience?

Carson: You don’t have to be a politician to tell the truth. I’ve had more 2am phone calls then everybody here put together dealing with life and death issues.

Wallace: You did not give O44 permission to go into Syria. Does your rhetoric match your reality?

Cruz: I will hunt ISIS down and utterly destroy them. Carpet-bombing is what we did in First Gulf War. 1100 airstrikes a day, not 35 under O44.

Rubio: Cruz support’s Rand budgets that cut defense spending. ISIS not going to turn into stockbrokers or open up car washes. They are killers.

Cruz: Invoked Reagan, will rebuild military.

Wallace: Are Rubio and Cruz ready to be CIC?

Christie? The vote not to authorize NSA made us less safe. Christie then went hard after Hillary Clinton. She put America’s security at risk for her convenience.

Cruz tried to inject himself and Wallace stopped him.

Wallace: I know you like to argue about the rules but we’re going to continue the debate.

Wallace: What lessons have you learned from mistakes made during your brothers’ wars?

Crowd booed at the question.

Jeb wants a no fly zone and get the lawyers off the backs of the military.

Cruz: Cruz said all the questions were meant to attack Ted Cruz. If you guys ask one more mean question, I may have to live the stage. The crowd booed.

Rubio: Let me go first, and then you can recognize Rand after. Don’t worry, I’m not leaving the stage no matter what you ask me. Rubio will loosen the rules of engagement and distinguished ISIS from Assad.

Paul thinks defeating Assad means larger, more powerful ISIS. Go after ISIS.

Kasich tried to interject and Megyn Kelly cut him off. Kasich bristled when Kelly turned to Rubio instead.

Kelly asked Rubio if surveying Mosques violates 1st Amendment.

Rubio: Radical Islam is not hate talk, it is hate action. They blow people up.

Paul naturally disagreed, calling it a huge mistake to close down mosques and diners.

Rubio: If we don’t know who you are or why you are coming, you are not getting in.

Kelly: How do we avoid profiling in wake of San Bernardino?

Christie: Law enforcement is not profiling. That separates those who know what they are doing from those who don’t. If people see something, they must say something. We need to use common sense. O44 and Hillary have made law enforcement the enemy.

Kelly: Has GOP stoked flames of anti-Muslim bias?

Carson: Stop allowing political correctness to dictate policy. It will kill us if we don’t. Teddy Roosevelt approach. Accept our laws and tradition or stay where you are.

Kelly asked Kasich about military technology. Kasich said it is best not to talk about it. Kelly said it was public info and Kasich suggested otherwise.

Kasich also said we should not be the world’s policeman.

Bader: Would you police charities who say they are helping vets given the recent scandal?

Jeb: Of course. Also, we must fix VA. Fire the sheer incompetence of the VA.

Veteran Mark Watson: Why aren’t we using technology to better protect our communities?

Rand: 1/3 of Ferguson budget was supported by fines. People were being fined to death. War on drugs has hurt blacks more despite drug use equal between blacks and whites. The crowd cheered loudly.

Baier: Name one thing Federal Government does that it should not do it all?

Christie: Yeah, get rid of Planned Parenthood funding.

Baier: If you repeal Obamacare, will you be fine for those who lose coverage?

Cruz: Obamacare a disaster, a job killer. We will repeal every word of Obamacare. Everyone agrees we need healthcare reform. Allow purchase of health insurance across state lines. Expand HSAs. Delink health insurance from employment. Make it personal, portable, affordable.

Baier: Statehood for Puerto Rico? Should taxpayers bail them out?

Jeb: Puerto Rico should decide if it wants to be a state, they need to make internal structural reforms.

Baier asked Kasich how he would have handled Flint Water crisis.

Kasich said he did not have all the facts about Michigan, speaking instead about what crises he has faced in Ohio. Act quickly, listen to people.

Baier challenged Rubio on his past support for cap and trade. Why the change?

Rubio: I have never supported cap and trade. I do not believe it is a good idea now. Devastating for our economy. There will never be any cap and trade.

Kelly challenged Rubio on immigration repeatedly.

Rubio said he has never supported blanket amnesty. Keep ISIS out of America. Enforce immigration laws. Mandatory e-verify and tracking system. Until illegal immigration is under control, nothing else gets done. We’re not deporting 12 million illegals, but not letting more people in.

Jeb: Rubio was sponsor of Gang of 8 bill. I supported him. Rubio led the charge and then cut and run because it was not popular among conservatives. We need a path to legal status for 12 million illegals already here.

Rubio: Jeb used to support a path to citizenship.

Jeb: So did you.

Rubio: Enforce laws first.

Jeb: I supported consensus approach whenever it came up. Obama had poison pill to make sure hit did not happen. Said again that Rubio cut and run.

Rubio: Bring illegal immigration under control first.

Kelly played video of Cruz wanting immigration bill to pass.

Cruz: Videos were about one Amendment. I did not support whole bill, just Amendments I introduced. Alabama Senator Jeff Sessions backed me, he is as anti-illegal immigration as it gets.

Rand said Cruz is trying to have it both ways. Cruz has an authenticity problem. I was for legalization. So was Ted, but he says otherwise. That is not true.

Cruz: Rubio stood with O44, I stood with Sessions and Steve King against amnesty. Levin and Limbaugh agree with him over Rubio.

Rubio: This is the lie that Ted’s campaign is built on. Rand is right. Ted, you designed George W. Bush’s immigration campaign. Now you want to trump Trump on immigration. Like Hillary, you will say or do anything to win an election.

Cruz: I like Marco. He is very charming and very smooth. Marco went with major donors. I honored my commitments.

Christie: This is why you need to send somebody from outside Washington. I need a Washington to English converter. It’s perfectly legal to change your mind. When you’re a governor you have to admit it. Stop the Washington bull.

Mexican Iraq War vet Dulce Candy asked about entrepreneurship.

Carson: Declare war on Islamic State.

Jeb: We respect her service. Dulce Candy a pretty cool name. You can deal with threat of terror and also be aspirational across the board.

Rubio: No nation on Earth is more generous than America is. Are we a sovereign country? Can we choose who comes in and when? Yes. We need a merit-based system.

Electability issues came next. Wallace asked Cruz if his style gets in the way of his ability to get things done.

Cruz: You’re exactly right that I am not the candidate of career politicians in Washington. He mentioned Steve King again. This is a grassroots campaign. Washington is broken. I will tell the truth and do what I said I would so.

Kelly asked Jeb if his attacks on fellow Republicans hurt the party.

Jeb said he has seen polls showing him beating Hillary, and that he is very proud of his record. Hillary has no record of accomplishment. Regarding Super Pacs, I have no control over that, this is beanbag compared to what the Clintons will do.

Rubio: Hillary cannot be president. Putting O44 on SCOTUS is a disaster for America.

Baier cited Rubio trailing Trump by 24 points in Florida. How can you be the savior of the GOP?

Rubio: There is only one savior and it’s not me. Jesus Christ is my savior. I think Bernie Sanders is a great candidate for President…of Sweden. Hillary Clinton’s first act as President will be to pardon herself. Benghazi disqualifies her. She lied to the families.

Wallace brought up Bridgegate.

Christie: 3 different investigations showed I knew nothing. I immediately fired people responsible. That is what you do as a leader. I inherited a state beaten down by liberal Democrats, high taxation and regulation. They will want a former federal prosecutor in the White House to prosecute Hillary Clinton. She will never get within 10 miles of White House. The days for the Clintons in public housing are over.

Wallace asked Kasich to differentiate himself from Cruz on medicaid.

Kasich got wonky, but the question allowed for it. He spoke of how he treated drug addicts and reduced recidivism rates. Mentally ill stepped on for too long in our society. The time has come to stop ignoring the mentally ill.

Wallace brought up Kim Davis.

Christie: Law must be followed. Davis could have stepped aside. Licenses had to be issued. Religious liberty at heart of Islamic Jihad debate.

Wallace brought up Rubio’s criticism of Christie on gun control and his support of Sotomayor. Rubio stood by his criticisms.

Wallace asked if turning abortion back to states makes it legal in liberal areas, which is bad for conservatism?

Paul supports federalism first, even if it means more abortions. Then said he supports a federal life issue. Overturning Roe v Wade returns things to the states.

Baier asked Carson what to do if Putin keeps invading nations.

Carson said Putin is an opportunist and a bully. We need a missile defense system. Give weapons to Ukraine. Fight Russia economically. Keep fracking. I would absolutely go in under Article 5 and protect our allies.

Baier pointed out that Iran now has the 100 billion. What can we do?

Rubio: We are canceling the deal on day one. Nations can do business with Iran or us.

Kasich: We don’t know what’s going to happen on day one. If they violate agreement, we slap back on sanctions. He spoke of mulit-lateralism.

Baier asked Christie if he would send troops to Libya to take out ISIS.

Christie went after Hillary Clinton for her failed Libyan policy. If it had gone right she would run around to take credit. Work with Sunni allies to develop a strategy.

Kelly asked Paul about blaming Hillary for Bill’s behavior.

Paul said he only answers this when asked. Hillary is not to blame for his behavior, but for enabling him. If Bubba were a private CEO who acted that way he would be fired, never be hired again, and shunned. Hillary can’t be a champion of women’s rights. Also, she takes money from regimes that treat women like cattle.

Nabella Moor: Hate crimes against Muslims. How would you stop that?

Jeb: Words have consequences. Trump wants to ban all Muslims. That is toxic. Moor not the threat. The threat is Islamic terrorism. We need cooperation of Muslim world to defeat ISIS.

Wallace brought up Iowa Governor Terry Branstad not supporting Cruz.

Cruz supports an all of the above strategy but Washington should not pick winners and losers. No mandates or subsidies. EPA blend wall is the much bigger problem. Cruz will tear it down, which will increase market share without mandates. Mentioned Steve King again.

Carson: Against government being a part of every aspect of our lives. Contracts are in place until 2022, and those contracts must be honored. We can develop hydro-electric power.


Rand: One true fiscal conservative who will look at all spending. That is the only way we will balance our budget.

Kasich: Yes we can, positive attitude.

Christie: Terrorism scares everyone. I’ve prosecuted terrorists. No-one will keep this country that will keep us safer than I will

Jeb: I have a proven record as Florida Governor. I will defeat Hillary Clinton in November.

Carson: He cited the Founding Fathers.

Rubio: Light is dimming after 7 years of O44. I will unite this party. America’s light will shine again.

Cruz: 93 hours until the Iowa Caucus. Central issue is trust. Examine our records. Pray on it.

My 44th birthday wish

Sunday, January 10th, 2016

On January 9, 2013, my dream was to meet President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney.

On February 9, 2013, I met the Veep and spoke in front of him. He remains awesome.

On Jan 9, 2015, my birthday wish was still to meet President George W. Bush and shake his hand.

On May 12, 2015, that dream came true as well.

On January 9, 2016, I am at peace. I have nothing left to wish for myself. There are things I want, but I have to earn those things. That means hard work personally and professionally.

I spent the night of the 8th with friends as the clock struck midnight.

On the 9th I spoke at a Victory Elephant Breakfast in Los Angeles.

Then I drove to San Jose and spoke to a fun group called Jewish Geeks of the Peninsula. Then that night I drove to Oakland.

On the morning of the 10th I spoke at Temple Beth Abraham in Oakland. Then came the long drive back to Los Angeles.

Both trips were bearable because of NFL playoff games on the radio.

Friends. Politics. Judaism. Football.

I am as blessed as it gets and a happy 44.

May you all find what you love, do what you love, and be happy and blessed.

May God bless you all.

To every person who wished me a happy birthday, thank you so very much.

With much love and appreciation,






January 2016 Tygrrrr Express California Speaking Schedule

Monday, January 4th, 2016

Happy 2016. Starting in Mid-January, I will be on the road for most of the 9 months leading up to the presidential election. So before I leave, I have a few speaking engagements in California. The speeches in Los Angeles are all political. The speeches in the Bay Area are not political.

January 9 is my birthday, so join me on my birthday for some fun.

Here is my schedule.

Tuesday, January 5, 2016 — San Fernando Valley Republican Club in Los Angeles. 7pm.

Saturday, January 9, 2016 — Victory Elephant Breakfast in Los Angeles. 8:30am. 

Saturday, January 9, 2016 — Jewish Geeks of South Bay & Peninsula in San Jose. 9pm. 

Sunday, January 10, 2016 — Temple Beth Abraham in Oakland. 10am. 

Tuesday, January 12, 2016 — North Hollywood Republican Women in Los Angeles at lunch. 

Thursday, January 14, 2016 — Santa Monica Republican Women GOP Debate Watching Party in Los Angeles. Evening. 


2016: We…can…do…this

Friday, January 1st, 2016

2016: We…can…do…this

What the heck is that beeping sound?

(Knocks the phone off the hook, keeps banging the snooze alarm)

A voice tells me it’s my pager. My pager is black, so finding it in the dark is the needle in the haystack equivalent. A lucky smack knocks it against the wall, where it may or may not have shattered. The beeping continues. Why does anyone need a pager anymore anyway?

Who the heck is texting me at this ungodly hour of…(either 7 a.m., 1 p.m., or 1 a.m. …it looks blurry)?

Oh, no. It is 5 a.m., and my first radio interview of the New Year is with the morning man of an East Coast station. Time to pretend to sound coherent and go back to sleep. Oh no, wait, that radio interview was two years ago.

Great, happy wishes for the new year. Thanks. Whoever you are, it is too early to talk to you.

One year the person on the telephone insisted it was 1 p.m. After explaining to them that they were on the East Coast, and that 1 p.m. EST is 10 a.m. in Los Angeles, they grew impatient. They knew how to tell time, and that it was 4 p.m. EST, hence 1 p.m. my time.

Sure, getting up and writing my column is an option. It’s a new year, and starting the year off with a flurry of brilliance might be helpful. Forget it. This column is recycled from years ago.

Election 2016? The first candidate to call me gets blistered in my column … tomorrow.

Bowl games? There is Tivo. Besides, does anybody care who wins the Poulan Weed Eater Bowl, the Lack of Bowl, the Fishbowl, the RU486 Morning After Bowl, The California Metrosexual Pride Bowl, or any other game that may or may not be made up?

Speaking of the morning after, does anybody remember the David Byrne Talking Heads song from the movie “Less than Zero? (which the temperature feels like right now, even in LA)? The song is called “Once In A Lifetime.”

“This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife. What have I done? How did I get here?”

It then occurs to me that the beeping sounds are the voices in my head telling me I am too old, even at 44, to stay out this late. Even without alcohol, exhaustion has set in.

Get out of bed? Work calls in (whenever) hours. Better rest up, before my tyrant of a boss complains. Such is the life of the self-employed.

Get up now? Somehow stagger to the shower, get dressed, make it out of my condo to go … where?

The stores are closed. Maybe they are open. Too tired to find out.

My birthday is in just over a week. Time to pace myself.

Work on my website? All that takes is staggering to my couch. Oh, no. My IT guy has not finished it yet. Oh, wait, he did years ago. I clicked on the wrong site.

Go on Jdate and search for women? Not a bad idea, except it is too tiring to check their Adams Apples. This is not the year for a boyfriend, and am not sure that my eyes can tell the difference right now. Besides, Jdate is so 2014. Now it is Tinder, JSwipe and Crush.

Shop on Ebay? No, bad idea. Buying stuff when not at full capacity is problematic. Who needs another mountain goat? Dang creature gets his horns in my hide. Not a comfy way to wake up. Calm down boy, you’ll get some straw to graze on upon my waking up.

Work on my record album? Although again, world, just because my hair is long, that does not mean my band exists. The best instrument is the triangle, because that tells me lunch is ready.

Ahh, yes, lunch. Get up and eat something. My microwave is slow, and a five minute microwave dinner takes almost 15 minutes. Read the paper? It is cold outside my building where the stand is, and it only takes coins. Reading the paper online is tiring, and my printer is not working. At least the lifestyle section makes a great placemat for eating.

Staying in bed for only a couple more hours until (whatever the big and little hands say) would allow me to stay up all night and be totally exhausted for work tomorrow. Again, my boss is a tyrant.

Running errands … not gonna happen.

Every morning, a four word prayer starts my day. My elbows are used to try and leverage them against my bed to prop me up. Placing my alarm clock on the other side of the room failed, since ripping the cord out of the wall solved that problem.

As for the Jewish brunette who stole the covers, her political liberalism was not a problem last night, although if she opens her trap today she will receive a more caustic reception than usual.

Oh wait, she already left. Here is a note. “Tried to wake you, but that was a losing battle. By the way, you have nothing but soda in your fridge. Talk to you soon.” oh, wait, I think that happened a decade ago. This is 2016 not 2005.

She is a liar. There are potato chips in my fridge as well. Why they are there remains a mystery, but it saves having to remember which cabinet they are in. One stop shopping  is the way to go.

Besides, combing my hair for her was enough. Not doing it this morning, proud “retrosexual” that is me.

At least having the decency to say some morning prayers would be appropriate.

“Hey God…those people I pray for every night…yeah those people, the same ones…look after them again.”

Back to sleep, despite every attempt to wake up. The home phone is turned off, the cell is off as well, and the pager is still shattered, in addition to being disconnected years ago.

There may have been a car crash outside my building followed by 911 calls and sirens, but telling everybody to “keep it down,” solved that problem. A brief nightmare of me being late for work was averted when I realized my location to me was known if necessary.

Four televisions in the living room, and none in the bedroom. Who thought that up? Oh yeah, a television in the bedroom would promote laziness. Besides, trying to figure out which remote to use would cause me to break them all as if they were my pager.

Ok, here it is. Come on, elbows, do your stuff. Rise, young lad, rise! Awaken thy exhausted tired eyes!

Why is God shouting? Oh wait, that is my overdramatization of God.

Time to set the alarm now to avoid missing work tomorrow. Where was it thrown? Threw it? Oh, screw it.

Ok, time for my four word prayer. It has gotten me this incredibly terribly far. Time to contemplate getting out of bed.


Happy 2016 all. Except for the person that woke me up earlier. Whoever you are, I still can’t stand you, even though you are doing me a favor.

Ten hours and 16 bowl games later, there is only one thing left to do.

Time for a nap. Happy 2016.



NYE Hawaii 2015 with Lil Jon, Chappelle and Schatzie

Thursday, December 31st, 2015

NYE Hawaii 2015 with Lil Jon, Chappelle and Schatzie


Top Ten Bimbos of 2015

Thursday, December 31st, 2015

Top Ten Bimbos of 2015


Top Ten PBWGs of 2015

Thursday, December 31st, 2015

Top Ten PBWGs of 2015