Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Why Simchas Torah Matters

Sunday, October 11th, 2015

Why Simchas Torah Matters


Yom Kippur 5776

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2015

Yom Kippur 5776

I don’t have a bunch of flowery words heading into Yom Kippur. We are all flawed. We all need to be better people. That certainly includes me. I’ll let the theologians handle the scholarly sayings. My solace comes from a man I have little in common with, singer John Cougar Mellencamp. A line from his song “Check it out” is meaningful. It sums up how I feel.

“Forgot to say hello to my neighbors. Sometimes I question my own behavior.”

There are plenty of things I could have done better. There are numerous people that I can ask for forgiveness. However, I will not engage in phony repentance or apologize for what I have done right.

In terms of what I can, should and will apologize for, that is between me and my Hebrew God.

My goal post Yom Kippur is to take the man I am and the man I could and should be and see if I can get them to converge, or at least stop diverging.

For those fasting on Yom Kippur, may you have a meaningful fast.

May almighty God shine his light on all of you.


Rosh Hashanah 5776

Sunday, September 13th, 2015

To Jews everywhere, Happy Rosh Hashanah 5776. May you have a sweet New Year and be inscribed in the book of life.



West Bound and Down Indiana Tuesday

Tuesday, August 11th, 2015

West Bound and Down Indiana Tuesday 

On July 12 I flew Eastbound and Down from Los Angeles to Indiana. 
For one month I barnstormed Indiana, Illinois and Ohio. 
Now it is time to go home and recharge my batteries. 
August 11 has me on a 7am flight from Indy back to LA. 
Time to get some sleep. 
This concludes West Bound and Down Tuesday. 
See you Wednesday. 

July-August 2015 Tygrrrr Express Schedule

Sunday, July 12th, 2015

To promote my newest politically conservative comedy book “Ideological Lunacy” and my new religious comedy book “Jewish Lunacy,” I am going back on tour. This time I am visiting the heartland, the Industrial Midwest. Two governors from this area are about to enter the presidential race.

For those interested in signed autographed copies of my 5 books, find me on Facebook or Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS

Meanwhile, here is my schedule, constantly subjected to updates.

Sunday, July 12, 2015 — On the redeye from Los Angeles to Fort Wayne, Indiana.

Wednesday-Saturday, July 15-18, 2015 — I will be at the Fort Wayne, Indiana Three Rivers Festival.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015 — I may be attending the John Kasich 2016 kickoff of his presidential campaign at Ohio State University in Columbus. I starts at 9:30am.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015 — I will be speaking to the Southeastern GOP Club in Cleveland, Ohio in the evening. Doug Magill. 

Thursday, July 23, 2015 — I will be speaking to the Totally Engaged Americans near Cleveland, Ohio in the evening.

Wednesday-Sunday, July 29-August 2, 2015 — I will be at the Kankakee County Fair near Chicago, Illinois.

Wednesday-Sunday, July 29-August 2, 2015 — The National Young Republican Convention takes place in Chicago, Illinois. As of now I am not scheduled to attend but that could change.

Monday-Monday, August 3-10, 2015 — I will be at the Wood County Fair in Bowling Green, Ohio.

Thursday, August 6, 2015 — The First GOP Debate takes place in Cleveland, Ohio. I may or may not have an event there before the debate.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015 — Flying from Indianapolis, Indiana home to Los Angeles.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015 – Flying from Los Angeles to Louisville, Kentucky. 

Thursday-Sunday, August 20-30, 2015 — I will be at the Kentucky State Fair in Louisville.

Monday, August 31, 2015 — Flying from Louisville, Kentucky home to Los Angeles.

September — Events throughout the month in Vermont, New York and New Jersey. Details to come.


239 decadent reasons to love America

Monday, July 6th, 2015

There are plenty of serious reasons to love America.

From 1776-2015, here are 239 decadent reasons to love America. God bless the USA.



1980 Olympic Gold Medal Hockey Team
1980s hard rock hair metal
2 Live Crew’s Banned in the USA
7-Eleven Big Gulps and Slurpees
ACDC’s You shook me, Thunderstruck, Moneytalks
Adam Sandler
Airheads band The Lone Rangers
Al D’Amato’s singing
America the Beautiful sung by Ray Charles
American soldiers and veterans
Anthony Clark
Bad Touch’s Discovery Channel
Batman: The Dark Knight
BB King and Lucille
Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia
Biff Henderson
Bill Cosby, Himself video
Bill Murray’s Quick Change
Bill of Rights
Bill the Cat
Blue Collar Comedy Tour
Bluegrass Junction
Bounce houses
Bouncing 25 cent rubber balls
Boxing promoter Don King
Bubblebaths for two
Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck
Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise movies
Capture the flag
Cards Against Humanity
Chabad Houses
Charitable people
Cheers’s Sam Mayday Malone and Norm Peterson
Cherry Lime Rickeys
Chocolate covered cherries
Chris Berman
Chris Gardner’s The Pursuit of Happyness
Chris Noth’s Mike Logan
Chris Tucker singing Barry White
Coed touch football
Commando and pantsless Wednesdays (until HR intervened)
Conan O’Brien’s In the Year 2000
Corn Fritters
Cosmic Bowling
County Fairs
Dale Intimidator Earnhardt’s 1998 Daytona 500
Dana Carvey
Dann Florek’s Captain Donald Cragen
David Letterman’s Top Ten Lists
Dennis Farina
Desperate Housewives
Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo
Die Hard
DirecTV NFL Package
Dog-riding monkey
Donald Trump’s Apprentice
Dr. Brown’s Black Cherry Soda
Dr. Charles Krauthammer
Duck Dynasty
Edible underthings
Eye of the tiger
Flavored massage oil
Founding Fathers
Fox News
Fraggle Rock
Freedom, liberty, right of dissent
Gaga (dodgeball using closed fist and cherry ball)
Game nights
Garlic knots
Gatorade dumping on coaches
George W. Bush picks up bullhorn
Glow sticks as fake cigars
Golden Corral
GPS trackers
Greg the Bunny
Happy face emoticons
Henny Youngman
Hot Chocolate’s You sexy thing (I believe in miracles)
Hot scantily clad women
Howard Stern
I once finger-(blanked) a hermit crab (whoever said that)
In n Out Burger
Independence Day BBQs
Instant messaging
Internet dating
Italian ices
J. Geils Band’s Centerfold
Jack Nicholson’s Colonel Nathan R. Jessup
Jacuzzi romps
Jell-O wrestling
Jerry Orbach’s Lenny Briscoe
Jerry Reed’s Eastbound and Down
Jim Carrey’s Ace Ventura, Pet Detective
John Cougar Mellencamp’s Pink Houses and Hurts so good
John Facenda’s The Autumn Wind
John McEnroe’s tennis tantrums
Judaism celebrated in peace
Justice Scalia’s scathing dissents
Karl Rove’s whiteboard
KFC Popcorn Chicken
Kim Kardashian’s bare bottom
King of the Hill
Kosher imitation bacon and crab
Krispy Kreme Donut Hamburgers
Larry Hagman’s J.R. Ewing on Dallas
Las Vegas
Lee Greenwood’s God bless the USA and Bandit Express
Louisiana Cajun Cooking (Especially with Justin Wilson)
Lucky Charms
Madden Football
Magnum, P.I.
Mardi Gras, New Orleans
Mark Levin’s rants
Married with Children’s Al Bundy
Marvin Gaye’s Sexual Healing and Let’s get it on
Meat and potatoes
Michael J. Fox’s Alex P. Keaton on Family Ties
Mills Lane yelling Let’s get it on
Miniature golf
Morris Day and the Time’s Jerk Out
Mountain Dew Code Red
MTV’s Celebrity Deathmatch
Murder, She Wrote
Nathan’s Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest
National Federation of Republican Women
National Football League
New Years Eve noisemakers
New York Post front and back page
New York Stock Exchange opening and closing bells
NFL Films
NFL Network
Oakland Raiders
Old School with Will Ferrell and Vince Vaughn
Overtime playoff hockey
Pajama parties
Peaceful transition of political power
Phil Hartman
Political Conventions
Pool volleyball
Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio
Queen’s I want it all
Raider Nation
Rainbow Sherbert
Redeye with Greg Gutfeld
Republican Jewish Brunettes
Republican Party Animals
Robin Williams
Ronald Reagan’s self-deprecating jokes 
Rudy Giuliani’s New York toughness
Rush Limbaugh
San Diego Wild Animal Park
Satellite TV
Save a horse, ride a cowboy
Sean Hannity’s Freedom Concerts
Sherman Hemsley’s George Jefferson
Sky high skyscrapers
Slim Jims
Snoopy’s Joe Cool
Snow football
Social networks for building businesses
South Beach, Miami
South Park
Stock trading
Strip chess
Stuart Scott
Summer camp
Super Soakers
Supply-side tax cuts
T-shirt originals
Taco Bell
Talk radio
Thanksgiving with John Madden
The Color of Money
The Counter Build Your Own Burger
The Expendables
The Frat Pack
The Honeymooners
The Muppets
The Onion
Toby Keith’s Courtesy of the Red White and Blue
Train rides
Trampoline Dodgeball
Tygrrrr Express
USA Cartoon Express
Video Arcade Games
We’re not France
Weekend at Bernie’s
Western medicine
Whitesnake’s Here I go again video
Wifi on planes
XM Sirius Satellite Radio
Young Jewish Conservatives
Yummy bouncies and badonkadonks
ZZ Top’s Sleeping Bag and Sharp Dressed Man

Shavuos, Memorial Day, and first class traditions

Friday, May 29th, 2015

Shavuos, Memorial Day, and first class traditions


Top Ten David Letterman contributions to TV

Thursday, May 21st, 2015

Top Ten David Letterman Contributions to TV


President Obama falsely claims to have been to all 50 states

Tuesday, May 12th, 2015

President Obama falsely claims to have been to all 50 states


Mother’s Day 2015 Report

Sunday, May 10th, 2015

Mother’s Day 2015 Report

Dear mom, thank you for not being Michelle Obama or Hillary Clinton. You gave me love without trying to regulate every aspect of my life.

I love you mom. Happy Mother’s Day. Please root for a New York ‎Rangers win even if you have no idea who they are. Go Blueshirts!

Those wanting to serenade mom on Mother’s Day should pick a better choice than Tupac Shakur’s “Dear Mama.”

Don’t forget to wish a happy Mother’s Day to Richard Roundtree. Shaft is one bad Mother! Shut your mouth!

May 9th in America is May 10th in Moscow. On which day should Russians living in the USA wish a happy Mother’s Day to Mother Russia Vladimir Putin has yet to rule.

Fatwa: Woman-beating patriarchical Islamist cowards shall from now on celebrate Mother’s Day or get a stick to their behinds. Mama Akbar!

This concludes the 2015 Mother’s Day Report.