Why Simchas Torah Matters
Why Simchas Torah Matters
Yom Kippur 5776
I don’t have a bunch of flowery words heading into Yom Kippur. We are all flawed. We all need to be better people. That certainly includes me. I’ll let the theologians handle the scholarly sayings. My solace comes from a man I have little in common with, singer John Cougar Mellencamp. A line from his song “Check it out” is meaningful. It sums up how I feel.
“Forgot to say hello to my neighbors. Sometimes I question my own behavior.”
There are plenty of things I could have done better. There are numerous people that I can ask for forgiveness. However, I will not engage in phony repentance or apologize for what I have done right.
In terms of what I can, should and will apologize for, that is between me and my Hebrew God.
My goal post Yom Kippur is to take the man I am and the man I could and should be and see if I can get them to converge, or at least stop diverging.
For those fasting on Yom Kippur, may you have a meaningful fast.
May almighty God shine his light on all of you.
To Jews everywhere, Happy Rosh Hashanah 5776. May you have a sweet New Year and be inscribed in the book of life.
West Bound and Down Indiana Tuesday
To promote my newest politically conservative comedy book “Ideological Lunacy” and my new religious comedy book “Jewish Lunacy,” I am going back on tour. This time I am visiting the heartland, the Industrial Midwest. Two governors from this area are about to enter the presidential race.
For those interested in signed autographed copies of my 5 books, find me on Facebook or Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS
Meanwhile, here is my schedule, constantly subjected to updates.
Sunday, July 12, 2015 — On the redeye from Los Angeles to Fort Wayne, Indiana.
Wednesday-Saturday, July 15-18, 2015 — I will be at the Fort Wayne, Indiana Three Rivers Festival.
Tuesday, July 21, 2015 — I may be attending the John Kasich 2016 kickoff of his presidential campaign at Ohio State University in Columbus. I starts at 9:30am.
Tuesday, July 21, 2015 — I will be speaking to the Southeastern GOP Club in Cleveland, Ohio in the evening. Doug Magill.
Thursday, July 23, 2015 — I will be speaking to the Totally Engaged Americans near Cleveland, Ohio in the evening.
Wednesday-Sunday, July 29-August 2, 2015 — I will be at the Kankakee County Fair near Chicago, Illinois.
Wednesday-Sunday, July 29-August 2, 2015 — The National Young Republican Convention takes place in Chicago, Illinois. As of now I am not scheduled to attend but that could change.
Monday-Monday, August 3-10, 2015 — I will be at the Wood County Fair in Bowling Green, Ohio.
Thursday, August 6, 2015 — The First GOP Debate takes place in Cleveland, Ohio. I may or may not have an event there before the debate.
Tuesday, August 11, 2015 — Flying from Indianapolis, Indiana home to Los Angeles.
Wednesday, August 19, 2015 – Flying from Los Angeles to Louisville, Kentucky.
Thursday-Sunday, August 20-30, 2015 — I will be at the Kentucky State Fair in Louisville.
Monday, August 31, 2015 — Flying from Louisville, Kentucky home to Los Angeles.
September — Events throughout the month in Vermont, New York and New Jersey. Details to come.
There are plenty of serious reasons to love America.
From 1776-2015, here are 239 decadent reasons to love America. God bless the USA.
|1980 Olympic Gold Medal Hockey Team|
|1980s hard rock hair metal|
|2 Live Crew’s Banned in the USA|
|7-Eleven Big Gulps and Slurpees|
|ACDC’s You shook me, Thunderstruck, Moneytalks|
|Airheads band The Lone Rangers|
|Al D’Amato’s singing|
|America the Beautiful sung by Ray Charles|
|American soldiers and veterans|
|Bad Touch’s Discovery Channel|
|Batman: The Dark Knight|
|BB King and Lucille|
|Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia|
|Bill Cosby, Himself video|
|Bill Murray’s Quick Change|
|Bill of Rights|
|Bill the Cat|
|Blue Collar Comedy Tour|
|Bouncing 25 cent rubber balls|
|Boxing promoter Don King|
|Bubblebaths for two|
|Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck|
|Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise movies|
|Capture the flag|
|Cards Against Humanity|
|Cheers’s Sam Mayday Malone and Norm Peterson|
|Cherry Lime Rickeys|
|Chocolate covered cherries|
|Chris Gardner’s The Pursuit of Happyness|
|Chris Noth’s Mike Logan|
|Chris Tucker singing Barry White|
|Coed touch football|
|Commando and pantsless Wednesdays (until HR intervened)|
|Conan O’Brien’s In the Year 2000|
|Dale Intimidator Earnhardt’s 1998 Daytona 500|
|Dann Florek’s Captain Donald Cragen|
|David Letterman’s Top Ten Lists|
|Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo|
|DirecTV NFL Package|
|Donald Trump’s Apprentice|
|Dr. Brown’s Black Cherry Soda|
|Dr. Charles Krauthammer|
|Eye of the tiger|
|Flavored massage oil|
|Freedom, liberty, right of dissent|
|Gaga (dodgeball using closed fist and cherry ball)|
|Gatorade dumping on coaches|
|George W. Bush picks up bullhorn|
|Glow sticks as fake cigars|
|Greg the Bunny|
|Happy face emoticons|
|Hot Chocolate’s You sexy thing (I believe in miracles)|
|Hot scantily clad women|
|I once finger-(blanked) a hermit crab (whoever said that)|
|In n Out Burger|
|Independence Day BBQs|
|J. Geils Band’s Centerfold|
|Jack Nicholson’s Colonel Nathan R. Jessup|
|Jerry Orbach’s Lenny Briscoe|
|Jerry Reed’s Eastbound and Down|
|Jim Carrey’s Ace Ventura, Pet Detective|
|John Cougar Mellencamp’s Pink Houses and Hurts so good|
|John Facenda’s The Autumn Wind|
|John McEnroe’s tennis tantrums|
|Judaism celebrated in peace|
|Justice Scalia’s scathing dissents|
|Karl Rove’s whiteboard|
|KFC Popcorn Chicken|
|Kim Kardashian’s bare bottom|
|King of the Hill|
|Kosher imitation bacon and crab|
|Krispy Kreme Donut Hamburgers|
|Larry Hagman’s J.R. Ewing on Dallas|
|Lee Greenwood’s God bless the USA and Bandit Express|
|Louisiana Cajun Cooking (Especially with Justin Wilson)|
|Mardi Gras, New Orleans|
|Mark Levin’s rants|
|Married with Children’s Al Bundy|
|Marvin Gaye’s Sexual Healing and Let’s get it on|
|Meat and potatoes|
|Michael J. Fox’s Alex P. Keaton on Family Ties|
|Mills Lane yelling Let’s get it on|
|Morris Day and the Time’s Jerk Out|
|Mountain Dew Code Red|
|MTV’s Celebrity Deathmatch|
|Murder, She Wrote|
|Nathan’s Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest|
|National Federation of Republican Women|
|National Football League|
|New Years Eve noisemakers|
|New York Post front and back page|
|New York Stock Exchange opening and closing bells|
|Old School with Will Ferrell and Vince Vaughn|
|Overtime playoff hockey|
|Peaceful transition of political power|
|Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio|
|Queen’s I want it all|
|Redeye with Greg Gutfeld|
|Republican Jewish Brunettes|
|Republican Party Animals|
|Ronald Reagan’s self-deprecating jokes|
|Rudy Giuliani’s New York toughness|
|San Diego Wild Animal Park|
|Save a horse, ride a cowboy|
|Sean Hannity’s Freedom Concerts|
|Sherman Hemsley’s George Jefferson|
|Sky high skyscrapers|
|Snoopy’s Joe Cool|
|Social networks for building businesses|
|South Beach, Miami|
|Supply-side tax cuts|
|Thanksgiving with John Madden|
|The Color of Money|
|The Counter Build Your Own Burger|
|The Frat Pack|
|Toby Keith’s Courtesy of the Red White and Blue|
|USA Cartoon Express|
|Video Arcade Games|
|We’re not France|
|Weekend at Bernie’s|
|Whitesnake’s Here I go again video|
|Wifi on planes|
|XM Sirius Satellite Radio|
|Young Jewish Conservatives|
|Yummy bouncies and badonkadonks|
|ZZ Top’s Sleeping Bag and Sharp Dressed Man|
Shavuos, Memorial Day, and first class traditions
Top Ten David Letterman Contributions to TV
President Obama falsely claims to have been to all 50 states
Mother’s Day 2015 Report
Dear mom, thank you for not being Michelle Obama or Hillary Clinton. You gave me love without trying to regulate every aspect of my life.
I love you mom. Happy Mother’s Day. Please root for a New York Rangers win even if you have no idea who they are. Go Blueshirts!
Those wanting to serenade mom on Mother’s Day should pick a better choice than Tupac Shakur’s “Dear Mama.”
Don’t forget to wish a happy Mother’s Day to Richard Roundtree. Shaft is one bad Mother! Shut your mouth!
May 9th in America is May 10th in Moscow. On which day should Russians living in the USA wish a happy Mother’s Day to Mother Russia Vladimir Putin has yet to rule.
Fatwa: Woman-beating patriarchical Islamist cowards shall from now on celebrate Mother’s Day or get a stick to their behinds. Mama Akbar!
This concludes the 2015 Mother’s Day Report.