Screwed up people do not get better
In the dating world, compassion can only go so far. More importantly, it should only go so far. There are times when we all know what course of action to take, and yet move in the opposite direction or stay still to our emotional detriment.
There is one thing normal, emotionally healthy people need to remember.
Screwed up people do not get better.
Hollywood loves fantasies about the person who overcomes alcohol or drug abuse to become a successful vegan horticulturalist hero.
In the real world, alcoholics keep drinking and drug addicts keep doing drugs. There are exceptions, but they are called that for a reason. Most of these people have multiple relapses.
This is where the compassion fascists rear their politically correct heads. After all, it is easier for them to show empathy for the person engaging in self-destructive behavior than the well-adjusted person trying to get through the day without society’s powder kegs.
Mental illness, despite protests from counselors, is absolutely a deficiency. Mental illness comes in many different forms, but the bottom line is that crazy people do not become normal. If the word “crazy” is too harsh, then force every mental health professional to sleep in the same bed with a lunatic for a few weeks until the political correctness is drained from their body.
A normal person can only stay awake so many nights worried sick over a spiraling partner before the healthy person is broken down and exhausted themselves.
Some people are just the kings and queens of trainwreckistan, and the rest of us have zero obligation to put up with them. When a man has a morning business meeting, panicked telephone calls at 4:00am because she is arguing with “voices” is not acceptable.
People often make excuses for these people and their repeated messes. The phrase, “stuff happens” is a common refrain. Wrong. Stuff does not happen. They happen.
Normal is a subjective term, and we all have our idiosyncratic peculiarities. Yet this is several standard deviation from the many people in our society who are outright basket cases.
They do not get better. They get exponentially worse. The quicker the problematic behavior starts, the worse it will be in the long run. Since most people put their best feet forward in the beginning, it is reasonable to be leery of anybody who cannot contain their worst elements during the early glow period.
Even the few people who beat the odds do so because of something inside them. They cannot be “loved” by another into good behavior.
The current woman I am dating is normal. She is sane. She is totally lucid and capable of logical reasoning. She is not an alcoholic, does not do drugs, and does not argue with inanimate objects.
For those who like to take on projects, become a social worker. Just do not date your cases.
For those who want to lead happy lives, avoid defective individuals with every bit as much effort as one would avoid using a defective product. Nobody would drive a car with the wheels falling off. That should apply to our romantic prospects as well.
Screwed up people do not get better, and they can only hide their “special” qualities for so long.
If you see them, run away like Flo-Jo. Otherwise, the result will be a relationship that can become a permanent trap. If it leads to children, those kids could also be predisposed to those qualities.
Productive individuals deserve better, as does society at large.