Archive for the ‘WOMEN’ Category

240 decadent reasons to love America

Monday, July 4th, 2016

240 decadent reasons to love America

1980 Olympic Gold Medal Hockey Team

1980s hard rock hair metal

2 Live Crew’s Banned in the USA

7-Eleven Big Gulps and Slurpees

ACDC’s You shook me, Thunderstruck, Moneytalks

Adam Sandler

Aerosmith

Airheads band The Lone Rangers

Al D’Amato’s singing

Alf

America the Beautiful sung by Ray Charles

American soldiers and veterans

Animaniacs

Anthony Clark

Bad Touch’s Discovery Channel

Batman: The Dark Knight

BB King and Lucille

Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia

Biff Henderson

Bill Cosby, Himself video

Bill Murray’s Quick Change

Bill of Rights

Bill the Cat

Billiards

Blue Collar Comedy Tour

Blue Bloods

_____________

Bluegrass Junction

Bounce houses

Bouncing 25 cent rubber balls

Boxing promoter Don King

Brooklyn

Bubblebaths for two

Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck

Burgertime

Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise movies

Caddyshack

Capitalism

Capture the flag

Cards Against Humanity

Chabad Houses

Charitable people

Cheerleaders

Cheers’s Sam Mayday Malone and Norm Peterson

Cherry Lime Rickeys

Chocolate covered cherries

Chris Berman

Chris Gardner’s The Pursuit of Happyness

Chris Noth’s Mike Logan

Chris Tucker singing Barry White

Coca-Cola

Coed touch football

Colorwar

Commando and pantsless Wednesdays (until HR intervened)

Conan O’Brien’s In the Year 2000

Corn Fritters

Cosmic Bowling

County Fairs

Dale Intimidator Earnhardt’s 1998 Daytona 500

Dana Carvey

Dann Florek’s Captain Donald Cragen

David Letterman’s Top Ten Lists

Dennis Farina

Desperate Housewives

Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo

Die Hard

DirecTV NFL Package

Dog-riding monkey

Donald Trump’s Apprentice

Doritos

Dr. Brown’s Black Cherry Soda

Dr. Charles Krauthammer

Duck Dynasty

Ebay

Edible underthings

Entrepreneurship

ESPN

Eye of the tiger

Fireworks

Flavored massage oil

Founding Fathers

Fox News

Fraggle Rock

Freedom, liberty, right of dissent

Gaga (dodgeball using closed fist and cherry ball)

Game nights

Garlic knots

Gatorade dumping on coaches

George W. Bush picks up bullhorn

Glow sticks as fake cigars

Golden Corral

GPS trackers

Greg the Bunny

Hamburgers

Happy face emoticons

Harmonicas

Hawaii

Henny Youngman

Hot Chocolate’s You sexy thing (I believe in miracles)

Hot scantily clad women

Howard Stern

I once finger-(blanked) a hermit crab (whoever said that)

In n Out Burger

Independence Day BBQs

Instant messaging

Internet dating

Iphones

Italian ices

J. Geils Band’s Centerfold

Jack Nicholson’s Colonel Nathan R. Jessup

Jacuzzi romps

Jell-O

Jell-O wrestling

Jerry Orbach’s Lenny Briscoe

Jerry Reed’s Eastbound and Down

Jim Carrey’s Ace Ventura, Pet Detective

John Cougar Mellencamp’s Pink Houses and Hurts so good

John Facenda’s The Autumn Wind

John McEnroe’s tennis tantrums

Judaism celebrated in peace

Justice Scalia’s scathing dissents

Karl Rove’s whiteboard

Kazoos

KFC Popcorn Chicken

Kickball

Kim Kardashian’s bare bottom

King of the Hill

Kool-Aid

Kosher imitation bacon and crab

Krispy Kreme Donut Hamburgers

Laff-Olympics

Larry Hagman’s J.R. Ewing on Dallas

Las Vegas

Lee Greenwood’s God bless the USA and Bandit Express

Louisiana Cajun Cooking (Especially with Justin Wilson)

Lucky Charms

Madden Football

Magnum, P.I.

Mardi Gras, New Orleans

Mark Levin’s rants

Married with Children’s Al Bundy

Marvin Gaye’s Sexual Healing and Let’s get it on

Mascots

McDonalds

Meat and potatoes

Michael J. Fox’s Alex P. Keaton on Family Ties

Mills Lane yelling Let’s get it on

Miniature golf

Monopoly

Morris Day and the Time’s Jerk Out

Mountain Dew Code Red

MTV’s Celebrity Deathmatch

Murder, She Wrote

Nathan’s Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest

National Federation of Republican Women

National Football League

Neocons

New Years Eve noisemakers

New York Post front and back page

New York Stock Exchange opening and closing bells

NFL Films

NFL Network

Oakland Raiders

Old School with Will Ferrell and Vince Vaughn

Overtime playoff hockey

Pajama parties

Peaceful transition of political power

Phil Hartman

Pizza

Political Conventions

Pool volleyball

Pringles

Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio

Q-Bert

Queen’s I want it all

Raider Nation

Rainbow Sherbert

Redeye with Greg Gutfeld

Republican Jewish Brunettes

Republican Party Animals

Riptide

Robin Williams

Ronald Reagan’s self-deprecating jokes 

Rudy Giuliani’s New York toughness

Run DMC

Rush Limbaugh

San Diego Wild Animal Park

Satellite TV

Save a horse, ride a cowboy

Scrabble

Sean Hannity’s Freedom Concerts

Seinfeld

Sexting

Sherman Hemsley’s George Jefferson

Sizzler

Sky high skyscrapers

Skype

Slim Jims

Snoopy’s Joe Cool

Snow football

Social networks for building businesses

South Beach, Miami

South Park

Spiderman

Sportsbars

Stock trading

Stratego

Strip chess

Stuart Scott

Sudoku

Summer camp

Super Soakers

Supply-side tax cuts

T-shirt originals

Taco Bell

Talk radio

Thanksgiving with John Madden

The Color of Money

The Counter Build Your Own Burger

The Expendables

The Frat Pack

The Honeymooners

The Muppets

The Onion

Tivo

Toby Keith’s Courtesy of the Red White and Blue

Train rides

Trampoline Dodgeball

Tygrrrr Express

USA Cartoon Express

Video Arcade Games

We’re not France

Weekend at Bernie’s

Western medicine

Whitesnake’s Here I go again video

Wifi on planes

XM Sirius Satellite Radio

Yoo-Hoo

Young Jewish Conservatives

Yummy bouncies and badonkadonks

ZZ Top’s Sleeping Bag and Sharp Dressed Man

The Elizabeth Warren and Hillary Clinton Mother’s Day Sports Report

Sunday, May 8th, 2016

The Elizabeth Warren and Hillary Clinton Mother’s Day Sports Report

Nothing unites people like sports and recreation. Most people enjoy activities that bring people together in fun, laughter and competition. Only the most deeply unpleasant people among us could find complaints in such revelry.

Welcome to the Elizabeth Warren and Hillary Clinton May Sports Report.

Saturday, May 7 began with Warren’s Twitter temper tantrum against Donald Trump. Things escalated when an angry Liz Warren (redundant) bit Trump on the leg. She wouldn’t let go until he threw a rolled up New York Times and told her to go fetch it.

Warren is enraged at Trump for betting on John Kerry to beat her in the Kentucky Derby.

Poor Shagaf finished dead last. Shagaf is now the Jim Gilmore of the Kentucky Derby, and shall remain beloved and anonymous.

As soon as the Kentucky Derby ended, Elizabeth Warren and Hillary Clinton flew to Maryland to begin training for the Shriekness.

In addition to the Kentucky Derby, Saturday, May 7 was also World Naked Gardening Day. Even some leftist atheists prayed to God not to let Liz Warren and Hillary Clinton celebrate it. Mother Earth has suffered enough. The American Medical Association announced that the leading causes of blindness were Diabetes, Glaucoma, and viewing pictures of Hillary Clinton and Liz Warren celebrating World Naked Gardening Day.

In Los Angeles, Saturday, May 7 was also Rupaul’s DragCon. It was not dedicated to Hillary Clinton and Liz Warren, even though most people conceded that they both really are drags.

Sunday, May 8 was Mother’s Day. As the Kentucky Derby rolled into Mother’s Day, the Churchill Downs announcer was heard excitedly yelling, “and down the stretch (marks) they come!”

Liz Warren & Hillary Clinton to declare Mother’s Day bigoted against women without kids.

They demanded to know why do we have holidays honoring only mothers or fathers. That discriminates against the transgendered!

It must be tough being a liberal. Spending every waking minute complaining about nonsense gets older than Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Warren.

This is obvious, as plain as the lines on their faces.

What Joan Crawford did to one girl, Elizabeth Warren and Hillary Clinton want to do to the entire country, or at least the half of America who disagrees with them.

In the end, Nyquist won the Kentucky Derby. Rupaul changed back and forth at DragCon. World Naked Gardening Day organizers successfully begged Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Warren to boycott it. Mother’s Day trailed Cinco De Mayo by three days, although my mom is second to none.

Due to the Jewish Sabbath, religious Jews were unable to attend the Kentucky Derby, DragCon or World Naked Gardening Day. Bernie Sanders is Jewish, but his athletic experience consists of trying to keep Hillary Clinton from beating the daylights out him.

This was the Elizabeth Warren and Hillary Clinton May sports report. Provided neither one ever becomes president, fun activities are expected to remain legal in 2017.

eric

Prince’s real legacy

Monday, April 25th, 2016

Prince’s real legacy

http://www.commdiginews.com/entertainment/princes-legacy-of-generosity-went-far-beyond-his-music-62183/

eric

The way to stop bullies is to stop them

Monday, April 18th, 2016

The way to stop bullies is to stop them

Due to things I’ve witnessed & death threats I’ve received, one cause I believe in is stopping bullies.

Andrew Breitbart (rest his soul) and Michelle Malkin both taught me to publish my hate mail. Most of my hate mail comes from either Islamists or leftists. I publish the names because I do not believe people should hide behind anonymous identities when terrorizing people.

Bullying comes in many different forms. This past weekend I saw 2 cases of it.

1) A female Rabbi dedicated her sermon to leftist politics in a place that should have been solely for Judaism.

I decided to call out the Rabbi by name not to hurt her, but to get her to realize how much hurt she inflicted on others.

2) A woman broke a date with me and then sent me vicious messages that were solely designed to try and humiliate me.

At first I would have left her name out of it. However, she sent repeated texts bragging about her sex life and attacking my male appendage.

I warned her that if she did not stop, I would cut and paste her remarks. She persisted. I cut and pasted her remarks.

I don’t like these kinds of conflicts, but the way to stop a bully is to stop them. There is no other way.

If somebody does not tell the Rabbi to stop abusing her pulpit, she will keep doing so. If somebody does not shame this other girl into not sending abusive and humiliating texts, she will keep doing so.

I wish we lived in a world where people did not treat people badly simply because of ideology, religion, race, gender, etc. However, bullies do what they do because they feel like it. Anything other than overwhelming force just invites more bullying.

Settling a conflict peacefully is not possible when the aggressor sees kindness as weakness. This is especially true of Islamists and leftists.

I hope that we can end bullying once and for all. Barring that, if you try to hurt me, I will hit back many times as hard.

If any of you have a problem with this, that is on you. I will never accept bullying. Not now. Not ever.

I look forward to Monday, which will hopefully be a day of peace.

eric

Dating Disaster–some women are just crazy

Monday, April 18th, 2016

I was supposed to have a date Wednesday night. She cancelled because she was sick. She is against a phone conversation and believes all communication should be online. I prefer human contact.

She asked if we could reschedule for Sunday. I said fine. I thought we were getting together at 7pm. She thought 4pm. Why I don’t know. Fine. I told her all I needed was a place with parking. She said she takes the trains. I said fine but I drive.

I told her to pick the place so it would be something she liked. She said she is used to the guy picking the place. I do not live in NYC.

She said I was being too demanding. She canceled again and de friended me on Facebook.

Are you kidding me? I get so few nights to have fun on this trip and she ruined 2 of them.

Who the hell makes a date without one quick phone convo? It is impossible to convey emotions online.

So the next time I am told I get angry, it is because I am tired of dealing with emotional basket cases. I want to meet a NORMAL woman with her act together.

Get me the hell out of NY. I miss my Los Angeles home, it’s gorgeous weather, and my building with plenty of parking spots.

Now to do nothing today because my plans are ruined by some bitch too crazy to pick up a telephone and make plans like a normal person.

Women wonder why they’re single. It’s because feminism has turned them into combative lunatics who can’t do the slightest thing like make a plan.

Her: I got laid last night. Did you? No bc you are an aggressive douche bag.

That was her.

Apparently all 6 of her female friends think it’s my fault.

What the hell is wrong with this woman? What woman talks or acts like this?

She has really gone nuts. Below are her threats against me.

Her: Delete ALL on fb and twitter or I am contacting the police in one hour

Im not joking

You have until 3pm with proof it is deleted or I am calling the police on you

I will take legal action against you if its not down right now.

You had time to post ahot about me. You have time to take it down. My lawyer friends contacted me that you did this and that i can take action and call the cops on you. Take it down now. I owe yoh jack shit

Ok im calling the cops at 3pm. We’ll see how you like it then

It wasnt public asshole my converation with you. Im sorry you have auch a small dick that you cant handle rejection but publicly posting has legal consequences

Take twitter and fb posts about me down NOW. I will ask my friends at 330pm, giving you an extra 30 mins so you can finish your shitty speech. If its not down by 330, the cops will be notified as will my attorney

I am checking at 330pm. You will regret you messed with me and you will have record. Take that shit down. No woman deserves that for rejecting an asshole

I spoke to my attorney. I can file a charge against you for cyberbullying if you do not take down all posts referencing my name on both fb and twitter. I would need a screen shot proof that all is down.

If you dont take it down the next communication will not be from me

I am not sure why you are psycho and cannot handle rejection.

That was all her.

Wow. Just wow.

eric

Tygrrrr Express March 2016 DC and Florida Spring Break Speaking Schedule

Tuesday, March 1st, 2016

Time for CPAC in DC followed by Spring Break in Florida. 

Here is the Tygrrrr Express March 2016 DC and Florida Spring Break Speaking Schedule

Monday, February 29, 2016 — Flying from LAX to DC

Wednesday, March 2, — Grover Norquist meeting in DC at 10am.

Wednesday-Saturday, March 2-5, — CPAC in DC (National Harbor, Maryland)

Friday, March 4 — Young Jewish Conservatives dinner at CPAC.

Sunday, March 6 — Flying from DC to South Florida.

Monday, March  — Palm Beach Tea Party in Jupiter. Evening.

Wednesday, March 9 — Democrat Debate at Miami Dade College.

Thursday, March 10 — GOP Debate in Miami.

Friday, March 11 — Orlando Republican Women in Florida at lunch. 

Friday, March 11, 2016 — Palm Beach GOP Lincoln Dinner with Donald Trump at Mara Lago in Florida. Tentative.

Monday, March 14, 2016 — Anshei Shalom Synagogue in Delray Beach at 1:30pm. 

Wednesday, March 16, 2016 — Temple Menorah in Miami Beach at 6pm. Tentative

Thursday, March 17, 2016 — Northwest Orange RW near Orlando, Florida at lunch. 

Thursday, March 17, 2016 — Brevard GOP Men’s Club. Evening. 

Monday March 21, 2016 — Villages Tea Party at 6pm. 

Tuesday, March 22, 2016 — Highlands County Tea Party in Sebring. Evening.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016 — Purim.

Monday, March 28, 2016 — Tallahassee GOP Club. Evening. 

Tuesday, March 29, 2016 — Manatee Tea Party near Tampa. Evening.

Thursday or Friday, March 31 or April 1— Flying from Florida back home to Los Angeles.

eric

Election 2016: Nevada Epilogue

Wednesday, February 24th, 2016

2016 GOP Nevada Las Vegas Sin City Caucus

The Nevada Caucus has come and gone, but danger lurks around every corner.

For the good of the Republican Party, my stay in Las Vegas had me checking every single nightclub to make absolutely sure that the GOP candidates were not there.

Florida Senator Marco Rubio was not getting lap dances at Spearmint Rhino. Any suggestion that he was there is false.

Texas Senator Ted Cruz was not at Cheetahs balancing four women on each arm. He has confessed to eating Cheetos on occasion.

Businessman Donald Trump does have a hotel in Las vegas with his last name on it. There is no proof that he spent Tuesday night swimming naked with female supporters in the pool.

Retired Neurosurgeon Ben Carson was not at Tao at the Venetian frolicking in the bathtub with the mermaids.

Ohio Governor John Kasich was not doing jello shots off the bellies of any nubile coeds at the Luxor. An angry Kasich insisted that he suffers from White Midwestern Governor Syndrome, rendering too boring to engage in such activities.

While the GOP candidates were not getting into trouble, it is possible that this was because the media was there. The Louisiana Caucus and Florida Primary both contain many hot spots. Therefore, for the good of country, I will monitor every nightclub in South Beach and Bourbon Street repeatedly. Once I have swept those areas, I will return to Sin City just to make sure the candidates are not trying to sneak in an extra post-Caucus visit.

This was the 2016 GOP Nevada Las Vegas Sin City Caucus Report.

eric

Football is for men, Coldplay is not

Saturday, February 6th, 2016

Football is for men, Coldplay is not

http://www.commdiginews.com/featured/alpha-male-super-bowl-50-stuck-with-metrosexual-coldplay-56925/

eric

2016: We…can…do…this

Friday, January 1st, 2016

2016: We…can…do…this

What the heck is that beeping sound?

(Knocks the phone off the hook, keeps banging the snooze alarm)

A voice tells me it’s my pager. My pager is black, so finding it in the dark is the needle in the haystack equivalent. A lucky smack knocks it against the wall, where it may or may not have shattered. The beeping continues. Why does anyone need a pager anymore anyway?

Who the heck is texting me at this ungodly hour of…(either 7 a.m., 1 p.m., or 1 a.m. …it looks blurry)?

Oh, no. It is 5 a.m., and my first radio interview of the New Year is with the morning man of an East Coast station. Time to pretend to sound coherent and go back to sleep. Oh no, wait, that radio interview was two years ago.

Great, happy wishes for the new year. Thanks. Whoever you are, it is too early to talk to you.

One year the person on the telephone insisted it was 1 p.m. After explaining to them that they were on the East Coast, and that 1 p.m. EST is 10 a.m. in Los Angeles, they grew impatient. They knew how to tell time, and that it was 4 p.m. EST, hence 1 p.m. my time.

Sure, getting up and writing my column is an option. It’s a new year, and starting the year off with a flurry of brilliance might be helpful. Forget it. This column is recycled from years ago.

Election 2016? The first candidate to call me gets blistered in my column … tomorrow.

Bowl games? There is Tivo. Besides, does anybody care who wins the Poulan Weed Eater Bowl, the Lack of Insight.com Bowl, the Fishbowl, the RU486 Morning After Bowl, The California Metrosexual Pride Bowl, or any other game that may or may not be made up?

Speaking of the morning after, does anybody remember the David Byrne Talking Heads song from the movie “Less than Zero? (which the temperature feels like right now, even in LA)? The song is called “Once In A Lifetime.”

“This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife. What have I done? How did I get here?”

It then occurs to me that the beeping sounds are the voices in my head telling me I am too old, even at 44, to stay out this late. Even without alcohol, exhaustion has set in.

Get out of bed? Work calls in (whenever) hours. Better rest up, before my tyrant of a boss complains. Such is the life of the self-employed.

Get up now? Somehow stagger to the shower, get dressed, make it out of my condo to go … where?

The stores are closed. Maybe they are open. Too tired to find out.

My birthday is in just over a week. Time to pace myself.

Work on my website? All that takes is staggering to my couch. Oh, no. My IT guy has not finished it yet. Oh, wait, he did years ago. I clicked on the wrong site.

Go on Jdate and search for women? Not a bad idea, except it is too tiring to check their Adams Apples. This is not the year for a boyfriend, and am not sure that my eyes can tell the difference right now. Besides, Jdate is so 2014. Now it is Tinder, JSwipe and Crush.

Shop on Ebay? No, bad idea. Buying stuff when not at full capacity is problematic. Who needs another mountain goat? Dang creature gets his horns in my hide. Not a comfy way to wake up. Calm down boy, you’ll get some straw to graze on upon my waking up.

Work on my record album? Although again, world, just because my hair is long, that does not mean my band exists. The best instrument is the triangle, because that tells me lunch is ready.

Ahh, yes, lunch. Get up and eat something. My microwave is slow, and a five minute microwave dinner takes almost 15 minutes. Read the paper? It is cold outside my building where the stand is, and it only takes coins. Reading the paper online is tiring, and my printer is not working. At least the lifestyle section makes a great placemat for eating.

Staying in bed for only a couple more hours until (whatever the big and little hands say) would allow me to stay up all night and be totally exhausted for work tomorrow. Again, my boss is a tyrant.

Running errands … not gonna happen.

Every morning, a four word prayer starts my day. My elbows are used to try and leverage them against my bed to prop me up. Placing my alarm clock on the other side of the room failed, since ripping the cord out of the wall solved that problem.

As for the Jewish brunette who stole the covers, her political liberalism was not a problem last night, although if she opens her trap today she will receive a more caustic reception than usual.

Oh wait, she already left. Here is a note. “Tried to wake you, but that was a losing battle. By the way, you have nothing but soda in your fridge. Talk to you soon.” oh, wait, I think that happened a decade ago. This is 2016 not 2005.

She is a liar. There are potato chips in my fridge as well. Why they are there remains a mystery, but it saves having to remember which cabinet they are in. One stop shopping  is the way to go.

Besides, combing my hair for her was enough. Not doing it this morning, proud “retrosexual” that is me.

At least having the decency to say some morning prayers would be appropriate.

“Hey God…those people I pray for every night…yeah those people, the same ones…look after them again.”

Back to sleep, despite every attempt to wake up. The home phone is turned off, the cell is off as well, and the pager is still shattered, in addition to being disconnected years ago.

There may have been a car crash outside my building followed by 911 calls and sirens, but telling everybody to “keep it down,” solved that problem. A brief nightmare of me being late for work was averted when I realized my location to me was known if necessary.

Four televisions in the living room, and none in the bedroom. Who thought that up? Oh yeah, a television in the bedroom would promote laziness. Besides, trying to figure out which remote to use would cause me to break them all as if they were my pager.

Ok, here it is. Come on, elbows, do your stuff. Rise, young lad, rise! Awaken thy exhausted tired eyes!

Why is God shouting? Oh wait, that is my overdramatization of God.

Time to set the alarm now to avoid missing work tomorrow. Where was it thrown? Threw it? Oh, screw it.

Ok, time for my four word prayer. It has gotten me this incredibly terribly far. Time to contemplate getting out of bed.

“We…can…do…this.”

Happy 2016 all. Except for the person that woke me up earlier. Whoever you are, I still can’t stand you, even though you are doing me a favor.

Ten hours and 16 bowl games later, there is only one thing left to do.

Time for a nap. Happy 2016.

Zzzzz.

eric

Top Ten Bimbos of 2015

Thursday, December 31st, 2015

Top Ten Bimbos of 2015

http://www.commdiginews.com/entertainment/the-barack-obama-katy-perry-awards-top-10-bimbos-of-2015-54896/

eric