Archive for the ‘WOMEN’ Category

Dating Disaster–some women are just crazy

Monday, April 18th, 2016

I was supposed to have a date Wednesday night. She cancelled because she was sick. She is against a phone conversation and believes all communication should be online. I prefer human contact.

She asked if we could reschedule for Sunday. I said fine. I thought we were getting together at 7pm. She thought 4pm. Why I don’t know. Fine. I told her all I needed was a place with parking. She said she takes the trains. I said fine but I drive.

I told her to pick the place so it would be something she liked. She said she is used to the guy picking the place. I do not live in NYC.

She said I was being too demanding. She canceled again and de friended me on Facebook.

Are you kidding me? I get so few nights to have fun on this trip and she ruined 2 of them.

Who the hell makes a date without one quick phone convo? It is impossible to convey emotions online.

So the next time I am told I get angry, it is because I am tired of dealing with emotional basket cases. I want to meet a NORMAL woman with her act together.

Get me the hell out of NY. I miss my Los Angeles home, it’s gorgeous weather, and my building with plenty of parking spots.

Now to do nothing today because my plans are ruined by some bitch too crazy to pick up a telephone and make plans like a normal person.

Women wonder why they’re single. It’s because feminism has turned them into combative lunatics who can’t do the slightest thing like make a plan.

Her: I got laid last night. Did you? No bc you are an aggressive douche bag.

That was her.

Apparently all 6 of her female friends think it’s my fault.

What the hell is wrong with this woman? What woman talks or acts like this?

She has really gone nuts. Below are her threats against me.

Her: Delete ALL on fb and twitter or I am contacting the police in one hour

Im not joking

You have until 3pm with proof it is deleted or I am calling the police on you

I will take legal action against you if its not down right now.

You had time to post ahot about me. You have time to take it down. My lawyer friends contacted me that you did this and that i can take action and call the cops on you. Take it down now. I owe yoh jack shit

Ok im calling the cops at 3pm. We’ll see how you like it then

It wasnt public asshole my converation with you. Im sorry you have auch a small dick that you cant handle rejection but publicly posting has legal consequences

Take twitter and fb posts about me down NOW. I will ask my friends at 330pm, giving you an extra 30 mins so you can finish your shitty speech. If its not down by 330, the cops will be notified as will my attorney

I am checking at 330pm. You will regret you messed with me and you will have record. Take that shit down. No woman deserves that for rejecting an asshole

I spoke to my attorney. I can file a charge against you for cyberbullying if you do not take down all posts referencing my name on both fb and twitter. I would need a screen shot proof that all is down.

If you dont take it down the next communication will not be from me

I am not sure why you are psycho and cannot handle rejection.

That was all her.

Wow. Just wow.

eric

Tygrrrr Express March 2016 DC and Florida Spring Break Speaking Schedule

Tuesday, March 1st, 2016

Time for CPAC in DC followed by Spring Break in Florida. 

Here is the Tygrrrr Express March 2016 DC and Florida Spring Break Speaking Schedule

Monday, February 29, 2016 — Flying from LAX to DC

Wednesday, March 2, — Grover Norquist meeting in DC at 10am.

Wednesday-Saturday, March 2-5, — CPAC in DC (National Harbor, Maryland)

Friday, March 4 — Young Jewish Conservatives dinner at CPAC.

Sunday, March 6 — Flying from DC to South Florida.

Monday, March  — Palm Beach Tea Party in Jupiter. Evening.

Wednesday, March 9 — Democrat Debate at Miami Dade College.

Thursday, March 10 — GOP Debate in Miami.

Friday, March 11 — Orlando Republican Women in Florida at lunch. 

Friday, March 11, 2016 — Palm Beach GOP Lincoln Dinner with Donald Trump at Mara Lago in Florida. Tentative.

Monday, March 14, 2016 — Anshei Shalom Synagogue in Delray Beach at 1:30pm. 

Wednesday, March 16, 2016 — Temple Menorah in Miami Beach at 6pm. Tentative

Thursday, March 17, 2016 — Northwest Orange RW near Orlando, Florida at lunch. 

Thursday, March 17, 2016 — Brevard GOP Men’s Club. Evening. 

Monday March 21, 2016 — Villages Tea Party at 6pm. 

Tuesday, March 22, 2016 — Highlands County Tea Party in Sebring. Evening.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016 — Purim.

Monday, March 28, 2016 — Tallahassee GOP Club. Evening. 

Tuesday, March 29, 2016 — Manatee Tea Party near Tampa. Evening.

Thursday or Friday, March 31 or April 1— Flying from Florida back home to Los Angeles.

eric

Election 2016: Nevada Epilogue

Wednesday, February 24th, 2016

2016 GOP Nevada Las Vegas Sin City Caucus

The Nevada Caucus has come and gone, but danger lurks around every corner.

For the good of the Republican Party, my stay in Las Vegas had me checking every single nightclub to make absolutely sure that the GOP candidates were not there.

Florida Senator Marco Rubio was not getting lap dances at Spearmint Rhino. Any suggestion that he was there is false.

Texas Senator Ted Cruz was not at Cheetahs balancing four women on each arm. He has confessed to eating Cheetos on occasion.

Businessman Donald Trump does have a hotel in Las vegas with his last name on it. There is no proof that he spent Tuesday night swimming naked with female supporters in the pool.

Retired Neurosurgeon Ben Carson was not at Tao at the Venetian frolicking in the bathtub with the mermaids.

Ohio Governor John Kasich was not doing jello shots off the bellies of any nubile coeds at the Luxor. An angry Kasich insisted that he suffers from White Midwestern Governor Syndrome, rendering too boring to engage in such activities.

While the GOP candidates were not getting into trouble, it is possible that this was because the media was there. The Louisiana Caucus and Florida Primary both contain many hot spots. Therefore, for the good of country, I will monitor every nightclub in South Beach and Bourbon Street repeatedly. Once I have swept those areas, I will return to Sin City just to make sure the candidates are not trying to sneak in an extra post-Caucus visit.

This was the 2016 GOP Nevada Las Vegas Sin City Caucus Report.

eric

Football is for men, Coldplay is not

Saturday, February 6th, 2016

Football is for men, Coldplay is not

http://www.commdiginews.com/featured/alpha-male-super-bowl-50-stuck-with-metrosexual-coldplay-56925/

eric

2016: We…can…do…this

Friday, January 1st, 2016

2016: We…can…do…this

What the heck is that beeping sound?

(Knocks the phone off the hook, keeps banging the snooze alarm)

A voice tells me it’s my pager. My pager is black, so finding it in the dark is the needle in the haystack equivalent. A lucky smack knocks it against the wall, where it may or may not have shattered. The beeping continues. Why does anyone need a pager anymore anyway?

Who the heck is texting me at this ungodly hour of…(either 7 a.m., 1 p.m., or 1 a.m. …it looks blurry)?

Oh, no. It is 5 a.m., and my first radio interview of the New Year is with the morning man of an East Coast station. Time to pretend to sound coherent and go back to sleep. Oh no, wait, that radio interview was two years ago.

Great, happy wishes for the new year. Thanks. Whoever you are, it is too early to talk to you.

One year the person on the telephone insisted it was 1 p.m. After explaining to them that they were on the East Coast, and that 1 p.m. EST is 10 a.m. in Los Angeles, they grew impatient. They knew how to tell time, and that it was 4 p.m. EST, hence 1 p.m. my time.

Sure, getting up and writing my column is an option. It’s a new year, and starting the year off with a flurry of brilliance might be helpful. Forget it. This column is recycled from years ago.

Election 2016? The first candidate to call me gets blistered in my column … tomorrow.

Bowl games? There is Tivo. Besides, does anybody care who wins the Poulan Weed Eater Bowl, the Lack of Insight.com Bowl, the Fishbowl, the RU486 Morning After Bowl, The California Metrosexual Pride Bowl, or any other game that may or may not be made up?

Speaking of the morning after, does anybody remember the David Byrne Talking Heads song from the movie “Less than Zero? (which the temperature feels like right now, even in LA)? The song is called “Once In A Lifetime.”

“This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife. What have I done? How did I get here?”

It then occurs to me that the beeping sounds are the voices in my head telling me I am too old, even at 44, to stay out this late. Even without alcohol, exhaustion has set in.

Get out of bed? Work calls in (whenever) hours. Better rest up, before my tyrant of a boss complains. Such is the life of the self-employed.

Get up now? Somehow stagger to the shower, get dressed, make it out of my condo to go … where?

The stores are closed. Maybe they are open. Too tired to find out.

My birthday is in just over a week. Time to pace myself.

Work on my website? All that takes is staggering to my couch. Oh, no. My IT guy has not finished it yet. Oh, wait, he did years ago. I clicked on the wrong site.

Go on Jdate and search for women? Not a bad idea, except it is too tiring to check their Adams Apples. This is not the year for a boyfriend, and am not sure that my eyes can tell the difference right now. Besides, Jdate is so 2014. Now it is Tinder, JSwipe and Crush.

Shop on Ebay? No, bad idea. Buying stuff when not at full capacity is problematic. Who needs another mountain goat? Dang creature gets his horns in my hide. Not a comfy way to wake up. Calm down boy, you’ll get some straw to graze on upon my waking up.

Work on my record album? Although again, world, just because my hair is long, that does not mean my band exists. The best instrument is the triangle, because that tells me lunch is ready.

Ahh, yes, lunch. Get up and eat something. My microwave is slow, and a five minute microwave dinner takes almost 15 minutes. Read the paper? It is cold outside my building where the stand is, and it only takes coins. Reading the paper online is tiring, and my printer is not working. At least the lifestyle section makes a great placemat for eating.

Staying in bed for only a couple more hours until (whatever the big and little hands say) would allow me to stay up all night and be totally exhausted for work tomorrow. Again, my boss is a tyrant.

Running errands … not gonna happen.

Every morning, a four word prayer starts my day. My elbows are used to try and leverage them against my bed to prop me up. Placing my alarm clock on the other side of the room failed, since ripping the cord out of the wall solved that problem.

As for the Jewish brunette who stole the covers, her political liberalism was not a problem last night, although if she opens her trap today she will receive a more caustic reception than usual.

Oh wait, she already left. Here is a note. “Tried to wake you, but that was a losing battle. By the way, you have nothing but soda in your fridge. Talk to you soon.” oh, wait, I think that happened a decade ago. This is 2016 not 2005.

She is a liar. There are potato chips in my fridge as well. Why they are there remains a mystery, but it saves having to remember which cabinet they are in. One stop shopping  is the way to go.

Besides, combing my hair for her was enough. Not doing it this morning, proud “retrosexual” that is me.

At least having the decency to say some morning prayers would be appropriate.

“Hey God…those people I pray for every night…yeah those people, the same ones…look after them again.”

Back to sleep, despite every attempt to wake up. The home phone is turned off, the cell is off as well, and the pager is still shattered, in addition to being disconnected years ago.

There may have been a car crash outside my building followed by 911 calls and sirens, but telling everybody to “keep it down,” solved that problem. A brief nightmare of me being late for work was averted when I realized my location to me was known if necessary.

Four televisions in the living room, and none in the bedroom. Who thought that up? Oh yeah, a television in the bedroom would promote laziness. Besides, trying to figure out which remote to use would cause me to break them all as if they were my pager.

Ok, here it is. Come on, elbows, do your stuff. Rise, young lad, rise! Awaken thy exhausted tired eyes!

Why is God shouting? Oh wait, that is my overdramatization of God.

Time to set the alarm now to avoid missing work tomorrow. Where was it thrown? Threw it? Oh, screw it.

Ok, time for my four word prayer. It has gotten me this incredibly terribly far. Time to contemplate getting out of bed.

“We…can…do…this.”

Happy 2016 all. Except for the person that woke me up earlier. Whoever you are, I still can’t stand you, even though you are doing me a favor.

Ten hours and 16 bowl games later, there is only one thing left to do.

Time for a nap. Happy 2016.

Zzzzz.

eric

Top Ten Bimbos of 2015

Thursday, December 31st, 2015

Top Ten Bimbos of 2015

http://www.commdiginews.com/entertainment/the-barack-obama-katy-perry-awards-top-10-bimbos-of-2015-54896/

eric

Meet Renee, eharmony cyberstalker

Wednesday, November 25th, 2015

Meet Renee, eharmony cyberstalker

Dear Renee from Pasadena, California,

I hope you never go on another date as long as you live. I hope you die barren and alone. You give all women a bad name.

1) Cyberstalking is lame. My life is public. If you want to ask me something about myself, just ask. I didn’t spend one minute Googling you.

2) The next time you read a quote about me, read the whole quote. I understand you’re probably ADD, but you only read 1/2 the quote.

Example: “I think we should eat healthier, set a better example for our children.”

Now read the spliced quote: “I think we should eat…children.”

Do you see how those sentences are different? Stupid b*tch.

3) The 1/2 quote you misread was from 2007. I guess you have not changed in the slightest in 8 years. I also got into fistfights in college. Perhaps that should scare you. I also stole cookies from my mom’s cookie jar. Perhaps that means I lead a life of crime.

When people ask why I prefer to date Republican women, it’s because I don’t want a hypersensitive priss who b*tches & complains about the slightest little things, especially when she has no idea what the hell she is talking about. For liberals, this is always.

Renee, you are a liberal. That is why you are a hypersensitive crybaby who lacks anything remotely resembling class. I would post your phone number and your picture but then you would get cyberstalkers, and nobody wants that. I know I don’t.

It genuinely angers me at how many low class women act badly and then wonder where all the good guys are.

Renee is a liberal. These are liberals. This is who they are. This is how they behave.

I HATE CYBERSTALKERS!

eric

Slutwalk Saturday

Sunday, October 4th, 2015

Today in Los Angeles is SlutWalk 2015, the only leftist movement with any redeeming value.

http://social.filmon.com/slutwalk

Slutwalk was supposed to be about female empowerment. The scantily clad women were dancing to gangsta rap, which calls women sluts, bizzatches and hos. Conclusion: Liberal women are idiots.

To promote gender equality, I’m organizing the Million Frat Boy March. #‎FratBoyLivesMatter.

Male reproductive needs must be paid for by government: Scented candles, Marvin Gaye and Barry White records, and hard alcohol. If they look like Sandra Fluke, paper bags will be provided. She’s a 3-bagger.

If you disagree with me, you’re an anti-male, anti-heteronormative, anti-heterosexist bigot who should shut the Sandra Fluke up.

This concludes Slutwalk Saturday.

Now to watch “Old School.”

eric

My interview with Sydney Elaine Leathers

Sunday, July 26th, 2015

My interview with Sydney Elaine Leathers

http://www.commdiginews.com/politics-2/interview-with-sydney-leathers-45681/

eric

239 decadent reasons to love America

Monday, July 6th, 2015

There are plenty of serious reasons to love America.

https://www.facebook.com/eric.golub.5/posts/10155694654130401?notif_t=like

From 1776-2015, here are 239 decadent reasons to love America. God bless the USA.

eric

 

1980 Olympic Gold Medal Hockey Team
1980s hard rock hair metal
2 Live Crew’s Banned in the USA
7-Eleven Big Gulps and Slurpees
ACDC’s You shook me, Thunderstruck, Moneytalks
Adam Sandler
Aerosmith
Airheads band The Lone Rangers
Al D’Amato’s singing
Alf
America the Beautiful sung by Ray Charles
American soldiers and veterans
Animaniacs
Anthony Clark
Bad Touch’s Discovery Channel
Batman: The Dark Knight
BB King and Lucille
Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia
Biff Henderson
Bill Cosby, Himself video
Bill Murray’s Quick Change
Bill of Rights
Bill the Cat
Billiards
Blue Collar Comedy Tour
Bluegrass Junction
Bounce houses
Bouncing 25 cent rubber balls
Boxing promoter Don King
Brooklyn
Bubblebaths for two
Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck
Burgertime
Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise movies
Caddyshack
Capitalism
Capture the flag
Cards Against Humanity
Chabad Houses
Charitable people
Cheerleaders
Cheers’s Sam Mayday Malone and Norm Peterson
Cherry Lime Rickeys
Chocolate covered cherries
Chris Berman
Chris Gardner’s The Pursuit of Happyness
Chris Noth’s Mike Logan
Chris Tucker singing Barry White
Coca-Cola
Coed touch football
Colorwar
Commando and pantsless Wednesdays (until HR intervened)
Conan O’Brien’s In the Year 2000
Corn Fritters
Cosmic Bowling
County Fairs
Dale Intimidator Earnhardt’s 1998 Daytona 500
Dana Carvey
Dann Florek’s Captain Donald Cragen
David Letterman’s Top Ten Lists
Dennis Farina
Desperate Housewives
Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo
Die Hard
DirecTV NFL Package
Dog-riding monkey
Donald Trump’s Apprentice
Doritos
Dr. Brown’s Black Cherry Soda
Dr. Charles Krauthammer
Duck Dynasty
Ebay
Edible underthings
Entrepreneurship
ESPN
Eye of the tiger
Fireworks
Flavored massage oil
Founding Fathers
Fox News
Fraggle Rock
Freedom, liberty, right of dissent
Gaga (dodgeball using closed fist and cherry ball)
Game nights
Garlic knots
Gatorade dumping on coaches
George W. Bush picks up bullhorn
Glow sticks as fake cigars
Golden Corral
GPS trackers
Greg the Bunny
Hamburgers
Happy face emoticons
Harmonicas
Hawaii
Henny Youngman
Hot Chocolate’s You sexy thing (I believe in miracles)
Hot scantily clad women
Howard Stern
I once finger-(blanked) a hermit crab (whoever said that)
In n Out Burger
Independence Day BBQs
Instant messaging
Internet dating
Iphones
Italian ices
J. Geils Band’s Centerfold
Jack Nicholson’s Colonel Nathan R. Jessup
Jacuzzi romps
Jell-O
Jell-O wrestling
Jerry Orbach’s Lenny Briscoe
Jerry Reed’s Eastbound and Down
Jim Carrey’s Ace Ventura, Pet Detective
John Cougar Mellencamp’s Pink Houses and Hurts so good
John Facenda’s The Autumn Wind
John McEnroe’s tennis tantrums
Judaism celebrated in peace
Justice Scalia’s scathing dissents
Karl Rove’s whiteboard
Kazoos
KFC Popcorn Chicken
Kickball
Kim Kardashian’s bare bottom
King of the Hill
Kool-Aid
Kosher imitation bacon and crab
Krispy Kreme Donut Hamburgers
Laff-Olympics
Larry Hagman’s J.R. Ewing on Dallas
Las Vegas
Lee Greenwood’s God bless the USA and Bandit Express
Louisiana Cajun Cooking (Especially with Justin Wilson)
Lucky Charms
Madden Football
Magnum, P.I.
Mardi Gras, New Orleans
Mark Levin’s rants
Married with Children’s Al Bundy
Marvin Gaye’s Sexual Healing and Let’s get it on
Mascots
McDonalds
Meat and potatoes
Michael J. Fox’s Alex P. Keaton on Family Ties
Mills Lane yelling Let’s get it on
Miniature golf
Monopoly
Morris Day and the Time’s Jerk Out
Mountain Dew Code Red
MTV’s Celebrity Deathmatch
Murder, She Wrote
Nathan’s Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest
National Federation of Republican Women
National Football League
Neocons
New Years Eve noisemakers
New York Post front and back page
New York Stock Exchange opening and closing bells
NFL Films
NFL Network
Oakland Raiders
Old School with Will Ferrell and Vince Vaughn
Overtime playoff hockey
Pajama parties
Peaceful transition of political power
Phil Hartman
Pizza
Political Conventions
Pool volleyball
Pringles
Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio
Q-Bert
Queen’s I want it all
Raider Nation
Rainbow Sherbert
Redeye with Greg Gutfeld
Republican Jewish Brunettes
Republican Party Animals
Riptide
Robin Williams
Ronald Reagan’s self-deprecating jokes 
Rudy Giuliani’s New York toughness
Run DMC
Rush Limbaugh
San Diego Wild Animal Park
Satellite TV
Save a horse, ride a cowboy
Scrabble
Sean Hannity’s Freedom Concerts
Seinfeld
Sexting
Sherman Hemsley’s George Jefferson
Sizzler
Sky high skyscrapers
Skype
Slim Jims
Snoopy’s Joe Cool
Snow football
Social networks for building businesses
South Beach, Miami
South Park
Spiderman
Sportsbars
Stock trading
Stratego
Strip chess
Stuart Scott
Sudoku
Summer camp
Super Soakers
Supply-side tax cuts
T-shirt originals
Taco Bell
Talk radio
Thanksgiving with John Madden
The Color of Money
The Counter Build Your Own Burger
The Expendables
The Frat Pack
The Honeymooners
The Muppets
The Onion
Tivo
Toby Keith’s Courtesy of the Red White and Blue
Train rides
Trampoline Dodgeball
Tygrrrr Express
USA Cartoon Express
Video Arcade Games
We’re not France
Weekend at Bernie’s
Western medicine
Whitesnake’s Here I go again video
Wifi on planes
XM Sirius Satellite Radio
Yoo-Hoo
Young Jewish Conservatives
Yummy bouncies and badonkadonks
ZZ Top’s Sleeping Bag and Sharp Dressed Man