I wonder what it would sound like if the music of Kelly Clarkson was sung by Adam Sandler in “Happy Gilmore.”
“I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly…
Why did I down…a whole pizza pie…
Piece of clay…eat some hay…I…just…may.”
That has nothing to do with anything. The idle mind is the devil’s playground, and without the NFL I am becoming an amusement park.
In a terrible turn of twin events, football is having labor problems while baseball sadly is not. Unfortunately, baseball failed to go on strike. Kevin in Oregon is thrilled with this. Somebody has to be.
Sports often brings people together, but not like this.
Before getting to the opening day of the “sport” I refuse to cover, my friend Kevin recently began a small business. He operates a moving food cart. “The Rolling Stoves: Gimme Sandwich” operates out of Portland, Oregon.
http://www.facebook.com/?sk=messages#!/pages/Gimme-Sandwich/124858077580535?sk=info
Kevin can’t stand my politics and is merciless in hammering me over my anti-baseball stance. So why am I supporting him? He is a friend, and if you knew him you would understand why people like the guy.
Every year around this time an annual ritual occurs.
I write my column on why baseball is so colossally, mind numbingly boring. For violating Kevin’s 11th commandment of “Thou shalt not ever criticize baseball,” I incur his wrath. He delivers his wrath in the form of insults with all the passion of somebody criticizing his prophet.
(In all fairness he does not blow himself up in the town square.)
One year he pointed out to me that “baseball is a thinking man’s sport, and therefore not for everyone.” Other years he just calls me a meathead or pudding head.
In the same way that appeasing terrorists does not work, the same is true of lacerating insult comics. So no, I do not expect mercy from Kevin just because I promoted his business. With my luck I will get a sandwich named after me that would make me cringe.
(Yes, that was an attempt to get something out of this.)
Well Kevin, opening day happened. I hope that you become the official sandwich server of Major League Baseball.
Then when we both become rich and famous we will appear on television together and I will remind you again that baseball is boring.
I will then hope they cut to commercial because you always did have the last word.
eric
What an interesting post! I’m going to learn more about this guy! I love good business schemes!
It may seem like sometimes you and I are polar opposites, but really, really we’re not. We’re both Brooklyn natives. We both grew up in the middle class NYC metro area. I’m Italian/Irish, your Jewish. If you were a few years older, or I few younger, and we met at the Meadowlands, or the Garden, or at any of the big rock shows, we’d hit it off like long lost brothers.
So, we have some things in common…
I can’t stand baseball either. I liked playing it until I was about 15 or so, but I never liked watching it. Ever. After the ’81 strike, I came to really dislike the professional game. I did not like the position of the players or the owners and to this day believe the anti-trust exemption should be removed from MLB.
The NFL and NBA have overtaken MLB because they have smart, functional, fair business plans. Baseball is a boring sport to watch in the first place, and the thought of it being institutionally crooked on top of that just makes it a sad joke.
I remember one year when the Yankees had a payroll that was one hundred times that of the Padres, and the Padres made the playoffs that year.
It just goes to show: In the nature of the game, baseball involves a lot, A LOT, of luck. Pure simple luck. And pure simple, very specific, aptitudes that few people have. Basketball, and especially hockey, suffer this problem as well, but baseball, because of the nature of the game, suffers this the most. Only so many people can pitch a ball at 95 miles an hour. Only so many people can hit that ball well and still have a batters box that could accomodate that possibility. In other words – the problem with baseball is that only a few people can play it.
Anyone can play football. Football has something for everyone – multiple positions of every sort, many different kinds of plays that can incorporate lots of different personal types.
Now, that said, MLB features some amazing athletes performing some amazing feats. But pitching and hitting is just soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo boring.
It could be a great sport, but it needs to be updated. As for it’s business framework, I really don’t even care anymore.
As for the NFL.
I’m *&^%$#@!@#$%^&*()_+_)(*&^%$#@!@# mad about this.
Tygrrrr, I wish you would write this:
“ROGER GOODELL – FIGURE THIS OUT OR RESIGN!”
JMJ