YES WE CAN make fun of Obama!
My friend Evan Sayet will be doing his monthly night of politically conservative comedy this Tuesday. The event takes place at the world famous Laugh Factory in Hollywood. For more details, go to his website.
While I will only be a happy spectator for his November show, I will be performing at his December show. Much of my routine is below.
For those that are wondering why I would publish a comedy routine before actually do it, I was concerned that Obama might ban conservative comedy before the show starts. He will not be sworn in yet, but I do not argue with the Messiah.
I find it ridiculous, and not in a good way, that comedians say that it is impossible to make fun of Obama. They say it is difficult. No, it is not. Some say it is because he is black. Others say that he is just so “cool,” Like Will Smith, that there is just nothing to lampoon. While he is not a serial hound dog like Bill Clinton, comedians that cannot find any materail poking fun at Barack Obama are simply lazy.
I came up with a ton of material, and it took me about 15 minutes to do so. Even if only a portion of this stuff works, 15 minutes is not much time to create a routine. At the end of the routine, I will sing the revival of the GOP to the tune of Gloria Gaynor’s “I will survive.”
Until then, here is my rough draft at an entire comedy routine lampooning His Royal Earness.
Obama Jokes
People say we cannot make fun of Obama…in the spirit of unity and harmony, let me say, “YES WE CAN. YES WE CAN. YES WE CAN.”
Ok, that was my entire routine, goodnight. (Pretends to walk off stage)
There is plenty to make fun of. This is a guy who thinks that Fannie Mae starred in commercials for Polident.
This is a guy who thinks that the subprime mess was connected to Bernie Mac.
I am not saying his head is disproportioned, but they renamed the Presidential plane Ear Force One.
Some people say he is effeminate. Not true. This guy is a world class athlete. He can jump 20 feet in the air and reach his nose.
I am not saying he is a snob, but picture John Kerry and Jacques Chirac having a baby.
I apologize for that last joke. It is one thing to say a man is half black. It is another to imply a man is half French.
(I then have 2 different approaches to the racial issue)
1) I’m not saying we have a long way to go before reaching racial harmony, but Senator Robert Byrd did not need to ask Obama to valet his car.
2) If you really want to prove racial progress in America, Obama should go on the Senate floor and ask Senator Robert Byrd to valet HIS car.
Yes, there still is racism in America, but we have lived long enough to see people bury the hatchet. We will now see a black President put aside racial differences, go to the Senate floor, and shake hands with a Kleagle from West Virginia.
Barack Obama wanted to name John Kerry Secretary of State. This is a perfect choice. Obama favors “tough diplomacy.” Kerry can take Armageddonijad and bore him to death.
(Al Gore can be used in that one as well)
Obama has been given extra Secret Service protection. After all, somebody has to stop people from breaking into the White House since Bill Clinton won’t stop his own wife.
People said Obama was too cocky, that before the election he was measuring the drapes. That’s not true. Hillary took them back in 2000.
Yes, Obama should reach out to people, but do we really want Ted Kennedy as Secretary of Transportation?
People say that Obama is as cool as Will Smith. Will Smith took care of the alien invaders. At least he secured our borders.
People say Obama has a Jewish problem. Yeah right, I have a Jewish problem. Obama doesn’t have to sit across from my relatives at Thanksgiving. My dad looks at Obama and says, “Son, why can’t you get a haircut like that nice young man. You’ll never be President without a shave.”
Obama will never know what it’s like to experience the pain of being a Jewish man until he goes on 20 Jdates.
(Another version: When asked about the suffering of the Jewish people, Obama reached an understanding when he lamented, “Yes, I’ve heard the horrors of Jdate.”)
I’m not saying the media was biased, but Chris Matthews puts on “Eau D’Obama Anus” perfume before leaving the house.
I am not saying Obama can be smug, but he puts it on as well.
I am not saying the black community is crossing the line in celebration, but does Snoop Dogg really need to spank Ann Coulter in his new video?
The black community has a new breakfast special. Barack Obama is a cool glass of milk, Michelle Obama eggs people on to support her husband, Charles Rangel brings home the bacon, Al Sharpton provides several pounds of bull, and best of all, Jesse Jackson is toast.
I’m not saying Jesse Jackson is angry and bitter, but Bill Clinton came up to him and said, “Honey, let’s go back to Chappaqua.”
I know some liberals that don’t own a tv, and get their information from NPR. They say they are proud to vote for a black man. How the heck do they know he’s black? All they have is a radio! I thought they were against racial profiling.
Barack Obama was asked if he would send the military to hot spots with black populations where suffering was occurring. While he did not commit to send troops to Darfur, Bill Clinton did say that South America policy should consist of finally invading Donna Brazile.
I am not saying Obama has more to learn about the Jewish community, but I did appreciate the holiday card he sent me wishing me a happy Chaka Khan.
Thanks to Obama’s election, I am now an environmentalist. I’ve reduced my emissions by 30%. I no longer have VP dreams about Sarah Palin.
I’m not saying I say “I’m not saying” too much…I’m just saying…
eric
He was serious when he said there was 57 states.
He included each Hawaiian island.
Good stuff. You should include Micky’s too. That was a good one.
Let’s see if I can think of a few…
People worry that the new administration won’t be watching out for Israel. I wouldn’t worry. Heck, with Rahm Emanuel in there, Israel will be watching out for us!
Wanna talk about change? How’s this: France elects a conservative president and we elect a liberal. It’s like Bizzarro world! What’s next? Iran elects Pat Robertson while Israel elects Ahmadinejad?
Some black people say Obama is not a black guy while some white people say Obama is not a white guy. Really, he’s both. He’s half and half. So, if you’re joking about Obama and you’re worried about sensitivity among black people, just joke about the white half. That should be okay.
Some people worry that Michelle Obama will be playing to large a roll as First Lady. At 5-foot-11, I’d be worried that she’d be playing too tall a roll! She’s the tallest First Lady since Eleanor Roosevelt, who was the same height – what does that tell ya’? At least she’s the tallest straight First Lady…
Thank God we finally have a president who can play basketball. No more getting stomped by those 7-foot eastern-European freaks at the UN pick-up league.
For those people who think Obama might be a “closet Muslim,” think about this: He’s monogomous and only been married once, he dumped his church because it was too political, he refused to salute the flag or wear the pin, his wife wears long dresses, he quit smoking and doesn’t drink, he’s knocked on doors all over the country – I think he may be a “closet Jehovah’s Witness!”
Well, we’ve finally elected an African American president. We almost elected a woman. There goes racism and sexism. Now we need a new “ism” to keep us occupied. I say we go with “speciesism.” Damn squirrels…
JMJ
I laughed, Eric! That’s something positive . . . your routine should be a real treat. One of these days, look up my blog “Mad Blogs and Englishmen.” I just started it, but we seem to share a similar sense of humor.
Heres a couple Eric.
History was made in America this week as Barack Obama became the first black man to enter the white house without a mop.
Breaking news from the White House…Bush has had his wallet stolen already!!
“Al-Qaeda must be kicking themselves. All this time they’ve been using bombs and it turns out all they had to do to cripple the West was take out a load of mortgages!”
If you really dashed out all those jokes in 15 minutes then I have to hate you. I was writing for newsbusters and I would agonize over jokes for hours and they were mediocre at best. Good luck. If you’re worried about the audience reaction, just bring a can of Raid. It kills crickets.