THE TYGRRRR EXPRESS

Many of you over the last couple years have gone onto the internet or turned on the television and typed or heard the following words…

Natalie Holloway. Scott Peterson. Anna Nicole Smith. Don Imus. Rosie O’Donnell. Michael Richards. Al Sharpton. Jesse Jackson. Simon Cowell. Duke Lacrosse Players.  Michael Jackson. Madonna’s adoption. Bennifer. Brangelina. Tomkat. Vinnifer Vaughniston. Inside Edition. Access Hollywood. Entertainment Tonight. Barbra Streisand. Tim Robbins. Susan Sarandon. Sean Penn. Whoopi Goldberg. J Lo. K-Fed. Britney Spears. Mel Gibson. Mike Nifong. Joy Behar. Joe Wilson. Valerie Plame. Paris Hilton. Sasha Borat Cohen. Tara Reid. Lindsay Lohan’s dad. Howard K. Stern.

Now that I have your attention, if any of you care about any 3 of the items mentioned above, you are an imbecile. You are contributing to the decline of society. We are in the middle of World War III with Islamofacists, and you want to waste time with nonsense.

I am not concerned with Sanjaya. I am concerned with Bashar Assad and Armageddonijad. I am not concerned with Barack Obama in a bathing suit. Personally, I am not concerned with Barack Obama in any suit, because until he talks about what to do about Osama Bin Laden and hot pursuit he is Barack Obama the empty suit. I do not care about the View. With apologies to Winston Churchhill, never have so many…especially women…cared so much…about stuff that mattered so little. Even Fox News is dumbing down its brand with “Redeye,” where the main comedy gag is a correspondent talking to his mother, which was hilarious when David Letterman did it ages ago. I am so disgusted that nonsense like Redeye is on the air that I cannot even overlook the fact that Julia Allison and Rachel Marsden are drop dead gorgeous. How these two bright women force themselves to lower their intellect to do the topics they are given…but it’s not their fault.

Barbara Walters once interviewed Menachem Begin. Now she is fascinated by Paris Hilton.  Greta Van Susteren has an intelligent outlook on issues that mean zero. I can only imagine how great she would be if she did hard news. Heck, even Geraldo gets it, for crying out loud. Once ridiculed as the idiot behind Al Capone’s vaults and the victim of a Bobby Knight style chair throw, he now reports from Iraq. It is never to late to be taken seriously, or at least to try.

While it is tempting to blame many of the above topics, some are blameless. Natalie Holloway did not deserve to go missing, nor did the Duke lacrosse players deserve to be tried and convicted without going to court. Nevertheless, these people are not as important as Stephen Harper, Angela Merkel, or Nicholas Sarkozy. If you have no idea who they are, please leave this Earth because you are using up valuable air, and in some cases, television or internet air time.

The American public has got to stop lowering itself. We can become intelligent human beings again. George W. Bush is waging a Global War on Terror. We cannot do anything to help if we spend our time worrying about the fact that some Hollywood Celebrity who won some award because he almost became President except he lost his home state of Tennessee tells us that in thousands of years after we are all dead it might become warm outside (It is currently 38 degrees in April in Chicago).

Some people say that escapism is a good way to unwind, that we cannot focus on hard news all the time. This is a copout. People who spend their time on soft news usually know nothing else. I can watch Eva Longoria traipse around in her underclothing, but I would be embarrassed to see that reported as a news story while Nancy Pelosi is trying to undermine our government in a time of war.

There is a medical procedure that I will refer to as “cranial-glutial extraction surgery.” It is a procedure where people have their heads removed from their hides.

Some will say it is good that after 9/11 we have gotten back to normal. Worrying about possible hijinks on American Idol is not getting back to normal. It is complacency.

I enjoyed seeing Will Ferrell in “Blades of Glory.” I loved “Old School.” I liked “Anchorman.” Going to a movie is escapism. When I come home after a hard day’s work, I want to know if the world I live in is about to be blown to kingdom come. I do not want Anchorman’s Ron Burgundy telling me about how a space alien and a baby panda mated and produced Al Sharpton, who by the way is related to Strom Thurmond, which is about as important to society as me being the 164,000th cousin of Adam by birth and Eve by marriage.

Rather than start a debate about eugenics, I will ask my fellow Americans to either stop spending time focusing on nonsense, or voluntarily promise not to reproduce. It is important you learn where babies come from so that you can keep this promise. Otherwise, your children will be worse because stupidity is exponential.

We are at war. Iran is plotting to destroy the world, and bringing Anna Nicole back from the dead will not prevent this.

If we are to win the War on Terror, we must declare a war on nonsense. We cannot kill every Al Queda terrorist if our citizens are busy killing their brain cells.

Americans are can do people. We have the ability to be intelligent again. There is a place for nonsense, but it should be the exception, not the rule.

As I pray to God at night, I pray for America to win the war on nonsense, so that Americans can focus on how to help win the War on Terror.

eric

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 12th, 2007 at 1:26 am and is filed under POLITICS. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.