My 2009 NCAA March Madness “Predictions”

Anybody can make predictions of events before they happen.

I hope the world appreciates my ability to try and predict results of the 2009 NCAA March Madness tournament after most of the games have been played.

First of all, I have not watched the games. If I never hear Dick Vitale say the word “baby” ever again, my life will be just fine. I may watch the final game, but for now, I will offer some thoughts on the tournament itself.

This is not in any way to be considered investment advice, especially since I have no idea what I am talking about.

There are two ways to approach the tournament. The first way is to pick the 65th best team in a 64 team tournament. The play in game featured Alabama State. I almost picked them to win the entire tournament. Apparently they lost the play in game and did not make the tournament.

Another way I approach it is to take the brain dead approach and simply pick the favorite. Therefore, I have the North Carolina Tar Heels winning it all, even though I have no idea what a Tar Heel is.

I refuse to play in office pools because in 1994, I picked the Arkansas Razorbacks to win it all. They did, and I still didn’t win the pool. Apparently those other 12, 367 games below the final game matter.

One rule that must immediately be instituted is the banning of any school where the name of the school does not tell a person where the school is located.

I know what state Virginia Tech is located in. I know where Mississippi State is located. What the heck is a Valparaiso? They should be banned. Somebody told me they did not make the tournament anyway, but their evil cousins did. Siena is a crayon in a crayon box, and it is burnt.

Perhaps an exemption can be given to Duke since they have won it before. Yet I still don’t know how they get “Sha-shef-sky” out of “Kra-zew-sky.” Until Coach K becomes Coach S, they should not win. I know he criticized President Obama, but I do not mix my sports and politics. The President picked North Carolina, but he agrees with me, not the other way around.

I am rooting for North Carolina because I have always admired Dean Smith. I met him, and he is a nice guy. Also, Michael Jordan played there, so they have to be good.

Villanova gets an exemption because I correctly picked them over Georgetown in 1985. Who doesn’t like saying the name Rollie Massimino? I did. Ok, back then I actually did watch, and Villanova played them tough both times during the regular season. Yet again, it is cool saying Rollie Massimino. He was one of the worst dressed  coaches in the game, with Louis Carnesecca and that sweater at St. Johns. Plus, I still do not know what a Hoya is.

So enough with Gonzaga, and if they made the tournament, forget Monmouth.

Also, is there any state in the union that has a State and a Tech. Is there an Oklahoma Tech or a Texas State? Why can’t there be a State and a Tech in the same state? I will lobby for it.

Also, what is the purpose of the NIT Tournament? Does the winner jump up and yell, “We’re # 66!”?

I am removing Maryland from the list of teams that should win. I learned today what a Terrapin is. It is not a bowling pin. It is a turtle.

Notre Dame should never win because I disliked Lou Holtz. Yes, I know he coached football, but the school acts like the Pope cares if they win. Also, despite being told they play in Indiana, that has not been proven by their name. President Obama is speaking there, but again this is not political. However, despite Nicolas Sarkozy, the French still should not win an American tournament. Notre Dame is too European for me. She ain’t my lady.

Anyway, I will read the papers at some point, assuming newspapers still exist, and see who I would have wanted to win. Either way, grown men getting excited over young boys is something that should draw the attention of Law and Order SVU.

Also, Duke and North Carolina are 8 miles apart. They play in the same conference. Yet they are in different brackets. Explain this to me. No, wait. Don’t. How can Duke be the Blue Devils? Devils are red, not blue. As for the Blue Demons, Depaul has not been good for awhile. Therefore, they may be eliminated under the lack of easily identifiable location clause. Wake Forest is the worst of the lot. They are Demon Deacons, which is as contradictory as Led Zeppelin. I hear they are also in North Carolina, but there is not enough for them and Duke in the lack of identity category.

What is worse is after this tournament, baseball season starts. I miss football.

Lastly, the Tennessee Volunteers will win the women’s tournament because I think they do every year. Also, I am intimidated by Pat Summitt.

If any teams I predicted to win have either already been eliminated or never made the tournament, don’t blame me. I did not watch the games.


One Response to “My 2009 NCAA March Madness “Predictions””

  1. Dav Lev says:

    Many moons ago, I was at great basketball game between the NYU violets
    and UCLA Bruins. It was held, believe it or not, at the old Pan Pacific
    Auditorium. NYU players averaged about 6 feet 10. Gosh they were so
    intimidating. The Bruins, were about 5 foot 10 (actually I’m exaggerating, they were somewhat taller, but not by much).

    At any rate, the auditorium crowd saw what was one of the most
    exciting games ever, the Bruins beating NYU. UCLA was just too fast.

    This was not the Wooden teams of later years..but the beginning of
    the long run of wins and NCAA titles.

    Years later, I took a drive to Dykstra Hall at the same UCLA, just
    for a casual drive (little traffic then) and to catch up on my reading
    in the lounge. Guess who walked through the door, but Lew Alcindor.
    He had just arrived at the residence hall from, I think Manhattan.
    We can all look back at what was to be probably the most successful
    college and professional career of any US basketball player.

    What I recall to this day, was his very thin build, huge crop of hair,
    and tremendous height. He was tall.

    I sat on a ping pong table, and guess who sat next to me, but Lew.
    He was so tall, I remember both his feet hitting the floor.

    Occasionally I see him on TV now, as the coach of a current seven
    footer. I also see the former Bruin coach, John Wooden, who I ran into
    at a donut shop in Encino, also many years ago. Wooden, and Lew Alcindor, real, as we say, menchen.

    I liked Gail Goodrich and Jack Hirsch, two of the best Bruin basketball
    players ever. Goodrich was 6 feet 1.5 inches..Hirsch about 6 feet
    3 inches. My how things have changed, even in college basketball.

    Soon after the UCLA-NYU game, the basketball game scandels
    emerged. A guy by the name of Paprocky was significantly involved.
    I think he played for the Violets that game?

    Basketball is a fine game..and deserves the enthusiasm of college youth.
    But let’s admit something, it AND football are mainly great sources of
    revenue for colleges. I mean, does anyone remember all five of the
    basket ball players on Wooden’s first championship team?
    Does anyone remember Walt Hazard..or is it Hazzard? I do very
    vividly. Gosh could he reverse dribble and bullet pass. Hows about
    Keith Erickson or Fred Slauter..or is it Slaughter?

    Jimmy Kimmel last night displayed his talent. He showed a clip
    on his TV program of a successful full court shot. Even Walt Hazard
    couldn’t do that.

    But back to more important events, the Israeli prison system and
    parliament have announced that some priviledges will be taken
    away from incarcerated terrorists in Israeli jails. The canteen allowance
    will be reduced, and radios will be curtailed or limited. Correspondence
    courses will be eliminiated for inmates.

    This is in response to the fact that Hamas has not allowed anyone,
    including the Red Cross to visit with a soldier captured over 1,000 days
    ago (in Israel) named Shalit. Israel is getting tough on those
    captured murderers or accomplices to murder by these latest steps.
    It cannot deny them the Red Cross..per international law (Hamas
    doesn’t respect these laws when it comes to Israel).

    Soooooo, prisoners are threatening to go on hunger strikes, and other
    actions. Hamas has blasted Israel threatening to kidnap more soldiers.

    While back in Washington D.C., Obama is pushing his talk, engage
    and diplomacy.

    I guess I prefer the quiet days when UCLA had Alcindor, when men were
    men, and Israel was not intimidated by the UN and EU into
    commiting suicide and there was no EU to “Demand” Israel relinqusih
    part of itself to allow for two states, one Jewish, the other Arab. I mean
    what would Begin or Shamir say?

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