My NCAA March Madness College Basketball Predictions

With regards to the NCAA basketball tournament known as March Madness, there should be a media boycott until Dick Vitale retires. I never want to hear him say the word “baby” ever again.

This concludes the NCAA report. If it does not involve the NFL lockout, it is irrelevant and barely sports.

What does the winner of the NIT tournament chant? We’re # 65? Or 66 now that we have a play-in game?

In the play-in game, I predict an all Jewish affair as American Jewish University loses to Brandeis. The Palesimian team will blow up in the first round, and most likely not leave any Jewish teams surviving.

When Louisville plays Kentucky, the players will be criticized for having their pants around their ankles. Oh no wait, that would be the coach.

Winning teams will cut down the nets. In college basketball it will be declared tradition. In the real world it is vandalism.

Wisconsin teams will not play because they are busy protesting. The same is true with the Libyan team.

The tournament should consider banning any school where the name of the school does not tell us where the school is located. I understand Virginia Tech and North Carolina State. Nobody cares what a Valparaiso, Marquette, Duschesne, or Monmouth is.

Duke can apply for an exemption. Notre Dame could if it was football and if they would stop acting like the Pope cares if they win. Wake Forest is a coin flip.

The North Carolina Tar Heels may win because people have heard of them. Michael Jordan played for them, and people have heard of him.

The women’s game will feature Tennessee and Connecticut in the finals because they win every year. Plus, Pat Summitt is more intimidating than most men. I may be attracted to her in a “scary hot” kind of way.

If North Carolina falters, look for the Florida Atlantic University Owls to win it all. Their Hillel House is near my parents’ home, and I like them. Plus, the games will be played at night, and Owls are nocturnal creatures.

For those refusing to take my advice, just know that within a couple of days your brackets will be as screwed up as the Middle East.

At least I saved money this year by continuing my annual tradition of not caring.

Call me back in April when Dick Vitale goes back into his cave. He switches places with Mel Kiper Jr. I would sooner watch hours of people deciding who gets to be on what team than Vitale drooling over teeange boys in a way that would make the Law and Order Special Victims Unit crew concerned.

This concludes the college basketball report.

Six months until NFL 2011 kickoff, which will happen.


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