Independence Day is a celebrating of cherishing American freedom. The greatest freedom we have is freedom of speech.
Naturally, that somehow leads to me getting tons of hate mail.
For the sake of full disclosure, much of this hate mail was sent to me in June, not July. So for those who will claim that makes this column one big lie, please do not reproduce. Your children will be exponentially more useless to society.
While leftists in general are the problem, lately it is Ron Paulbots who are the main source of hostility in America.
They seem to think the First Amendment applies to private entities. It actually prevents the government from restricting speech. There is no constitutional right to own a keyboard and internet access, much less use it for abusive purposes.
Nevertheless, watching some of these critters in their natural habitat is quite entertaining. Sometimes it is tough to tell the difference between gorillas and guerrillas. Either way, feed the Paulbots some peanuts and bananas, sit back, and enjoy my July hate mail.
“matt
[email protected]
why do you write such horrible articles? please stop for the sake of humanity”
Analysis: As long as I know that there are imbeciles who are compulsively addicted to responding, I will keep writing. Actually, that is a lie. When they stop commenting I will still keep writing. So here is my message to Paulbots: You don’t matter.
“James Borden
[email protected]
Pussy!!!!!!”
Analysis: While I am the TYGRRRR EXPRESS, I am actually male. I am not sure why this individual thinks I am female. Maybe he is just frustrated at what he is chasing at and not receiving. Maybe if he put down his keyboard and went outside with a clean shirt on, a woman would talk to him. That is the first step to getting the kitty kat stuff.
“Eric Golub's God
[email protected]
Eric its your gay god. you have done a great job at fucking your own life. you made your gay god very proud :). Now finish your task by killing yourself in a very gay manner. HAHA Retard!!”
Analysis: I love it when Paulbots insist they are not bigots and then think insulting an entire group of people somehow hurts me. I happen to be heterosexual, but if I was gay, why would that be a source of shame? Also, do gay people who commit suicide do it differently than straight people? Also, if God is homosexual, who is his partner? Or are they lesbians? Perhaps I am overthinking this, and the commenter is simply the result of a bigot mating with a crackpot.
“Sam
[email protected]
Fuck you gay homo fag.”
Analysis: At least this anti-gay bigot is good at brevity. The previous homophobic commenter is still rambling. I wonder what the difference is between a crackpot and a lunatic.
“jt
[email protected]
and also judging by the comments on your page , you are wrong on everything as always , hahaha, as an american, a christian, and a person of common sense I vehemently disagree with your narrow minded zionist view of the israeli occupation of defenseless palestinian land . . once again you have only served to further ruin your already denigrated reputation. dar god does humanity pity you . ron paul supporters are not antisemitism you are just a neocon zionist coward and the world laughs at you as such , end of story .”
Analysis: This guy is actually kind of funny. I can picturing this guy slaughtering a live goat, dipping his ripped Ron Paul t-shirt with the blood, and placing the t-shirt back to his lips. Perhaps mix the blood in with some ground beef, and it makes some great anti-Zionist tacos. Just don’t add cilantro. That would upset the balance. Oh, and make sure the goat wants to end the Federal Reserve before sacrificing it to keep things true to the Ron Paul faith.
“heyman
[email protected]
kiss my ass.”
Analysis: It is good to know that fiscally responsible people in a down economy would spend money on a donkey. Sorry, I don’t kiss Democrats, unless they are really, really hot. If you meant your literal rumpus, there would have to be money in it for me, even if I was just sucking out poison from a snake bite.
Say it with me everybody. These are leftists and Paulbots. This is how they behave.
eric