Black Friday Ferguson style

Black Friday Ferguson Style


Take Black Friday shoppers and unleash them on the Ferguson protesters who burned down the stores on the busiest shopping day of the year. Nothing subdues protesters ready to kill over nonsense like holiday shoppers ready to kill over nonsense. Give the police the day off.

Due to my sorrow over Ferguson rioting, I’ve cancelled my plans to buy Garth Brooks albums. Also, not sure if albums are made anymore.

A certain product “slices, dices & Juliennes,” which leads most men to ask, “Who the heck is Julienne & what does she do?”

Earth to Millennials: Post-Thanksgiving turkey pot pies do not contain actual marijuana. Well, maybe in Denver & Seattle.

I’m calling for a boycott of Black Friday protesters. Anybody caught protesting, take their picture, post it, boycott them.

If they do not work for the company they are protesting, find out who their employers is and boycott those companies until the workers are fired.

If the protesters are unemployed like Jesse Jackson, keep them that way.

If the protester are sort of unemployed like Al Sharpton, boycotting them has already been done based on MSNBC’s ratings.

It is time for a law and order crackdown. Lock up all community organizers and make sure their time in prison is spent learning an actual job skill.

Now for the rest of us to get some peace and quiet.

Somebody tell the President that Friday is still Thursday. Not hearing his voice made for a special Thanksgiving. He’s taken 6 years off. What’s 1 more day?

“We should have a new Black Friday tradition called ‘Burning man.’ We can torch all looters.” My dad, who somehow heard of Burning Man.

If America really values traditions, bring back the Post-Thanksgiving Friday Oklahoma-Nebraska game.

Staying home & avoiding the mall is a good way to save 100% of your money. This concludes the 2014 Black Friday report.


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