Give away Florida and Michigan

The mile a minute action that is the Tygrrrr Express is about to go into hyper drive. Yesterday I met Nevada Senator Harry Reid and actor Rob Reiner, a liberal activist. At least a couple days are necessary to give these experiences their proper due from a blogging standpoint.

On Friday, the Tygrrrr Express is headed to Santa Barbara, which is about two hours north of my home in Los Angeles. David Horowitz is holding his annual anti-Islamofacism retreat. The list of heavy hitters attending includes former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum, radio host Tammy Bruce, election expert Michael Barone, the Wall STreet Journal’s John Fund, television pundit Angela McGlowan, Congressman David Dreier, Dr. Daniel Pipes, Lt. Colonel Bill Cowan, Jerusalem Post writer Caroline Glick, entertainment producer David Zucker, Douglas Feith, Ward Connerly, Congressman Ed Royce, and Dennis Prager. Also attending are television star Alan Thicke and Congressman Tom Tancredo.

That will probably be a minimum of a week’s worth of knowledge. In addition, the analysis of the Jewish 2008 debate between Larry Greenfield and Andrew Lachman needs to be covered.

As if all of that was not vital enough, a My Space dating story must be told this weekend. Trust me, it is a classic. So before sensory overload kicks in again, now for what my blog does best, that being covering the least important stories that don’t matter, but people talk about.

For those who have better things to do than spend time concerned with the irrelevant creatures that rummage across America like the Dinosaurs destroying everything in their path, I have an update on these democrats. I observe train wrecks so that you do not have to. Like 400 pound women wearing spandex, if I did not report about it, somebody else would anyway. I think I just accidentally justified the existence of MSNBC.

Either way, the dilemma on how to apportion their delegates his heating up, and both the Clinton and Obama camps are getting ready to engage in protests. For those wondering why, it is because protesting is what liberals do. It is like Governing, except it is not.

After considerable emotional wrangling in the form of a burnt out internal light bulb over a 30 second period, I have come up with a fair solution regarding the mess that the democrats have created in Michigan and Florida. We should give them to our neighbors.

Florida originally belonged to Spain, but assuming they do not want it back, we can give it to Mexico. As for Michigan, it would make a nice Christmas present for Canada.

Those who would like to sell these areas on Ebay have never been to Michigan in the winter or Florida in the Summer. People are not willing to pay for land that is only inhabitable half of the year.

There are several benefits to this plan.

With regards to Michigan, Governor Jennifer Granholm is a Canadian. She was born there, meaning that her blood is tainted forever. She cannot run for President, but any nation that would elect a guy named Cretin (Chretien, whatever) as Prime Minister could do worse than her. I would comment on whether or not she is a hot piece of Governess tail, but I do not know what she looks like. I suspect she looks like your average nondescript Midwestern Governor, although more feminine than John Engler.

The Detroit Red Wings are superstars, but most hockey teams are all Canadians anyway. As for the Detroit Lions, with all due respect to my friend the P*ssed Off Tree Rat, they would not be missed.

As for giving Florida to Mexico, this is because they either won or lost a coin toss with Cuba.

These are the people who supported Pat Buchanan in 2000, nearly triggering a constitutional crisis. At this rate, by 2016, the voters will be so old and blind that they will be stumbling across the border in their bathrobes trying to vote for that nice Castro boy. Then again, the Jews down there are so liberal that those votes might be intentional. As for the Cubans, they do not hate their homeland, only their government. In this sense, they are similar to American liberals.

Perhaps trades can be arranged. We could exchange Florida for Puerto Rico. However, since Puerto Rico traditionally votes with the democrats, we would need to exchange Michigan for an area that is more likely to vote republican. Perhaps Idaho can be split into North and South in the great tradition of the Dakotas.

Between 2000 and 2008, Florida is well on its way to becoming a banana republic anyway. The only downside to giving it to Mexico would be the complaints from Mexico that they would have to teach Florida about democracy from square one. Mexico is opening up, and does not wish to go back to the days when the IRP (PRI) controlled everything. For those who are unfamiliar, it was a one party rule nation, where dissenting voices mysteriously died. In that sense it is similar to Massachusetts, with Luis Donaldo Colosio playing the role of RFK, only with a much smoother and more pleasant accent.

(Memo to Hillary Clinton…it is ok to bring up the RFK assassination in some circumstances, but not the way you did. I am not trying to be the leader of Mexico.)

Perhaps we could make Florida and Michigan the showcases that are competed for during the Showcase Showdown on “The Price Is Right.” I know, it is not the same thing without Bob Barker, but Drew Carey is likable enough to pull it off. The only question would be whether the winner chooses a state or the loser is forced to just accept one. Perhaps in the spirit of the great Monty Hall, the contestans could refuse both states and opt for what is behind door number two.

I just wish Charles Nelson Reilly were alive today. He could apply the rules of the “Match Game” to this situation. He had a bias in favor of Michigan because he was a “Meshuganah,” which is Hebrew for “crazy person.”

The main issue that could hinder negotiations is whether or not the states have to be separated only legally, or physically as well. Barry Goldwater once properly observed that America would be better off if New England was cut off from America and floated out to sea. Given that Florida Governor Charlie Crist has brought back the chain gang, perhaps he could have the prisoners saw Florida away. Then again, giving prisoners access to saws might be a bad idea. As for Michigan, we could just build a fence. Alaska is separated by Canada, and for some reason we own it. It does not bother us, so I guess we should keep it. As for Michigan, it was good for awhile, but is no longer needed.

If we can only give away one of them, then the NBA should be the determinant. The Miami Heat and the Detroit Pistons played very physical and competitive series’ against each other in recent years. Regardless of who won, both cities had fans overturn cars and light stuff on fire. Therefore, in a best four out of seven series, the top five felons in each of those cities should see who can burn cars the fastest. Since Detroit is the hub of America’s auto industry, they should host the first couple games, allowing their cars to be burnt first. Since Florida has a unique insurance setup, they can sponsor the event by insuring the cars so only taxpayers get socked with the bill for the destruction. The city that has its cars burn first gets to leave America.

Again, these ideas are all in their embryonic stages. Jack Kevorkian was from Michigan. Terry Schaivo was from Florida.

I am so not going there. I am not sure where I was going, but I am not going there.

The bottom line is that the democrats would not need to be fighting over these states if they no longer existed as part of America.

For the sake of peace and harmony, the solution is simple. We shall donate Florida and Michigan to our NAFTA brethren Mexico and Canada, respectively.

Visitation rights shall be negotiated in front of Judge Judy, and custody of all pets shall be decided by Eugene Levy, since he was the star of the movie “Best in Show.” Granted Harland Pepper’s dog, the bloodhound, was the real good old American dog, but M. Levy came close.

With the money we save on Congressional salaries from those two states, we can build a road through Alabama. They have always wanted to have a road, and now they can have one (sorry, I fell into a trance and became a smug liberal for a second).

My parents currently live in Florida, and they might wish to be relocated to the Carolinas or some other bastion of America. I will have their backgrounds reviewed first for the sake of national security. Since they are republicans, they can apply for asylum.

If our trading partners cannot accept our generous gift for fear of being beholden, we can simply ask them to provide fair market value in return. Mexico shall be required to give us oil, which we shall happily reciprocate with oranges. As for Canada, they shall either provide us with Canadian bacon, or a DVD copy of the movie “Canadian Bacon” starring the late John Candy.

I would like to wish Florida and Michigan well. It was good while it lasted. So that they match up well with their new partners, the 21 gun salutes shall be accompanied with the popular wedding tune “Greensleeves” majestically playing in the background.

Fare thee well incompetent democratic maidens. Fare thee well.

eric

13 Responses to “Give away Florida and Michigan”

  1. […] Pandu das wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerpt(Memo to Hillary Clinton…it is ok to bring up the RFK assassination in some circumstances, but not the way you did. I am not trying to be the leader of Mexico.) Perhaps we could make Florida and Michigan the showcases that are competed … […]

  2. William Hampton says:

    C’mon….I was born and raised in Michigan. My Dad was a member of the UAW, and always voted Republican. (He knew who creates jobs). Micigan is a beautiful state. Lots of Lakes, and of course we have the Great Lakes and that means an abundance of fresh water…eh eh. eh…would California care to buy some of our precious resourse?

    By the way Granholm is a ” hottie” too bad she’s a Liberal. As far as the majority of Michigander’s….she (Granholm) can take her socialistic agenda and retreat to Canada. Her policies have placed us 50th in the nation when it comes to the economy….

  3. “My Dad was a member of the UAW, and always voted Republican. (He knew who creates jobs).”

    So how’d that work out? Oh yeah, they shipped all the jobs abroad. Yeah, he knew who created jobs alright – in Mexico.

    JMJ

  4. micky2 says:

    No Jersey.
    The dems just let the Mexicans work here.

  5. Micky – THEY BOTH DID.

    JMJ

  6. Look, I’m not a Democrat and I’m not a Republican and I’m not partisan for a very good reason: none of the parties represent my interests. Not the Dems or the Cons or the Libers or the Greens or the Goofball Giggly Jello Party. I am an individual who realizes that he both is an individual and a part of a greater society. I do not adhere to the juvenile Occams Razor – my considered interests are more dynamic than just right and wrong, black and white. I have “interests,” and those interests are mine and mine alone, albethey interests in the prosperity of my greater world.

    I will never be a partisan.

    JMJ

  7. micky2 says:

    Yea, you just make up the rules as you go along and dont commit to anything.
    That way you dont have to accept any responsability if you do make a partisan choice that fails.
    I can say for the better part I’m a con except for my position on the prison system and the drug war.
    I stand with my boys.
    For someone who says hes not a dem or a lob you sure do spend a lot of time defending them.
    Every day.

  8. micky2 says:

    lib not lob. 🙂

    Jobs are one thing as far as immigrants go. But there is no doubt that the illegals have had and will have more access to american entitlements due to the dems who just want free and wide open borders.
    For every one job that is outsourced 10 jobs here at home are lost to illegals.

  9. parrothead says:

    The dems don’t want free and open borders. HAve you ever heard them advocate that. The answer is no. They want a large illegal population they can exploit for political gain. Free and open borders wouid not provide that. The only advocates of free and open borders are actually the Libertarians.

  10. “Yea, you just make up the rules as you go along and dont commit to anything.”

    Oh, you mean like your religious beliefs? The fact of the matter is that I have freedom of conscience – you know, that pesky little thing our founding fathers promised us? I do not have to be a Democrat or a Republican – or a capitalist or a communist or a Methodist or a Catholic, etc. I have the freedom to make up my own mind – or not. If you are gullible enough to believe that the GOP has your best interests at heart, then fine. That’s your choice. In a way, they do! Remember what happened when the Hill considered getting rid of the restaurant write-off (yes, Micky, you are a part of the Welfare State) – the restaurant lobby rode in to the rescue and got the GOP to block the move, once again proving that the GOP is fine with welfare as long as it goes to the wealthy (and by default, restaurant workers).

    “They want a large illegal population they can exploit for political gain.”

    Parrothead, I don’t know what planet Parrotheads come from, but that would be more the GOP than the Dems. The Dems, in general, would prefer legalization and closed borders. The GOP wants the status quo (it’s a cheap-labor con thing).

    JMJ

  11. micky2 says:

    JMJ;
    “Oh, you mean like your religious beliefs?”

    Jersey !
    That was lame and utterly ridiculous. Totally laughable.
    To believe is a spiritual entity is a far cry from taking a position along with other politically partisan humans.
    That was as bad as the Bueauty Queen contestant that tried to explain why todays kids couldnt find the U.S on a map.

    Freedom of conscience?
    Yea, thats exactly what I was saying. You have no defined position.
    But like I said; For someone who says hes not a dem or a lib you sure do spend a lot of time defending them.
    God, you really do think people are stupid dont you ?
    I think you’re just too chicken to commit because you dont want to be connected to anything that fails.
    Gotta keep that conscience clear, right?
    Gotta avoid anything you have to take responsability for, right ?

    And by the way.
    I’ve owned a metal refinishing business for the last 15 years so I hardly see how I can be a part of the write off bill.
    Nice try though, and also laughable, at best.

    And as far as your reply to parrot goes its obviously you who has been visiting other planets.
    Any jerk with half a brain knows how important the Latino vote is to the left.
    And that same jerk can also tell you that the left gets most of the Latino vote.

    Parrot was talking about the political gain involved in illegals and you answerd him with the labor gains aquired by the right.
    You’re a little off buddy.

  12. Gayle says:

    “Oranges for Oil!” LOL! You are a funny man. 🙂

    There are a lot of pissed off people in Florida and Michigan. This gets more interesting every day. Tomorrow the Super Delegates (the Democrat’s gods) will let us know their minds… if they can find them. Then we can listen to the howls of those who don’t like their decision. What a circus all of this is!

  13. Gayle says:

    Ooops! That was in error. I should not have said the Super Delegates, but rather the Democrats, in regard to Michigan and Florida. The rest of the comment is correct though. There’s going to be some howling, regardless of what they decide. 🙂

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