A My Space Stimulus Package Of Love

What does one get when they combine a Jewish person, a stimulus package, and a search for love?

Despite the obvious answer, this has nothing to do with Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. I am referring to the denotative version of a stimulus package, not a connotative one.

The answer can be found on My Space. Yes, the kids today have reminded me more than once that Facebook is the new My Space, and that “My Space is sooooooo 2007.” Nevertheless, an ad in an email blast that I receive on a monthly basis alerted me to the best social cause this side of the Mississippi (unless you are on the other side of it, whichever side that is).

Not since I placed a heartfelt personal ad in a section of Craigslist has society been so moved.




Humorous but true! My talented, creative friend Dave Kessler (above) is offering to give over his $600 economic Stimulus payment to anyone who fixes him up w/a woman who becomes his girlfriend OR…if you become his girlfriend, he will lovingly lavish the $600 on you!





I have never met Mr. Kessler, but I did email him, requesting permission to tell his story. That permission was granted.

Mr. Kessler also wants everybody to know that if a woman with $600 becomes the girlfriend, he will donate the money to the charity of her choice. If that Charity has anything to do with shoes or “Sex in the City,” the agreement is null and void. It must be a real charity.

I would add more, but there is simply nothing I could possible add to this. President Bush said that he wanted to be a uniter and not a divider, and this is his chance to further unite a happy couple while increasing the velocity of money into the money supply.

I am more private than this guy. Even if the Chicago Cannonball does get to play with my GDP Deflator, that is our private business. I have no idea what I just said, but it sounded provocative, and therefore it is.

I love capitalism. As boxing promoter Don King often says, “Only in America.”

Good luck Mr. Kessler. Good luck with your stimulus package. Mine comes out to $50 per inch, but this is about you.

Everybody from Alan Greenspan to Dirk Diggler is rooting for you.


7 Responses to “A My Space Stimulus Package Of Love”

  1. Chicago Cannonball says:

    This is what I get for slacking off on due diligence when entering the dating market.

    I thought I was doing well with the nice dinners and constant, sincere displays of affection… but missing out on $600? Darn it!


  2. This guy had better watch out! There’s probably more than a few girls who would gladly pretend to be his girlfriend for $600!

    And what’s with a nice looking guy like that having such pain to get a date?

    What a world.


  3. micky2 says:

    How long is this chick gonna last for six bills?
    Maybe he should touch bases with Elliot Spritzer and the lowdown on the going rates.

  4. deaconblue says:

    Good one Micky!
    But $600 is only going to get him about 6 minutes at eliot’s rates!

  5. parrothead says:

    I keep remembering a quote form Charlie Sheen at showing up in Heidi Fleiss’ little black book. When asked why a rich young attractive guy like him had to pay women to have sex with him his response was ” I don’t pay them to have sex with me, I pay them so they will leave when it is over”

  6. Stormwarning says:

    I am truly saddenned by David’s plight.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.