Archive for the ‘WOMEN’ Category

Something about abortion

Friday, June 24th, 2022

Something happened today involving abortion…shrug.

The stock market is up big today. Nothing like a quiet news day.
If Israel took out Iran today, the liberal media would not notice. Sadly, the same is true for Russia regarding Ukraine.
Thankfully, yesterday’s Supreme Court ruling protects law-abiding gun owners from violent rioters. By now, I’m sure the gun decision has already been forgotten by the mob, who have moved on to other things.
The good news is that nobody on the left can even pretend to care about the January 6th hearings anymore.
Any potential hysteria about women dying will result in a reminder that they were already told they would die from climate change. 
I just hope today’s protesters have the courtesy to save lives by wearing masks, especially if they are as hideous as Liz Warren.
Now that the Supreme Court has gotten the small issues out of the way, our government can get back to focusing on life and death issues like supply side tax cuts.
Democrat leaders warn that today’s Supreme Court decision could force women to travel across state lines for Democrat Party fundraisers.
How can leftists riot for the rights of women when last month they couldn’t tell us what a woman was?
Why are leftists focused on women at the expense of the other 155 genders?
As for what changed, how should I know? I’m not a biologist.
Could be a hormonal thing (gratuitous but still hilarious).
Expect a ton of rioting from hideously unattractive women that no man would want to impregnate anyway.
(Shut up, leftists. George Carlin made that joke about pro-life women ages ago.)
“Man I haven’t seen the Democrats this riled up since we freed the slaves.” — Phil Parker.
Me — Or since yesterday.
Because of today’s Supreme Court decision, women may have to travel across state lines. Now leftist women may finally start caring about the price of gasoline.
20 years ago a leftist feminist zealot (redundant) started screaming at me. I tried to explain reality to her.
“Look, I understand your anger and your passion, but trust me. Gay couples cannot have abortions!”
She angrily asked why not.
I told her “Because God made it this way!”
She called me a Bible-thumping zealot.
Finally, I told her, “Do you want me to show you a diagram? It’s not going to happen!”
That was back when leftist women knew what women were.
So what is your view? Should gay couples be allowed to have abortions? Or is an outright ban required? Should Congress act immediately on this crisis?
Football coach Bill Parcells yelling at his players who were hurt: “Don’t tell me about the pain, just deliver the d@mn baby!” I don’t think he was referencing abortion, but it’s still an awesome quote. 
Question for pro-lifers: Would you still be willing to be pro-life if you knew that modern medical technology would show that the child would grow up to be defective ideologically like Nancy Pelosi?
I’ve gotten some great answers over the years.
Rick Santorum: “I believe there is hope for every child.”
Jim Demint. “Wow, that’s a hard choice.”
Herman Cain: “I may have to rethink my position.”
Pro-choicers are protesting by blocking streets. Because blocking traffic during rush hour is a great way to win friends and influence people. What happens if God forbid a woman dies trying to get to a clinic or hospital because the streets are blocked?
So if a gay pride month party happens tonight at the same time as an abortion night of rage, which one do liberals attend?
Does gay pride month extend into July 1st, or is tonight lost forever?
Can the abortion rioters take a break to attend the gay pride rallies?
Whatever your views on various LGBTQ issues, at least they know how to party. I’d rather attend a party with gay men laughing and dancing than attend an abortion rally of perpetually angry scowling women. The gay rights parties have excellent food. The abortion rioters are most likely vegans.
Also, what happens if the abortion rioters honk horns and leave trash behind? Isn’t that bad for the environment?
Just to be clear, some of these people are professional rioters who go to everything. Apparently the BLM rioters did not get the memo about the abortion riots because the abortion rioters are overwhelmingly white. The only whiter crowds are at environmental rallies.
Did the night of rage turn into an Insurrection or an Intifada, or was it just a standard Liz Warren supporters gathering of the Uglocracy?
Also, if people protest the Supreme Court and the Court is out of town, does the tree still make a sound loud enough to harm the Ozone layer?
I just hope these mostly peaceful protesters don’t burn down or harm any statues of George Washington or George Floyd.
Challenge: Name 3 things less important than these protests.
If a liberal starts boring me to death, how quickly do I have to abort the conversation?

If I wait too long to terminate the discussion, am I required to let them keep talking until I want to hang myself?

eric

The Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies of 2022

Tuesday, June 21st, 2022

The Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies of 2022

Welcome to Summer. Every June 21st, I release my list of the Top 30 women in politics. This list was originally known as the Top 120 political yummy bouncies. Anyway, this is a bare bones list. You can goggle the photos yourself. The top 10 liberals, centrists and conservatives are listed for your viewing pleasure. I threw in one major curveball due to the changing times. 

Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson did not make the list. For one thing, she does not know what a woman is. She is not a biologist. More importantly, she is not on the Supreme Court until October. Depending on her level of influence, she very well could make the 2023 list. 

Kamala Harris is not on the list. Normally she is, but she has managed to unite the nation against her. Liberals and conservatives both find her annoying. She coasted through life on her looks and charms and even giggled her way to the vice presidency. Yet her act as worn thin. Her looks no longer outmatch her tendency to quickly wear out her welcome wherever she speaks. 

With that, here are the Top 30 Hottest Political Women in 2022.

Liberals:

10.) Jessica Tarlov — This Fox News personality is a liberal, but she has legitimate moments of sanity and lucidity. She is concerned that the Democrat Party she belongs to is going off the rails. She is right. She is also pretty.

 

9.) Kim Foxx — The Cook County, Illinois State’s Attorney is basically the Chicago District Attorney. With encouragement from Michelle Obama, Foxx helped rig the Jussie Smollett situation in favor of him. Her scheme to undercut her own office unraveled, but it takes much more than corruption to imprison a Chicago Democrat. She recently beat up her husband, but do not expect her to face consequences. 

8.) Taylor Lorenz — Her job is described as a Washington Post tech reporter. She is a domestic terrorist who stalks young people, bullies them into submission, and then cries on cue when she is caught. She has mastered the art of passive-aggressive hyper-feminism, replacing empowerment with helplessness. She was recently caught fabricating her sources in the grand tradition of Jayson Blair. Although her twin rageaholic Felicia Sonmez was fired, don’t expect Lorenz to go anywhere. The bosses are terrified of her. Sonmez only sent angry Tweets. Lorenz might boil a boss’s bunny rabbit. 

7.) Gavin Newsom — Technically, the Governor of California is not female. However, he might not know this. He primps and preens to look pretty for the cameras. He believes there are 156 genders. He is rich, pretty, and uber-liberal. He has national ambitions.He is related to Nancy Pelosi, which means access to money and power. Given his lack of principles, he would be happy to declare himself any gender that would poll well. 

6.) Shalanda Young — The Biden Administration’s Office of Management and Budget Director is supposed to be a number-cruncher. While she is not supposed to make the numbers dance, she was hired to parrot the president’s figures. She is camera-friendly, and most people would not blame her for the sins of her boss. She has job security given that most people have no idea what the OMB actually does. 

5.) Alina Abaeva — Vladimir Putin’s girlfriend clearly supports Mother Russia and Daddy Vlady. Even after sanctions were placed on her, she still managed to live high on the hog…or the Russian Bear. Given that her boyfriend will kill people at will for sport, most people tend not to mess with her.

 

4.) Kathy Hochul — The Governor of New York rules with an iron fist despite nobody voting for her. She was the Lieutenant Governor who stumbled into the top job when Andrew Cuomo resigned after playing grab-@ss. Despite helping destroy her own state, she is expected to coast to reelection. People who would vote against her have moved to Florida. 

3.) Stephanie Ruhle — This MSNBC host is a raving lunatic, but she manages to pull off the scary hot look while yelling at people. There is a video of her inadvertantly imitating the famous Sharon Stone scene in “Basic Instinct.” Unlike Stone, Ruhle was wearing underwear. Was her flashing the audience accidental or a play for ratings? That was one story that would actually make MSNBC watchable. 

2.) Tulsi Gabbard — The former Hawaii Congresswoman and Democrat presidential contender has been everywhere on Fox News programs. She has become a darling of conservative hosts for being willing to attack her own party. Conservatives should not be fooled. Gabbard is very smart and polished, but beneath her calm veneer is a radical leftist. She hides it better. 

1.) Kirsten Sinema — This Arizona Senator has her fellow Democrats spitting blood. The newest poll-tested Democrat slogan is that everything Democrats disagree with is a threat to democracy. Voting Democrat is necessary to “save Democracy.” Sinema responded by voting down the key parts of the Biden agenda. Given how awful those bills were, she may have saved democracy. She also repeatedly ignores any semblance of a business dress code, opting for miniskirts hiked sky high up her thighs. The male senators have not complained. 

Centrists:

10.) Shereen Bhan — This Indian journalist is the Managing Editor of CNBC-TV18. Her specialty is business journalism, but she has kept political and business leaders of India on their toes. She tweeted at Indian Prime Minister Modi over the issue of lockdowns. 

9.) Susanna Reid — This British journalist co-hosted “Good Morning Britain” with Piers Morgan. For her 50th birthday, she was encouraged by Morgan to pose naked. She declined, wishing not to embarrass her children. 

8.) Gigi Stone — This NBC and MSNBC contributing reporter focuses mainly on business. She also coaches people in communications. First rule of communications: Be hot. Television is a visual medium. 

7.) Zain Asher — This British Nigerian news anchor works for CNN International. She is Oxford educated. She has covered some major international stories including the murder of Nigerian girls by Boko Haram. 

6.) Melissa Theuriau — This French journalist works for M6, the most profitable TV news entity in France. As beautiful as she is, her stories often get overlooked due to a global apathy toward the irrelevant nation of France. President Emanuel Macron suffering severe legislative election losses may cause a ripple if she reports on it. If she covered any other nation, she would be an even bigger superstar. 

5.) Anna Kasterova — She is a wealthy Russian journalist. One way to wealthy..and alive…in Russia is to not rock the boat. She is as sympathetic to Vladimir Putin regime and Mother Russia as American journalists are to their American leftist leaders. She is married to an NHL hockey player. 

4. Susan Li — She was born in China and raised in Toronto, Canada. Now she is a Fox Business correspondent. She has interviewed top political and business leaders in Canada and the United States. 

3.) Julie Banderas — This Colombian Fox News host who covers serious stories with humor. As a frequent “Gutfeld!” panelist, she covers non-serious topics with equal humor. She frequently jokes about coping with motherhood by being a daytime drunk. Banderas is a stage name. Her real name is Julie Bidwell. 

2.) Robin Meade — This lead morning news anchor for Headline News was once Miss Ohio. In 2021 she even released a country music album. She is an example of drop-dead gorgeous and multi-talented women who deserve to be taken seriously. 

1.) Abby Huntsman — The daughter of former Utah Governor Jon Huntsman does not fit neatly into any political box. She bounced around several networks, from Fox News to MSNBC. She is no longer an active member of The Church of jesus christ of Latter-day Saints. She came out in favor of gay marriage long before may others did. Yet despite working with some of the ugliest women in politics on “The View,” she has managed to stay sane, reasonable, and blindingly beautiful.    

Conservatives:

10.) Rebecca Kleefisch — The former Wisconsin Lieutenant Governor lost her job in the 2018 election when she and Governor Scott Walker were swept out. Due to the utter failure of the current Democrat Governor, Kleefisch is making a comeback. This time she is aiming for the top job in Wisconsin. She has an uphill climb, but if she wins she could rocket to the top spot on this list in 2023. She is as conservative as she is stunning. 

9.) Amy Coney Barrett — This United States Supreme Court justice is everything her supporters could have hoped for. She is superwoman. A mother to seven children including a racially diverse mixture of adopted children, she went through her entire SCOTUS hearing without needing to take notes. She has sided with the conservative bloc on almost every issue, but the biggest decisions regarding abortion and guns are a few days away. 

8.) Dagen McDowell — This Fox Business correspondent oozes Southern charm. A tough, sultry woman who plays the Georgia redneck role to perfection, McDowell is whip smart. Her expertise is financial markets, but she also offers biting political commentary. Her sense of humor is terrific. She said that Joe Biden thinks Elon Musk is a type of male perfume. 

7.) Sarah Palin/Sarah Huckabee Sanders — This pair of Sarahs are both making a political comeback. The former Alaska Governor leads the runoff to become the state’s only congressperson. Don Young held the seat for about 50 years before his recent death. Sanders was Donald Trump’s first White House press secretary. Now she is the heavy favorite to become the next Arkansas Governor. Her father previously held that job when Bill Clinton’s successor Jim Guy Tucker resigned due to the whitewater scandal. Both of these women held political office and battled critics while raising several children. 

6. Yesli Vega — This tough Latina is a law enforcement officer who is running on a security platform to replace Virginia Congresswoman Abigail Spamberger. Vega has a very good shot of winning this swing district only one year after electing a black lieutenant governor and a Cuban attorney general. She is the new Virginia. One year after playing a vital role in organizing Latinos for Governor Glenn Youngkin, she is seeking to join him in public office. 

5.) Katie Britt — This Southern bombshell was on the road to being an afterthought when Donald Trump’s endorsement provided rocket fuel to her campaign. She trounced Congressman Mo Brooks in the runoff and is the heavy favorite to replace retiring Alabama Senator Richard Shelby. She is the former President and CEO of the Business Council of Alabama. 

4.) Ashley Ramos — This gorgeous Illinois congressional candidate has an uphill climb in a district that favors Democrat. Yet win or lose, she is the new face of the GOP. This Latina knows how to market herself. She showed up at CPAC wearing a white dress with red writing that mocked AOC’s political stunt at the Met Gala. Ramos is a conservative with a legitimate shot to win her primary in several days. If she wins the general election, she will rocket up this list in 2023. 

3.) Judge Kathryn Mizelle — She was appointed by President Trump to be a federal judge at the ripe young age of 33. She was his youngest judicial appointment, and she quickly became a conservative hero. She struck down the Biden Administration’s federal mask mandate. Although the administration has made rumblings about appealing her decision, the midterm elections have made that decision untenable. Judge Mizelle restored sanity to a country reeling from the hated mask mandate. 

2.) Winsome Sears — The Lieutenant Governor of Virginia is a rock star. She is a proud black woman who served her country in the United States Marines. In her citizen life, she ran a homeless shelter. She has broken plenty of barriers in Virginia politics, which would make her a media darling if she were a Democrat. She has to settle for being loved by Republican voters nationwide. The Governor of Virginia is limited to one term, making her the logical successor ro Governor Glenn Youngkin in 2025. 

1.) Mayra Flores — This Texas border Latina shocked the political establishment. She won a special election for an open congressional seat held by Democrats for about 150 years. She is married to a Border Security guard and ran on a law and order platform. She is part of a new wave of Latinas abandoning the Democrats in droves due to their lack of ability to provide border safety and security. Her district is 85% Hispanic. She needs to immediately run for reelection in November, but she has already smashed what little hold that Democrats had on Hispanic Texans. For that alone, she is the most beautiful political conservative of 2022. 

The TYGRRRR EXPRESS turns 15

Friday, March 11th, 2022
15 years ago today on March 11, 2007, the TYGRRRR EXPRESS was born. I chose March 11 because it was the 3 year anniversary of the Madrid bombing and the midpoint of 9/11.
I never thought people would care what I had to say. Yet somehow a tiny blog turned into 6 books, over 200 t-shirt designs, and a national professional speaking career that has taken me to all 50 states.
On March 11, 2022, I thank almighty God and anyone who has ever supported the TYGRRRR EXPRESS.
God bless you all.

My birthday: 50 happy memories upon turning 50

Sunday, January 9th, 2022

My Birthday: Grateful for 50 Happy Memories upon turning 50

Top Ten Bimbos of 2021

Wednesday, December 29th, 2021

Top 10 Bimbos of 2021: Bimbocracy returns to America. Big time

245 fun reasons to love America

Sunday, July 4th, 2021

245 fun reasons to love America

1980 Olympic Gold Medal Hockey Team

1980s hard rock hair metal

2 Live Crew’s Banned in the USA

7-Eleven Big Gulps and Slurpees

ACDC’s You shook me, Thunderstruck, Moneytalks

Adam Sandler

Aerosmith

Airheads band The Lone Rangers

Al D’Amato’s singing

Alf

America the Beautiful sung by Ray Charles

American soldiers and veterans

Animaniacs

Anthony Clark

Bad Touch’s Discovery Channel

Batman: The Dark Knight

BB King and Lucille

Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia

Biff Henderson

Bill Cosby, Himself video

Bill Murray’s Quick Change

Bill of Rights

Bill the Cat

Billiards

Blue Collar Comedy Tour

Blue Bloods

_____________

Bluegrass Junction

Bounce houses

Bouncing 25 cent rubber balls

Boxing promoter Don King

Brooklyn

Bubblebaths for two

Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck

Burgertime

Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise movies

Caddyshack

Capitalism

Capture the flag

Cards Against Humanity

Chabad Houses

Charitable people

Cheerleaders

Cheers’s Sam Mayday Malone and Norm Peterson

Cherry Lime Rickeys

Chocolate covered cherries

Chris Berman

Chris Gardner’s The Pursuit of Happyness

Chris Noth’s Mike Logan

Chris Tucker singing Barry White

Coca-Cola

Coed touch football

Colorwar

Commando and pantsless Wednesdays (until HR intervened)

Conan O’Brien’s In the Year 2000

Corn Fritters

Cosmic Bowling

County Fairs

Dale Intimidator Earnhardt’s 1998 Daytona 500

Dana Carvey

Dann Florek’s Captain Donald Cragen

David Letterman’s Top Ten Lists

Dazed and Confused — Mitch Kramer

 

Dennis Farina

Desperate Housewives

Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo

Die Hard

DirecTV NFL Package

Dog-riding monkey

Donald Trump–from the Apprentice to the White House to Twitter

Doritos

Dr. Brown’s Black Cherry Soda

Dr. Charles Krauthammer

Duck Dynasty

Ebay

Edible underthings

Entrepreneurship

ESPN

Eye of the tiger

Fireworks

Flavored massage oil

Founding Fathers

Fox News

Fraggle Rock

Freedom, liberty, right of dissent

Gaga (dodgeball using closed fist and cherry ball)

Game nights

Garlic knots

Gatorade dumping on coaches

George W. Bush picks up bullhorn

Glow sticks as fake cigars

Golden Corral

GPS trackers

Greg the Bunny


Greg Gutfeld

Hamburgers

Happy face emoticons

Harmonicas

Hawaii

Henny Youngman

Hot Chocolate’s You sexy thing (I believe in miracles)

Hot scantily clad women

Howard Stern

I once finger-(blanked) a hermit crab (whoever said that)

In n Out Burger

Independence Day BBQs

Instant messaging

Internet dating

Iphones

Italian ices

J. Geils Band’s Centerfold

Jack Nicholson’s Colonel Nathan R. Jessup

Jacuzzi romps

Jell-O

Jell-O wrestling

Jerry Orbach’s Lenny Briscoe

Jerry Reed’s Eastbound and Down

Jim Carrey’s Ace Ventura, Pet Detective

John Cougar Mellencamp’s Pink Houses and Hurts so good

John Facenda’s The Autumn Wind

John McEnroe’s tennis tantrums

Judaism celebrated in peace

Justice Scalia’s scathing dissents

Karl Rove’s whiteboard

Kazoos

KFC Popcorn Chicken

Kickball

Kim Kardashian’s bare bottom

King of the Hill

Kool-Aid

Kosher imitation bacon and crab

Krispy Kreme Donut Hamburgers

Laff-Olympics

Larry Hagman’s J.R. Ewing on Dallas

Las Vegas

Lee Greenwood’s God bless the USA and Bandit Express

Lilo and Stitch — Ohana means family–––––––––––––– 

Louie Armstrong’s It’s a Wonderful World—————————————-

Louisiana Cajun Cooking (Especially with Justin Wilson)

Lucky Charms

Madden Football

Magnum, P.I.

Mardi Gras, New Orleans

Mark Levin’s rants

Married with Children’s Al Bundy

Marvin Gaye’s Sexual Healing and Let’s get it on

Mascots

McDonalds

Meat and potatoes

Michael J. Fox’s Alex P. Keaton on Family Ties

Mills Lane yelling Let’s get it on

Miniature golf

Monopoly

Morris Day and the Time’s Jerk Out

Mountain Dew Code Red

MTV’s Celebrity Deathmatch

Murder, She Wrote

Nathan’s Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest

National Federation of Republican Women

National Football League

Neocons

New Years Eve noisemakers

New York Post front and back page

New York Stock Exchange opening and closing bells

NFL Films

NFL Network

Oakland Raiders

Old School with Will Ferrell and Vince Vaughn

Overtime playoff hockey

Pajama parties

Peaceful transition of political power

Phil Hartman

Pizza

Political Conventions

Pool volleyball

Pringles

Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio

Q-Bert

Queen’s I want it all

Raider Nation

Rainbow Sherbert

Redeye with Greg Gutfeld

Republican Jewish Brunettes

Republican Party Animals

Riptide

Robin Williams

Ronald Reagan’s self-deprecating jokes 

Rudy Giuliani’s New York toughness

Run DMC

Rush Limbaugh

San Diego Wild Animal Park

Satellite TV

Save a horse, ride a cowboy

Scrabble

Sean Hannity’s Freedom Concerts

Seinfeld

Sexting

Sherman Hemsley’s George Jefferson

Sizzler

Sky high skyscrapers

Skype

Slim Jims

Snoopy’s Joe Cool

Snow football

Social networks for building businesses

South Beach, Miami Spring Break

South Park

Spiderman

Sportsbars

Stock trading

Stratego

Strip chess

Stuart Scott

Sudoku

Summer camp

Super Soakers

Supply-side tax cuts

T-shirt originals

Taco Bell

Talk radio

Thanksgiving with John Madden

The Color of Money

The Counter Build Your Own Burger

The Expendables

The Frat Pack

The Honeymooners

The Muppets

The Onion

Tim McGraw’s Indian Outlaw —————————————————— 

Tivo

Toby Keith’s Courtesy of the Red White and Blue

Train rides

Trampoline Dodgeball

Tygrrrr Express

USA Cartoon Express

Video Arcade Games

We’re not France

Weekend at Bernie’s

Western medicine

Whitesnake’s Here I go again video

Wifi on planes

XM Sirius Satellite Radio

Yoo-Hoo

Young Jewish Conservatives

Yummy bouncies and badonkadonks

ZZ Top’s Sleeping Bag and Sharp Dressed Man

 

My birthday: 49 Happy Memories upon turning 49

Saturday, January 9th, 2021

My birthday: 49 Happy Memories upon turning 49

I entered this world 48 years ago today on January 9, 1972. On my 49th birthday, here are 49 happy memories.

1.) Every moment I ever spent with my grandparents. They are gone now, but I had all four of them when I graduated college and three of them when I turned 30. I am blessed.

2.) January 9, 1977 — The Oakland Raiders won the Super Bowl on my fifth birthday. I saw the logo and became a Raider for life.

3.) August 15, 1980 — Smokey and the Bandit II came out. I saw the original and the sequel and became a lifelong fan of the Bandit and the Snowman.

4.) January 22, 1984 — The Raiders won their third Super Bowl. I still remember telling the kids at school the next day one simple message. “Just win baby!”

5.) January 21, 1985 — I had my Bar Mitzvah, the Jewish passage into manhood. My Orthodox Rabbi grandfather led the ceremony.

6.) July 13, 1990 — I watched Bill Murray in “Quick Change” for the first of over 100 times. This movie is true New York, and Murray remains a national hero.

7.) August 26, 1990 — I flew from New York to Los Angeles for college. I immediately fell in love with this city and never left.

8.) September 26, 1990 — I joined the campus radio station and developed my lifelong love of radio.

9.) May 10, 1992 — I wrote my first song. 70 more would follow.

10.) January 9, 1994 — The Raiders won a playoff game over arch rival Denver on my 22nd birthday. We all had a big party to celebrate afterward at 1950s Cafe Ed Debevic’s.

11.) June 14, 1994 — The New York Rangers won the NHL Stanley Cup and ended the 54 year curse.

12.) September 13, 1994 — I passed the Series 7 stockbroker’s exam. At that moment I was now a professional.

13.) June 1, 1997 — I saw my friend doing something on a computer that seemed different. He was in a chat room. It was my first time using the Internet.

14.) July 4, 1999 — My friends and I crashed an Independence Day party on the beach and escaped moments before police busted up the party.

15.) September 23, 1999 — I finally got my driver’s license. I never needed one before.

16.) December 31, 1999 — Ringing in the Millennium in Las Vegas.

17.) March 1, 2000 — I flew from Los Angeles to New Orleans for Mardi Gras 2000. I still have my Calvin and Hobbes t-shirt, “Life is short. Party naked. Mardi Gras 2000.”

18.) February 13, 2003 — I watched the movie “Old School.” I will forever thank Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell and “The Godfather” Luke Wilson for inspiring me at age 31 to finally start going to Florida for Spring Break. Years of South Beach, Miami revelry ensued at the Clevelander and Ocean’s 10. 

19.) March 14, 2003 — I flew to Singapore and Thailand and got to experience five days of beauty in each country. I met the Jewish communities of both nations.

20.) November 4, 2003 — NFL Network was born. Finally, a television channel worth watching existed. 

21.) November 2, 2004 — Enjoying the 2004 election with my closest friends.

22.) February 12, 2006 — I flew from Los Angeles to Hawaii. I met the Jewish community of Honolulu and attended my first NFL Pro Bowl. I met ESPN’s Chris Berman.

23.) April 28, 2006 — I flew from Los Angeles to New York and went to Radio City Music Hall. For the first time, I got to attend the NFL Draft and meet a bunch of great football heroes. 

24.) August 4, 2006 — I flew from Los Angeles to Ohio and drove to Canton. I visited the Pro Football Hall of Fame, saw the induction ceremony featuring John Madden, and attended the Pro Football Hall of Fame Game.

25.) March 11, 2007 — I Started a blog called the Tygrrrr Express. That column somehow turned into five books and a national speaking career.

26.) September 11, 2007 — On the sixth anniversary of the attacks, I flew from Los Angeles to New York and then drove to Great Adventure in New Jersey. I attended Sean Hannity’s Feedom Concert and saw New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani light up the crowd.

27.) October 17, 2007 — I joined Facebook. Between that and Twitter, I have met many good people, increased book sales, and built my business.

28.) February 2, 2008 — I flew from Los Angeles to Phoenix and attended my first Super Bowl. The New York Giants shocked the previously unbeaten New England Patriots.

29.) March 30, 2008 — My friend adopted a child from Guatemala. On this day “the boy” turned one. Being “Unca Eric” is the best job in the world.

30.) May 13, 2008 — I flew from Los Angeles to Washington, DC. I attended the Republican Jewish Coalition Leadership Conference and met Dr. Charles Krauthammer.

31.) August 6, 2008 — I flew from Los Angeles to Israel and spent a week in the Holy Land.

32.) August 30, 2008 — I flew from Los Angeles to Minneapolis for my first Republican Convention. For a week, friends and I slept in a sports bar. It was like being Norm Peterson from “Cheers.”

33.) April 5, 2009 — My first book “Ideological Bigotry” was published.

34.) September 1, 2009 — I left Wall Street after 15 years and began my career as a full-time professional speaker.

35.) November 11, 2009 — I flew from Los Angeles to Galveston and spoke at the Texas Federation of Republican Women Convention. I made TFRW and other lifelong friends in the Lone Star State.

36.) March 11, 2010 — I flew from Los Angeles to Oklahoma City to speak at the National Federation of Republican Women Spring Conference. That launched me nationally since the NFRW run the world.

37.) May 1, 2011 — In Aiken, South Carolina, I saw the news that Osama bin Laden was killed. That night I told my very best political joke. “Osama bin Laden is now burning underground with 72 Helen Thomases.” It was the bookend to my very first political joke. “Never rely on a Palestinian GPS tracker. I took one wrong turn, ended up at a cemetery, and a sinister voice said, ‘You have reached your final destination!’ I got so angry I threw the thing out the window, which was good because 5 seconds later it exploded.”

38.) February 9, 2013 — I met Vice President Dick Cheney and spoke in front of him at a dinner.

39.) September 25, 2013 — I spoke to a Tea Party group in Hays, Kansas. At that moment, I had officially spoken in all 50 states.

40.) November 4, 2014 — I spoke at an election night party in New Jersey.

41.) March 20, 2015 — After writing four political comedy books, I finished my first religious comedy book “Jewish Lunacy.” This allowed me to move beyond political speaking into religious speaking.

42.) May 12, 2015 — I met President George W. Bush and shook his hand.

43.) November 8, 2016 — Enjoyed a raucous election night party in Raleigh, North Carolina.

44.) December 31, 2016 — New Year’s Eve with the friends who matter most to me.

45.) Any woman whoever let me play with her yummy bouncies or at least was nice enough to send me pictures of them.

46.) January 9, 2018 — On my 46th birthday, the return of Chucky as Jon Gruden returns to the Black Hole to rejoin the Raiders. Like me, Gruden has unfinished business.

47.) November 9, 2018 — I met Angela Lansbury in Beverly Hills and got my picture taken with her. She remains one of the most talented people in the history of entertainment. 

48.) 2019 was the year I branch out beyond books and into t-shirts. I started with 2 or 3 designs in 2017 and 2018. By the end of 2019 I had 49 mostly original t-shirt designs. My best seller remains “Stop judging women by their tops. #BackSidesMatter!”

49.) 2020 was a brutal year for so many people because of a global pandemic. Yet thank God I was healthy and in better financial condition than previous years. On January 9, 2021, I watched the NFL Wildcard playoffs with friends. Normally there would be 2 games as has been the case for the last 30 years. Yet for the first time, there were 3 games, with 3 more to occur on January 10th. I watched football all day and had a great day with people who matter to me. I was besieged with well-wishes from hundreds of people by text, phone call and social media. My birthday evening capped with a special someone. I am blessed as can be to have had such a great birthday. 

I would like to thank my parents for raising me right and Angela Lansbury’s JB Fletcher of “Murder, She Wrote” for catching murderers and making the world safer.

Anything I could possibly wish for has already been granted.

eric @ Tygrrrr Express

2021: We…can…do…this

Friday, January 1st, 2021

2021: We…can…do…this

What the heck is that beeping sound?

(Knocks the phone off the hook, keeps banging the snooze alarm)

A voice tells me it’s my pager. My pager is black, so finding it in the dark is the needle in the haystack equivalent. A lucky smack knocks it against the wall, where it may or may not have shattered. The beeping continues. Why does anyone need a pager anymore anyway?

Who the heck is texting me at this ungodly hour of…(either 7 a.m., 1 p.m., or 1 a.m. …it looks blurry)?

Oh, no. It is 5 a.m., and my first radio interview of the New Year is with the morning man of an East Coast station. Time to pretend to sound coherent and go back to sleep. Oh no, wait, that radio interview was several years ago.

Great, happy wishes for the new year and the new decade. Thanks. Whoever you are, it is too early to talk to you.

One year the person on the telephone insisted it was 1 p.m. After explaining to them that they were on the East Coast, and that 1 p.m. EST is 10 a.m. in Los Angeles, they grew impatient. They knew how to tell time, and that it was 4 p.m. EST, hence 1 p.m. my time.

Sure, getting up and writing my column is an option. It’s a new year, and starting the year off with a flurry of brilliance might be helpful. Forget it. This column is recycled from years ago. It’s also hours late. That is what happens when people get no sleep because of stressful December football games followed by New Year’s Eve revelry.

Election 2020? The first person to talk politics gets blistered in my column … tomorrow.

Bowl games? There is DVR. Besides, does anybody care who wins the Poulan Weed Eater Bowl, the Lack of Insight.com Bowl, the Fishbowl, the RU486 Morning After Bowl, The California Metrosexual Pride Bowl, or any other game that may or may not be made up?

Speaking of the morning after, does anybody remember the David Byrne Talking Heads song from the movie “Less than Zero? (which the temperature feels like right now in rural Georgia and in some other parts of the country. No wonder I live in the insane city of LA)” The song is called “Once In A Lifetime.”

“This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife. What have I done? How did I get here?”

It then occurs to me that the beeping sounds are the voices in my head telling me I am too old, even at 48, to stay out this late. Even without alcohol, exhaustion has set in.

Get out of bed? Work calls in (whenever) hours. Better rest up before my tyrant of a boss complains. Such is the life of the self-employed.

Get up now? Somehow stagger to the shower, get dressed, make it out of my condo to go … where?

The stores are closed. Maybe they are open. Too tired to find out.

My birthday is in just over a week. Time to pace myself.

Work on my website? All that takes is staggering to my couch. Oh, no. My IT guy has not finished it yet. Oh, wait, he did years ago. I clicked on the wrong site.

Go on Jdate and search for women? Not a bad idea, except it is too tiring to check their Adams Apples. This is not the year for a boyfriend, and am not sure that my eyes can tell the difference right now. Besides, Jdate is so 2014. Now it is Tinder, JSwipe and JCrush. No, wait. Those are so 2019.

Shop on eBay? No. bad idea. Buying stuff when not at full capacity is problematic. Who needs another mountain goat? Dang creature gets his horns in my hide. Not a comfy way to wake up. Calm down boy, you’ll get some straw to graze on upon my waking up.

Work on my record album? Although again, world, just because my hair is long, that does not mean my band exists. The best instrument is the triangle, because that tells me lunch is ready. Oh wait, my hair is not even that long anymore. I could work on that, although I didn’t do much. I sat. It grew.

Ahh, yes, lunch. Get up and eat something. My microwave is slow, and a five minute microwave dinner takes almost 15 minutes. Read the paper? It is cold outside my building where the stand is, and it only takes coins. Reading the paper online is tiring, and my printer is not working. At least the lifestyle section makes a great placemat for eating. Oh, wait. That stand does not exist anymore. Reading the paper online it is.

Staying in bed for only a couple more hours until (whatever the big and little hands say) would allow me to stay up all night and be totally exhausted for work tomorrow. Again, my boss is a tyrant.

Running errands … not gonna happen.

Every morning, a four word prayer starts my day. My elbows are used to try and leverage them against my bed to prop me up. Placing my alarm clock on the other side of the room failed, since ripping the cord out of the wall solved that problem.

As for the Jewish brunette who stole the covers, her voice was not a problem last night, although if she opens her trap today she will receive a more caustic reception than usual.

Oh wait, she already left. Here is a note. “Tried to wake you, but that was a losing battle. By the way, you have nothing but soda in your fridge. Talk to you soon.” oh, wait, I think that happened over a decade ago. This is 2021, not 2005.

She is a liar. There are potato chips in my fridge as well. Why they are there remains a mystery, but it saves having to remember which cabinet they are in. One-stop shopping  is the way to go.

Besides, combing my hair for her was enough. Not doing it this morning, proud “retrosexual” that is me.

At least having the decency to say some morning prayers would be appropriate.

“Hey God…those people I pray for every night…yeah those people, the same ones…look after them again.”

Back to sleep, despite every attempt to wake up. The home phone is turned off, the cell is off as well, and the pager is still shattered, in addition to being disconnected years ago.

There may have been a car crash outside my building followed by 911 calls and sirens, but telling everybody to “keep it down,” solved that problem. A brief nightmare of me being late for work was averted when I realized my location to me was known if necessary.

Four televisions in the living room, and none in the bedroom. Who thought that up? Oh yeah, a television in the bedroom would promote laziness. Besides, trying to figure out which remote to use would cause me to break them all as if they were my pager.

Ok, here it is. Come on, elbows, do your stuff. Rise, young lad, rise! Awaken thy exhausted tired eyes!

Why is God shouting? Oh wait, that is my over-dramatization of God.

Time to set the alarm now to avoid missing work tomorrow. Where was it thrown? Threw it? Oh, screw it.

Ok, time for my four word prayer. It has gotten me this incredibly terribly far. Time to contemplate getting out of bed.

“We…can…do…this.”

Happy 2021 all. Except for the person who woke me up earlier. Whoever you are, I still can’t stand you, even though you are doing me a favor.

Ten hours and 16 bowl games later, there is only one thing left to do.

Time for a nap. Good riddance to Pandemic 2020. Happy 2021.

Zzzzz.

eric

Top 10 BlMBOS of 2020

Tuesday, December 29th, 2020
Here are the Top 10 BlMBOS of 2020
 
 
eric

244 fun reasons to love America

Saturday, July 4th, 2020

244 fun reasons to love America

1980 Olympic Gold Medal Hockey Team

1980s hard rock hair metal

2 Live Crew’s Banned in the USA

7-Eleven Big Gulps and Slurpees

ACDC’s You shook me, Thunderstruck, Moneytalks

Adam Sandler

Aerosmith

Airheads band The Lone Rangers

Al D’Amato’s singing

Alf

America the Beautiful sung by Ray Charles

American soldiers and veterans

Animaniacs

Anthony Clark

Bad Touch’s Discovery Channel

Batman: The Dark Knight

BB King and Lucille

Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia

Biff Henderson

Bill Cosby, Himself video

Bill Murray’s Quick Change

Bill of Rights

Bill the Cat

Billiards

Blue Collar Comedy Tour

Blue Bloods

_____________

Bluegrass Junction

Bounce houses

Bouncing 25 cent rubber balls

Boxing promoter Don King

Brooklyn

Bubblebaths for two

Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck

Burgertime

Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise movies

Caddyshack

Capitalism

Capture the flag

Cards Against Humanity

Chabad Houses

Charitable people

Cheerleaders

Cheers’s Sam Mayday Malone and Norm Peterson

Cherry Lime Rickeys

Chocolate covered cherries

Chris Berman

Chris Gardner’s The Pursuit of Happyness

Chris Noth’s Mike Logan

Chris Tucker singing Barry White

Coca-Cola

Coed touch football

Colorwar

Commando and pantsless Wednesdays (until HR intervened)

Conan O’Brien’s In the Year 2000

Corn Fritters

Cosmic Bowling

County Fairs

Dale Intimidator Earnhardt’s 1998 Daytona 500

Dana Carvey

Dann Florek’s Captain Donald Cragen

David Letterman’s Top Ten Lists

Dennis Farina

Desperate Housewives

Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo

Die Hard

DirecTV NFL Package

Dog-riding monkey

Donald Trump–from the Apprentice to the White House to Twitter

Doritos

Dr. Brown’s Black Cherry Soda

Dr. Charles Krauthammer

Duck Dynasty

Ebay

Edible underthings

Entrepreneurship

ESPN

Eye of the tiger

Fireworks

Flavored massage oil

Founding Fathers

Fox News

Fraggle Rock

Freedom, liberty, right of dissent

Gaga (dodgeball using closed fist and cherry ball)

Game nights

Garlic knots

Gatorade dumping on coaches

George W. Bush picks up bullhorn

Glow sticks as fake cigars

Golden Corral

GPS trackers

Greg the Bunny


Greg Gutfeld

Hamburgers

Happy face emoticons

Harmonicas

Hawaii

Henny Youngman

Hot Chocolate’s You sexy thing (I believe in miracles)

Hot scantily clad women

Howard Stern

I once finger-(blanked) a hermit crab (whoever said that)

In n Out Burger

Independence Day BBQs

Instant messaging

Internet dating

Iphones

Italian ices

J. Geils Band’s Centerfold

Jack Nicholson’s Colonel Nathan R. Jessup

Jacuzzi romps

Jell-O

Jell-O wrestling

Jerry Orbach’s Lenny Briscoe

Jerry Reed’s Eastbound and Down

Jim Carrey’s Ace Ventura, Pet Detective

John Cougar Mellencamp’s Pink Houses and Hurts so good

John Facenda’s The Autumn Wind

John McEnroe’s tennis tantrums

Judaism celebrated in peace

Justice Scalia’s scathing dissents

Karl Rove’s whiteboard

Kazoos

KFC Popcorn Chicken

Kickball

Kim Kardashian’s bare bottom

King of the Hill

Kool-Aid

Kosher imitation bacon and crab

Krispy Kreme Donut Hamburgers

Laff-Olympics

Larry Hagman’s J.R. Ewing on Dallas

Las Vegas

Lee Greenwood’s God bless the USA and Bandit Express

Lilo and Stitch — Ohana means family––––––––––––––

Louie Armstrong’s It’s a Wonderful World—————————————-

Louisiana Cajun Cooking (Especially with Justin Wilson)

Lucky Charms

Madden Football

Magnum, P.I.

Mardi Gras, New Orleans

Mark Levin’s rants

Married with Children’s Al Bundy

Marvin Gaye’s Sexual Healing and Let’s get it on

Mascots

McDonalds

Meat and potatoes

Michael J. Fox’s Alex P. Keaton on Family Ties

Mills Lane yelling Let’s get it on

Miniature golf

Monopoly

Morris Day and the Time’s Jerk Out

Mountain Dew Code Red

MTV’s Celebrity Deathmatch

Murder, She Wrote

Nathan’s Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest

National Federation of Republican Women

National Football League

Neocons

New Years Eve noisemakers

New York Post front and back page

New York Stock Exchange opening and closing bells

NFL Films

NFL Network

Oakland Raiders

Old School with Will Ferrell and Vince Vaughn

Overtime playoff hockey

Pajama parties

Peaceful transition of political power

Phil Hartman

Pizza

Political Conventions

Pool volleyball

Pringles

Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio

Q-Bert

Queen’s I want it all

Raider Nation

Rainbow Sherbert

Redeye with Greg Gutfeld

Republican Jewish Brunettes

Republican Party Animals

Riptide

Robin Williams

Ronald Reagan’s self-deprecating jokes 

Rudy Giuliani’s New York toughness

Run DMC

Rush Limbaugh

San Diego Wild Animal Park

Satellite TV

Save a horse, ride a cowboy

Scrabble

Sean Hannity’s Freedom Concerts

Seinfeld

Sexting

Sherman Hemsley’s George Jefferson

Sizzler

Sky high skyscrapers

Skype

Slim Jims

Snoopy’s Joe Cool

Snow football

Social networks for building businesses

South Beach, Miami Spring Break

South Park

Spiderman

Sportsbars

Stock trading

Stratego

Strip chess

Stuart Scott

Sudoku

Summer camp

Super Soakers

Supply-side tax cuts

T-shirt originals

Taco Bell

Talk radio

Thanksgiving with John Madden

The Color of Money

The Counter Build Your Own Burger

The Expendables

The Frat Pack

The Honeymooners

The Muppets

The Onion

Tim McGraw’s Indian Outlaw ——————————————————

Tivo

Toby Keith’s Courtesy of the Red White and Blue

Train rides

Trampoline Dodgeball

Tygrrrr Express

USA Cartoon Express

Video Arcade Games

We’re not France

Weekend at Bernie’s

Western medicine

Whitesnake’s Here I go again video

Wifi on planes

XM Sirius Satellite Radio

Yoo-Hoo

Young Jewish Conservatives

Yummy bouncies and badonkadonks

ZZ Top’s Sleeping Bag and Sharp Dressed Man