I have 3 events in Atlanta today. At 10am I am speaking to the North Dekalb GOP ladies. Then I head out to the Rockdale County GOP BBQ, where I speak at 3pm. Then I am off to the Oglethorpe County GOP Pancake Supper, where I speak around 5:30pm.
Yet nothing compares to last night, when I experienced a Druid Sabbath.
In Atlanta, I decided to have a nice sabbath dinner with the local young Jewish community. While I had a great time and met many lovely people, I am glad I overcome my initial misgivings. The people were welcoming and kind, although I truly thought I was entering a culture of death.
The service and potluck dinner was held in a place called “Druid Forest.” Some may see this as nothing more than the name of an apartment complex, but I saw it as so much more.
This was not Sherwood Forest. This was Druid Forest. Time would tell if this was going to be a Druid Sabbath.
I know that druids are supposed to be scary things. Some people told me that druids are a religion practiced in places like Lebanon, but those are the Druze. I only met one Druze, and she was a nice person.
Druids are along the lines of mummies (not to be confused with people married to daddies) and zombies. They are scarier than Hamburgler (touch my burger and die).
I got there and the door was locked. Perhaps all the people inside had already crossed over to the dark side.
(Apparently I showed up early.)
When I met the people, they seemed normal and nice.
(One complaint…despite this being Atlanta, not one of the ladies spoke like Scarlett O’Hara. What does a guy have to do to be around real Southern Belles?)
Then the food was served, and like true druids, there was plenty of blood.
(Somebody may have spilled some grape juice.)
They came at me like zombies in the Michael Jackson video “Thriller.”
(They extended their hands to shake mine and introduce themselves.)
They started shouting in a dialect that was definitely not English. It could have been a satanic cult ritual designed to call for the dead.
(They were chanting the prayers in Hebrew, and it was a mourners prayer for lost loved ones.)
They tried to freeze me to death and serve me as dessert.
(I did not see that the tarp I was walking on covered a swimming pool. Totally soaked my sneakers. They may have questioned why I was wearing only socks at the dinner. They figured that is what people from Los Angeles do, I guess.)
Druid Forest had the sounds of people breaking the silence with screams as they beat innocent objects with wooden objects in what was obviously violent homicidal rage.
(I think a couple guys were playing tennis.)
I felt like I was in the movie “Deliverance.” A guy from Los Angeles goes to the Deep South and fears for his life in the lost area of Druid Forest.
(I was lost because my GPS tracker was not plugged in properly. Atlanta is not technically the Deep South. Many of the people in attendance were not even native to Atlanta.)
They truly were zombies, swathed in bandages, risen from the dead, hiding the blood.
(I think one of them may have had a band-aid from a papercut.)
We ate the bodies of those that died in the past who showed up at Druid Forest never to return.
(It tasted like grocery store bought pasta.)
We drank out of shrunken heads.
(That remarkably resembled plastic shotglasses.)
They even had tofu.
(That part was real and scary. I can’t stand that stuff.)
There was more chanting to the gods of all things evil and nefarious.
(Disguised as pleasant after dinner grace for the meal.)
When all is said and done, for people who gather in Druid Forest, they did seem to engage in rituals that I had seen in many temples on many Friday nights.
This can only mean one thing.
The people who think the Jews are vampires may not be anti-Semitic. They may be right.
The only other explanation is that I have screws loose, and that can’t be it.
When I get back to Los Angeles, people will ask me what life in Atlanta is like.
I have been to Atlanta, and I no longer fear Death Valley. I survived Druid Forest.
(and had a tasty yummy bit of cherry pie for dessert after the meal)
Druid Sabbath was not bad at all. In fact, it was quite nice.
(This was not Los Angeles. Nobody was in the entertainment industry.)
Tomorrow I will experience another cultish ritual.
I will take a weapon, and watch the blood flow as I take down my prey.
I do love Southern Barbecue.
Happy Druid Sabbath all.