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My hospitalization and recovery from Covid

Sunday, September 5th, 2021

The following is a timeline of events detailing my battle with, hospitalization from, and recovery from Covid.

Let the record show that I have while I have always been anti-lockdown and anti-mask (I have a breathing disorder that makes it harmful to wear a mask), I am not anti-vaccine. I did not get the vaccine, but that was due to procrastination. I had planned to get the Johnson & Johnson vaccine because it was only one shot.

I am pro-freedom and anti-mandates. If you want to wear a mask or get a vaccine of your own free will, fine. I am not fine with the government bullying you into doing so either directly or indirectly through corporate harassment or social justice warrior mobs. Those screaming at others to: 1) stay home…2) wear masks…3) get vaccinated…are often the ones who refuse to stay home themselves and repeatedly get caught at swanky events without masks. Leaders with the strictest edicts have repeatedly been caught violating their own edicts, covering it up, and lying about it.

Also, these same liberal screamers have spent the last few years harassing others over climate change, gender pronouns, systemic racism, and other nonsense…yes, I said it…nonsense. Leftists have turned into Isl@mists. They just like yelling. Now they have even adopted the Isl@mist tactic of burning down neighborhoods, buildings, businesses and cities where other people try to engage in activities such as breathing, existing, and God forbid, commerce.

Their hysteria notwithstanding, the Covid virus is real. It can be deadly. I found myself washing my  hands more frequently and using hand sanitizer. I reduced the level of handshakes and replaced them with elbow bumps.

My business travel was vital to my income.

Tuesday, July 26, 2021 — I flew from Los Angeles to Springfield, Missouri.

Thursday, July 28 through Saturday, August 7 — I was a vendor at the Ozark Empire Fair in Springfield in Southwest Missouri. I knew that Missouri had become a Covid hotspot, but living in fear is not the answer. My friend was also a vendor at the fair. We were both staying in his RV on the campgrounds along with his disabled son. It was 3 guys in close quarters. I had my own sleeping area but we had a common bathroom and shower. Everything was normal.

We had 5 days until the Missouri State Fair in Sedalia in Central Missouri. So I took a few days for myself.

Sunday, August 8 — Visited friends in Fremont, Nebraska and a synagogue and other friends in Omaha.

Monday, August 9 — Visited a synagogue in Leawood, Kansas. Drove that night back to Springfield, Missouri. Stayed with another friend.

Tuesday, August 10 — Spoke to a women’s group in Springfield and then returned to Sedalia and my friends at the camper in Central Missouri. We had August 11th off.

Thursday, August 12 through Sunday, August 22 — I was a vendor at the Missouri State Fair. I stayed in the RV with my friend and his son. At the beginning, everything was still normal.

Tuesday, August 17 — My friend and his son fell ill. For the next three days, he felt quite ill although his son got better. They did not have Covid symptoms, so we all assumed it was just a cold or fatigue. His disabled son has plenty of health problems as it is.

Friday, August 20 — My friend took himself and his son to the doctor. They tested positive for Covid. Upon hearing the news, I immediately vacated the RV. We had a mutual friend who lived only a few blocks from the fairgrounds. That friend and his wife already had Covid previously, so they welcomed me into their guest bedroom without reservations. My friend was supposed to drive me on Sunday the 22nd to St. Louis for my flight home on Monday the 23rd. Because of his illness, I changed my flight home from on Monday the 23rd from St. Louis to Kansas City.

Sunday, August 22 — Although I was tired, working a fair is tiring. I did not have any Covid symptoms. I was supposed to fly home on Monday, but I decided to accelerate the process while I still felt healthy. Another vendor who had previously had Covid drove me from Sedalia to Kansas City, Missouri when the fair ended.

I felt no need to get a Covid test in Missouri. I knew that in Los Angeles, I was within walking distance of UCLA Medical Center. If I had to quarantine, I would rather do so at home near the best hospital than in a town where I now was without a place to sleep. Again, I did not have symptoms.

My flight home was not until Monday, the 23rd, but I did not want to wait. I could not get all the way home, but on Sunday night I was able to fly from Kansas City to Las Vegas. A friend of mine picked me up at the Las Vegas airport and took me to the hotel. He was the only person I had close contact with during my less than 12 hours in Las Vegas. I went straight from the airport to the hotel and back the next day.

Monday, August 23 — I flew from Las Vegas home to Los Angeles. A friend who already had Covid a couple months ago and recovered picked me up and took me straight home.

On Monday night, I began feeling very fatigued. I had muscle weakness. This felt like more than just exhaustion from working and flying. I immediately scheduled a Covid test for the next day.

Tuesday, August 24 — I tested positive for Covid. I went straight home and quarantined. For a couple of days I took Theraflu at night. I figured relaxing at home would be enough. I had my full sense of taste and smell. The only pain I had was muscle weakness.

Wednesday, August 25 — I was not feeling better but not worse either. That night a friend of mine said he would bring me a cocktail of drugs that his friends had previously taken. It could have been Ivermectin or Hydroxychloroquine. I have no idea. I never got the chance. He was going to deliver these drugs on Thursday afternoon. By then it was too late.

Thursday, August 26 — Everything changed that morning. I could not get out of bed. My muscles were beyond weak, including back pain. Trying to stand up made my feel like I would collapse. I eventually staggered back into bed but I knew I was very ill. I called 911 from my bed and they quickly arrived. I could not stand up or walk. The paramedics loaded me onto a gurney, out my building, and into an ambulance. They took me to Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center, which was again only a few blocks from my home.

The doctors gave me Remdesivir. It worked. By the next day, my fever was gone and would not return. However, I still needed to be hospitalized for several days. The doctors told me that they had zero interest in my vaccination status. They were going to save my life no matter what. While they were pro-vaccine, they were non-judgmental. Their only commitment was to getting me better. They said that the original Monochlomal blasters were not an option because those were preventative measures and it was too late for them. Had my condition been more severe, they may have tried them, but the medical staff felt the Remdesivir would be sufficient. They also gave me the steroid Dexamethasone in addition to something else for the cough.

I was on Oxygen for my entire five days in the hospital, but I was never on a ventilator. This was a very important discussion. I needed the oxygen but I did not need a ventilator.

Monday, August 31 — That evening I was well enough to go home. I was given another 5 days worth of steroids and plenty of medicine for the cough, which was waning. The back pain I had when  I got to the hospital was gone. I was tired, but otherwise definitely on the mend. I was now at home in quarantine.

The time of my quarantine was a mystery. At the beginning of the pandemic, Americans were told 14 days. Then it was lessened to 10 days. This meant I would be out of quarantine as early as Friday, September 3. However, people are hospitalized are supposed to quarantine up to 20 days, which would be Monday, September 13. This 20 days is a recommendation, not a law. The law was 10 days.

I found the solution. When the 10 days was up, I would take two separate Covid tests from independent facilities. If either of those tests were positive, I would probably have to stay in quarantine until September 13.

Wednesday, September 1 — I began to feel much better. I stayed in quarantine. I had my first post-discharge telephone consultation. The doctors were pleased with my progress.

Thursday, September 2 — I drove myself to a nearby Covid testing facility around 10:30am. By 11am I was back home in quarantine.

Friday, September 3 — I drove myself to a second nearby Covid testing facility around 11am. By 11:30am I was again back home in quarantine. Around 1:30pm I had my second post-discharge telephone consultation. The doctors seemed very pleased with my progress. They confirmed the differences between 10 day and 20 day quarantines, and that negative Covid tests would go a long way toward accelerating the process. Around 5:30pm I received the results from the first Covid test on Thursday. The results were negative.

At this moment I was legally allowed to end my quarantine. However, again out of an abundance of caution, I remained in quarantine pending the results of the second test. Those results were expected over the weekend. The testing facility said they would be open all weekend and on Monday even though it would be Labor Day. I was invited to a Jewish home for a Sabbath dinner Friday night. One Covid negative test was good enough for them. I politely declined, deciding to stay home and rest and wait for the second test as confirmation. I felt totally fine at this point.

Saturday, September 4 — At 10am I took my final doctor-prescribed dose of steroid Dexamethasone. The cough was pretty much gone as well, but I continued to take the cough medicine in addition to Nyquil at night to help me sleep.

Sunday, September 5 — At 9am, the second Covid test result came in. It was negative. The nightmare was over. I was now able to end my quarantine. I no longer had Covid or was a threat to transmit Covid.

I was supposed to go on another airplane back to the midwest on Thursday night, September 8. The flight from Los Angeles to Kansas City would this time be for the Kansas State Fair in Hutchinson near Wichita. That would take place from September 10-19. Unfortunately, my health made doing this an unwise move.

America would be closed on Monday, September 6 for Labor Day. Then from Monday night through Wednesday night, I would voluntarily be shutting down for the Jewish New Year of Rosh Hashanahah. My flight would be right after the holiday ended, with no time to react. To race to the airport in that situation would be untenable. Plus, my friend I caught Covid from is still in quarantine. His son is thankfully better and he is getting better, but for me to fly in the middle of the night to meet an RV that might not even be there would be mind-numbingly stupid.

I have just been through a traumatic experience. I am definitely feeling better, but am not 100%. Working a fair for 10-12 hours per day for 10 days straight is just not something my body can handle right now. I need rest. I am still tired.

So I am canceling my trip to Kansas. It is my hope the Kansas State Fair will do the honorable thing and refund my money. They normally do not refund money, but Covid is a once in a century life and death pandemic. That is the polar opposite of normal.

I would love to do the Kansas Fair in 2022, but not in 2021.

So the plan is to spend all of September recuperating at home. Although I will ease into life, there are plenty of things awaiting me on different levels:

Sunday, September 5 — Reach out to every Jew I know to wish them a Happy Rosh Hashanah. I have to get this done by sundown on Monday night.

Monday, September 6 — Start of Rosh Hashanah. It runs through sundown on Wednesday, September 8.

Thursday, September 9 — NFL 2021 Regular Season kickoff game.

Saturday, September 11 — The 20 year anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. Somber ceremonies will be everywhere.

Sunday, September 12 — NFL Sunday Week 1.

Monday, September 13 — Raiders game Week 1 on Monday Night Football. My close friend’s birthday.

Tuesday, September 14 — Recall election involving the California Governor.

Thursday, September 16 — Yom Kippur. The holiest day in the Jewish Calendar. I fast for 24 hours from sundown on the 15th through nightfall on the 16th, health permitting of course. I have fasted on Yom Kippur every year since age 13, and should be able to this time. After consulting with my doctors, I will probably have water to guard against dehydration.

Monday, September 20 — The Jewish holiday of Sukkos begins. The ritual is to eat in an outdoor hut.

Saturday, September 25 — Another close person in my life has a birthday.

Tuesday, September 28 — The Jewish holiday of Simchas Torah involves merriment at synagogue. In big cities such as Los Angeles, this means hopping from synagogue to synagogue. After two years of subdued celebrations, this year it should be much closer to normal. This will officially close out the annual Jewish holiday season that begins with Rosh Hashanah and runs through most of September.

For now, it is just time to rest and thank God that I am free of Covid. May everyone else who has ever had this awful disease recover as well. May we one day soon live in a world where Covid is something we read about in the history books rather than experience personally. Most importantly, may panic and pain over a serious illness never be used again as an excuse by power-hungry government officials to suppress individual freedoms. Giving up freedom is far worse than death. The Founding Fathers understood this. As Ben franklin cautioned, “Those willing to give up liberty for temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.”

I remain anti-lockdown, anti-mask, pro-vaccine, anti-mandate, and pro-freedom to my core. If you are pro-mask for yourself or anti-vaccine for yourself, I still support your right to make your individual medical decisions free from government interference or any other form of bullying.

I survived Covid, and I thank God, the staff at the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center, my family, and my friends for that.

To the many people who texted, called and messaged me on Facebook and my cell phone, thank you all, God bless you all, and I love you all.

eric

 

No to the Olympics, Yes to the Laff-A-Lympics

Friday, July 23rd, 2021

Forget Tokyo 2021 Olympic boredom: Bring Back America’s Laff-A-Lympics

245 fun reasons to love America

Sunday, July 4th, 2021

245 fun reasons to love America

1980 Olympic Gold Medal Hockey Team

1980s hard rock hair metal

2 Live Crew’s Banned in the USA

7-Eleven Big Gulps and Slurpees

ACDC’s You shook me, Thunderstruck, Moneytalks

Adam Sandler

Aerosmith

Airheads band The Lone Rangers

Al D’Amato’s singing

Alf

America the Beautiful sung by Ray Charles

American soldiers and veterans

Animaniacs

Anthony Clark

Bad Touch’s Discovery Channel

Batman: The Dark Knight

BB King and Lucille

Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia

Biff Henderson

Bill Cosby, Himself video

Bill Murray’s Quick Change

Bill of Rights

Bill the Cat

Billiards

Blue Collar Comedy Tour

Blue Bloods

_____________

Bluegrass Junction

Bounce houses

Bouncing 25 cent rubber balls

Boxing promoter Don King

Brooklyn

Bubblebaths for two

Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck

Burgertime

Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise movies

Caddyshack

Capitalism

Capture the flag

Cards Against Humanity

Chabad Houses

Charitable people

Cheerleaders

Cheers’s Sam Mayday Malone and Norm Peterson

Cherry Lime Rickeys

Chocolate covered cherries

Chris Berman

Chris Gardner’s The Pursuit of Happyness

Chris Noth’s Mike Logan

Chris Tucker singing Barry White

Coca-Cola

Coed touch football

Colorwar

Commando and pantsless Wednesdays (until HR intervened)

Conan O’Brien’s In the Year 2000

Corn Fritters

Cosmic Bowling

County Fairs

Dale Intimidator Earnhardt’s 1998 Daytona 500

Dana Carvey

Dann Florek’s Captain Donald Cragen

David Letterman’s Top Ten Lists

Dazed and Confused — Mitch Kramer

 

Dennis Farina

Desperate Housewives

Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo

Die Hard

DirecTV NFL Package

Dog-riding monkey

Donald Trump–from the Apprentice to the White House to Twitter

Doritos

Dr. Brown’s Black Cherry Soda

Dr. Charles Krauthammer

Duck Dynasty

Ebay

Edible underthings

Entrepreneurship

ESPN

Eye of the tiger

Fireworks

Flavored massage oil

Founding Fathers

Fox News

Fraggle Rock

Freedom, liberty, right of dissent

Gaga (dodgeball using closed fist and cherry ball)

Game nights

Garlic knots

Gatorade dumping on coaches

George W. Bush picks up bullhorn

Glow sticks as fake cigars

Golden Corral

GPS trackers

Greg the Bunny


Greg Gutfeld

Hamburgers

Happy face emoticons

Harmonicas

Hawaii

Henny Youngman

Hot Chocolate’s You sexy thing (I believe in miracles)

Hot scantily clad women

Howard Stern

I once finger-(blanked) a hermit crab (whoever said that)

In n Out Burger

Independence Day BBQs

Instant messaging

Internet dating

Iphones

Italian ices

J. Geils Band’s Centerfold

Jack Nicholson’s Colonel Nathan R. Jessup

Jacuzzi romps

Jell-O

Jell-O wrestling

Jerry Orbach’s Lenny Briscoe

Jerry Reed’s Eastbound and Down

Jim Carrey’s Ace Ventura, Pet Detective

John Cougar Mellencamp’s Pink Houses and Hurts so good

John Facenda’s The Autumn Wind

John McEnroe’s tennis tantrums

Judaism celebrated in peace

Justice Scalia’s scathing dissents

Karl Rove’s whiteboard

Kazoos

KFC Popcorn Chicken

Kickball

Kim Kardashian’s bare bottom

King of the Hill

Kool-Aid

Kosher imitation bacon and crab

Krispy Kreme Donut Hamburgers

Laff-Olympics

Larry Hagman’s J.R. Ewing on Dallas

Las Vegas

Lee Greenwood’s God bless the USA and Bandit Express

Lilo and Stitch — Ohana means family–––––––––––––– 

Louie Armstrong’s It’s a Wonderful World—————————————-

Louisiana Cajun Cooking (Especially with Justin Wilson)

Lucky Charms

Madden Football

Magnum, P.I.

Mardi Gras, New Orleans

Mark Levin’s rants

Married with Children’s Al Bundy

Marvin Gaye’s Sexual Healing and Let’s get it on

Mascots

McDonalds

Meat and potatoes

Michael J. Fox’s Alex P. Keaton on Family Ties

Mills Lane yelling Let’s get it on

Miniature golf

Monopoly

Morris Day and the Time’s Jerk Out

Mountain Dew Code Red

MTV’s Celebrity Deathmatch

Murder, She Wrote

Nathan’s Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest

National Federation of Republican Women

National Football League

Neocons

New Years Eve noisemakers

New York Post front and back page

New York Stock Exchange opening and closing bells

NFL Films

NFL Network

Oakland Raiders

Old School with Will Ferrell and Vince Vaughn

Overtime playoff hockey

Pajama parties

Peaceful transition of political power

Phil Hartman

Pizza

Political Conventions

Pool volleyball

Pringles

Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio

Q-Bert

Queen’s I want it all

Raider Nation

Rainbow Sherbert

Redeye with Greg Gutfeld

Republican Jewish Brunettes

Republican Party Animals

Riptide

Robin Williams

Ronald Reagan’s self-deprecating jokes 

Rudy Giuliani’s New York toughness

Run DMC

Rush Limbaugh

San Diego Wild Animal Park

Satellite TV

Save a horse, ride a cowboy

Scrabble

Sean Hannity’s Freedom Concerts

Seinfeld

Sexting

Sherman Hemsley’s George Jefferson

Sizzler

Sky high skyscrapers

Skype

Slim Jims

Snoopy’s Joe Cool

Snow football

Social networks for building businesses

South Beach, Miami Spring Break

South Park

Spiderman

Sportsbars

Stock trading

Stratego

Strip chess

Stuart Scott

Sudoku

Summer camp

Super Soakers

Supply-side tax cuts

T-shirt originals

Taco Bell

Talk radio

Thanksgiving with John Madden

The Color of Money

The Counter Build Your Own Burger

The Expendables

The Frat Pack

The Honeymooners

The Muppets

The Onion

Tim McGraw’s Indian Outlaw —————————————————— 

Tivo

Toby Keith’s Courtesy of the Red White and Blue

Train rides

Trampoline Dodgeball

Tygrrrr Express

USA Cartoon Express

Video Arcade Games

We’re not France

Weekend at Bernie’s

Western medicine

Whitesnake’s Here I go again video

Wifi on planes

XM Sirius Satellite Radio

Yoo-Hoo

Young Jewish Conservatives

Yummy bouncies and badonkadonks

ZZ Top’s Sleeping Bag and Sharp Dressed Man

 

RIP Larry King

Saturday, January 23rd, 2021

Larry King, an oxymoron: Nice to the end despite a life in entertainment

My birthday: 49 Happy Memories upon turning 49

Saturday, January 9th, 2021

My birthday: 49 Happy Memories upon turning 49

I entered this world 48 years ago today on January 9, 1972. On my 49th birthday, here are 49 happy memories.

1.) Every moment I ever spent with my grandparents. They are gone now, but I had all four of them when I graduated college and three of them when I turned 30. I am blessed.

2.) January 9, 1977 — The Oakland Raiders won the Super Bowl on my fifth birthday. I saw the logo and became a Raider for life.

3.) August 15, 1980 — Smokey and the Bandit II came out. I saw the original and the sequel and became a lifelong fan of the Bandit and the Snowman.

4.) January 22, 1984 — The Raiders won their third Super Bowl. I still remember telling the kids at school the next day one simple message. “Just win baby!”

5.) January 21, 1985 — I had my Bar Mitzvah, the Jewish passage into manhood. My Orthodox Rabbi grandfather led the ceremony.

6.) July 13, 1990 — I watched Bill Murray in “Quick Change” for the first of over 100 times. This movie is true New York, and Murray remains a national hero.

7.) August 26, 1990 — I flew from New York to Los Angeles for college. I immediately fell in love with this city and never left.

8.) September 26, 1990 — I joined the campus radio station and developed my lifelong love of radio.

9.) May 10, 1992 — I wrote my first song. 70 more would follow.

10.) January 9, 1994 — The Raiders won a playoff game over arch rival Denver on my 22nd birthday. We all had a big party to celebrate afterward at 1950s Cafe Ed Debevic’s.

11.) June 14, 1994 — The New York Rangers won the NHL Stanley Cup and ended the 54 year curse.

12.) September 13, 1994 — I passed the Series 7 stockbroker’s exam. At that moment I was now a professional.

13.) June 1, 1997 — I saw my friend doing something on a computer that seemed different. He was in a chat room. It was my first time using the Internet.

14.) July 4, 1999 — My friends and I crashed an Independence Day party on the beach and escaped moments before police busted up the party.

15.) September 23, 1999 — I finally got my driver’s license. I never needed one before.

16.) December 31, 1999 — Ringing in the Millennium in Las Vegas.

17.) March 1, 2000 — I flew from Los Angeles to New Orleans for Mardi Gras 2000. I still have my Calvin and Hobbes t-shirt, “Life is short. Party naked. Mardi Gras 2000.”

18.) February 13, 2003 — I watched the movie “Old School.” I will forever thank Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell and “The Godfather” Luke Wilson for inspiring me at age 31 to finally start going to Florida for Spring Break. Years of South Beach, Miami revelry ensued at the Clevelander and Ocean’s 10. 

19.) March 14, 2003 — I flew to Singapore and Thailand and got to experience five days of beauty in each country. I met the Jewish communities of both nations.

20.) November 4, 2003 — NFL Network was born. Finally, a television channel worth watching existed. 

21.) November 2, 2004 — Enjoying the 2004 election with my closest friends.

22.) February 12, 2006 — I flew from Los Angeles to Hawaii. I met the Jewish community of Honolulu and attended my first NFL Pro Bowl. I met ESPN’s Chris Berman.

23.) April 28, 2006 — I flew from Los Angeles to New York and went to Radio City Music Hall. For the first time, I got to attend the NFL Draft and meet a bunch of great football heroes. 

24.) August 4, 2006 — I flew from Los Angeles to Ohio and drove to Canton. I visited the Pro Football Hall of Fame, saw the induction ceremony featuring John Madden, and attended the Pro Football Hall of Fame Game.

25.) March 11, 2007 — I Started a blog called the Tygrrrr Express. That column somehow turned into five books and a national speaking career.

26.) September 11, 2007 — On the sixth anniversary of the attacks, I flew from Los Angeles to New York and then drove to Great Adventure in New Jersey. I attended Sean Hannity’s Feedom Concert and saw New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani light up the crowd.

27.) October 17, 2007 — I joined Facebook. Between that and Twitter, I have met many good people, increased book sales, and built my business.

28.) February 2, 2008 — I flew from Los Angeles to Phoenix and attended my first Super Bowl. The New York Giants shocked the previously unbeaten New England Patriots.

29.) March 30, 2008 — My friend adopted a child from Guatemala. On this day “the boy” turned one. Being “Unca Eric” is the best job in the world.

30.) May 13, 2008 — I flew from Los Angeles to Washington, DC. I attended the Republican Jewish Coalition Leadership Conference and met Dr. Charles Krauthammer.

31.) August 6, 2008 — I flew from Los Angeles to Israel and spent a week in the Holy Land.

32.) August 30, 2008 — I flew from Los Angeles to Minneapolis for my first Republican Convention. For a week, friends and I slept in a sports bar. It was like being Norm Peterson from “Cheers.”

33.) April 5, 2009 — My first book “Ideological Bigotry” was published.

34.) September 1, 2009 — I left Wall Street after 15 years and began my career as a full-time professional speaker.

35.) November 11, 2009 — I flew from Los Angeles to Galveston and spoke at the Texas Federation of Republican Women Convention. I made TFRW and other lifelong friends in the Lone Star State.

36.) March 11, 2010 — I flew from Los Angeles to Oklahoma City to speak at the National Federation of Republican Women Spring Conference. That launched me nationally since the NFRW run the world.

37.) May 1, 2011 — In Aiken, South Carolina, I saw the news that Osama bin Laden was killed. That night I told my very best political joke. “Osama bin Laden is now burning underground with 72 Helen Thomases.” It was the bookend to my very first political joke. “Never rely on a Palestinian GPS tracker. I took one wrong turn, ended up at a cemetery, and a sinister voice said, ‘You have reached your final destination!’ I got so angry I threw the thing out the window, which was good because 5 seconds later it exploded.”

38.) February 9, 2013 — I met Vice President Dick Cheney and spoke in front of him at a dinner.

39.) September 25, 2013 — I spoke to a Tea Party group in Hays, Kansas. At that moment, I had officially spoken in all 50 states.

40.) November 4, 2014 — I spoke at an election night party in New Jersey.

41.) March 20, 2015 — After writing four political comedy books, I finished my first religious comedy book “Jewish Lunacy.” This allowed me to move beyond political speaking into religious speaking.

42.) May 12, 2015 — I met President George W. Bush and shook his hand.

43.) November 8, 2016 — Enjoyed a raucous election night party in Raleigh, North Carolina.

44.) December 31, 2016 — New Year’s Eve with the friends who matter most to me.

45.) Any woman whoever let me play with her yummy bouncies or at least was nice enough to send me pictures of them.

46.) January 9, 2018 — On my 46th birthday, the return of Chucky as Jon Gruden returns to the Black Hole to rejoin the Raiders. Like me, Gruden has unfinished business.

47.) November 9, 2018 — I met Angela Lansbury in Beverly Hills and got my picture taken with her. She remains one of the most talented people in the history of entertainment. 

48.) 2019 was the year I branch out beyond books and into t-shirts. I started with 2 or 3 designs in 2017 and 2018. By the end of 2019 I had 49 mostly original t-shirt designs. My best seller remains “Stop judging women by their tops. #BackSidesMatter!”

49.) 2020 was a brutal year for so many people because of a global pandemic. Yet thank God I was healthy and in better financial condition than previous years. On January 9, 2021, I watched the NFL Wildcard playoffs with friends. Normally there would be 2 games as has been the case for the last 30 years. Yet for the first time, there were 3 games, with 3 more to occur on January 10th. I watched football all day and had a great day with people who matter to me. I was besieged with well-wishes from hundreds of people by text, phone call and social media. My birthday evening capped with a special someone. I am blessed as can be to have had such a great birthday. 

I would like to thank my parents for raising me right and Angela Lansbury’s JB Fletcher of “Murder, She Wrote” for catching murderers and making the world safer.

Anything I could possibly wish for has already been granted.

eric @ Tygrrrr Express

2021: We…can…do…this

Friday, January 1st, 2021

2021: We…can…do…this

What the heck is that beeping sound?

(Knocks the phone off the hook, keeps banging the snooze alarm)

A voice tells me it’s my pager. My pager is black, so finding it in the dark is the needle in the haystack equivalent. A lucky smack knocks it against the wall, where it may or may not have shattered. The beeping continues. Why does anyone need a pager anymore anyway?

Who the heck is texting me at this ungodly hour of…(either 7 a.m., 1 p.m., or 1 a.m. …it looks blurry)?

Oh, no. It is 5 a.m., and my first radio interview of the New Year is with the morning man of an East Coast station. Time to pretend to sound coherent and go back to sleep. Oh no, wait, that radio interview was several years ago.

Great, happy wishes for the new year and the new decade. Thanks. Whoever you are, it is too early to talk to you.

One year the person on the telephone insisted it was 1 p.m. After explaining to them that they were on the East Coast, and that 1 p.m. EST is 10 a.m. in Los Angeles, they grew impatient. They knew how to tell time, and that it was 4 p.m. EST, hence 1 p.m. my time.

Sure, getting up and writing my column is an option. It’s a new year, and starting the year off with a flurry of brilliance might be helpful. Forget it. This column is recycled from years ago. It’s also hours late. That is what happens when people get no sleep because of stressful December football games followed by New Year’s Eve revelry.

Election 2020? The first person to talk politics gets blistered in my column … tomorrow.

Bowl games? There is DVR. Besides, does anybody care who wins the Poulan Weed Eater Bowl, the Lack of Insight.com Bowl, the Fishbowl, the RU486 Morning After Bowl, The California Metrosexual Pride Bowl, or any other game that may or may not be made up?

Speaking of the morning after, does anybody remember the David Byrne Talking Heads song from the movie “Less than Zero? (which the temperature feels like right now in rural Georgia and in some other parts of the country. No wonder I live in the insane city of LA)” The song is called “Once In A Lifetime.”

“This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife. What have I done? How did I get here?”

It then occurs to me that the beeping sounds are the voices in my head telling me I am too old, even at 48, to stay out this late. Even without alcohol, exhaustion has set in.

Get out of bed? Work calls in (whenever) hours. Better rest up before my tyrant of a boss complains. Such is the life of the self-employed.

Get up now? Somehow stagger to the shower, get dressed, make it out of my condo to go … where?

The stores are closed. Maybe they are open. Too tired to find out.

My birthday is in just over a week. Time to pace myself.

Work on my website? All that takes is staggering to my couch. Oh, no. My IT guy has not finished it yet. Oh, wait, he did years ago. I clicked on the wrong site.

Go on Jdate and search for women? Not a bad idea, except it is too tiring to check their Adams Apples. This is not the year for a boyfriend, and am not sure that my eyes can tell the difference right now. Besides, Jdate is so 2014. Now it is Tinder, JSwipe and JCrush. No, wait. Those are so 2019.

Shop on eBay? No. bad idea. Buying stuff when not at full capacity is problematic. Who needs another mountain goat? Dang creature gets his horns in my hide. Not a comfy way to wake up. Calm down boy, you’ll get some straw to graze on upon my waking up.

Work on my record album? Although again, world, just because my hair is long, that does not mean my band exists. The best instrument is the triangle, because that tells me lunch is ready. Oh wait, my hair is not even that long anymore. I could work on that, although I didn’t do much. I sat. It grew.

Ahh, yes, lunch. Get up and eat something. My microwave is slow, and a five minute microwave dinner takes almost 15 minutes. Read the paper? It is cold outside my building where the stand is, and it only takes coins. Reading the paper online is tiring, and my printer is not working. At least the lifestyle section makes a great placemat for eating. Oh, wait. That stand does not exist anymore. Reading the paper online it is.

Staying in bed for only a couple more hours until (whatever the big and little hands say) would allow me to stay up all night and be totally exhausted for work tomorrow. Again, my boss is a tyrant.

Running errands … not gonna happen.

Every morning, a four word prayer starts my day. My elbows are used to try and leverage them against my bed to prop me up. Placing my alarm clock on the other side of the room failed, since ripping the cord out of the wall solved that problem.

As for the Jewish brunette who stole the covers, her voice was not a problem last night, although if she opens her trap today she will receive a more caustic reception than usual.

Oh wait, she already left. Here is a note. “Tried to wake you, but that was a losing battle. By the way, you have nothing but soda in your fridge. Talk to you soon.” oh, wait, I think that happened over a decade ago. This is 2021, not 2005.

She is a liar. There are potato chips in my fridge as well. Why they are there remains a mystery, but it saves having to remember which cabinet they are in. One-stop shopping  is the way to go.

Besides, combing my hair for her was enough. Not doing it this morning, proud “retrosexual” that is me.

At least having the decency to say some morning prayers would be appropriate.

“Hey God…those people I pray for every night…yeah those people, the same ones…look after them again.”

Back to sleep, despite every attempt to wake up. The home phone is turned off, the cell is off as well, and the pager is still shattered, in addition to being disconnected years ago.

There may have been a car crash outside my building followed by 911 calls and sirens, but telling everybody to “keep it down,” solved that problem. A brief nightmare of me being late for work was averted when I realized my location to me was known if necessary.

Four televisions in the living room, and none in the bedroom. Who thought that up? Oh yeah, a television in the bedroom would promote laziness. Besides, trying to figure out which remote to use would cause me to break them all as if they were my pager.

Ok, here it is. Come on, elbows, do your stuff. Rise, young lad, rise! Awaken thy exhausted tired eyes!

Why is God shouting? Oh wait, that is my over-dramatization of God.

Time to set the alarm now to avoid missing work tomorrow. Where was it thrown? Threw it? Oh, screw it.

Ok, time for my four word prayer. It has gotten me this incredibly terribly far. Time to contemplate getting out of bed.

“We…can…do…this.”

Happy 2021 all. Except for the person who woke me up earlier. Whoever you are, I still can’t stand you, even though you are doing me a favor.

Ten hours and 16 bowl games later, there is only one thing left to do.

Time for a nap. Good riddance to Pandemic 2020. Happy 2021.

Zzzzz.

eric

New Year’s Eve 2020 with Lil Jon and Senator Brian Schatz

Thursday, December 31st, 2020

NYE 2020

New Year’s Eve is normally a magical night. On this one night, many of Earth’s seven billion inhabitants temporarily cast aside religion, politics, and even sports rivalries. Peace on Earth briefly breaks out. We bid farewell to a tough year. We pray that the incoming new year will be better, perhaps even peaceful. On this New Year’s Eve 2020, even Lil Jon and Senator Brian Schatz might agree.

We pray for peace, love, and a better world.

The arrival of 2020 had the world brimming with optimism. An exciting new decade would bring unimaginable new triumphs. 

Then in March, the entire world faced a pandemic not seen in a century. The Corona virus killed millions of people across the globe and led to even more deaths due to drugs, despair, depression, dementia and suicide. Lives were destroyed. For the first time in a very long time, a significant plurality of Americans replaced optimism with hopelessness. 

If 2021 brings anything, it will be sheer relief that 2020 is over. So in that spirit, let us all raise a glass to a new chance at a better individual life and a better overall world.  

On this New Year’s Eve 2020, the hours leading into January 1 are not about the Republican Party or the Democrat Party.

It is about house parties, club parties, rooftop parties, and the party for the sake of partying parties. 

As for those politicians instituting strict lockdowns and banning such parties, do not be surprised if their edicts are ignored on this night and perhaps for good. Banning celebration will not end suffering. Celebrating is how suffering ends. So enjoy all of those previously mentioned parties. 

This is before getting to the after-party.

We eat and drink to excess, dance badly, and upload pictures to social media that should never be uploaded.

For one night, much of the entire civilized world is a happy, peaceful, global family united in sheer joy and revelry.

In all the global celebrations welcoming the end of 2019 and the entire decade of the 2010s, nothing says New Year’s Eve like the convergence of a rap star and an unknown politico.

The rapper is a long-haired, gold-toothed entrepreneur and former Trump Celebrity Apprentice semi-finalist Lil Jon. Dave Chapelle lampooned him as the guy who only says “what” and “ok.”

Lil Jon brought the world one of the greatest party songs, “Shots.”

A celebration of alcohol and fun, plenty of shots will be consumed as 2020 ticks down.

While Lil Jon’s celebrity is established, the senior United States Senator from Hawaii is still fairly early in his political career. With the passing of Senator Daniel Inouye, former Governor Hawaii Neil Abercrombie sent his second in command to Washington in 2012 as the next Senator from Hawaii.

Former Lieutenant Governor Brian Schatz then won the 2014 election to fill out an abbreviated term and the 2016 election to his first full Senate term.

The Senator’s name is spelled “Schatz,” although his last name is pronounced “shots.”

The U.S. Senate has long been about partying, alcohol, and law-breaking in between occasional bouts of governing.

Therefore, the upper chamber of Congress should treat Brian Schatz as a celebrity.

Let Lil Jon do the swearing-in ceremony as the Republican Party (sans Brian Schatz) and the Democrat Party continue to spend like drunken sailors at a never-ending New Year’s Eve Party. COVID is awful, but at least it gives the government an excuse to spend money on anything and everything unrelated to health or science.

Happy New Year Schatzie! Party time!

When I arrive on the Hill, all eyes on me.

Congressional bender, all drinks are free.

We’re drunken spenders, we’re so far gone.
It’s free money time, so come on down!

Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz Schatz,
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz,
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz,
Schatz, everybody!

Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz,
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz Schatz,
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz,
Schatz, everybody!

The ladies love us, when we give free stuff,

We spend your money, on needless fluff,

We’re drunk on power, how ‘bout you?
Bottoms up, let’s go round two!

Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz,
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz Schatz,
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz,
Schatz, everybody!

Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz,
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz Schatz,
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz,
Schatz, everybody!

If you ain’t drunk on power, get out of Congress now!

If you ain’t drunk on power, get out of the White House now!

If you ain’t drunk on power, get out of government now!

Now where are my spendaholics? Printing presses go!

Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz,
Schatz, everybody!

And in conclusion, on this New Year’s Eve 2020…

Party hearty, Senator Schatz! Greece, California, and Detroit are only a few trillion wasted dollars away!

To everyone else, may 2021 be a year of peace, love, and most importantly for revelers, fun!

Also, in honor of the junior Hawaii Senator Mazie Hirono, do not hit on strangers after getting drunk. Friends don’t let friends beer-goggle. This is the Hirono rule, when a guy wakes up the next day, realizes what he has done, and yells, “Her? Oh, no!”

The clock is ticking down to zero hour on New Year’s Eve 2010.

Let’s party! What??????

Happy 2020s! Ok!!!!!!!!

Top 10 PBWGs of 2020

Wednesday, December 30th, 2020

Austin Hill Awards: The Top 10 Powerful Bald White Guys of 2020

Top 10 BlMBOS of 2020

Tuesday, December 29th, 2020
Here are the Top 10 BlMBOS of 2020
 
 
eric

Top 10 News Stories of 2020

Monday, December 28th, 2020
Here are the Top 10 News Stories of 2020
 
 
eric