THE TYGRRRR EXPRESS

It was driving me even crazier than I usually am.

I was sitting at a Republican Party function when I saw a guy at another table who looked like somebody famous.

Then I went blank and could not remember who it was.

We all hate when that happens, and we don’t let it go until we remember.

My mother used to tell me to take the clothing out of the refrigerator. When I would ask her why it would be in there, she would reply that I knew d@rn well what she meant, and not to argue with her. Just take the clothing out of whatever that other object was.

When she would tell me about “the guy” from “that show” I was supposed to know what the heck she meant.

She would forget the names of me and my sister so she would make up backup names. Being called “Harold” was not horrible, but my sister did not like being called “Bill.”

I still remember one of my interns being confused when I told them about finding laundry in my grandmother’s hampster drawer. After a few minutes of confusion I realized it was a hamper and not a hampster.

Yet this was more frustrating. I knew this guy looked like a guy I aw on tv, but somebody that would most likely not be at GOP functions. So this guy looked like a guy who did not belong there. I could not have him removed because he was a different guy, and I could not even remember who the non-spy was.

After recalling every single tv show from “My Mother the Car” to “Wings,” I still had no idea who this guy was.

He was in his 50s, handsome, chiseled jaw, good thatch of hair that had silver in it. The guy looked distinguished.

Who the heck was he? It was driving me bats.

I asked somebody who he was. I was told his name was George, and that he was an accountant.

Apparently this person did not understand me. I did not want to know what he did professionally or even who he was exactly. I wanted to know who he looked like. I was not asking about the guy. I was asking about the guy who the guy looked like. You know, the other guy.

Apparently others at the table lost interest and spoke to saner people than me.

I was not going to enjoy this function if this mystery was not solved.

Then a man spoke about the Irish economy.

That’s it…Ireland. He looked like somebody Irish.

Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity are Irish, but after trying to recall every regular guest they had, I drew blanks.

Finally, it hit me. Chris Matthews is Irish. I saw the guy on “Hardball.”

Then I remembered that the guest was not Irish. He just looked Irish and everybody thought he was Irish. In fact, they were all laughing that he was more Irish than they were and he was not even Irish. He acted Irish.

Ok, so now I knew that the guy at the other table looked like a guy on Hardball who was not Irish but looked and was mistaken for being Irish. I am glad I clarified that.

The guy I was thinking of was Jewish. Ok, so this chiseled guy with good hair resembles a Jewish guy who is mistaken for Irish.

I am sure there were good speeches at this function but I missed all of them due to staring at a strange man. I am relieved he did not notice, since I may have crossed the line from curious to obsessively menacing.

Then somebody mentioned something about a blender.

That’s it. His name sounds like blender. Ok, I can name every single word that rhymes with or sounds like blender.

Ender, friender, pretender, render…render…render…render…

Rendell!

Finally!

The guy looked like former Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell.

Why the heck was Ed Rendell at a GOP function?

Oh wait. This guy only looked like Ed Rendell.

Man I am glad I cleared that up. Now if only I could turn back time and hear the speeches.

This was taxing on my cranial cavity. Not since former New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine had a lookalike who invaded my swimming pool have I been this stressed by a complete stranger who resembled a politico.

My head hurts. I need to remove my leftover lunch from the washing machine, or whatever the heck that device that I am mistaking a washing machine for is called.

eric

This entry was posted on Friday, October 1st, 2010 at 2:06 pm and is filed under POLITICS. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.