We are at war…torture early, often and repeatedly

Many people claim to be against torture. When pressing many of these people on specifics, they respond with the nonsensical notion that torture is torture, period, and that it is always wrong. While liberals get indignant as being portrayed as kumbaya loving hand holding jellyfish who wish to take Al Queda operatives and send them to bed without supper (no dessert anyway), their stubborn refusal to consider torture methods allows them to be defined as weak. So rather than lump all torture together, looking at various methods provides for a more complex issue than meets the eye.

There are people that believe in beheading, thumbscrews, ratchet sets across the testicles, burning people with cigarettes, or throwing acid on their faces. These people are Al Queda. They do this. We do not, and I have yet to meet an American that advocates it. Having said that, not every form of torture, aka coerced interrogation methods, should be out of bounds. Even beating somebody with a whip (ironically, dominatrixes make a good living…how can something be too tough on terrorists when business executives pay to receive such treatment?) is inappropriate.

Sleep deprivation–if this is illegal, than college campuses should be shut down. Any student trying to get through final exams has put through all nighters.  Manuel Noriega was brought down in Panama through blaring rock music such as Def Leppard (had it been Barbra Streisand I would have cracked in 5 minutes).  While children have been torturing their parents by listening to everything from gangsta rap to hard rock, at no point has  loud music been considered too cruel to deal with Al Queda.

Altering the room temperature–Whether making it ice cold or uncomfortably warm, terrorists are not entitled to a room temperature room with a fridge stocked with miniatures. They are supposed to be uncomfortable. If this is out of bounds, than Vince Lombardi should have been thrown in jail for coaching in the Ice Bowl in 1967. The Green Bay Packers did not like the cold, but if they and the Dallas Cowboys can survive it, than battle tested warriors like Osama can cope.

Forcing terrorists to stand up in uncomfortable positions–Has anyone ever worked as a Bank Teller? Wells Fargo does not give their bank tellers chairs. They stand for hours on end. Where does it say that Al Zawahiri Or Zarquai or Saddam Hussein must have a Sharper Image massage chair? Maybe we should fluff their pillows as well.

Waterboarding–This is not to be confused with motorboarding, which is one of the world’s great pleasures (when a guy places his face in a woman’s chest). Waterboarding is when the terrorist is made to feel as if they are drowning. They do not actually drown. They merely gasp for air when submerged. It scares them. That is the point. They are supposed to be scared.

Deporting them to less “civilized” nations–This option is fabulous. Liberals are constantly carping (again, redundant) that America tries to impose its will on other nations. We should back off, and let other nations govern as they see fit. Therefore, if we capture an Al Queda leader in Pakistan, we should turn him over to the Pakistani authorities (although we should stay outside the prison door as observers). Yet what if they plan to use severe interrogation techniques such as shooting them in the leg and arm? Oh well. It is not our place to tell them how to run their judicial system. If liberals would feel better with us offering statements of horror at how barbaric this other nation is behaving, we can wave our finger at them and yell “shame, shame,” before taking their leaders out for steaks and drinks.

Some would argue that we cannot sink to the level of the terrorists. Not only can we…we must. Being noble and murdered is a less desirable outcome than getting our hands dirty but being alive.

When I was 14, I thought my dad was torturing me when he grounded me no tv for a week. Being forced to get up at 5 am can be torture for some. If our enemies were 14 year old stockbrokers in Los Angeles, both of these techniques would win the war on terror. If Osama was 8 years old, we could run our nails on a chalkboard and then send him to the principal’s office.

The bottom line is that adult issues require adult methods of communication. Those who oppose torture see torture as the methods that Al Queda uses. In the same way people against gay marriage opponents support civil unions, which is basically saying “I will give you everything you want provided you call it a different word,” there are people who simply are tortured by the word torture. Fine, we will engage in coerced interrogation, but we will not call it torture. Then the only thing that we will be torturing is the English language.

So for people who are more concerned with winning the struggle of civilization versus barbarism over the war of linguistics and semantics, the answer is pure, unadulterated torture. Terrorists should be tortured early, often and repeatedly. If they don’t like it, then they can simply stop being terrorists. Asking them to stop nicely is not working.

Abu Gharaib was behavior found at college fraternities. It is called “Rush Week,” also known as “Pledge Week.” Guantanamo Bay is Summer Camp. Haditha is hijinks. Al Queda beheads people. We should not lose an ounce of sleep by denying them a peaceful night’s sleep. The war ends when we crack the torture whip, and they just crack. We should do this now, before their is no one left on our side to stop them.


One Response to “We are at war…torture early, often and repeatedly”

  1. lOWELL says:

    Agree. Naked cheerleader poses are not torture. Guess that is why it is called a “torture narrative”.

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