To the detriment of decent society everywhere, I as a blogger am not part of any current writer’s strike.
Somebody once asked me what I would do if I had writers block. Thankfully this almost never happens, but when it does, I can always dip into the vault of my memory bank and pull out the bizarre warped thoughts that make me so special in a “little yellow back of the bus” kind of way.
Fake headlines are more fun anyway. Jack Nicholson reminds me that I “can’t handle the truth!” Stephen Colbert has a fake news show. “The Onion” has brilliant fake headlines.
My favorite fake headlines came in an episode of “Newhart” back in the 1980s. Desperate to increase ratings, the sleazy character played by Peter Scolari came up with fake news headlines to attract viewers.
“President dead, details at 11.” It was a documentary on Calvin Coolidge.
“GM cars being recalled. Details at 11.” There was an old guy reminiscing. “I recall when I bought my GM truck back in 1972. It was blue.”
I think of fake headlines because I wonder what screws came loose to cause me to think about this stuff. Anyway, here are some fake news stories. Unlike CBS memos, they are not “fake but accurate.” They are fake and inaccurate. Unlike the slogan for Fox News, I remain, “Fair, but completely unbalanced (in more ways than one).”
I don’t care what anybody says. Anita Hill was lying. She did not get sexually harassed by Isaiah Thomas. It is one thing to blame him for the Knicks being a terrible franchise, but why can’t Miss Hill mind her own d@mn business? For all you doubting Thomases out there, I am not doubting the Thomases. Clarence was innocent of harassing Ms. Hill, and so is Isaiah. Additionally, so is Susan Thomases, although given her affiliation with the Clinton campaign, she knows somebody who harassed somebody.
I know all about Dick Cheney’s hunting trip, and it is not true. He did not shoot Dan Quayle. I know politics is rough, and primaries can get vicious, but neither of them are running for President this year, and there was plenty of room for both of them to be Vice President, just not at the same time. He did not shoot Mr. Quayle, stuff him into a bag, and deliver him home for dinner. Mr. Cheney is not a cannibal, and Mr. Quayle is perfectly fine. The fact that he is not in the news lately is because unlike some politicians who refuse to go away, he is married to a hot woman, and now has time for quiet time with her.
Despite having perfect hair, Presidential Candidate John Edwards does not speak to the dead. Yes, as a trial lawyer, he pretended to speak to dead victims to win large awards and bankrupt hospitals. However, the closest he has come to speaking to the stiffs are his conversations with Al Gore and John Kerry. In even more disturbing news, the other John Edwards does not have perfect hair.
O.J. Simpson is not a fan of Guns n Roses, and they could care less of him. Yes, the guitarist is Slash, and he does slash and burn, but only with his guitar. The only thing he has ever killed is his own body, and usually in the form of violent hard drinking. Both of these men had autobiographies get prepared recently, but only Slash made it to the marketplace.
Despite George Clooney being one of the scariest people on Earth, the man who put the looney in Clooney, he is not in the same situation as psycho Norman Bates. While Norman Bates and his mother were the same person, George and Rosemary are two different people. Rosemary may have had girth, but her proportions were miniscule compared to George’s ego. In other left wing news about irrelevant liberals, Olympia and Michael Dukakis are not the same person either. As awful as he was as the governor of Taxachussetts, he never did anything as wretchedly bad as Steel Magnolias. In all fairness, Olympia only gets 17-20% of the blame for that movie. Given that he lost the election 20 years ago, this joke is as outdated as a Fried Green Tomato.
Barry Bonds’s middle name is not “bail.” He is absolutely not opening up a bail shop for other sports felons known as “Bonds’s Bonds.” While he does have an interesting storyline, it is not true that this is a sad day for baseball because baseball has a much sadder storyline, that being that the game of baseball itself is incredibly boring. Also, it is a complete lie that in an effort to promote racial healing, Dog the Bounty Hunter will be pursuing Barry Bonds.
Michael Jordan will not be changing his initials or giving himself a middle name to avoid having the same initials as Michael Jackson or Marion Jones. Jordan is the original MJ, and as of now he has not been accused of doping up young children and then molesting them. It is an outrage that just because he played on a team with Dennis Rodman that he has to be treated as a drain on society.
General David Petraeus is not doing product endorsements for Viagra, and he resents his wife being interviewed and asked if “the surge is working” since he started medicating. The man is trying to win the War on Terror, and if you were surrounded by terrorists who think goats are life partners, you would miss your wife more than normal as well.
Former NBA basketball player Kerry Kittles may have the most adorable name in all of sports (With Kelly Tripucka being the most grossly named), he is not doing product endorsements for “Hello Kitty” products. He has not appeared on any merchandise with a cute little duck known as “Ahiru No Pekkle.” Also, he did not get the prized cat food endorsement that some athletes crave. Therefore, he did not earn the nickname of Kerry “Tender Vittles” Kittles.
Lastly, just because I am a republican willing to cross party lines to get some 13th century style loving does not mean I ever tried to take a backhand to Hillary’s badonkadonk. I never tapped it, slapped it, wrapped it, or zapped it, and despite rumors to the contrary, I bet Bill Clinton did. After all, they have a daughter. Also, while Christie Hefner is politically left wing, she does not put older bottoms ahead of the bottom line, regardless of political affiliation. That is why republican Shannon Doherty posed for playboy, while Hil-Dawg remains a Larry Craig fantasy, with toe tapping being one step on the path to hide slapping.
No, I did not mail it in, even though the post office was open today. I emailed it in. I would apologize for this column, but rumors have it that if I apologized for every column that was disappointing, I would have no columns. Of course, that is false as well. Like a blinking VCR, I am sure I wrote something intelligent somewhere at some point.
eric
ROTFALMBO! I had no idea you could be so hysterically funny, Eric! “Unlike the slogan for Fox News, I remain, “Fair, but completely unbalanced (in more ways than one)”. That’s just one of your brilliant comments that had me laughing out loud.
This is pure genious. If you’re unbalanced, please see to it that you remain so! :)
Hey Gayle !
You confused me with Jersey the other day. It was him who called Hillary just another pol.
That hurt.
Black Tygrrrr wrote;
“Lastly, just because I am a republican willing to cross party lines to get some 13th century style loving does not mean I ever tried to take a backhand to Hillary’s badonkadonk. I never tapped it, slapped it, wrapped it, or zapped it, and despite rumors to the contrary,”
Did they have ketchup bottles in the 13th century ?
And why have shares in H.J. Heinz gone up so much recently ?
You can find your fake headlines and dishonesty in journalism here:
http://www.newshounds.us/
And even more fun here:
http://foxnewsporn.com/
Hey William !
Why are you so worried about FOX ?
You.ve got CBS, NBC, ABC ,CNN, N.Y. Times, Washington post, Huffington post, Air America, PBS, CNBC, MSNBC.
All on their knees in front of every liberal in the country.
They’ve cornerd the market on knee pads, they got one more pair in your size, with your name on them.
You know, Eric wrote a nice humorous post, just having a little fun, being kinda light hearted.
And what do you do ?
You come running in here with your pissy little FOX clips as if to make some kind of point.
The only point confirmed here is that moonbats have incredibly thin skin if they cant handle FOX when they have all the leftist media they want to tell them anything they want to hear.
You should be glad that you have all this media preaching to your vienna boys choir.
Why are you so intent on concentrating on FOX?
But you know whats the real funny part? During prime time FOX kicks the crap out of all these stations I mentioned above , TOGETHER !
Someones watching !
By the way William.
Now that I think about it. The most warped and fake headline weve all seen was just recently put out by the one and only NBC.
As a matter of fact it ran a whole week, and it was GREEN !
I get all my fake news from Fox.
JMJ
Dan Rather dont work for fox
Isnt it funny how the loony left thinks that all the other media is so right on.
And that theres only one station that is the culprit, and that would be fox. And then at the same time they accuse them of being righteous, its like , DUH ?
And then these morons sit there and drink up all this green crap that NBC pulled out of their assfor a whole week.
With no sarcasim or kidding implied , it is childish.
A truly honest person would claim to at least watch a variation of media and then pull averages from it. But its the real sickos that claim only the stations they watch tell the truth.
And it especially stupid and childish to pick out any network and say that they are more or less of a headline bender than the rest.
Freking Rick Sanchez made a big headline out of nothing when some lady asked Mcain “how are were going to stop the bitch” Mcain just carried on as if nothing.
But OOOH NO ! CNNs Sanchez was making a half hour deal about how Mcain should apologize for something someone else said, and how Mcain let it go on purpose, and how he should of told the lady that what she said was not nice. Why ?
Is Mcain supposed to tell people what nice and not nice ?
And then we got ” Jack Crapperty ” He gets his hour a day to make up all kids of crap about liberals.
And then you got Bob Shafter
On several broadcasts, CBS Evening
News anchor Bob Schieffer declared
that President Bush’s NSA
eavesdropping was “illegal,” a false
claim – no court has ruled on the issue
Yessy Yackson
looked inside the New Orleans
Superdome it reminded him of
pictures of a “slave ship.” Did the
liberal elites challenge him on that? No.
Only one reporter from the Fox News
Channel confronted Jackson; the
other media just ran with the “slave
ship” analogy.
On the Iraq war, countless stories
have been broadcast quoting people
saying that President Bush “lied” about
Weapons of Mass Destruction
(WMD) and national security
intelligence. NBC News’ Andrea
Mitchell, for instance, went on
MSNBC’s Hardball and proclaimed “it’s
true”
Keith Olbermann, host of MSNBC’s Countdown, said – in
the form of a question — that President Bush and other
Administration officials “inescapably … lied in some way” about
the Valerie Plame/CIA leak case. Olbermann also repeatedly has
claimed that the White House uses the nation’s terror alert system
to divert attention away from negative news about the Bush
Administration. Olbermann presents no evidence, no facts. He
just says it, or gets someone to say it on his show.
Lately, CNN’s Jack Cafferty has taken to promoting the
terror alert-conspiracy. He also has claimed that the January
Osama bin Laden tape was released through an Administration
conspiracy to divert attention from congressional hearings on
NSA eavesdropping. Does Cafferty have evidence of that? Of
course not. He just repeats it. The lie is out there.
QUOTE OF THE YEAR
Reporter Brian Ross: “Mary Mapes was the woman behind the scenes, the
producer who researched, wrote and put together Dan Rather’s 60 Minutes
report on President Bush’s National Guard service, a report which Rather
and CBS would later apologize for airing….”
Ross to Mapes: “Do you still think that story was true?”
Ex-CBS producer Mary Mapes: “The story? Absolutely.”
Ross: “This seems remarkable to me that you would sit here now and say you
still find that story to be up to your standards.”
Mapes: “I’m perfectly willing to believe those documents are forgeries if
there’s proof that I haven’t seen.”
Ross: “But isn’t it the other way around? Don’t you have to prove they’re
authentic?”
Mapes: “Well, I think that’s what critics of the story would say. I know more now than I did
then and I think, I think they have not been proved to be false, yet.”
Ross: “Have they proved to be authentic though? Isn’t that really what journalists do?”
Mapes: “No, I don’t think that’s the standard.”
— ABC’s Good Morning America, November 9.
SLAM UNCLE SAM AWARD
Andrea Mitchell: “It is an iconic picture: American hostages, hands bound
and blindfolded, being paraded outside the U.S. embassy in Tehran by
their captors. But has one of those student radicals now become Iran’s
newly elected President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad?…Tonight, U.S. intelligence
officials say that they will continue to study this, but may never have
definitive proof of what the role was of Iran’s new president, Brian.”
Brian Williams: “Andrea, what would it all matter if proven true? Someone
brought up today the first several U.S. Presidents were certainly
revolutionaries and might have been called terrorists at the time by the
British Crown, after all.”
Mitchell: “Indeed, Brian.”
— NBC Nightly News, June 30.
So ya know what ? Jersey and William can both kiss my assets that I have listed above.
You guys look like fools when you do these kind of tings. Man…You just open the flood gates everytime, better learn how to DOG paddle
Dan Rather isn’t working for anyone now, is he?
For political news, I go straight to the source – C-Span 1, 2 & 3. I take in some Fox for the rightwing perspective. CBS is good overall. ABC is a bit of a joke. NBC varies. Among the Sunday talking heads, I prefer Meet the Press and McLaughlin. For serious in-depth news I like the NewsHour and 60 minutes. Religion and Ethics Newsweekly is great. Gwen Eiffel’s Friday political wrap-up is the best of that genre. And I love Colbert and Stewart, but they aren’t so much “fake news,” as they claim, and really just point out the ironies of the day. Olberman is good at that too. There’s a lot of good TV news if you know where to look. You just can’t tell the difference, Micky. ;)
JMJ
You would have to watch c-span all day to get the news.
We are talking about HEADLINES !!! And journalism.
So you can switch it around any way you like. I could say i get my news of the internet and it would be true and it’ll blow all your cheesy little sources away, as usual.
How do you think i come up with so much truth and proof and facts ?
My point was to counter Williams two little links above that claim FOX is the king of fake news.
Did you watch them ? (pretty weak and goofy actually)
The point with Dan Rather was also relevant to “fake headlines” and is a premium example of flat out fake and decieving journalism.
There are so many lib media outlets that if you want go on a dirt hunt the odds are simply against the MSM since its majority is shooting for the left.
Meet the press , McLaughlin. These guys are good but they dont really report as much as they go in depth on only a few issues per show. I wouldnt watch them to get news any more than you would watch Oreilly to get your news.
I’ve got a satellite dish that gives me news from Most of Europe, Canada, Japan, Mexico. I even get Al Jezeera.
I have more differences to tell apart than you could shake your stick at.
The bottom line is this . I know the difference, and you know I do. The insinuation that I dont just makes you look meager and petty.
I dont bring myself down to some infantile level of rationale that dictates to me which outlet is more or less, better or worse, left or right.
I know what their all about and take them with a grain of salt.
I use to watch Huntley and Brinkley in 1962 when I was 5 years old with my dad.
I think that qualifies me to know the difference more than most people on this thread.
And William, when you put up those two little links you invited me to show you just how misgiuded you are if you think FOX dominates fake news.
For every one of FOXs screw ups the rest of the loony left media makes about ten of them. Simply because the numbers are in their favor.
Jersey !
John Stewart ? Stephen Colbert ? Cartoons ?
Olberman gets about ten viewers a day, a good day.
Any shmuck can sit around and point out all that wrong and make up lies.
Keith Olbermann, host of MSNBC’s Countdown, said – in
the form of a question — that President Bush and other
Administration officials “inescapably … lied in some way” about
the Valerie Plame/CIA leak case. Olbermann also repeatedly has
claimed that the White House uses the nation’s terror alert system
to divert attention away from negative news about the Bush
Administration. Olbermann presents no evidence, no facts. He
just says it, or gets someone to say it on his show.
“You would have to watch c-span all day to get the news.”
I work from home. In the backgroud, all day long, is C-Span. All. Day. Long.
“We are talking about HEADLINES !!! And journalism.”
And so?…
“I’ve got a satellite dish that gives me news from Most of Europe, Canada, Japan, Mexico. I even get Al Jezeera.”
Whatever you do, please don’t attach lasers to that satellite!
“I use to watch Huntley and Brinkley in 1962 when I was 5 years old with my dad.
I think that qualifies me to know the difference more than most people on this thread.”
Well, it certainly dates you! :)
“Jersey !
John Stewart ? Stephen Colbert ? Cartoons ?
Olberman gets about ten viewers a day, a good day.
Any shmuck can sit around and point out all that wrong and make up lies.”
And anybody can get ten viewers, right?
“Keith Olbermann, host of MSNBC’s Countdown, said – in
the form of a question — that President Bush and other
Administration officials “inescapably … lied in some way” about
the Valerie Plame/CIA leak case. Olbermann also repeatedly has
claimed that the White House uses the nation’s terror alert system
to divert attention away from negative news about the Bush
Administration. Olbermann presents no evidence, no facts. He
just says it, or gets someone to say it on his show.”
Olbermannnnn, doesn’t have to present publically observable facts. Only an idiot would think he’s presenting something other than what he says. He’s not stupid. Everyone, including you, knows Bush is an idiot and a liar.
JMJ
JMJ said;
“I work from home. In the backgroud, all day long, is C-Span. All. Day. Long. ”
I do to, but how long do you want to wait between stories. A front seat at the floor gets pretty boring jersey, pretty damn quick.
half the time their not doing anything. And now that you have a congress thatr cant get out of its own way I cant imagine that you’re watching too much of anything.
We are talking about HEADLINES !!! And journalism.”
JMJ wrote;
“And so?…”
So we are not talking about sources per say, we are talking about how the mainstream lib media screws everything up , GOT IT ? READ ERICS POST !
Well, it certainly dates you!
And its certainly clear that I’ve been getting it before you knew what that thing was for.
Olberman gets about ten viewers a day, a good day.
Any shmuck can sit around and point out all that wrong and make up lies.”
JMJ said;
And anybody can get ten viewers, right?
On his best day ? Olberman is like the bottom of the barrel
JMJ said;
“Everyone, including you, knows Bush is an idiot and a liar.
Stupid statement Jersey, weak and pathetically stupid.
That statement was right up there with the time you said that you have had more women than me. ( family doesnt count)
As it boils down here, neither you or William can make a decent point really.
Your points are about as truthful and convincing as Rosie and Charlie Sheen.
I have (once again ) shown proof of my claims , while you only have rhetoric and BS and opinion.
Olbermann presents no evidence, no facts. He
just says it, or gets someone to say it on his show.”
Are Jersey and Keith Separated at birth ? At the head ?
I really am a C-Span junkie. Thank God they have three of ’em. I’m on top of the House, the Senate, and all sorts of other stuff. I much prefer it to the coverage.
And oh c’mon! You know Bush is a moron, right? Evreyone knows that by now! Heck, if you think otherwise, than I’m darn sure I have had more tail than you. Women aren’t that dumb. ;)
JMJ
Actually no, I dont think he’s a moron.
Hes actually pretty damn smart. But since he doesnt do what you think is right, you think hes an idiot.
The smartest men in history were usually jerks, like me.
I’ll throw you a little clue.
In AA I had to do my 8th and 9th step, Its been 15 years, and I’m not even half way done yet. My sponsor said its a miracle I only have two kids, and that I didnt die of some STD.
JMJ said;
“Women aren’t that dumb.”
“You really have to make up your mind about whos an idiot, whos stupid and whos not.
First its Americans that werent to bright , you’ve even called most of them idiots. ( I guess women fall in there somewhere ) Then its the majority that votes the way you would of and they’re geniuses.
You just kinda like to decide whos smart and not as you go along , you know ?
JMJ said;
” I really am a C-Span junkie ”
I met a guy in San Diegos county jail who got popped for a controled substance.
Orange peels.
So I guess its possible to get high on anything.
I got suggestion for you if your C-Span rush starts to fade.
Check these guys out.
http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/n_jenkem.htm
Oh ! I forgot to mention.
Theres alot more tail in the restaurant business than there is in a shipping container.
Buddy, I played music. Oh, and Bush is a moron.
JMJ
Mouth harp? Kazoo ?
Did you check out the urban legend link ?
Oh yea, I also forgot to show you your love letter.
See Here > http://micky2.wordpress.com/2007/11/18/osama-time-out-go-to-your-room/#comments
Would you like me to register to respond to your little rant?
I was a starving singer/songwriter/guitarist in NJ for many years. Never made it big in any way, but I did have a lot of fun. I still have many of the old recordings if you’d ever like to hear ’em – but I gotta warn you: you won’t like the meanings of the songs.
JMJ
Well, a Kazoo ans a mouth harp is probably the reason you were starving.
Changing the meaning might of helped your sales.
If you never made it big in any way that might explain it, might of helped you get some more tail too.
Myself, I listen to just about everything from Bach to Sex Pistols, Sara Mclaughlin to Marilyn Manson, as long as I hear some talent I’ll give anything a chance. Chinese opera is hard though, alot gets lost in translation..
I own and play a 32 piece trap set.
John Bonham drank himself to death cuz I kept embarrassing him.
Register and rant all you want.
I always packed ’em in when I played, and I mostly played my own stuff. I just lacked the drive, ya’ know. It’s such a sleazy business. Also, I could never seem to keep a band together. I guess it’s because I worked too much with friends and didn’t handle it more like a business. I I know that I always first anf foremost considered myself a writer and not a “musician” and never got along well with pure “musicians.” I had no interest in their writing and arranging inputs, always believing that “musicians” should not write – just play. Well, then I met my wife, right at the peak of my abilities, and soon discovered that I had to make a choice, and I chose settling down and getting married. I was good looking with a nice voice and the bars and clubs were too full of eager beavers, if you know what I mean.
The content of my songs tended to be sorta Pink Floydish, with a little cheeky satire thrown in, and a little more rock ‘n rolly. It was true Americana in both the music and the lyrics. But times were changing, and screaming rap-metal and things like that were taking hold. I could scream with the best of ’em but had zero interest in dong that for a living. The dopeheads aggravated me to no end. And I had no patience for the goths and punks. Good ol’ fashioned Americana rock ‘n roll was on the wain, and though I’m sure I stil could have done very well, especially in the Midwest, I just didn’t see the market sustaining all that much. Besides, I was getting older and it seemed that the times were changing beyond me – or perhaps behind me. Today’s music mostly dissapoints.
Myself, I would be more Mozart to the Clash, Janis Joplin to Motorhead, and I too will give most anything a chance. But like you, Chinese opera is just a little too far out to me, though many’s the time I have been tempted to force a room of stoned partiers to listen to it at gun-point.
Drummer, huh? I had a great drummer on and off for many years, since the mid-eighties. He died. Shot right in the head right on Bourbon Street for all of $20. I had hooked up with him and another guy to form a trio in ’94. We played a great three-day open-air show in PA, and a local promoter offered us a multi-state tour. I ended up backing out in favor of a recording opportunity at an early MAC studio. Both the drummer and our friend violently died on that tour. Rock ‘n roll can be a rough lifestyle. I wonder where I’d be today had I stuck with it…
JMJ
Aww, isnt this nice ?
He wants to bond over the music thing.
Just being a jerk :-)
Never played with a band. Did too much traveling. Its not like I can just throw my instruments in a case and split.
Big rock fan, Untill hip hop and rap get some different recipes , It sucks.
Most dont know that rap goes back to Africas tribes 200 to 300 years ago and it was really some beautiful music.
I’m gonna turn you on to something most folks dont know about. Whatever provider you use ( I pay for my music , I-Tunes ) Go and dig up ‘Deep Forest ” and then find this song. It’s called ” Desert Walk ”
You’ll probably be surprised that you’ll find rap that reprsents the cultures of ancient African tribes AND ITS REALLY COOL STUFF ! Absolutley nowhere near or anything like the mainstream crap that the country thinks is rap.
If I had to get stuck with one type of music for life it would be Jazz.
Jazz goes into all different areas and feelings. Besides that, it really is the Grand dad of it all. Blues, R&B, Gospel , Rock, it all stems from Jazz.
Go dig up Deep Forest, sit back with a beverage and tell everyone to shut up and listen.
That’s cool, you can be a jerk, Micky. After all, you’re so good at it! ;)
I completely agree with you about rap and hip hop and jazz and blues and such. I just love classic jazz and blues. Personally though, I never thought rap was really an offshoot of African music (which, yes, is really beautiful). It seemed to me that rap was more purely a product of the American ghetto and really not much beyond that. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s just not for me. I am not a product of the American ghetto, after all. How these white suburban kids got into it, I’ll never know. Though, for some really wierd reason, I have a love of bluegrass and Western music (and a rather inexplicit couintry-ish twang to my voice at times). I have a wonderful hand-made Appalachian dulcimer here at home that I love to break out once in a while. I used to also write and play with these neo-pagan/new ager types that I used to hang with. They were into this neo-celtic sound that I though was really cool. It wasn’t my scene, personally, but they were fun to hang out with and people-watch (with a large bottle of Jack to keep me from going insane). I wonder if they still have that big Starfest thingy up outside of Jamestown NY anymore… a few thousand new-agers, nudists, neo-pagans, wiccans, and even some voodoo folks in a sleepy burg with Quakers, or whatever those wagoneers were . What a mix. I drank a lot of Jack to get through that!
I will definitely check out Deep Forest. Sounds cool!
Ciao, JMJ
Deep forest is actually an organization that takes music indigenous to certain tribes and cultures. They use the original musicians and instuments and then elaborate on it a little in the studio with some electronics and mixing.
So far they have done Africa, Borneo,South America and touched on some American indian tribes. A few others that I cant remember right now.
I’ll check this out tonight.
JMJ
Eric,
Just one minor quibble – Dick Cheney was HUNTING Quayle, even if he didn’t shoot him. So of course, if he didn’t shoot him, he didn’t stuff him in a bag.
[…] The Tygrrrr Express: Warped Fake Headlines […]
Go Colbert! As wacky and wierd as he is, I’d vote for him.
Well hell retro ! We might as well put Ted Nugent on the ballot also.