Mr. Alex Trebek said the following words: Iowa, New Hampshire, and Britney Spears.
I raised my hand and said, “Alex, what are things that nobody in their right mind should care about, and not worth any media coverage?”
So for those who have Iowa fatigue, there will be plenty of time to over analyze the next set of debates, and more importantly, the NFL Playoffs.
Until then, to quote Paul Simon, (the singer, not the late Senator), “If I can call you Betty, you can call me Al.” This column is dedicated to the only pair of Als that irritate me more than Al Sharpton. Al Queda and Al Gore, compare for yourselves.
Al Queda: Power obsessed individuals that want to destroy the world.
Al Gore: Power obsessed individual that wants to convince Americans that they are destroying the world.
Al Queda: Shave their beards to avoid being captured by U.S. Forces.
Al Gore: Shaved his beard to remain politically viable.
Al Queda: Hates republicans and President Bush, earning a runner up position as Time Magazine’s Person of the Year. He was denied the top position solely due to fear of people canceling their subscriptions.
Al Gore: Hates republicans and President Bush, earning a runner up position as Time Magazine’s Person of the Year. He was denied the top position solely due to fear of people canceling their subscriptions.
Al Queda: The people who knew thm best and initially supported them eventually turned against them, as the surge worked and Sunni Muslims got tired of being murdered.
Al Gore: The people who knew him best and initially supported him turned against him, as a surge of Tennessee votes for George W. Bush cost Al Gore his home state and the election.
Al Queda: Refers to America as the Great Satan, and blames America and President Bush for all the evil in the world.
Al Gore: Blames America for destroying the environment, and maniacally screamed that President Bush betrayed his country.
Al Queda: Tried to overthrow a fledgling democracy in Iraq by any means necessary, with 10,000 suicide bombers.
Al Gore: Tried to overturn an election in an established democracy by any means necessary, with 10,000 lawyers.
Al Queda: Bin Laden’s own family has distanced themselves from him.
Al Gore: His former boss President Clinton has distanced himself from him.
Al Queda: Recruits suicide bombers over the internet.
Al Gore: Invented the internet.
Al Queda: Against waterboarding.
Al Gore: Against waterboarding.
Al Queda: Uses murderers such as Khalid Sheik Mohammed to intimidate others to drop their opposition to him.
Al Gore: Used murderer Willie Horton to intimidate Michael Dukakis to try and remove him as political opposition.
Al Queda: Trying to establish a society with one religion, where we bow down to the Islamic Caliphate.
Al Gore: Trying to establish a society with one religion, where we bow down to to the Earth Goddess Gaea.
Al Queda: Failed to prevent the 2004 election win by George W. Bush. Bin Laden has almost no influence in 2008 despite his insisting otherwise. Is sliding into irrelevance.
Al Gore: Failed to prevent the 2000 election win by George W. Bush. Has almost no influence in 2008 despite his insisting otherwise. Is sliding into irrelevance.
Al Queda: Lampooned brilliantly on South Park. Terrorists hijacked our imagination, and Osama has fartypants.
Al Gore: Lampooned brilliantly on South Park. Terrorists hijacked our imagination, and the search for ManBearPig.
Al Queda: Osama speaks in a tongue only Arabs can understand. Normal Americans tune him out, find him grating.
Al Gore: Speaks in a tongue only liberal elitist snobs can understand. Normal Americans tune him out, find him grating.
Al Queda: Bill Clinton helped elevate them to power by doing nothing to stop them.
Al Gore: Bill Clinton helped elevate him to power by rescuing him from the ash heap of failed Presidential candidates.
Al Queda: Worth hundreds of millions of dollars while railing against American capitalism, through drugrunning, gunrunning, prostitution, gambling. Initially inherited the money from dad.
Al Gore: Worth hundreds of millions of dollars while railing against American capitalism, mainly through gambling in Google stock. Initially inherited the money from dad.
Al Queda: Blows up airplanes, wants to disrupt the world supply of oil.
Al Gore: Flies on private jets, eating up fuel and jacking up the price of oil.
Al Queda: Will be with us forever, they refuse to go away.
Al Gore: Will be with us forever, refuses to go away.
Al Queda: Like most terrorists, can be brought to their knees with the USA staying on offense in the War on Terror.
Al Gore: Like most liberals, can be brought to his knees with a phone call from Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson.
Al Queda: If only General David Petraeus had stayed home and wrote books.
Al Gore: If only Hillary Clinton had stayed home and baked cookies.
Al Queda: Wants to destroy all Jews including Weird Al Yankovic.
Al Gore: Destroyed Weird Al Yankovic on MTV Celebrity Deathmatch.
Heck, for (e)mailing it in today, not bad. Off to watch the NFL Playoffs and the debates, and do recaps of it all. Life is peaceful, but we cannot be complacent. At this very minute, Al Queda and Al Gore are plotting to get our attention and dominate our news cycles.
eric
“Al Gore: Used murderer Willie Horton to intimidate Michael Dukakis to try and remove him as political opposition.”
I’ve heard this one before, too many times. Moral equivication aside, it’s not entirely true, whereas it was entirely true of GHWB.
http://www.slate.com/id/1003919/
“… Gore did ask Dukakis, in a debate right before the 1988 New York primary, about “weekend passes for convicted criminals.” Here is how Sidney Blumenthal, now a Clinton White House aide but then a reporter for the Washington Post, wrote it up a few months later:
An uncomfortable Dukakis, after dispassionately reciting statistics, conceded that the Massachusetts furlough program for murderers sentenced to life imprisonment had been canceled.
The issue did not take for Gore, but the exchange attracted the interest of Jim Pinkerton, the research director for the then flailing Bush campaign. “That’s the first time I paid attention,” said Pinkerton. “I thought to myself, ‘This is incredible’ …It totally fell into our lap.”
In reviewing this history, it’s important to make some crucial distinctions. Gore never mentioned that Horton was black; indeed, he never mentioned Horton by name. He merely drew attention, correctly, to the damaging fact that Dukakis had tolerated a furlough program for especially violent criminals in his state even after a horrific incident strongly suggested this was a bad policy. It’s conceivable, of course, that Gore was warming up for more explicit and racially tinged use of Horton’s story later in the primary fight. But that would have been uncharacteristic of him. In any event, Gore dropped out of the race shortly after the debate. …”
Not to nitpick, but that one always bothered me. Carry on. ;)
JMJ
This is great stuff. Thanks. I never thought about the similarities. hee hee.
Life is peaceful? Do you not get wind in your part of LA? I thought the whole town of Victimville was going to end up in Arizona by morning.
Ew. Then McCain would be my senator. Ew.
Jmj said;
“I’ve heard this one before, too many times. Moral equivication aside, it’s not entirely true, whereas it was entirely true of GHWB.”
I didnt know that Bush asked Horton to write that song ?
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Jersey. You have never been able to prove anything you say about Bush as even remotly true.
Micky, once again, please tell me exactly what I said that you are controverting? And what the heck “song” are you talking about?
JMJ
You’re out the loop or have no sense of humor.
One can listen to a folk song in the style of Woody Guthrie’s lighter numbers, called “Run Al Run!” by Paul Kaplan, whose refrain is:
Run, Al, run
How can you lose when you already won
Way back before all the damage was done
Now you’re the number one favorite son
So run, Al, run.
Today, we’ve reviewed two more Standard Press Corps Tales, stories the press corps has now pushed for years. Al Gore was the first to bring up Willie Horton! All the major scribes know to say it! And George Bush surely must have served in the Guard! They all know they must sing that song too.
“Al Gore was the first to bring up Willie Horton!”
No, he wasn’t. He simply brought up the furlough issue. That is a lie and anyone who repeats it is lying. But not only are they, and you, lying, but they are morally equivicating a sin that GWHB specifically did commit. It is a sleazy lie.
JMJ