THE TYGRRRR EXPRESS

First, a quick housekeeping note.

I heard from the people who work for Harry Reid. The Senator has agreed to do an interview with me, good to his word that he would. His staff is well aware that my blog is a republican blog, but the Senator has taken me at my word that he will be treated fairly.

Putting issues aside for a moment, his staff has been incredibly gracious, and that is appreciated.

Now let’s enjoy a quiet Saturday where nothing of consequence is occurring politically.

http://michellemalkin.com/2008/06/07/hillary-exits-the-pumas-roar/

Hillary Clinton gave one of the most inspiring speeches in the history of America. With a grace, class and flair that only she could radiate, Hillary helped us reach our better selves. As I remain glued to her speech, hanging on every word, I was moved to tears. This is why I woke up early on a Saturday morning to…wait a minute…never mind. Nobody cares.

Who the heck am I kidding? I was sound asleep, and wrote this column the night before.

The last time I checked, losers endorsing winners is not news. Also, Hillary took a surrender lap longer than most candidates take victory laps.

For those wondering why it took Hillary so long to admit defeat, one need look no further than the sports schedule.

She could not surrender Wednesday evening. The Detroit Red Wings and Pittsburgh Penguins were playing game 6 of the National Hockey League Finals. It was a thriller of a game. In game 5, Detroit was one minute away from winning it all at home. Pittsburgh pulled their goalie, and pulled out a miracle. They tied the game with 30 seconds left, and won it in triple overtime. In game 6, Pittsburgh trailed by two goals, and scored one with 90 seconds left. Yet a furious finish fell short this time, and the Red Wings once again were champions.

Hillary could not surrender Thursday evening. The Los Angeles Lakers and Boston Celtics were playing game 1 of the National Basketball Association Finals. In the 1980s, these teams played in some of the great championships of all time. The Celtics had Larry Bird, Kevin McHale, Danny Ainge, and Robert “Chief” Parish. The Lakers had Magic Johnson, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, and the rest of the “Showtime” cast. Today the Lakers have Kobe Bryant and Pau Gasol. The Celtics have Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce. The Celtics won the opener 98-88. It should be a great series.

Hillary could not surrender Friday evening. Outside of the 12 people who are forced to work Friday nights on Fox News, CNN, and MSNBC, most people have lives. We are not at home watching television. Hillary could not concede Saturday night for the same reason.

Saturday afternoon was out of the question. The Belmont Stakes were in the running, and Big Brown is aiming for the Triple Crown. For those who do not know, the democratic primary ended after the Kentucky Derby, when Obama’s horse won and Hillary’s horse collapsed and needed to be euthanized.

While the race itself is only 2 to 3 minutes, two hours of coverage is enough to force Hillary to alter the time of her speech. She tried 10am, but Hannah Montana had either a new episode, or a very good rerun. Those who claim to care about villages and children should not hate on Mylie Cyrus, despite her descending into soft core porn photo shoots.

Therefore, Hillary had the choice of 8am or 8am. Sunday morning was not an option since that is when 5 political talk shows that only the hosts care about are on tv. I have never seen “Face the depressed,” or “Meet the nation,” but apparently they bore themselves to sleep when nobody is watching. Therefore, Hillary could not compete with such fan fare.

Sunday afternoon is game 2 of the Lakers and the Celtics in the NBA Finals.

Little did Hillary know that her attempt to talk about how it means so much to her to be such an accomplished woman in a sexist world would face such stiff competition from other women that actually do have real accomplishments. Her speech will fall during the French Open Women’s Final live from Paris. Women’s Tennis gave us Billie Jean King, who defeated Bobby Riggs and advanced the cause of women everywhere. Hillary is giving a speech about advancement, yet she is a woman that lost to a man. If anything, she has set the women’s movement back at least 6 months.

Hillary was able to capture the votes of men in democratic primaries only because compared to people like John Edwards and Barack Obama, she was the man in the race. In keeping with the tennis analogy, Martina Navratilova was genetically female, but she was often described as playing tennis “like a man.” She aggressively rushed the net, rather than sit back. Hillary aggressively rushed the net, but it did not change the fact that men only watch women’s tennis when the players are hot. Navratilova, Chris Evert, and Hillary were around in the 90s or earlier, but this is the 21st century.

In the general election, men would not support Hillary. John McCain is a man. He is a war hero. Hillary is the woman that tries to talk to a guy when he is trying to watch the ball game.

Thankfully, the men of the world this week told Hillary what they have been tyring to communicate to her for the last 16 years. The message was simple.

Hillary, please shut up. I am trying to watch the hockey/basketball/horse racing/tennis game.

Now that the NFL Network exists, Hillary can be less relevant than sports television programming 100% of the time.

So yes, Hillary gave her speech, and I turned the ringer off, just in case she or one of her supporters tried to call me to sell me sleeping pills or some other product.

I could have tivoed it, but again, the French Open, Belmont Stakes, and Hannah Montana took priority.

At some point in the future, I will prepare a list of the top 120 political appendages. The list will contain the 10 best republicans, democrats, and independents, categorized by what truly matters…their yummy bouncies on both sides.

The Chicago Cannonball is obviously the best, but she is ineligible for this list because she is apolitical, and there is a significant conflict of interest. Actually, there is a conflict of significant interest.

Hillary, despite the badonkadonk, will not be on the list. The door will hit it on the way out, because her backside, her pantsuits that cover them, and her presidential campaign are all yesterday’s news.

I have to admit it. I cannot even think about giving Hilldawg a good paddle. I am so giddy that she is gone.

Now the drama will be whether a woman still is elected President in 2008, or if Obama actually does have a pair. Hillary’s Hags, or Harpies, or whatever they call themselves, will not vote for John McCain. They can cry, scream, cajole, and threaten in the great tradition of hostile women, but the bottom line is that women in America care about only one thing in politics. That one thing is abortion. Barack Obama could sell crack on the street tomorrow, but the pro-choice movement would explain that Obama was selling crack to pregnant women to help them miscarry. John McCain could save a man having a heart attack on the street, and the media would find a way to show that the man he saved is connected to a pro-life movement, and is therefore an oppressor.

Therefore, since the only thing that matters to the women in the democratic party is abortion, the symbolic figurehead running the party does not matter. They have no other issues.

Anyway, her speech was most likely one minute for every year of her experience. She wanted 35 minutes, but if the records are reviewed carefully, she will just wave to the crowd like the Queen of England. Her loyal subjects can howl with delight, knowing that the woman almost said something about almost doing something.

All I know is I slept well knowing she was not going to be President. Or I just slept well because on weekends, that is what I do.

I just hope I am up by noon. Unlike Hillary, I was born and raised in New York, and I am excited about the Belmont Stakes. John Kerry is running in the 5th position. As for Hillary, I will not be the one to bet on the bobtail nag.

The media will anoint Obama President if Big Brown wins, and claim McCain and the horse are too old if Big Brown loses.

Did somebody bet on the Bay? I will ask Bay Buchanan.

eric

This entry was posted on Saturday, June 7th, 2008 at 11:00 am and is filed under POLITICS, SPORTS, WOMEN. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.