The Al Smith Dinner plus the other November 4th nightmare

Before getting to the Al Smith Dinner, and a November 4th tragedy that goes beyond politics, I would like to recognize some new friends in the blogosphere, as well some old ones that remain gracious towards me.

A nice fellow from Germany named Juergen moved to America in 2007, and has love for his new homeland. He does not want to to become Socialist like Germany.

A fellow named Mondo has a warped sense of humor, as he serves up Death by 1000 Papercuts.

Solid writing and quality commentary can be found at Sassafrassin.

A gentleman who blogs on Townhall reminds us of the importance of life, liberty, and property.

For a stinging indictment of the corruptocrats on the left, check out a recent column by Nick Fitzgerald.

For some good video footage, check out Carlos from Scoop This . org.

I offer a tip of my cap to Lavesusmanos, who sent me this Howard Stern election video.

Wilson Fu showed me some link love this week, so please check him out as well.

As for the Big Dog, he rocks. He has been nice to me for quite some time.

A very nice guy named Erik is a new blogger friend. He is at No Pasaran.

Rudy Carrera is also a nice guy, who does not shy away from hard hitting analysis.

For a hilarious analysis of the debates from a 9 year old boy, check out this link from his mother.

Ward Connerly has a new book out. It is entitled “Lessons from my Uncle James: Beyond Skin Color to Content of Character”

My friend Evan Sayet has two more comedy shows coming up at the Laugh Factory.

Tom at Old Glory Radio is on his way to be a leading voice on the AM dial.

The Al Smith Dinner has generated a ton of buzz, virtually all positive.

Yet before the positive, I must eliminate something very negative. On November 4th, I will be facing a colossal personal disappointment that will be devastating much of Middle America.

Let me go on the record and say that I am white. My pigmentation is light. My collar is also white. I am a working professional in business. However, my trash was never white. Yet I look in the mirror, and I realize that I am on the verge of becoming white trash.

I am obsessing over the heartbreak will befall me on November 4th. That is the day where I will look at all of my missing pieces, and realize that I again did not win at the McDonalds Monopoly game.

The contest ends November 3rd, and despite obtaining a free McFlurry that I may forget to redeem, I will not be able to replace my original retirement plan with a winning piece.

It is not even the money. Well, if I win the million dollars with Boardwalk and Park Place, than it is the money. Yet several years ago, had I been able to get Mediterranean and Baltic, I would have won a $2 glass. Actually, it was plastic. The point is it was a cool looking glass, and I could not even win that.

Sure, I could have bought one, but I wanted to win it. I was willing to spend $3 to win the $2 glass, and it still did not happen.

To make matters worse, the contest ends when the Presidential election ends. I may be so busy with politics that I will not have a chance to make that critical stop at McDonalds that would propel me to glory.

In fact, Oliver Stone’s next movie should be about the conspiracy to slip the winning pieces into cartons on the last day when nobody is paying attention. Actually, I heard that if you scratch a dime on Oliver Stone’s head, you can find the secret recipe to McDonalds secret sauce.

Where is John “Big Mac” McCain on this? Barack Obama may pretend to be cooler than a McFlurry, but he has no answer to this crisis.

Anyway, even though I am disgusted that nobody in America is helping me win the McDonalds Monopoly game, at least some of you had the decency to wish the completely unsmooth transition into the Al Smith Dinner story. See, there it was.

This dinner is one reason I love America. Politics should not be about hatred. Elections are always won by the more likable candidate. This might be the one campaign where both men are likable.

People should not take themselves too seriously. This lighthearted dinner reflected the best in these two men, and the best of the America spirit.

John McCain spoke first. Some of his remarks are below.

“All my senior advisers have been dismissed and replaced with Joe the Plumber.”

“Joe the plumber recently signed a contract with a wealthy couple to do the work on all 7 of their houses.”

“Oprah called Obama ‘the one.’ I call him ‘that one.'”

“Obama even has a pet name for me. George Bush.”

“Even in this room of Manhattan democrats I can’t help but feel that some people are here to support me. I am delighted to see you hear tonight Hillary.”

“It’s going to be a long night at MSNBC if I manage to pull this thing off. I understand that Keith Olbermann has ordered his very own ‘mission accomplished’ banner. They can hang that in whatever padded room is reserved for him.”

“The press is an independent, non-partisan, civic minded group…like Acorn.”

“I cannot wish my opponent luck, but I do wish him well.”

Barack Obama took the microphone next.

“There is no other group in America that I would rather be palling around with.”

“I share the politics of Alfred E. Smith and the ears of Alfred E. Neuman.”

“I thought this event was being held at Yankee Stadium. Can somebody please tell me what happened to the Greek columns I requested?”

“I never knew your great-grandfather, but from what Senator McCain told me, the two of them had a great time before prohibition.”

“Senator Schumer brought some of his loved ones. Those are the people with the cameras and notepads.”

“I am glad that Senator McCain and I could sit down two weeks before an election and sit down together at the same table without preconditions.”

“Barack is actually Swahili for ‘that one.'”

“I got my middle name form somebody who obviously didn’t think I would run for President.”

“My greatest strength is my humility. My greatest weakness is that I might be too awesome.”

“I have never put lipstick ona  pig, or a pit bull…or myself…Rudy Giuliani, I have one on you.”

“I did used to hang out with deadbeat, lowlife punks…I was in a group called the Senate. Come to think of it John, I think I saw you at one of our meetings.”

“I got so tired of being called a celebrity that I got angry and punched a paparazzi.”

Both of these men should be proud of their performances. They put aside their differences to break bread, as they did on 9/11. Yet that was a somber day. This was a happy evening.

Life can be rough. The evening was a nice break in the action.

Now I can go back to worrying about the disaster of November 4th. WHoever wins the election had better explain to me why I have 20 copies of Park Place, and 0 copies of Boardwalk.

I still think the game is rigged.


4 Responses to “The Al Smith Dinner plus the other November 4th nightmare”

  1. I think the answer to your Monopoly problem is in fine print on the back of the board…




  2. Micky 2 says:

    “Actually, I heard that if you scratch a dime on Oliver Stone’s head, you can find the secret recipe to McDonalds secret sauce.”

    You owe me a keyboard.

  3. Micky 2 says:

    Did anyone notice the ole fart in the back stuffing his face the whole time oblivious to anything ?
    Was that an inhaler he was using or a miniature flask designed to look like an inhaler containing hootch ?

    Anyway, I did bust a few capillaries laughing at this one.
    It was refreshing to get away from the prefabricated processed crap we have been hearing for what seems forever.

  4. Colin Powell has endorsed Barack Obama!!! Holy Cow!!!


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