Wit and Wisdom from Big Daddy Wayne

At the Laugh Factory several weeks ago, I had the pleasure of seeing Jeff “Big Daddy” Wayne.


Evan Sayet does the monthly “Right to Laugh” conservative comedy night, and on this night Big Daddy Wayne was the emcee.


For those who are fans of 1980s rap music, that is not him. You are thinking of Big Daddy Kane. His hit rap album was entitled “It’s a Big Daddy Thing.”


Anyway, back to Jeff Wayne. His routine is below.

“People who support illegal immigration say that walls don’t work. Look at the Great Wall of China. It’s worked for 2000 years.”

“I say we should fill the Rio Grande with battery acid and crocodiles.”

“Why did I vote for McCain? My first four choices didn’t make it.”

“John Edwards said he saw two Americas. I saw two John Edwards’s.”

“Look at a battle between Clinton and Edwards. That is like the death penalty versus life reassignment.”

“I looked at the Statue of Liberty the other day. The inscription said that we have enough tired, poor people.”

“Nancy Pelosi should have been burnt at the stake 200 years ago.”

“Of course Yogi Bear was a liberal. He lived in a park, stole picnic baskets, and had boo boo as his companion.”

“The Care Bears…they were definitely liberals.”

“Smokey the Bear was absolutely a liberal. He had a cushy government job. All he did was walk around all day and tell people not to start fires.”

“Imagine corporations marketing products to help us reduce crime. Westinghouse electric chairs…’It’s Westinghouse, it works.'”

“More people have died in Ted Kennedy’s car than from a U.S. nuclear reactor.”

“I have nothing against lesbians. They like some of the same things I do.”

“My mom calls the Speaker of the House Nancy Lugosi.”

“I want government out my pockets, and government out my bedroom. With this government, I have nothing in my pockets, and I have nothing in my bedroom.”

“Of course Democrats should tax porn. That’s their base.”

For those of you that have not had a chance to see him perform, do so. Big Daddy rocks the house.


10 Responses to “Wit and Wisdom from Big Daddy Wayne”

  1. Dav Lev says:

    I admit to watching Charlie Rose’s interviews nightly on a local
    PBS station ( he is syndicated ).

    Other than the fact that he often times baits those he interviews (“isn’t this the worst foreign policy move ever by the United States” (Iraqi incursion)), and thinks he is the Secretary of State and Defense and sometimes was elected President of the United States, he is okay.

    Did anyone hear Mr. Rose interview Mr. Ricks (columnist Washington Post)
    last week? Ricks agreed that, yes, this was the worst foreign policy decision..we, the USA, ruined our image throughout the world by
    Gitmo, and the killing of thousands of Iraqis.

    Hmmmmmmm, my uncles told me years ago what happened in
    the Rhineland and the invasion of Belgium, France and Germany with
    respect to how “We were animals, we, and they”. My other uncle
    fought in the Pacific Theatre..you know, the area where we bombed
    at low level every Japanese city, with incendiaries, not to forget our
    bombing of Germany’s cities, night and day. No Gitmo problem here,
    just an all out effort to win the war. If I recall, the Allies caught a group
    of SS..at the end of the war…after seeing their accomplishments. These
    bums were wasted quickly, but our boys were reprimanded and told
    not to kill prisoners..even SS men. What a shame!

    Last night he interviewed Mrs. Lagosi. I watched her for about 1 minute
    then uncustomarily turned to David Letterman…for at least honesty
    in his jokes.

    I have often times recommened she set an appointment with that dicatator President of Syria, Muhammad Assad or is it Anwar Assad? He could
    fit her with glasses.

    I mean where is Bella coming from? Her boss wanted a bi-partisan
    approach to our (US) problems, most especially the imploding economy.
    Yet every time I hear what she is saying,…it’s about 8 years of Bush., demonizing galore. I thought the Democrats were in control the last two years in the Congress..and have been since Nov 2009. Am I incorrect
    when I tell my friends that the Democrats cried foul about the war for 6 years but have been approving 200b in financing each year since March
    2003? Is it me?

    So why has the stock market gone down another 2 trillion in value?

    But then again, what can we expect of Nancy? Unless I am wrong
    didn’t the people who live in the Baghdad by the Bay vote for her
    to represent them in the Congress?

    However, I disagree with one comment on this topic. The government
    should insure that our species continues..not aid in its destruction.
    It’s in our best self-interests. I mean I liked “Planet of the Apes” but
    could it happen?

    Prop 8 is now in the Calif. Supreme Ct. If it were up to those who voted
    NO…well, at least we could count on ending the population explosion,
    but then again, if we use new stem cells for experimentation..maybe
    we can begin to clone more gays…heads I win, tails you lose. Do we
    really need another Lagosi or Reid or Kennedy?

  2. This is comedy?

    “I say we should fill the Rio Grande with battery acid and crocodiles.”

    That’s not even tasteless. It’s just racist.

    Some of the other jokes are kinda funny, I suppose. You’d really have to be a conservative to laugh. I didn’t so much as giggle.

    “More people have died in Ted Kennedy’s car than from a U.S. nuclear reactor.”

    This is a joke, I imagine, aimed at the myth that somehow “liberals” are keeping nuclear power plants from being built. Of course, there are plenty of places that would be happy to have nuke plants (like my area), but the only reason they don’t get built is that they’re so expensive, investors just don;t have the patience to wait for the black ink. But, if you’re not that knowledgable, this joke might seem very funny.

    I know they say reality has a liberal bias, but I think comedy does too. Conservatives should just stick with their business of making money by whoring America to death. They’re good at it.


  3. Micky 2 says:

    That’s not even tasteless. It’s just racist.”

    Awwwww bullsh&% !!

    It just so happens that the majority crossing are latino but that doesnt change the fact that anyone should not be crossing illegaly.

    God bless grow up man and stop taking every cheesy shot you can at crying racism

    “Conservatives should just stick with their business of making money by whoring America to death. ”

    Were not the ones who sold out for 13 bucks a week

  4. No, Micky, you’re just the ones who wrecked the whole ^%$# country. Good for you.

    That joke was just nasty. If he had used the Potomac instead of the Rio Grande, maybe that would be funny. But as it was, the joke sounded like “he he he, let’s muder little brown children, he he he.” That’s not funny, it’s just pathetic. I would have to get up and walk out of a show with a joke like that – and I’ve been to shows so offensive, my face actually turned inside out! That wasn’t even offensively funny. It was just creepy, racist, lowlifey, lowbrow, &^%$. Sonmeone should have “Kramered” his @$$.


  5. Micky 2 says:

    “That joke was just nasty. If he had used the Potomac instead of the Rio Grande, ”

    Oh oh, so just like a terrorist you wanna nail the capitol ??
    And you think thats funny ???

    (that was just an example of what hypersensative moonbat with no sense of humor would say)

    “No, Micky, you’re just the ones who wrecked the whole ^%$# country. Good for you”

    Nah, I dont think so, most of the math points at you dingalings
    I’m not gonna show you all the relevant facts AGAIN !!!!
    You’ll just come back the next day and say the same thing all over again doing your little mental masturbation trick where you think if you keep saying the same thing over and over day after day it’ll become true one day.
    Wise up and cash in the Ruby red slippers Dorothy, they dont work.

  6. Micky, face it, the GOP wrecked the country. You can spin it all you like, but it’s going to be quite a few years before Americans forget what a disaster your beloved “conservatives” let loose on America. Conservative comedians have a tough road ahead. There’s nothing funny about what has happened to our nation.

    By the way, guys, on a happier note! – The dog I rescued has been taken away from her owner (thank God!) and is up for adoption. She’s only one year old, absolutely adorable, with a sweet disposition, so she has a great chance of finding a loving family, preferably with kids, who can handle her high level of energy. If she is not adopted, my wife and I will take her (we would have already, off the bat, but we have a zoo here as it is now!). A million thanks again for your advice and support!


  7. Micky 2 says:

    “Micky, face it, the GOP wrecked the country. You can spin it all you like, but it’s going to be quite a few years before Americans forget what a disaster your beloved “conservatives” let loose on America.”

    Obama is making it very easy to remeber how you guys pushed the banks into making stupid loans for minorities and others who couldnt afford to pay them. We are all aware of Carters little CRA and how Clinton beefed up and utilized it to even further extent.
    We are all aware of the housing bubble created by you idiots which when bursting was the major element in this collapse.
    We are all aware of how we, Bush, McCain and others tried warn everyone of what was about to happen. And after this this suck a$$ congress came into power all hell broke loose.

    Saturday Night Live (a bunch of liberal comediens) even did a skit portraying just how ridiculous it is when you say the stupid crap you say that it was the cons fault.


    Frank: Let me add, Mr. President, I was also pleased to see that for the first time during your eight years in office and possibly your entire life, you were able to demonstrate leadership, not to mention simple human decency.

    Bush: You bet, you bet.

    Pelosi: Let’s not forget, Mr. President, that it was the Democrats that first sounded the alarm about the risky mortgage loans that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were encouraging and that your party resisted all our efforts to rein them in.

    Bush: W-w-w-w-ait. Wasn’t it my administration that warned about the problem six years ago? And it was the Democrats that refused to listen?!

    Pelosi: What? Who told you that? That’s crazy. It was completely the other way around.

    Frank: Actually. This time, he’s sort of right.

    Pelosi: Shhh! Don’t say anything. He doesn’t know. Now, there was another point we wanted to make here and you are welcome to stay.

    Bush: Thank you. I’d like that.

    Pelosi: Back there would be better.

    Bush: No problem.

    Pelosi: In the past few weeks, this debate has focused on the wisdom of government intervention in the housing markets. What hasn’t been talked about is that behind every home foreclosure, there is a story of real suffering by real Americans. People who, but for the grace of God, could be you or your neighbors. And today, we’d like to introduce you to some of them.

    Michael McCune and Jerome Gant, two ordinary Americans whose only crime was to play by the rules and who now find themselves facing eviction from their homes.

    Please tell us your story.

    Michael: Uh, well, to start. I still don’t understand how this happened to me. I mean, I fit all the requirements for a subprime mortgage. Uh, no credit history.

    Jerome: Same here.

    Michael: No job.

    Jerome: Me neither.

    Michael: Minor criminal record.

    Jerome: Ditto.

    Michael: Dishonorable discharge from the Army.

    Jerome: Yeah, I got mine right here.

    Michael: Uh, drug problems.

    Jerome: Me, too.

    Michael: Uh, alcohol problems.

    Jerome: Guilty as charged.

    Michael: Gambling addiction.

    Jerome: Yeah.

    Michael: Pregnant girlfriend — actually, two pregnant girlfriends.

    Jerome: Just the one.

    Well, I was talked into a balloon mortgage. Where you move into the house. And then you get to live in it. And you don’t have to, like, pay money or anything to the bank. But then later, you do.

    Jerome: Yeah, what up with dat?

    Michael: I mean, you could say I’m a double victim, since I never had a job and now I don’t have a home!

    Jerome: Well, I’m a triple victim, because now I’ve been charged with arson for allegedly setting fire to the house they evicted me from.

    Pelosi: You are both in our thoughts.

    This is Greg Phillips and his wife, Judy. How did the housing collapse affect you?

    My wife and I bought two dozen time-share condos which we heavily mortgaged in order to flip them 6 months later for triple the purchase price and then the real estate market tanked.

    Pelosi: And you were doing this through…

    Judy: Misrepresentation.

    Pelosi: No, I meant, did you do this out of your home…

    Judy: Out of greed.

    Greg: Yes, out of greed.

    Pelosi: And now, with the real estate market down, you’re stuck with two dozen time-share condos that you can’t sell…

    Judy: Unless we can sell them for, like, 10 percent more than we paid.

    Pelosi: So, you can’t make your mortgage payments.

    Greg: Not without selling the boat. Or putting off essential cosmetic surgery
    Pelosi: And who is this? This is Crystal, our surrogate mother.

    Crystal: Waaaazup?

    Judy: You see, I can’t have children…without getting bad stretch marks.

    Pelosi: You are also in our thoughts and prayers.

    This is Herbert and Marion Sandler. Tell us your story.

    Herbert Sandler: My wife and I had a company which aggressively marketed subprime mortgages, and then bundled them into securities to sell to banks such as Wachovia. Today, our portfolio is worth almost nothing — though at one point, it was worth close to $19 billion.

    Pelosi: My God. I am so sorry. Were you able to sell it for anything.

    Herbert Sandler: Yes, for $24 billion.

    Pelosi: I see. So in that sense, you’re not so to speak, actual victims.

    Herbert Sandler (chuckling): Oh, no. That would be Wachovia Bank.

    Marion Sandler: Actually, we’ve done quite well. We’re very happy.

    Herbert Sandler: We were sort of wondering why you asked us to come today.

    Marion Sandler: Anyway, it’s delightful to see you, Nancy. (Kisses Pelosi.)

    Herbert Sandler: And thank you, Congressman Frank, as well as many Republicans for helping block
    Congressional oversight of our corrupt activities.

    Frank: Not at all. Let me say something else here. You know, many of you are probably wondering, “Where will that $700 billion missing from our economy go?” To help answer that, let me introduce our good friend, billionaire hedge fund manager, George Soros.

    Soros: So what became of zat $700 beellion dollars? Well, basically it belongs to me, now. Actually, it’s not even dollars anymore, but Swiss franks, since I have taken a short position against the dollar.

    Bush: Oh, really. That’s not good.

    Soros: You’re not to speak. I don’t like you.

    Yes, uh, zee U.S. dollar will have to be devalued sometime next week. Either Tuesday or Wednesday. I haven’t decided wheech yet. It will depend on how I feel.

    Frank: Thank you very much, Mr. Soros. You’re a great man.

    Soros: Could I just add that even though you know what’s coming, you won’t be able to do anything about it.

    Pelosi: You’re a wise man, Mr. Soros. And a powerful one.

    Frank: You are better than us.

    Soros (pointing to Anne Hathaway character): Your wife is physically attractive. Sell her to me, please.

    Greg and Judy: Sure. Ok.



    “my wife and I will take her ”

    Dont ask me to pay its medical.

  8. “Obama is making it very easy to remeber how you guys pushed the banks into making stupid loans for minorities and others who couldnt afford to pay them.”

    I can’t believe anyone is naive enough to believe this claptrap. Do you really think the GOP adminstration’s regulators were forcing banks to make bad loans to minorities? Really? And if this was true, why did it take so long for this problem to manifest? The laws to which you refer have been on the books for 30 years now, so why did it all collapse now and not 5, or 10, or 20 years ago? Do you really believe that the GOP adminstration’s regulators put minority lending ahead of the interests of short-term profiteers on Wall Street?


    The knock on the Dems was not over the CRA, but over their compliance with the bad practices of the laizzez faire laws and regulators. Frank should have known that F&F were buying up bad loans. Everyone knew it! I’d been warning people up north to sell for years before this inevitable collapse occured. I saw it! Any idiot who reads the papares on occasion could have seen it. Prices don’t go up like that forever. And usury always leads to disaster in the end – they knew that even in Biblical times! This disaster was caused by lax and lapse regulations, a Fed that only cares about low interest rates, a major divsersion of capital from the failed tech market into the real estate market, unregulated “exotic” lending, and shenanigans on Wall Street. No one was minding the store, and so it got robbed – WE got robbed. Our 401Ks, our IRAs, our Mutual Funds, our stocks, all plundered by 30-to-1 hedgers that bet our friggin’ future on futures! The sleazy media takes advantage of people like you, who obviously don’t understand what happened, to shift the blame away from their corporate masters and their minions in Washington. It’s easy to come up with easy, simpleminded excuses for what happened – blame it on Jimmy Carter, blame it on minorities, blame it on everyone except those who actually had the power to make it happen.

    Wise up, Micky. You’re getting used.


  9. Micky 2 says:

    I’ve shown you the transcripts confirming my assertions before.

    You have nothing.

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