Hanukkah Night 4–Lake Havasu Miracle

The third night of Hanukkah ended with a miracle.

The day had me driving from Sedona to Lake Havasu, Arizona. I began the day as a radio guest on the Elise Richmond Show out of Palm Springs. I explained the true meaning of Hanukkah, that being that the Jews took their enemies and militarily beat the daylights out of them.

Yesterday, after speaking to the Verde Valley Republican Women’s Federated in Sedona, I experienced a Hanukkah miracle. Unable to reach a Synagogue, I walked outside my hotel and saw 3 palm trees. Each one had blue lights around them. They looked like 3 giant Hanukkah candles. Ok, so it was less a miracle than a bizarre and pleasant coincidence, but religions declare every little thing a miracle, so this was a miracle. Anyway, I decided to bless these trees. If they die tomorrow, then we know that God still loves giving the Jews, or at least me, a hard time.

Or it means that another coincidence occurred. If these trees get chopped down by a Christian, I will declare the return of the crusades. Or it will be somebody trying to get a Christmas tree for their home. If an Islamist flies a plane into these trees, then it means that Islamists are now flying much smaller planes, which is dangerous to begin with. They are dangerous to land, but then again Islamists seem strangely unconcerned about this.

Apparently this Hanukkah miracle went way off track. I do not even like trees.

I did not talk to the tree. The tree did not talk back. I certainly did not hug the tree.

Nevertheless, it is nice to know that even in an area with very few Jews, at least the trees are Jewish.

Some may wonder why I am spending an entire blogging day talking about a tree with blue lights on it.

Again, should I waste my holiday talking about some golfer? The only thing more boring would be discussing members of Congress that will be taking time away from doing nothing to enjoy their own holidays.

Today I speak to the Lake Havasu Republican Women’s Federated.

In other news, nothing is happening. Islamists are still trying to kill us, and we are busy worrying about some fellow who takes time away from wearing ugly pants and hitting a ball with an oddly shaped stick to sleep with hot women simply because he can.

Folks, Jewish trees exist in Lake Havasu. I saw the blue lights myself.

May you all find your own miracles this holiday season, or at least some mundane coincidental occurrences that you can embellish with moderate rhetorical aplomb.


6 Responses to “Hanukkah Night 4–Lake Havasu Miracle”

  1. Laree says:


    Have you read this? They are really attacking Joe Lieberman in masse.


  2. Ha! I love your take on Tiger!

    SNL lambasted the media for their coverage of that stupid affair: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/12/13/snl-tiger-woods_n_390173.html

    Great stuff!

    I see passerby Laree is all hot over the way Lieberman is now officially persona non grata on the left. He never really was welcome anyway. He’s nothing but a shill for Big Insurance. Why whould we support a crooked pol like Lieberman? the only reason CT likes him is that he brings home the bacon. Ironic that “fiscal conservatives” love this shmuck wo much.


  3. Dav Lev says:

    I just came back from a Trader Joes. They sell their own brand,
    and brands manufactured in Europe. I like their ice cream and chocolates
    most especially.

    The employees were folding, or unfolding miniature Christmas trees.
    I asked about Chanukah buses for the Jewish cliente.

    The atmosphere was friendly. No cries of Jihad against the Jews
    and Christians today. ( Trader Joes was selected to boycott a few
    months ago ).

    I’m reading guys a very good book, “Why are Jews liberal”.
    It’s a must for every Jew, along with being bar mitsvahed, and
    joining the NRA.

    You see, w/o the right to arm, and arming, there would be
    no bar mitsvahs. W/O bar mitsvahs, there would be no Jews.
    Or as one local gay person was overheard saying, “Thank God
    for the Jews and thank the Jews for God”.

    I admit to liking Christmas and the spirit around it. I like
    Chanukah, but it is in reality a very minor holiday compared.
    The day G-d gave us the Torah is more relevant, the 10
    commandments and all that.

    Chanukah is about a Jewish victory over the Syrians or Persians
    or somebody?

    That was a long time ago. Now we have the liberals calling back
    victory at a UN inspired time. No more Chanukahs guys…just

    My question, would Iran recognize and respect the Jewish
    Chanukah prior to acting on their threats?

  4. Iran doesn’t really care about Israel. The Jews are just a convenient scapegoat for the crooked mullahs. I guarantee Iran will never attempt to “wipe Israel of the map.” Guaranteed.

    Why one would turn to a Jewish conservative, let alone a rabid one like Podhoretz, to find out why most Jews are relatively liberal? That would be like asking a vegetarian why most people eat meat. Kinda counter-intuitive. Why not just ask a Jewish liberal?

    Personally, I think most Jews are liberal firstly because they know all too well the dangers of rightwing nationalism, and the inherent interdepency of rightwing thought and jingoistic, xenophobic nationalism. Secondly, Jews have learned that a “live and let live,” pluralistic attitude is best for them and for all. Finally, Jewish religious and cultural tradition countenences curiousity, questioning, criticism, and healthy cynicism. Conservatism, by definition, discourages critical thought (if it is critical of contemporary conservative dogma) and pluralism. Without pluralism – not “the right to bear arms,” a childish notion – there would truly be no Judaism today, as the diaspora would never have survived.

    Seems pretty plain to me. I don’t know why it’s so difficult for conservatives, especially conservative Jews, to understand.


  5. Micky 2 says:

    “I guarantee Iran will never attempt to “wipe Israel of the map.” Guaranteed.”

    Right, I guess thats why Iran keeps funding Hamas.


    Once Iran has given the Palestinians and Hamas enough reason to be bitch slapped by Israel they’ll use that as a excuse to nuke them.
    I’ll guarantee that if Iran does produce a nuke, shortly after that they’ll employ Hamas to make things so unbearable for Israel that they’ll have no choice but to launch a full blown invasion therby giving Iran the somehow justifiable reasons to send a nuke their way.
    I dont doubt these nuts for a second and cant for the life of me see what other threat or reason they would have for wanting a nuke besides to take out Israel.
    They’re escalting tumltuous relations for a reason. They’re feeding this fire all as a justification for producing nukes when it was their idiot butts who started and instigated the whole thing from the beginning.
    But I digress.
    Israel before Obama will not let things get that far.

  6. Micky 2 says:

    “I think most Jews are liberal firstly because they know all too well the dangers of rightwing nationalism”

    Right, thats why Bibi is where hes at

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