Before getting to the deep science of doing nothing today, I want to offer a tribute to Seattle Seahawks offensive left tackle Walter Jones.
Jones just announced his retirement, and a first ballot hall of fame selection is earned.
The Seahawks were well known for the Walrus. Mike Holmgren is now in Cleveland. When the Walrus came from Green Bay to Seattle, he brought the (Matt) Hasselbeck with him. Shaun Alexander helped get them to a Super Bowl. The Walrus is gone, Hasselbeck is injured, and Alexander is broken down and retired as all running backs end up.
Yet through it all, Walter Jones anchored the offensive line. The offensive line are the unsung heroes. We only hear about them when they get called for a holding penalty.
He was one of the best, and froma professional standpoint, he will be missed.
So long, Walter.
Now back to nothing.
There is no football today, and I have decided to do nothing today.
However, rather than actually quietly just admit I am doing nothing, I am going to give the illusion that I am doing something productive.
I am going to appoint a commission to study the problem of my condition today.
Appointing a commission is actually worse than doing nothing because it costs taxpayer dollars.
When politicians appoint commissions, it is because they want to delay doing anything, and ignore their responsibilities while looking busy.
The only thing more useless than a commission is a blue ribbon commission, also known as a blue ribbon panel. The most useless are a panel of “experts.”
If politicians really cared about certain problems, they would just get to work on solving them.
I was on Wall Street for 15 years. When I wanted to get nothing done, I participated in a meeting. Nothing gets done in meetings. First the equipment does not work, so teleconferences are spent trying to work a telephone. The sandwiches can’t be eaten because nobody brought napkins. Arguments take place over whether business cards should say “Management Lackey,” “Management Flunky,” or “Management Shill.” I prefer shill because it is easiest to spell.
The President appointed a commission to study how to reduce the debt.
How about we stop spending so much money on nonsense!
I can save half a million dollars by canceling the commission.
The commission will have no enforcement powers, and their recommendations will either be in complete agreement with the president on his orders, or they will be ignored. His opinions are predetermined, so a commission is just a delaying tactic.
So while a commission of lethargy experts spend hours determining why I am still asleep at Noon on a Sunday, I can sum it up for you. There is no football on, and I am lazy today.
If the president would just admit that he does not want to be bothered with the issue, that could save us all time and money. He is concerned about health care, energy, and the environment. The rest bores him.
I could talk about his speech at the White House Correspondents Dinner, but the only person going through the motions more than him yesterday is me today.
I could insult your intelligence by pretending to care.
Then I would be qualified to be president.
Anyway, that job is now a pay cut and a loss of prestige.
I have bigger things to do.
I have been awake for an hour or so and it is time for a midday nap.
I have the best and brightest studying the issue. They will report back to you never because the truth of my laziness cannot get out, so I will suppress the report.
A successful day and a successful nap…I am that good.
eric
Well, the first thing we need to cut is our ridiculous military that was designed to fight a massive war with the extinct Soviet Union. We most definitiely do not need a trillion dollar a year military. Cut that in half and we’ll be back in the black in no time! Another thing we need to do is to get serious about auditing both our government and it’s contractors. And we need some kind of reward system for cutting budgets, rather than what we have now, which is we dump money into a program and they spend every dime of it to prove that’s how much they needed. In the private sector, that is never tolerated by a successful business.
But let’s remember, for every dime that’s spent on something you want that someone else doesn’t, there’s another dime spent on something you don’t want but someone else does. That’s why, politically, it’s always so hard to cut spending, regardless of the party in power.
JMJ