Adrian Peterson and the Arab-Israeli Conflict

It seems that Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson has waded into the Arab-Israeli conflict.

For those of you wondering if this is going to be those days where exhaustion, Summer heat, constant travel, and lack of football turn my mind to mush…yes, absolutely.

I flew yesterday from Dallas, Texas, home to Los Angeles. I had a stopover in New Mexico. Thankfully the people there did not read my column from a few days ago where I insisted New Mexico was south of the border. This is my official retraction. New Mexico is an actual state. My bad. I would have checked out Roswell but that is hard to do without leaving the airport.

Yet in New Mexico, I read the news online and was sad to read that Adrian Peterson is now part of the Arab-Israeli conflict.

First let me say that I have always liked Adrian Peterson. I met him at the NFL Draft in 2006. He was one of the nicest guys I had ever met. His aunt saw me holding a football and insisted that I have him autograph it. She explained that “that boy was raised right. He will sign it. You let me know if he doesn’t.”

While other athletes (JaMarcus Russell did not sign my ball. Screw him. I held my tongue but he is no longer on the Raiders.) did not sign stuff, Peterson signed everything in sight. His aunt saw me again afterward and said “I told you he would sign it. He’s a good boy.”

I cheered for him when he broke the single game rushing record. I celebrated his becoming an elite running back. I agonized when his fumbles hurt the team, especially in the NFC Title Game last year. He is working on his fumbling, and will improve.

Yet Adrian Peterson was not at minicamp this week. These are not voluntary workouts. They are mandatory. Brett Favre is not there either, but as coach Brad Childress, who is bald and Catholic, said, “Peterson is not contemplating retirement.”

(Neither is # 4. He is coming back, and dislikes the offseason. 20 years gets you a pass. Peterson is not there yet, as “Chilly” pointed out.)

Yet the reason why Peterson was not there is my cause for concern. In the town in Texas where he grew up, there is an annual “Adrian Peterson Day.” It has been going on for four straight years. Usually you get that when you win a championship or save humanity, but in small towns I guess just being from there and having people know you is good enough.

I was just in Texas yesterday, but I was not going to his reception. I did not want to set foot there. I drove through the town a week ago and kept the windows up and drove fast.

This Jewish boy and son of a Holocaust survivor was not going to set foot in that land.

I was not going to acknowledge Palestine, Texas.

That’s right. The Palesimians want all of Israel, and now they have seized a stretch of Texas between Houston and Tyler.

(The town pronounces it “Pal-e-steen,” but I can read.)

Adrian Peterson is from Palestine. That makes him a Palestinian.

I am really torn on this one.

I am always being told that you can’t blame all the Palestinians for the 80% that are awful, but my attitude was that they voted for Hamas, so they were culpable.

I tried to research (ok, I was too lazy to do it, but pretend I did) if Adrian Peterson had any connections to Hamas, Hezbollah, or had even eaten Hummus. I could not find a thing.

He does play in Minnesota, which does have a large Arab population. I know in the mainstream media that would be evidence of some coverup, but it seems the only thing he wants to cover up is the football.

I don’t think the Vikings are an anti-Semitic cabal, but neither Favre nor Childress is Jewish. Now it seems they have a Palestinian running back.

Also, football is played on Sundays instead of Saturdays, which is odd given that Billy Graham would prefer otherwise. Maybe the Jews really are that special and God is at home watching the NFL.

Adrian, I am going to watch you closely. I have my eye on you. I am going to watch you intently to see if you step out of bounds with my Jewish community.

Actually, I will probably just wait for instant replay to tell me if you stepped out of bounds.

I will still go back to Texas, but I am not hanging out with the Palestinians. I will visit Paris, Texas, now that Nicolas Sarkozy is in power of France. Well, once I find out where it is.

Adrian, you got me to like a Palestinian. So I will honor Adrian Peterson Day out of respect for you.

I will worry about Israel trying to hang on to land later. Right now I am more concerned with you hanging on to the football and helping # 4 get back to the Super Bowl.


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