Give Seattle to Canada

We should just give Seattle to Canada and be done with it.

I hate coffee, rain, grunge, technology geeks, and smugness, which seems to be everything that is Seattle.

(I also used to dislike the Seahawks, but they are no longer a rival of the Raiders.)

The Seattle Post Intelligencer is the biggest oxymoron since “tough diplomacy,” and “Jews for Jesus.”

Does anything good come out of that place?

The Seahawks used to be at the top of all that is detestable about Seattle. The Kingdome was a house of horrors for the Oakland Raiders. Now they are just a team with ghastly uniforms. They now play in an open stadium, proving that idiocy exists in the Pacific Northwest.

How can anyone live in a place where it rains 300 days per year? Some people romanticize the rain. I think they should be forced to stay outdoors permanently. There is nothing romantic about getting wet socks and shoes. That leads to death by pneumonia.

As for technology geeks, I wish I could hit control, alt, delete, and get rid of them all. Every time they come out with a new and improved version of their product, it is incompatible with the old version. The first thing they disable is the ability to send them complaint emails.

The liberalism is out of control. I would declare it smug liberalism, but in Seattle that is redundant.

The only thing worse than regular liberals are latte liberals. I don’t care if they are Grande, Venti, or whatever the heck those things are called. Anybody who pays $5 for a cup of a beverage needs to have their head examined. At least at McDonalds the lady who scalded herself only paid $1 for her cup of scalding hot death beverage.

Yet the worst of Seattle has to be the remnants of grunge.

For those who do not know, the golden age of rock music occurred from 1986 to 1992. It was known as “glam rock” or “hair metal.” The guys had long hair and high falsetto voices. It was happy rock.

Then in 1992, grunge descended on America. Some incoherent individual decided that smelling like teen spirit was somehow something positive.

(I am not speaking ill of the dead. If Cobain was still alive I would still be hostile toward his music.)

“A mulatto…an albino…a mosquito…my libido…”

Does anybody know what the heck he was saying?

Really. Come on. Here are my versions.

“Eat gelato…Spearmint Rhino…a potato…a torpedo…

Sing legato…with a wino…in Salado…eating Fritos…

From Novato…to Encino…Corleon-o…he shot Fredo…

Baked Risotto…parmesagno…add romano…that’s my credo…YEAH!”


How about Kurt Cobain agonizing while singing “Polly want a cracker.” Then in the song for some bizarre reason he sings “Polly says her back hurts.”

My mom taught English. This can’t be English. I could offer my versions.

“Polly is a crack whore.”

(She very well could be.)

“Polly lives in Krakow.”

(She could be Polish.)

“Polly needs a clap cure.”

(Can birds get Syphillis?)

Kurt Cobain brought gibberish, but it was Eddie Vedder and Pearl Jam that brought the true surliness and smugness that made grunge and Seattle so contemptible.

Homeless people can’t help dressing that way. If they could afford better unripped clothing they would buy it. Eddie Vedder and his “I’m rich, I’m miserable” routine is insufferable. Songs about students committing suicide in school are not my thing.

Also, the guy had a chance to do something positive by testifying before congress on a ticket pricing issue. He showed up looking like a homeless person, and of course they ignored him. Congress may not be what it once was, but he could have put on a clean shirt and dropped his attitude long enough to make his case. This is typical behavior from a man who wins a music award, shows up to the ceremony stoned, brags about it and tacitly endorses drug use, and hands the award to the kid in the video by saying, “He’s Trevor. He lives.” He did not even bother to thank the crowd.

Enough with Nirvana, Pearl Jam, and Temple of the Dog, as if being dyslexic is trendy and hip. Enough with grunge. Good riddance.

This is what Seattle has brought us.

Seattle is the land of rain…the Seahawks…technology geeks…lattes and other coffee derivatives…liberal smugness…and grunger angst.

Give it Canada. Then we can work on Detroit. At least Detroit has Motown, not grunge.


10 Responses to “Give Seattle to Canada”

  1. Well, at least Seattle is one of the few US cities Canada would actually take! I wish Canada would take my town.


  2. Micky 2 says:

    I would move to Washington or Oregon if it werent for being surrounded by moonbats.
    Its freaking beautiful, real estate is reasonable, the seafood is killer, theres lots to do and I can drive 2 hours without seeing the same thing twice in those 2 hours.
    Keep Washington, ship out the idiots who hold the highest suicide rate in the country

  3. Micky 2 says:

    “Enough with Nirvana, Pearl Jam, and Temple of the Dog, as if being dyslexic is trendy and hip. Enough with grunge. Good riddance.”

    They’ve actually been pretty much off the radar for a while now.
    But you gotta give Chris Cornell credit for a great voice thats taken him past milking his oldies with Temple Dogs

  4. Cornell had one great – all-time great – album with Soundgarden, but didn’t do much before or after. It’s too bad because he still has that classic heavy metal voice. He wasn’t really grundge. The Soundgarden/Pearl Jam album had one really over-played hit on it, but even that wasn’t all that “grundgy.” Cornell’s problem is that he just hasn’t had any good material in years. What was Soundgarden? Like 20 years ago?

    Nirvana was interesting. Pearl Jam is fine – if your an endlessly angstful teenage girl. I’m not. STP was a grundge band. They sucked. The vocal style (bland, monotonal, baritones) and the rythym guitar style (heavy handed overdriven strums) that came out of the grundge movement are still pervasive. They’re easy, so the industry can crank out new young bands like tube socks for the consumption of ADD tennagers. But they all suck and sound the same. Sucky. I haven’t heard much good rock music in ages. Even the goofy hair bands were better than this crappola. At least some of them had some talent, even if their material was mostly just adolescent sex soundtracks.


  5. Micky 2 says:

    Cornells doing just fine. But much like Linda Perry whos also a phenominal voice that wont do the generic limelight but instead chose to work behind the scenes writting for Pink and pushing her daughter Katy to the surface.
    I cant get wikis run down on Cornell to post. Hes been rather impressive compared to the rest representing that era/genre.

  6. Micky 2 says:

    I’m sick to death of all these whiney emo indie bands today.
    Whatever hapened to the Joplns, Robert Plants and Cockers who actually put some balls into their singing ?
    Whatever happened to the Rage Against The Machines and White Zombies and Pink Floyds and Led Zepplins ?
    Todays music is hardley ever worth turning on the radio for fear of getting the same crap from a new kid

  7. What happened is all the true indie labels and promoters are gone. Bought up by a handful of corporations who own the record companies, the TV stations, and the radio stations, and the show circuit. They have a stranglehold on our entertainment. We only get to hear what they want us to hear. And simple, easy, dumb music is controllable. they can generate new bands at the drop of a hat. Vampire Emo Chic (random pop rock band name I just thought of) gets too old (over 25)? Drop ’em! Sign new band – Werewolf Depression is the new “it,” baby! They got “ZAZZZZZ!”

    If new bands and sounds and talent are going to emerge, we have to break the corporate monopoly of the airwaves. It’s the only way. Real capitalism only works – for art or food or whatever – with COMPETITION.


  8. Dav Lev says:

    I have another idea, let’s move all the disgruntled Palestinians ( Western
    Palestine Arabs and their offspring) to this city.

    Now think of it, instead of relocating them to Jordan (the other part
    of Palestine), they could set up their tents and retail rug shops
    in the US city with the worst weather.

    Consider their move and what they would have to adjust to.
    Instead of desert and the Jordan River (in actuality a stream)
    they would have the Sound, forests, rivers, lakes, beautiful views
    from all those commercial buildings, dam mornings, etc.

    And if they chose to fire rockets into the non-Arab parts of the city,
    they could expect a quick response from our marines, army, navy,
    and airforce, plus the local fuzz. (Are Seattle police tough?)

    Would Hezbollah and Hamas threatend the other residents of Seattle?

    Would Turkey prosecute Seattle’s leaders for abusing their co-religionists?

    Would Turkey sponsor a flottila should it become known that
    Seattle was not allowing cement to be sold, given, to their new residents?

    Would another Irish boat named the Rachel Corrie 2, be sent to Seattle
    to disrupt things?

    Yes, indeed, no, don’t give it to Canada, allow the Palestinians to relocate there. I will buy the first ticket for them.

    Then again, maybe, maybe, they could go to Canada instead?

  9. Micky 2 says:

    “Werewolf Depression is the new “it,” baby! They got “ZAZZZZZ!”

    You got that one right.
    Little f***ers are even dressing up in schools like werewolves.
    We need to bring back underground FM again.

    Full disclosure…

    I listen to alot of music just for the sheer pleasure of experiencing the artists talent.
    If had to shun every musician or band because of their political views I’d end up listening to nothing but Chinese opera all the time.
    Paul McCartny sucks(ed) no matter who he voted for. Wait…

    never mind

  10. Yeah, “Sir Paul” hasn’t made anything worth a damn in ages.

    We absolutely need the old stations back! That’s how we all discovered music when we were kids! King Biscuit Flour Hour, Heavy Metal Nights, Dr. Demento, and on and on. These were the shows. In and around NY we had tons of them. But they used to be everywhere. Now they’re all gone. They took our air waves away. As Tom Petty sang, “There goes the last DJ…”


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