All Hail Jenn O’Neal!

Before getting to football, today is a day to honor greatness.

Today is a day to celebrate Jenn O’Neal.

For those of you who are wondering who Jenn O’Neal is, I pity you.

She is now officially a legend, immortalized forever in the annals (annals sounds like a bad word, but it is really harmless.) of the Tygrrrr Express.

Jenn O’Neal is my 1000th Facebook friend.

For those chronicling me (I pity you again), I think it is about high time that Americans celebrate artificial metrics of meaningless internet social acceptance.

I mean it is one thing to have 999 or 1001 friends. To be # 1000 is special because Americans like zeroes and round numbers. We do not have 9 Commandments or 11 Amendments making up the Bill of Rights to the U.S. Constitution. We do not have 49 or 51 states. Sorry DC, but until we sell Alaska or Hawaii (or better yet Massachusetts), there will be no changes.

So in the spirit of everything nice and symmetrical, today is a day to celebrate # 1000 Jenn O’Neal.

So who is she?

Actually, I am not sure. I don’t know her that well.

She seems like a nice enough person.

I met her when I spoke to the Camarillo Republican Women in Ventura County, about 45 minutes North of my home. She is a college student who heads up the Camarillo College Republicans.

When I informed her that the honor did not come with any financial reward (not even gift certificates), I am sure she wished that she was not the 1000th (or any for that matter) friend of mine.

Well too bad. Moses did not want to be selected either, and things turned out fine for him.

(Well actually he is dead, but things were good for awhile, not counting the speech impediment for putting a hot coal in his mouth, and the fact that his followers hated him and let him down and were given eternal damnation.)

The point is we do not appreciate the greatness thrust upon us until it is too late.

One day Jenn O’Neal will be 19, and she will remember way back when a year earlier when she was 18. At some point she will be an entire two decades.

I was going somewhere with this, but that is not the point.

Anyway, some people wanted to know (actually nobody did, but I am telling you anyway) what would happen if a bunch of people de-friended me to take me back below 1000 friends.

I came to the conclusion that when the odometer reaches 100,000 miles, driving backwards will not take it back to five 9s (which can win in Poker assuming one is playing with wild cards).

(I learned this from the Tiny Toons movie “How I spent my Summer vacation,” which 20 years later is still hilarious.)

Since I normally discuss football on Saturdays, think about this. When Brett Favre began playing football, Jenn O’Neal was still in the womb, totally unaware of what greatness would come to Favre…and her.

Now Favre is in his final season, but Jenn O’Neal’s accolades are just beginning.

(Although she has never thrown for 400 yards in a game. Then again, Favre only did it twice, and only once in his first 19 years.)

Anyway, here are some pictures of Jenn O’Neal.!/album.php?profile=1&id=660735451

If you cannot view them, it is because I have no idea how much of Facebook works. Just because I have over 1000 friends does not mean I have met or seen them.

There is so much more I can say, but for now, I would like to forever congratulate Jenn O’Neal for saving me the time of actually having to come up with an idea for a column on this fine Saturday.

Well done Ms. O’Neal. May your immortality be a source of pride (or at least not too much shame) in your entire inner circle.

May that circle never be unbroken.

(I do like that song.)

1000 Facebook friends and counting.

That means something, and one day, I hope to know exactly what.


Baltimore Ravens @ Atlanta Falcons

(Pick em, Falcons win)

Detroit Lions @ Buffalo Bills

(Bills by 3, they cover)

Minnesota Vikings @ Chicago Bears

New York Jets @ Cleveland Browns

(Jets by 3, Browns win outright)

Cincinnati Bengals @ Indianapolis Colts

(Colts by 8, they win but fail to cover)

Houston Texans @ Jacksonville Jaguars

(Jaguars by 1 1/2, Texans win outright)

Tennessee Titans @ Miami Dolphins

(Titans by 1 1/2, they cover)

Carolina Panthers @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers

(Buccaneers by 7, they win but fail to cover)

Kansas City Chiefs @ Denver Broncos

(Chiefs by 1, Broncos win outright)

Seattle Seahawks @ Arizona Cardinals

(Cardinals by 3, they cover)

Dallas Cowboys @ New York Giants

(Giants by 14, they win but fail to cover)

St. Louis Rams @ San Francisco 49ers

(49ers by 5 1/2, they win but fail to cover)

New England Patriots @ Pittsburgh Steelers

(Steelers by 4, they win but fail to cover)

Philadelphia Eagles @ Washington Redskins

(Eagles by 3, Redskins win outright)


One Response to “All Hail Jenn O’Neal!”

  1. Dav Lev says:

    To my Saudi friends, I pity you. For those who dont know, the country that is paying 60billion of petro dollar earnings for 85 F15 fighters, upgrading 75 F15 planes in their inventory already, purchasing wings of attack helicopters, missiles, cruise missiles and night goggles., wont allow facebook on its territory, something about corrupting people.

    There is something wrong when a country, as rich as Saudi Arabia,
    and loaded with arms it will never need or use, ( who for one moment believes it can duke it out with its neighbor Iran?), wont allow something
    as transparant as facebook?

    This same Arabia which says the only democratic country in the area, Israel, is the “sewer of the USA”. This same country which has no economy exept for a natural asset given by G-d, and uses foreign workers
    at substandard wages. This same country which gains PR by
    informing US of a few explosive packages on flights headed towards the USA, while clandestinely financing terorrism worldwide, is loathe to allow modernism into its country, including a key part of the net.

    A country which refuses facebook yet flogs young girls for wearing
    clothing too many inches above the knee or who dance to modern music at a night club.

    Something is wrong folks, terribly wrong.

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