Hanukkah 2010 Prequel–Back to Miami

Hanukkah, oh Hanukkah come light the Menorah…

Hanukkah, oh Hanukkah, we’ll all dance the Horah…

Gather ’round the table, we’ll give you a treat…

Lots of tasty chocolates and Latkes to eat…

It is that time of year again. The Tygrrrr Express is Miami bound.

Tomorrow night starts my favorite holiday of Hanukkah, or as a friend of mine calls it, “Chaka Khan.”

Those reading this blog know that I am not into warm fuzzy stories about miracles and oil lasting for 8 days. Christians have the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus, and Jews have our fables as well.

Yet beneath these sweet characters and tales are serious holidays. Regarding Christmas, I shall defer to Christian America to tell that story.

I am a Hebrew, and I love Hanukkah.

This is a celebration of of a military victory. Long before Jews emigrated to America and became leftist atheist pacifists, there was a strong bond between Jews and the military. This was because everybody was trying to kill us. Some traditions never change.

The word Maccabee means hammer, which is why the second coming of Judah Maccabee is Sir Charles of Krauthammer.

So as we light candles, I pray that Israelis take rocket launcher-sized candles and shove them up Armageddonijad’s hide until he goes to the toilet blue and white.

Meanwhile, Hanukkah is also great from a Jewish partying standpoint. It is the 8 day equivalent of homecoming, our celebration of winning the big game. The only difference is that back then the Greeks were too old to be pledges in sororities and fraternities.

Normally I spend Hanukkah in 4 different cities, doing a coast to coast celebration.

This year I will be in South Florida the whole time.

After all, every Jew has their own ways of honoring the holiday.

Judah Maccabee stormed through Gorgios and Nicanor in an attempt to liberate the entire Jewish people.

I will be storming South Beach, since Miami Beach has a high concentration of Republican Jewish brunettes.

(Thank heavens Marco Rubio is not Jewish. He is ridiculously handsome, and competition for those ladies is fierce.)

The plane is in the air, the candles are ready to be lit, and hopefully I will light a fire with one specific as of yet unknown Republican Jewish brunette.

Oh yeah, and my parents also live there and I have speaking engagements as well.

8 nights of blue and white fun await.

I love me some Hanukkah, and I love me some Miami.

On to the next adventure, whoever and wherever she is.

Happy Hanukkah all!


4 Responses to “Hanukkah 2010 Prequel–Back to Miami”

  1. You have a strange view of the Macabees and their rebellion and rule.

    Just the same, have a wonderful Hanukkah!


  2. Micky 2 says:

    “The word Maccabee means hammer, which is why the second coming of Judah Maccabee is Sir Charles of Krauthammer.”

    Cant love the guy enough.
    Ducks are always in a row, presents logic backed with fact.
    When the man speaks everything in the house comes to a halt

  3. Micky 2 says:

    “On to the next adventure, whoever and wherever she is.”

    You’re getting in that groove, touring and meeting enough of the right people. I’ll bet sometime in the next year you’ll touch bases with Mary K Ham.

  4. Micky 2 says:

    “since Miami Beach has a high concentration of Republican Jewish brunettes.”

    When I grew up there in the 60s it was all a bunch of old Jewish (including my grandma) ladies wearing slippers that looked like one of Carmen Mirandas hats.
    Times have changed.

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