I am not rebuilding Egypt

I love watching people beat the daylights of each other for a noble cause. Ok, enough about football. It was a great Super Bowl, but the real world awaits.

Those criticizing the destruction in Egypt should not be hypocritical. Just because Egyptians are ruining property over something irrelevant like the struggle for human liberty and not something meaningful like a basketball or soccer championship does not mean we should sneer at the wanton destruction.

This concludes the sports report. Now back to the Middle East.

One of the things about Americans that makes us such a noble people is that we rebuild other nations. We rebuilt Germany, Japan and Iraq. Now Egypt is being destroyed, and the question will be who should help rebuild.

As a Jewish person let me say it will not be me under any circumstances. I don’t care if they compensate me with belly dancers. The answer is no.

Rumors (that I started, but that is beside the point) have it that American Jews have been receiving letters in the mail promising construction jobs. We are being offered free tickets to Egypt.

Beware. These are one way tickets. The Muslim Brotherhood claims the tickets are open-ended because the time it will take to rebuild is unknown. This is a lie.

We built the pyramids the first time, and if Arab rioters destroy their own nation we are not building it again. We may have been good at hard labor when threatened with being whipped and beaten, but comfort in America has made us soft. We don’t even do carpentry around the house. Some of us are bookkeepers at construction firms, but lifting pens is not the same.

I know the economy is rough right now, but Jewish people thinking that construction jobs in Egypt are the answer should remember how it went with the Pharoahs. For those who never went to Hebrew school but understand American literature, it is like “Mutiny on the Bounty.” At least Captain Bligh gave his workers grog. Jews find it funny when a mustachioed guy on Seinfeld yells “No soup for you!” An Egyptian slave master yelling “No grog for you” inbetween beatings is less funny. NBC apparently left that pilot off the air.

Some Jews will say that everything turned out fine, and now we have Passover to celebrate our surviving affliction. Have any of these Jews truly tasted Matzoh? The stuff is cardboard. In fact, the stuff that goes into Matzoh might be the same raw materials we used to build the Pyramids.

What was the gratitude for our back-breaking labor? We were called lazy since the Pyramids were supposed to originally be a square (Thank you Steven Wright).

Look, I am not against building pyramids in general. For all I know the contractors who built the Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas were Jewish. Yet they were paid a fair wage, and even overtime on holidays. The Jews of Egypt were given less compensation, although at least the Egyptians made up for the lack of funds with an increase in beatings.

So I implore Jews nationwide to throw away letters from Egypt requesting able bodied workers. Treat those letters like they were Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. Nobody you know has ever won. You will not win.

Those who do not learn from history are destined to repeat it. We built the Pyramids the first time. Once was enough. Until the entire Arab world decides to donate their entire oil economies to Israel to help the IDF rebuild their military, Egypt can rebuild without my help. If I am asked, I will channel the still radiant Nancy Reagan and “just say no.”

If the Egyptian people are starving, I would be happy to send them boxes of Matzoh so they understand what true suffering is.

Just don’t ask me to give up generations of Jewish tradition with regards to having no handyman skills.

If I had a hammer, I would not hammer in the morning, evening, or anywhere across this land. I would give the hammer to somebody stronger and in better physical condition.

My people have built enough. It is time our elders help in a supervisory capacity, which means playing shuffleboard in Palm Beach.


5 Responses to “I am not rebuilding Egypt”

  1. Norm says:

    Nice read…but I only gave you a “4.0”


  2. Dav Lev says:

    I recall a fellow named Daniel Pearl. He worked for the Wall Street Journal, (or was it the NYTimes), and went to Pakistan to research
    terrorist groups. He was beheaded, the killer one of the infamous
    911 gang. He supposedly was not taken prisoner being a Jew, but when found out, the reasoning goes he could not be released.

    Jews from Israel vacation in the Sinai. Dont ask me why anyone would
    want to go there, considering Israel also has a desert, the Negev.
    But the Sinai is larger and has those Israeli made military bases ( airforce)
    and oil wells which pump for Egypt (were developed by Israel after 1967).

    I doubt these are intelligence personnel posing as tourists? Israel
    has drones, the best in the world and satellites overhead.

    Perhaps there are jobs available for we Jews in Egypt., assuming
    one can hide ones identity. After all, the Muslim Brotherhood and we
    are not joint pita eating buddies. Our Passover is sympolic, sort of
    like the fish and loaves of bread, really. With egg, or onion, they are
    delicious..and besides they are typically served with other food. I prefer
    egg salad.

    The bottom line here is: if Jews or Christians want to go to Egypt
    and aid their economy, isnt that what Bibi has been saying all along,
    as has Peres? Its about joint activities…vs US made F-16s supplied
    to Israel vs US made F-16s supplied to Egypt.

    There is a rabbi who thinks the entire Moses story is a farce, that Moses
    never existed. Perhaps a few Israelites were allowed to leave Egypt at one time, thousands of years ago..and fled East? Its all about symbolism.
    This brings to mind the various theories about Jesus, but that is another story.

    We do know this: Egypt had an upper and lower kingdom, and many, many
    leaders, king Tut and all that. They were put in tombs and mummified,
    typically surrounded by silver, gold, artifacts, etc. Grave robbers deleted
    most of them over the centuries..but some survived.

    Now, we learn that Mubarak is hedging his bets..saying his constitutiondoes not allow for a quick withdrawal. What does this
    imply? Will the street turn really violent..and be put down by
    our US supplied army (over 500,000)?

    And back in Washington.D.C., our President is not smoking anymore,
    while Egypt burns and Iran, well…still making nukes.

  3. I have to say that’s one of your funniest posting I’ve read in a while. Still laughing.
    -The POTR

  4. Micky 2 says:

    Dont worry, the Muslim Brotherhood will rebuild Egypt and have ElBaradei inspect its nukes.
    That moron by the way is doing no one any favors screaming “Egypt will erupt”
    IMO, its going to get very ugly before anything better happens.
    If you have any loved ones in Israel you might want to discuss them taking a vacation over here.
    Whenever you power vacuums resulting from so called revolutions such as this theres ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS a herd of clowns that come marching in.
    ALWAYS !!!!

  5. Dav Lev says:

    The caliphate is arising folks, slowly but surely.

    And what isw our beloved President and his advisers doing about it,
    nothing, zero, zilch, -0-, negative, nyet, lo ( I think that’s no in Hebrew?).

    I heard him today on TV. He said, we are witnessing a dramatic moment
    in history, or something like that. My 4 year old nephew told me the same thing..then went back to playing with his toys.

    Daniel Pipes gave a definition of democracy, and the difficulties inherent
    in not just creating one, but getting it moving forward and successful.
    He said, it takes time, lots of time.

    Egypt from my reading, is as far from being a democracy as, lets say,
    Golda is from kissing Arafat. Oh Im sorry, thats another era.
    Okay, Avi Lieberman is from hugging that Hezbollah clerical leader.

    And what if Mubarak does decide to end his career now and relocate
    to West Palm Beach Florida, where he is looked upon as a moderate
    despot, who kept peace for all these years between his country
    and its powerful but small neighbor.

    Frankly, I could care less about Egypt, except its foreign policy.
    I am a pessimist, when it comes to the M.E. and the Koreas.

    The Muslim Brotherhood will, like Hezbollah, claim to be only a humanitarian organizationm interested in the welfare of the poor
    and disenfranchised.

    Hezbollah just picked the next leader of Lebanon, after its parliament
    members quit, bringing down the government.

    They say, they want an Islamic state to replace Israel, which occupys
    their land. What land does it occupy exactly, I ask? They want to free
    the Palestinians from occupation by the Jews. Again, where is the occupation? There are no Israelis in the Strip, except for Shalit, captured
    4 years ago and held captive. The West Bank is mainly Arab with barren
    land..but there is some control by Israel..areas A, B, and C you know.
    Or do you?

    Hey guys, No Korea walked out of the discussions today…something
    about untenable pressures it (the US demands they admit to the
    sinking of the ship before talks begin). They claim So. Korea
    fired live shells into their waters, thus provoking the recent artillery attack.
    No future talks are planned.

    In Iran, the head mullahs are predicting Islam spreading to Egypt ( I thought it already was an Islamic state). Copts (Christians are not
    beloved and Jews are considered spies (Azam Azam), writing
    secrets on underwear.

    What if the Brotherhood does in fact take over..slowly but surely?
    What then? Will they abrogate the treaties and send thousands of
    Abrams tanks to the Negev border? Will they create bases
    in the Sinai, close to Israel? Will they allow Iran to ship arms to
    the Palestinians by opening up the border?

    Sooo, lets see. Obama has lost Afghanistan, Iran, Korea, Lebanon, Egypt
    (jury still out onj this one), Venezuela, Chile, Brazil, Argentina,
    and Ireland.

    Ireland? What? Okay guys, get this. Ireland has upgraded the Palestinians to embassy status.

    Next time on St. Patricks Day, I will not get drunk with green
    Irish coffee.

    Speaking of Ireland, hows about the Jewish mayor of NYC
    daring to catagorize the Irish as drunks. Could have fooled me.
    Must be some sort of Zionsit plot, somewhere. Le Hayim, or La
    Hayim or whatever?

    Stay tuned folks, this is getting exciting.

    My advice to Hosni, buy a one way ticket to Boca Rotun and enjoy.

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