“It’s just an old-fashioned love song…playing on the radio…it’s just an old-fashioned love song…it’s the kind they made for you and me.”
Politics will wait another day as today is the annual celebration of love.
Over the last 39 years I have loved, lost, loved some more, and lost some more. I am at peace, with zero regrets. While I believe in and look forward to being a husband and father, I absolutely enjoy being able to do whatever I d@mn well please whenever I d@mn well please, which is always.
When I look back at loves past, I truly believe I am better off being married to none of them. A couple are married to other people. One became a lesbian.
Yet the one thing I take away from these women is how lucky I have been in terms of their humanity. Only two of them were truly bad people, and that was in college. I can honestly say that the rest of them meant well. Since graduating college, I have been fortunate enough to avoid dating a single malicious woman.
Three of them were crazy. They had varying forms and degrees of mental illness. My unwillingness to understand and empathize is something I have to live with. They wanted to be rational but they simply could not process information the way a mind should. This is unfair to them, but life is unfair. I am short while tall athletes make millions dunking basketballs.
A couple of them were shallow. There was more than a hint of snobbery.
A couple of them were liberal activists blinded by their causes.
A couple of them were whiners and low achievers. I was too ambitious for them.
Yet on this day of love, I am determined to say something positive about all of them. Their names have been redacted. Even their nicknames have been redacted.
1991–You were a tormented individual raised by a man who put you through hell. After years of being a mess, I read that you finally met someone and found the stability you desperately craved.
1992–You were one of the sweetest human beings on Earth. I was young and stupid. You were a kind, gentle soul, and you deserved much better. You married a good man and have a family, and you deserve every bit of happiness that I was too mature at age 19 to give you.
1993–You really had venom built up. I hope your turn to lesbianism allows you to find the happiness you never had when you were with men.
1994–You humanized me, and smoothed my rough edges. You stuck with me through some tough times. I even remember once when I was so busy studying that I forgot to eat. You snuck out to the cafeteria and brought me back a hamburger. You are a bright woman, and all of your success in marriage and your career is well earned.
1996–2000–Lots and lots of sex. I would have given it all up just for one real meaningful relationship. Just kidding. I got it out of my system, allowing me to enjoy monogamous relationships with ease. Ringing in the Millennium in Las Vegas with a bang was pleasant, but seeing a guy climb a telephone pole and get electrocuted was not cool. It happened before Midnight, so it was a 20th Century horror.
2001–You are a good person who after years of struggling, finally figured out what your illness was. This has allowed you to educate other people about it. Although there are things you cannot do, you never stop trying. That is commendable.
2002–I was 30 and you were 19. Yet you were mature for your age, and you saved my life. You heard me snoring in my sleep and told me I stopped breathing. I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with sleep apnea. I had surgery to correct the problem. If it was not for you, I may not be alive today. Also, you were an incredibly nice and smart girl.
2002–You were 20 and we were just too different. I was attracted to you physically but we had nothing in common on any other level. I could have been more attentive, and am thrilled you met a nice guy and got married. You truly deserve that.
2003–After a string of young ones you at age 40 were 9 years older than me. You were a volatile woman, and too much for me to handle. Your nakedness was always appreciated, given your hotness.
2004–Ok, so the sex without commitment was not totally out of my system. 2004 helped.
2005–You were a sweet, gorgeous woman 9 years my senior. Your environmental activism bothered me to the point where I still want to run Prius drivers off the road. Yet you cared about me with an open heart, and I am thankful for that. Your enthusiasm for getting naked was always great. Also, I really did love that adorable dog of yours and missed him very much after we broke up. My friends all liked you, and said you were the best of the bunch. Outside pressures split us up, but I could have done much better telling those outside pressures to ind their own business. I did not put you first, and I should have.
2006–Did I say it was out my system? Perhaps not.
2007–You were a very smart woman. We totally disagreed on politics, but you were kind about it. You were so quiet that getting you to speak required pliers. Yet you had a really great heart, and the reason the breakup was so amicable was because you were so kind. Laying on the couch with you was a peaceful experience in my stressful world.
2008–Some of my best life memories were with you, and in some of them you had clothing on. Our trip to Israel will always stay with me. I wanted to stay friends and regret that you didn’t. Like me, you were married to your career. I hope one day you find balance, if you have not already.
2009–You are one of the kindest, sweetest people on Earth. Your family contains the best people in this world. You wanted to stay friends and I pushed you away, perhaps due to my experience a year earlier. Although we were not meant to be, I have only positive things to say about you, and your parents are awesome. I wish you a lifetime of happiness.
2010–Your illness causes you to process things the wrong way and get angry. I could not handle the volatility. Yet I did love you when we were together and you were the only one. You are a smart accomplished woman who deserves a patient man. For what it is worth, my parents loved you and really wanted you to be their daughter-in-law. You wanted to stay friends and I pushed you away. I felt I had to. I hope that the many problems you faced through no fault of your own somehow recede and allow you to lead a happy life. As silly as it sounds, the effort you put into something as simple as making me hot dogs was a reflection of your putting your heart into everything. Your inner and outer beauty were always apparent to me. Even after I wanted out, I still prayed for you and cared about you as a person. I still do.
2011–No further information will be given at this time, since I would be shocked if anybody read this far. I will just say that I am very happy and at peace.
As for a couple women that were just friends…
To that girl from Brooklyn I liked at age 11, I am so glad you are happy as a wife and mother. You always were a cool girl.
To that girl in New Jersey I adored from age 11 to age 14, I am glad we are still friends. You had a bumpy road but are now enjoying life as a wife and mother. You are one of the sweet people in this world, and deserve every ounce of happiness brought your way. You are still the coolest fashionista I know.
To that woman I lusted after when I was 18 and you were 25, for 20 years I wondered what happened to you. In 2010 I found out, and hope God brings you and your loved ones peace and happiness always. You are even hotter now in your 40s than in your 20s. I am glad we are friends.
I wish everybody a happy Valentine’s Day. More importantly, I wish you happy days today and beyond.
Without love, there is no life. May love be with you all now and forever.
eric
And good luck to you, Eric. I hope “2011” is the one. ;)
JMJ
Two examples that illustrate how complex life is:
woman a dated hundreds of guys prior to making the decision to
finally get married. She excused herself with some of the more promising
affairs by claiming “they didn’t want to get married” which took 1-2 years
to finally ascertain. Her marriage is okay, but rocky.
Another much younger woman 2 works for a nearby fast food take-out.
For 9 months, we customers noticed how pregnant she was. She worked
hard..stocking, sweeping, cleaning, selling, etc. She is very sweet,
hard working, pretty and very, very consiencious, with very little to say,
actually. Plainly put, she is a mensch.
Now, she devotes much of her time to her work, and the remainder
to her toddler and husband. The child is cared for by a caretaker.
She still doesnt have much to say..and smiles when speaking to others.
She is very much a hard worker.
The first woman waited til her 30s to get married. By that time
she had experienced many, many men and leaned how to
outwit, and maneuver.
The second woman is now a mother, at perhaps 25.
Two woman, two very different histories.
Which woman is to be admired, and which is to be scorned?
Should they be admired or scorned? Who is happier? Who
will need or has been in therapy? Who makes the better wife?
“One became a lesbian.”
I hate it when that happens.
Unless she lets me watch.
Might of just been a phase.
Today shes married (to a man) with children.