Kurt Cobain’s Presidential Predictions

For those trying to handicap presidential elections, quit wasting time. The next few elections are already decided.

From now on I am turning to Kurt Cobain for my election analysis. He cannot be any farther off than those making predictions today.

The Nirvana singer has been dead since 1994, but subliminal messages in his biggest hit song predicted the 2008 election. Using the hidden codes in his music will unlock the key to American leadership for the next two decades.

The next president after Barack Obama will either be Mitt Romney or Tim Pawlenty.

After that we will have an actor as President. The tradition of Ronald Reagan will continue. This time it will be Jeff Goldblum. He starred in “The Fly.”

After President Goldblum we will go from another guy who could be nicknamed “the fly,” but for much more dubious reasons. If John Edwards is unable to serve because he is in prison, then all signs point toward the repeal of the 22nd Amendment and Bill Clinton serving a third term. I am not happy about this, but the history has already been written.

I personally never cared for the music of Nirvana, but now that they are political prognosticators I may rethink them. Most likely I will not.

I cannot believe it was right in front of our faces and all of America missed it.


A mulatto…an albino…a mosquito…my libidio.

These lyrics were once thought to be nonsensical gibberish. Now they are the future.

The only other way to read this is to take the Weird Al Yankovic spoof of the song. He gave us “Smells like Nirvana.”

A garage band…from Seattle…well it sure beats…raising cattle.

This means that the next president will be Thaddeus McCotter, who plays in a band called the “Second Amendments.” After that will be Baghdad Jim McDermott. The backlash from his leadership will be so severe that Americans will swing to the right and elect the current outgoing Kentucky Agriculture Secretary Richie Farmer. An Agriculture Secretary named Farmer is pretty cool. The current Treasury Secretary could be named “Wastrel.”

Now that the future is decided, pundits can relax until it is time to debate election 2032 or 2040, whichever comes first (let it go).

Then again, maybe “Smells like teen spirit” is not a prediction of the future or even a lament of Code Pink protesters or Ron Paul supporters at CPAC. A further analysis of the song may render all of this moot.

“It’s so hard, so hard to find…oh well, whatever…never mind.”

Grunge and punditry…never mind.


One Response to “Kurt Cobain’s Presidential Predictions”

  1. Micky 2 says:

    They buried Weird Al next to Michael

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