The Anthony Weiner Song–By John De(n)ver

There is now an Anthony Weiner song. In a fun irony, the reader who sent me his song is a man named John Dever. I thought he said John Denver, but he is missing an n. However, the tune is to “Thank God I’m a Country Boy” by John Denver. So John Denver is sung by John Dever.

Before getting to the song, here are some more of my spur of the moment remarks on the greatest scandal since Eliot Spitzer.

“No Congressman Weiner, you cannot be a TSA agent. You don’t understand sir, they give the pat-downs. They don’t receive them. No sir, you cannot work the body scan machine. I have seen your scan. Sir, please just get on of the plane. Sir, stop saying the word cockpit and just sit down. Why are you flying from JFK to Laguardia and back all day anyway?”

“Dear lord, as I lay myself to sleep, I thank you for Anthony Weiner. Love, John Edwards, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Dominique Strauss-Khan.”

“Dear all powerful merciful Allah. Mohammed, peace be upon him, requests that the evil infidel donkey Zionist aggressor Anthony Weiner stay in the news forever so we may continue shooting our citizens in your name…Love, Moammar Khadafi and Bashar Assad. Oh, and death to Great and Little Satan, pornographic purveyor of congressional lewdness that we never look at or engage in…honest…really…well not often.”

For those who think Weiner is the only guy worthy of John Denver music lampooning, in college I actually came up with something that never really went anywhere.

“Got no time for working on the farm…

Got no time for that easy country charm…

Got money from Reagan, I’m gonna buy some arms…

Thank God I’m a Contra Rebel.”

Shockingly enough that went nowhere.

As for this current song, Mr. Dever sent me some good stuff. I did not change a single word, but I added stuff. So with every single verse, the first 2 lines are his and the last 2 lines are mine. Since the 4th line in each verse is exactly the same, let’s just say he contributed 2 lines, and I contributed 1 + the title.

With that, here is the Anthony Weiner Song by John Dever with my additions.

“I admit, I wasn’t being frank
When I said that is was just a prank

To all I suckered I’d like to thank…

Thank God I’m a Congressman

No, my account wasn’t hacked
It’s common sense and judgment that I lacked
I’m a liberal guy, this is how we act…

Thank God I’m a Congressman

Yes, the pictures are all mine
Just some harmless fun I have online
While squealing like a slippery greasy swine…

Thank God I’m a Congressman

It’s the press that isn’t being fair
I like to tweet me in my underwear
Forget about secrecy, I like to share…

Thank God I’m a Congressman

My online women there are 6
They like it when I send my racy pics
New meaning to country and the Dixie Chicks…

Thank God I’m a Congressman

Forever it will be my fate
To always be known for Weiner gate
I have ego for lunch and I lick the plate…

Thank God I’m a Congressman

Just a man trying to get his groove on

Now I’m feeling like a real moron

At least I’m loved by Joan Walsh at Salon…

Thank God I’m a Congressman

Now I’m feeling so much cleaner
Since I told the world it was my weiner
Here’s a pic of me with the vacuum cleaner…

Thank God I’m a Congressman

No, I’m not going to resign
And the ladies say my body’s fine
Weiner for Pres in 2029!

Thank God I’m a Congressman!”

John Denver is rolling over in his grave right now. John Dever hopefully has all of you rolling in your chairs.

Anyway, perhaps I should ease up on Congressman Weiner.

Just kidding. Now that you have the song, in the coming days will be the first annual Trouserthon and the Anthony Weiner movie casting.


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