Valentine’s Day Hate Mail

Valentine’s Day Hate Mail

Nothing says love and Valentine’s Day like anti-love mail, normally referred to as hate mail. While some of my responses have been offered many times before, it is because most liberals are not that creative. They say the same things over and over again, usually off of a teleprompter. Until they put in the effort to write better hate mail, I will continue to treat them like the public school products that they are.

With that, here is a batch of my Valentine’s Day anti-love mail.

“Richard Marvin
How did you end up being such a total moron?”

Analysis: Public school. Liberals got ahold of me early.

“j lavin
mr golub: poor attempt at real satire. pretty much high school–ish.”

Analysis: What this lazy slob means is he disagrees with me but cannot say why.

“Nathan Ring
Are you really this stupid or are you just keeping the propaganda machine rolling? You are obviously on dope and you look like a queer.”

Analysis: This is one of those “enlightened” liberals who thinks it is cool to make anti-gay slurs. Apparently all of those Wanda Sykes “That is so gay” commercials are not working.

“Joe Johnson
Here's a question…you're totally lame!”

Analysis: Even by liberals and public school standards, this is pretty bad.

“Tom Jordan
Eric..Do you sleep with a obama blow up doll? I bet you do and your'e on the bottom face down. I bet you get all wet and grab the vaseline whenever chris matthews in on MSNBC taking about obama and his tingle.”

Analysis: This man is a conservative who read my headline and did not realize it was satire. He thought I was a liberal. I admonished him to stop acting like one, and to never ever criticize another column again unless he reads it in full. I expect nonsense from liberals. From conservatives, it is unacceptable. We are held to higher standards, that being above zero.

“Marty Perry
How did you get your head so far up your ass?”

Analysis: Yoga. I learned it from liberals. They seem to love Yoga, veganism, and high speed rail. If I learn from them and practice hard, I can get my head up there in lightning fast speed and be more environmentally conscious doing it.

Re: Your failed attempt at humor in your self-serving SOTU report

Wow. What a douche you are. Please note that I intentionally left the “bag” off of the slur, since someone so petty really doesn’t warrant an entire insult.

I read the NYT. I read the Washington Post. I read the LA Times. I read the Chicago Tribune. I have read the Rocky Mountain News for decades, and many other quality papers. Your article on the SOTU, complete with its juvenile sarcasm evident from paragraph one, is prima facie evidence why educated people should avoid that rag of a newspaper (Washington Times) at all costs. I guess that, when you can’t break news, you are left with a staff of second-rate hacks like yourself that throw feces at better men. I understand. Really, I do.

To quote our fascist former Vice-President, Dick Cheney:
“Go fuck yourself”.

I can’t imagine anyone wanting to do it for you.”

Analysis: I wish New York Times owner Arthur “Pinch” Sulzberger would stop emailing me pretending to be one of his own readers. Everybody knows he no longer has readers. Nevertheless, at least his vocabulary has improved slightly.

Say it with me everybody. These are liberals. This is how they behave.


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